Abusive wife

[thompsongunner06]

OMG,,,a person I know(older male) married a younger girl from Belarus,,,he came to work last week with a large cut on his lip...I thought he might have fallen,I did not ask. Found out his wife hit him because he did not give her more money for something. 

[neo]

"hit your wife everyday, if you don't know the reason - she does"

[Admin]

OMG,,,a person I know(older male) married a younger girl from Belarus,,,he came to work last week with a large cut on his lip...I thought he might have fallen,I did not ask. Found out his wife hit him because he did not give her more money for something. 

There is no excuse for physical abuse of any sort - ever - and I mean for both parties. If it becomes physically abusive - or for that matter, abusive in any way - it is dysfunctional and dramatic intervention steps should be taken.

- Dan

[Aloe]

OMG,,,a person I know(older male) married a younger girl from Belarus,,,he came to work last week with a large cut on his lip...I thought he might have fallen,I did not ask. Found out his wife hit him because he did not give her more money for something. 

did you see "the other guy" maybe she is in worse condition than him! he only told you one side

[GoodOlBoy]

OMG,,,.....large cut on his lip.....his wife hit him because he did not give her more money.....

Sounds like the makings of another excellent Jerry Springer episode!  :evil:


GOB

[Faux Pas]

Sounds like he might'a been talking when he should have been listening 

[thompsongunner06]

He did not hit her,,,She wanted more money for some reason,,,I was told he said he didnt have more for her and she hit him. He is a very nice guy in his 60's(?),,she is prob in her 20's.All his money goes to her,,he works 2-3 jobs.

[BillyB]

OMG,,,a person I know(older male) married a younger girl from Belarus,,,he came to work last week with a large cut on his lip...I thought he might have fallen,I did not ask. Found out his wife hit him because he did not give her more money for something. 

Your buddy is in for a rough ride. Once she thinks she can get away with it, she'll continue her behavior to get what she wants. Calling the police during a fight will not help because he may be the one taken to jail once the wife tells her side of the story. Tell your buddy to ask his wife to go with him and talk to a counselor or pastor.

[Wayne]

My soon to be exwife only hit me once, that was when I woke her up just after she had fallen asleep.  But there should never be any hitting! 

Do you know how long this couple has been married/living together? 

In my area, there is free legal advice for people over 60.  Perhaps he could find someone to talk to besides the OP?

[GoodOlBoy]

In my area, there is free legal advice for people over 60.

Yeah, we have free legal services for "seniors" in my neck of the woods to. 

For some unknown reason, I don't think there will be a lot of sympathy for Grandpa when the Social Services lady comes to his house and meets his 20 something year old Russian "hottie" wife (who "bitch" slaps him around the house).  :evil: 

Social Services will probably write it up in their report as "foreplay".


GOB

[Vaughn]

For some unknown reason, I don't think there will be a lot of sympathy for Grandpa when the Social Services lady comes to his house and meets his 20 something year old Russian "hottie" wife (who "bitch" slaps him around the house). 

With all kidding aside, I disagree. A call to Dept of Social Services should be at the top of this guy's list. Let's assume
they both had a desperate agenda at K-1 time, K-3 time, whatever - the ridiculousness of a young Belorusskaya marrying
an old fantasizing man doesn't excuse the violence. She has clearly broken the law. Thompsongunner - do you know about
how long she's been stateside? Does he have sons or daughters?

This type of situation, left unchecked, often escalates.

General question here: At what point would your sympathy kick in?

[kievstar]

More men get physically abused by women in USA and in FSU than you would think.  Actually a big problem and shame on people making fun of this in this thread.  You need to make your friend get legal advise and he should move away from her.  Abuse never changes.  Rehabilitation does not help.    This marriage is over.  Dated out of his league and does not have the money to keep her happy.  She married his wallet.

[Gator]

 

Social Services will probably write it up in their report as "foreplay".

 

Tell your friend to plan for divorce now.  Get some proof of the physical abuse.

