So why do we continue to come here and hangout?

[myrddin]

Just like the newspaper.  Few of the good stories are reported.   Of those that get reported, interest is low.  In the "Married" subforum compare the number of views that sunshine stories receive vs. trainwrecks.

It's an old rule: good news doesn't sell.

To be honest, sometimes the number of trainwreck stories does affect my attitude, even though I understand it's all anecdotes, not statistics.  Personally, I'd like to hear more of the good stuff, but I know it's not the same draw.

I've read posts mentioning that probably many people visit here, learn, succeed and are not heard from again. 

I sometimes wonder why the happily married longtime members continue to hang around, but I am grateful for it. 

In the Tampa Bay area my wife is a member of a social network of 250 RW with monthly meetings, etc.  Those in functioning marriages far outnumber the divorcees. 

I find this fascinating, especially when I've been reading too many trainwreck stories.  It's important to take a realistic view and learn about the risks, but the board is such a small subset of this whole endeavor...  Most involved are not on the boards, on the board there are far more lurkers than posters, and people are more likely to post negative stories than positive ones.  The board definitely has its own distortions. 

I'd be very curious to know if the numbers Gator quotes for Tampa are typical of what other longtime RWD members see outside RWD.

[groovlstk]

I'd be very curious to know if the numbers Gator quotes for Tampa are typical of what other longtime RWD members see outside RWD.

Russian and Ukrainian expats organize parties and meets through the Classmates.com-like site Odniklassniki. My wife went to one last Winter (they meet once per month) and there were about 200 FSU people crammed into a restaurant in Fort Lee, NJ (and women outnumbered men by about 2 to 1).

[Daveman]

It's an old rule: good news doesn't sell.

To be honest, sometimes the number of trainwreck stories does affect my attitude, even though I understand it's all anecdotes, not statistics.  

Yeah, those stories can be a bit spooky and always must be taken within context of the situation.  For me, those stories aren't about what a difficult venture this is, but rather most contain blazing warnings which were overlooked and rationalized away during the dating process.  Viewing these stories for what they contain rather than what they are is much more useful, IMO.

One major difference between the "good" and "bad" stories is that there is very little specific information to either follow or disregard in the good ones, e.g., I met her, met her parents, made sure she is into me, made sure we fit together, etc, are all generalities of a common sense approach.  The train wreck stories are replete with real tidbits of specifics  "man, I sent her $56,423,872 a month, and she said she needed a little more, so I sent it. I had no clue she was so materialistic... ALL RUSSIAN WOMEN ARE GREEDY WITCHES!"  Hyperbole of course, BUT, many of the stories are exactly this obvious, lending those specifics for others to watch for in the context of their individual pursuit.

While I'd also love to hear more happy ending stories, probably the stories with the most useful information are the train wrecks.

[Misha]

It's an old rule: good news doesn't sell.

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” (opening line in Anna Karenina). The happy marriage are pretty much the same, but each and every train wreck is unique in its gory details.

[JR]

Post a success story and you get ten maybe twelve "we're happy for you" replies.

Post a KenC break-up and you'll get 22 pages of replies. It's like sharks to blood...

How many people welcomed you to this forum? How many showed up to your trainweck?

[Kuna]

When I first joined RWD I was seeking an insight into something I knew nothing about.  In most ways I was VERY lucky because I spotted the valuable info and most of the time I spotted the crap.

I was lucky to meet my wife on my first trip but it wasn't all luck.  The things I learned gave me the best possible preparation for what I was seeking.  The learning came from the success stories and the failures I read about...  but most of all I think it was from the opinions of men I respected.

After meeting my wife I looked for more info about the settling in process.  Being in Oz meant I wasn't able to get much visa info but there was still much to learn.

There was more learning after my wife's arrival, and RWD was valuable again because I got to bounce some thoughts around again with men more experienced than me.

I like coming to RWD now because I can learn about gay bars and fire twirling.  I like to find out I'm actually a narrow minded "black and white thinker" without an ounce of creativity.  It's amazing I ended up married to a wonderful woman at all.  In hindsight the thing that really peeves me is finding out that there was no need to meet her family or spend time in her hometown - I guess I should just put that down to "time wasted".

