Anastassia Ash Comes Through Yet Again

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well, I suppose Ronnie likes to turn and twist threads, in a good way  , and now we are talking about me. 
It was definitely NOT easy for me to find both of my husbands. Second time it was a little technically easier as I had a computer at home. But otherwise the same old hundreds of emails and hours on the phone and visits. Some people don't even realize how much time they should put into this. It is really hard to do this when you both have to work work and do this. Second time around I had a child too, so it was not easy.
The only thing I can surely say and I said that hundreds of times before - without God and my faith I wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING! Well, and maybe my undying optimism...
So, no not all RW can find their husbands here, only those who are confident, at least know some English and are willing to drop everything there and start from zero here. Did I mention she has to be cute? 

You guys are making me again.   

[WmGO]

Good move Fred in getting AA to help you.  A bright RW will "read" another RW far better and quicker than we mere WM have the ability.  Things a WM may chalk up to "cultural differences" may in reality be something much more significant. 

True. And it also points out the problems inherant in
trying to pursue a relationship with a woman who cannot
speak English. One becomes dependant on interpreters
and guess work.........if the woman does speak English *and*
the man spends much time with her, her friends and family
*and* doesn't make assumptions about appropriate and normal
behavior vs. "cultural differences"  he will be able to "read" the
woman for himself as opposed to being dependant on another
FSUW to do so for him  - although having an FSUW to run things
by is probably a good thing nonetheless...........

[Ronnie]

An...if it wasn't easy for you, can you imagine how difficult it must be for the average lady?   

[AnastassiaAsh]

Average lady has average standards and desires, so in a way it is easier for them than it was for me, I knew exactly what kind of man I wanted to marry, so I was very picky.  It gets even more difficult when you search for truly Christian men at christian websites. And it narrows even more when there are some financial standards...

When I searched in match.com within the whole US I remember i had only 15-20 matches or even less. Emailed back and forth with several, but then God took my hand and expanded my search radius to Canada! And here you go! Married a Canadian.  Who could have thought!

So, it depends on how you look at it... 

[eagle59]

Hello all, an update on Val and her daughter Alina. After talking with Anastassia and Ron, I have decided to not submit my K-1 which was almost ready and to change it to K-2. The decison for the daughter Alina to come is hers and her mothers, of course, however thanks to the advice I have gotten here, and my own feelings and opinions on the issue, I told Val I will NOT do a K-1 and we are changing the submission to a K-2. That way daughter will have a choice to come or not. Of course, she will have a much better education and life here in the US, and it will mean more time, enrgy and money for me, but that is the way I am. When you marry someone, you also take the responsibility of her children. I have experience with step-children/step-teenagers and I am prepared to do what I have to do in this situation. Thanks Ron and Anastassia for all your help. This change in our plans will open a new oppurtunity for Alina and Val, and the best decision is the one that is best for everyone, No one can predict the future, hpwever now the door is open to Alina if she wants to join her mother and me or not. If education for Alina was the priority, then why not get it here in the US? Thank you very much for the wisdom and advice for me to change from K-1 to K-2 

Tom

[Ronnie]

Hi Tom,
It was good talking with you..  Just so no one gets confused, you're not changing from a K-1 to a K-2.  You're going to included the daughter on the I-129f.  the visa the State department gives the mother is still a k1 and the daughter will get a K-2..  Just to be clear..
Good luck! Let me know if you run into a snag.

[eagle59]

Thanks Ron for the clarification, technically then I am petitioning for a K-1 and K-2.
Looking into this now to see exactly what I need.
Thanks again...

Tom

[groovlstk]

Of course, she will have a much better education and life here in the US, and it will mean more time, enrgy and money for me, but that is the way I am.

Tom, I've always tried to be a realist in regards to quality of life in the FSU vs. the West, but this is just my 2 bits: be really careful with this assumption. There are millions of people in Ukraine living full, imaginative, and happy lives. A good portion of these people not only have no interest in emigrating to the US but may not be able to adapt even if they could. Sure you can make a case that your fiancee's daughter will have better opportunities here plus be closer to her mom, but for a young woman often her friends run a close second to immediate family. If she's leaned on to come here and doesn't like it, which will be the most likely outcome at least in the short term, resentment could be high and you're the primary target.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Hey, guys, I found these threads too

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5335.0
Child-To Bring Or Not To Bring...Right Away

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5672.0
future stepdaughter immigration status once here

[Ronnie]

Separating mother from her only child will surely make adjustment more challenging and even if the mother is doing well in America, if the daughter's life starts to become unstable, the mother could very well be faced with a choice of staying with her husband or returning to be with her daughter. 

As to friends...how many of our friends we had when we were 19 are still important in our lives?  A girl's (or boy's) mother is the one true friend for life. 

Everyone benefits if the family is kept together.


Note to Tom:
You don't need to do anything different at this stage as long as you filled in the I-129F correctly, listing Alina in part B, item 13 (that's required whether or not the child will be included).   Unless my recollection fails me, the child's documents are necessary only when going to the Embassy interview.

