Upwards and onwards

[Lonewing]

Hello Everybody

My screenname today is Lonewing.  I embark on an adventure in the Armed Forces in a month, but as I am single once more I am flying this one alone.  And hence, this is a new start, a newing all over.
I don't have an avatar yet and it's not important to me at this point.

I spent the last 2.5 years in a one-sided relationship.  I knew it was onesided from the beginning, but as chance and happenstance occured I let it continue.  What is it with romantics always hoping for the best, anyway??  The important part is, that relationship is now over and hence I am once more Free - and freedom is a strange feeling for this man who thrives best within the realms of a commitment.

I have not had much luck with women throughout my life.  I am generally quiet and introverted and I do very well educating myself through literature.  My socioeconomic background throughout my younger years meant my time was best invested in my educaiton, which I did - and I did not concern myself with getting with girls.  As it appeared to me at that time, the game was about hookups and popularity, and while like most I am interested in a woman I can look at without feeling disgust or aversion, promiscuity is one of the greatest aversions of all.  I find promiscuity of the heart perhaps the worst of all, for the person carrying this fault is unaware of their own inability to hold a commitment even when they might want to.

I have known a couple guys who got into the international dating scene. The first guy I knew from an old worksite had a FSUW.  I say "had" because the way he spoke to her on the phone I can only hope that she found a way to leave him.  This may be just a misperception on my part,  but I find my instincts to be traditionally accurate, and his tone seemed downright nasty.  The second guy I knew gave up on american women because they were "impossible" [though I should add the women he was after found him to be entirely repulsive - way out of his league], and last I knew he was checking out singles across the globe and even meeting many. 

So why am I here?  I suppose I am here regaining a sense of my bearings.  I don't know if I want a foreign woman; I want someone I can be with for a very long time without any regrets.  And this seems to be getting hard to do these days, especially considering how social erosion and expanding waistlines keep shrinking the available population.  It's getting hard to find a girl my age who does not have at least one kid, if not more, and a relationship past similar to an old worn threadbare dish towel.

What I do know is that what I want in a woman seems pretty "foreign" to this day, age and place where I am.

What wisdom I glean here should be valueable no matter where I go, for all women are women, and it gets to be especially tricky for single G.I.s around bases where there are lots of desperate women lying in wait. 

[AnastassiaAsh]

I embark on an adventure in the Armed Forces in a month, but as I am single once more I am flying this one alone. 

Hi Lonewing,

Did I understand correctly that you have two accounts here with two screen names?

And what did you mean about Armed Forces? Was that some kind of metaphor or you are really going somewhere in a month?

[Lonewing]

Hi Lonewing,

Did I understand correctly that you have two accounts here with two screen names?

And what did you mean about Armed Forces? Was that some kind of metaphor or you are really going somewhere in a month?

I have accounts across the internet in various places, but I only have one account here.  It's a new name for me.

And when I mention Armed Forces, I mean I am going to the US military to embark on a new career in roughly a month.  I will really be going somewhere - anywhere they tell me to go!!

Don't think this is a sudden rash decision in reaction to this break up, such as the phenomon of sane men suddenly jumping up to join the French Foreign Legion.  I simply discovered that my college degrees aren't worth a whole lot compared to the employment value of post military veterans. 

I had a really good time reading last night.  I understand that this site is particularly aimed at the situation of FSUW, but the reality is that W are W and a good amount of advice here is universally applicable.

[docetae]

Try to know where you will be ..from experience the first thing that a woman looking abroad for one husband wants is stability.

[Lonewing]

Try to know where you will be ..from experience the first thing that a woman looking abroad for one husband wants is stability.

...so what about the women looking for two and three husbands? [har har har]

It's not just people looking from abroad - most people like knowing precisely where and when people will be thorughout life, and a relationship is a very serious commitment of time and space for both people in the relationship.  Hence, the Military relationship is one that is rather difficult complete with moving to a new base every two to four years.  And regardless how I feel about my family, the Military Comes First.  This is not my personal edict, but the sooner I make it my own the sooner I will be at less odds with my daily life.  I recognize things are going to be much different.

The greatest lessons this site has to offer me are those in developing trust and discerning the scammers from the innocent.  While this may be surprising, given the instability of a military man's life, there are a number of women who are after them much like the scammers go after the unsuspecting gentleman.  In short, the spouse benefits are enough to change a soman's economic status overnight, and if that relationship ever ends in a divorce, the woman can get a sizable chunk of his paychek without even lifting a finger. 

I'm taking the time and space of at least the next six months to just breathe and get my feet back on the ground.   She was important to me for a very long time, so that will take time to heal.  At the same time, I can't rush into another relationship, even if I may be tempted to do so.   In the meanwhile, there's nothing wrong with developing new horizons so that when the time comes I'm prepared to take the next step.

I hope this makes sense.

[Tamara]

I had a really good time reading last night.  I understand that this site is particularly aimed at the situation of FSUW, but the reality is that W are W and a good amount of advice here is universally applicable.

Great that you are enjoying the site.  There is a lot to learn here from all of the members' experiences.  Best of luck to you serving in the Military.  Your approach of taking the time to breathe and get your feet back on the ground sounds like a good plan.  Time does heal and you need to wait before looking any further.  By the way, what are your college degrees in?

[Gator]

Lonewing,

Thanks for serving!

I wish you the best with your search for a loving realtionship.

[Lonewing]

As I like to put it, I have the Art degree of the sciences and the Science degree of the arts.

A B.S. in Geology
A M.A. in Library Science

The first is valuable so long as the price of metals are up or you are good at moving around the country/world form contract to contract.  The second is about as valuable as last years calendar on the wall.  It had a purpose once, but today is a transitional period and things are rapidly changing.

I made a big change last night: I moved out, once and for all, and I'm never going back to her again.  I've moved out in the past, this is true, but this time she has stepped on my spirit so callously that there is no recourse I can imagine for her to regain my trust and my respect.  I finally recognize her as the toxic asset [ahem, LIABILITY] that she is and I am through!

I look forward to my military service.  I have found that there are two camps of people when I bring up my decision.  The first camp shudders and tells me I might not be so happy with this choice.  The second camp perks up, looks excited, and congradulates me on makingthe best decision of my life - and they sometimes add "I wish I could back!"  The differnece between these two people, in my opinion, is that the former are the mroe irresponsible people of this earth, while the latter are those who are indeed responsible and not afraid of giving more than the status quo.

Just please don't thank me for my service yet - and thank you!!  I insist you wait until after I get some of it under my belt!  I only say this because I have seen enough disappointment in my life over a wide variety of things that I do not call anything a sure thing until after it is done!

My goal is to find a really cute girl in the Air Force who loves me as if I was her more-than-brother [i.e. a love that exists even in the worst of times, and not just a thought of convienience during good times] because that is how I myself love, and make that person the rest of my life.  Where ever she is, I have one month until basic, 8.5 weeks in basic, and then 17-17 weeks or so of tech school.  After that, I will be stationed somewhere and my life will be stable - and only then should I seriously start pursuing a relationship.  It would be unfair to me and anyone else to start trying to build a relationship right now, especially as my time right now is best spent healing myself.

In the mean time, there's no better time then now to bump up the education on these matters.  And I remember now a young couple from college of what was perhaps an AM and a RW exchange student.  Absolutely madly in love, the both of them.  And that would be nice to find!!

I may disappear of the face of this site - but I want you to know i got a lot out of what is here, and enjoyed it immensly!