... but, I still come here because I like finding out how the older members are going - the guys that shared the experiences that aided me.  Some of them are still here, some never or rarely visit (unfortunately).

It'd be dishonest not to raise the thing I dislike most. There are some men here I don't want to be associated with.  I KNOW there are some sick individuals. Some are just plain ol' sex tourists (boring dull losers who cant get any action at home).  We've seen a pedophile with suggestive posts, though thankfully he didn't last long...  and sadly we KNOW there are members here (from time to time) that appear to dislike women.  We don't know who lurks to find info to use for inappropriate purposes.. and that troubles me at times.

RWD has a HUGE role to play for men who are serious about finding a relationship in FSU.  Some men will be successful, some won't. If I can, I'd like to help them. 

As I said earlier, I also like to keep up to date with others that are a little like me - but different enough to be interesting to me.   

[Simoni]

For me, those stories aren't about what a difficult venture this is, but rather most contain blazing warnings which were overlooked and rationalized away during the dating process.  Viewing these stories for what they contain rather than what they are is much more useful, IMO.

Great statement, Dave!  And silly me, I thought that is the way EVERYONE read them. 

[BillyB]

Why do we come here?
  Visiting is like peeking in on an odd reality TV show.  It's trainwreck after trainwreck.  Some of that happens in life, but here it seems at a dramatically higher frequency.

It is entertaining though - I can see how some would find it addictive.

Some people say that about the Jerry Springer show and assume most Americans are screwed up. There are other channels to watch if you choose. 100 people posting and 3 people report a train wreck hardly qualifies for failure in higher frequency than the norm. From what I read, most people here do not post as if they're depressed.

[groovlstk]

We've seen a pedophile with suggestive posts, though thankfully he didn't last long... 

I believe that poster was here to stir things up, pedophilia is not something people normally wear on their sleeves. He accomplished what he wanted by pitting us against each other but thankfully left quickly.

[Kuna]

I believe that poster was here to stir things up, pedophilia is not something people normally wear on their sleeves. He accomplished what he wanted by pitting us against each other but thankfully left quickly.

Yeah, you're probably right.  It's a shame the sex tourists and woman-haters wouldn't p!ss off too.


I was reading an ex-pat forum a few weeks back and was a little shocked (but not very surprised) at the opinions some people had of "wife-hunters".

Of course in many cases the things they were saying were wrong... but in reality there elements of truth to their opinions... The only problem they had was developing a picture of SOME men looking for a FSUW and applying that imagine to all men seeking FSUW.

An ex-pat working in Kiev???  Yeah,  he's probably teaching English as a way to meet women before he runs back to the comfort of home - but within the walls of RWD we forget how poorly this pursuit is looked on by some people... and in some cases, rightly so.

[Misha]

I was reading an ex-pat forum a few weeks back and was a little shocked (but not very surprised) at the opinions some people had of "wife-hunters".

Googled Ukraine, ex-pat and "wife hunter." Looking at the top site that came up, it seems a certain SilverBullet has quite the ax to grind  He seems to have made it a mission to decry and deride the "wife hunters" who visit Ukraine.

[Faux Pas]

Googled Ukraine, ex-pat and "wife hunter." Looking at the top site that came up, it seems a certain SilverBullet has quite the ax to grind  He seems to have made it a mission to decry and deride the "wife hunters" who visit Ukraine.

If it is one and the same, he did a pretty good job of that here at RWD

[GoodOlBoy]

Googled Ukraine, ex-pat and "wife hunter." Looking at the top site that came up, it seems a certain SilverBullet has quite the ax to grind.

Yeah....just ask LAW (African-American) about his "treatment" from SilverBullet and Doll.

If LAW ever comes back to post here at RWD. 


GOB


FWIW....I received a PM from LAW a few weeks ago and he is doing OK.

[GregfromGa]

I dont remember SilverBullet. Seems like I do remember Doll. If it's who I think it is she was a real piece of work like a couple of the other RW who posted here from time to time.

[Daveman]

Doll is still active here, and we are all pieces of work in one form or another.  She took quite a bit of flack for her commentary at that time and, as they say, past is past.  one of the quickest ways to become embroiled in a worthless mudslinging contest is by commenting on other members rather than directly addressing their active posts. 

I'm glad to hear Law is doing well.