[ScottinCrimea]

We were faced with this decision when I brought my wife to the US. Her daughter was 16 and in her last year of school.  Ultimately we decided that it was best for her to stay in Ukraine.  We didn't feel that moving her to a new environment at such a critical time was in her best interests.  As far as education, at the level she is now, I feel it's better there, and to move her here where she would struggle with the language, leave her friends and have to adapt to a new culture would do more harm to her education than good.  It was very tough for us to leave her behind, but she's in the very capable hands of her grandparents.  At this point we're debating whether to bring her to the US for university studies, since I feel that in general the education is better at that level in the US and the opportunities after college better, but ultimately it will be her decision.  Looking back, it may have been easier and cheaper to include her in my wife's CR application, but that would depend on what we ultimately decide. I guess our situation is a little different because we plan to return to Ukraine to live so it's not like a permanent separation.

A lot depends on the age of the child and the individual circumstances.

[SANDRO43]

As to friends...how many of our friends we had when we were 19 are still important in our lives? A girl's (or boy's) mother is the one true friend for life.

But did you realise that when you were 19, or much later ?

[Blues Fairy]

Everyone benefits if the family is kept together.

I met very few people who actually benefited from staying with their parents well into adulthood.  In most cases, the effect is just the opposite.

[Ronnie]

Scott, you situation is completely differenct than Eagle's.  Not because you plan to live in Ukraine, but because the child was under 18 when you got married.  That legally makes her your child and therefore is eligible to immigrate anytime.

Eagle's situation is that his fiancee's daughter is 19 and she can never be considered the child of an American citizen until his fiancee naturalizes..

BF...Do you consider 19 "well into adulthood?"  Just asking.

[Blues Fairy]

BF...Do you consider 19 "well into adulthood?"  Just asking.

Yes, I do.  By age 18 young people need independence and self-sufficiency to grow into mature adults, otherwise they don't really grow up. 

Speaking for myself; leaving my parents' home at 17 was probably one of my wisest decisions.

[Ronnie]

But did you realise that when you were 19, or much later ?

Sandro,
Thanks for driving home my point.  A 19 year old seldom understands or sees the long term picture - they typically can see past the upcoming weekend.

[ScottinCrimea]

Scott, you situation is completely differenct than Eagle's.  Not because you plan to live in Ukraine, but because the child was under 18 when you got married.  That legally makes her your child and therefore is eligible to immigrate anytime.

Eagle's situation is that his fiancee's daughter is 19 and she can never be considered the child of an American citizen until his fiancee naturalizes..

BF...Do you consider 19 "well into adulthood?"  Just asking.

Of course my situation is different.  I specifically stated as much in my post, specifically mentioning that age is a factor.  But you do bring up a good point, which is that, because she was under 18 when her mother and I married, I can bring her to the US as my legal daughter even if her mother never came.  Minor stepchildren are considered the same as any other child of a US citizen for visa purposes.  Otherwise, she would have to wait until her mother was a citizen before getting expedited immigration.

[FredC]

Even though I started this thread it seems to have taken a turn somewhere along the way, which happens here quiet often. So with what this thread has seems to have become I'll say if when making a decision I need advise, I ask. Then when people express their opinions I listen. I try to find as many differing opinions as possible, no need to personally attack anyone whose opinion differs. After hearing all the sides, I decide for myself what the best advise is for me. Then if decision turns out to be right, I was right. If that decision was wrong, I  was wrong, not the people that gave their advise.
MHO,
Fred

[2tallbill]

Even though I started this thread it seems to have taken a turn somewhere along the way, which happens here quiet often. So with what this thread has seems to have become I'll say if when making a decision I need advise, I ask. Then when people express their opinions I listen. I try to find as many differing opinions as possible, no need to personally attack anyone whose opinion differs. After hearing all the sides, I decide for myself what the best advise is for me. Then if decision turns out to be right, I was right. If that decision was wrong, I  was wrong, not the people that gave their advise.
MHO,
Fred

Fred, excellent point !

[FredC]

Thanks Bill.....I really didn't mean to make the hold statement bold, just the I.

[Ronnie]

Returning this thread then back to the original compliment for Anastassia.  The thing that separates her from her peers is the interest she takes in everyone's situation.  I note her desire and efforts to contact Olga Salem to see how she's doing.  I hope to hear more about Olga whenever someone can make contact with her and I know Anastassia is anxious to offer her consolation having been through the death of her first husband also.

[2tallbill]

Thanks Bill.....I really didn't mean to make the hold statement bold, just the I.

I wasn't commenting on the bold statement. I was saying strongly that I agree.

Udachi,

Bill

[WmGO]

Perhaps to be more on topic would involve the
subject of WM *communicating* with FSUW? Being
able to "read" them? "Understand" them? What it takes
to try to do so? What are obstacles and pitfalls? What
advantages can be obtained through AAsh type assistance
when an apparent concern or roadblock developes? Perhaps
FredC can elaborate on his problem that AAsh shed light on
for him??