[Vinnvinny]

OMG,,,a person I know(older male) married a younger girl from Belarus,,,he came to work last week with a large cut on his lip...I thought he might have fallen,I did not ask. Found out his wife hit him because he did not give her more money for something. 

... and the relevance of him being older and her being from Belarus is?

Seriously, thank God such things don't happen between New Yorker's, Londoner's, Parisian's etc, etc. 

[ScottinCrimea]

A classic example of an age gap marriage entered into for all the wrong reasons.  She married him for his wallet and when that is insufficient, she isn't satisfied.  We don't know how long they have been married, and that will provide his options.  It is obvious that this marriage is a failure, as physical abuse by either party is not acceptable. He can now choose to accept her demands and abuse or terminate the relationship.  Ultimately it depends upon whether he understands her expectations and is willing to live with them.  Perhaps he is willing to accept the abuse in exchange for what he perceives are the benefits to him of the relationship.

If he decides that this is not acceptable, he must document the abuse and above all, forget about the consequences to her well being and focus on his own. It is apparent that she isn't worried about his wel being.  He must do this and forget about the consequences to her of his taking care of himself.

[BC]

This situation is too similar to a child or young adult that has lashed out at a parent figure, not true abuse but instead simple uncontrolled immaturity.

Sounds more along the lines of an adolescent conduct disorder gone wild.

Another 'get what you wish for' story in my book.

Many parents will probably note how effective children can be when manipulate adults.  IMHO it starts at birth.. 'hey lets watch folks jump..' waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.. evolving into 'I get a lollipop if I cry at the grocery store' and eventually escalates to a point where a young adult can literally control a household.

I'd almost be willing to bet she was a 'difficult child' and sought another 'parent' relationship to use her well honed skills on.

Just poking in the dark folks, but a scenario that 'fits' and is probably not that awful rare.

[JR]

Call the police to get it documented. I can't stress this enough!

Tell your friend to quit his jobs NOW!!! Pair it down to one, the one he prefers. She will probably leave as the money reduces to a trickle. If he keeps working she'll most likely end up with a divorce settlement based upon that work load and he'll be strapped with it for quite some time.

[Rina_G]

Call the police to get it documented. I can't stress this enough!

Tell your friend to quit his jobs NOW!!! Pair it down to one, the one he prefers. She will probably leave as the money reduces to a trickle. If he keeps working she'll most likely end up with a divorce settlement based upon that work load and he'll be strapped with it for quite some time.

   
absolutely the right decision.
question - why he don't attempt to find a way out?
he don't know american laws?

[Markus]

So some guy in his 60s married a young lady in her early 20s.

Is there any question as to why this didn't work out?

I get so irritated when men who go this process don't weigh the
odds against them. Kenc already proved that 20+ years in age
with the wife don't work.

Mark

[ScottinCrimea]

But it does work in 0.1% of the cases, and those involved grasp at these examples.  And of course it is human nature to think we are that 0.1%, especially when we have a hot young body within our grasp.  The small head seems to accept the small percentages much more readily than does the large head.

[gousa]

Call the police to get it documented. I can't stress this enough!

Tell your friend to quit his jobs NOW!!! Pair it down to one, the one he prefers. She will probably leave as the money reduces to a trickle. If he keeps working she'll most likely end up with a divorce settlement based upon that work load and he'll be strapped with it for quite some time.

Yeah brother.........  What he said....  All sounds perfectly normal to me...

Here are some good Abusive Woman links.   

http://74.6.239.67/search/cache?ei=UTF-8&p=Abusive+women&fr=yfp-t-150&u=www.therapeutic-stories.com/articles/abusivewoman.pdf&w=abusive+women+woman&d=NKzuEhlMTRoA&icp=1&.intl=us

http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/abuse.htm


http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/383286/protecting_against_an_abusive_woman.html


http://www.mamashealth.com/relationships/abusivewife.asp

[gousa]

THe first link doesn't work but it's worth reading so I'll paste the
main exerpt here;..........


The following excerpt is from:
http://74.6.239.67/search/cache?ei=UTF-8&p=Abusive+women&fr=yfp-t-150&u=www.therapeutic-stories.com/articles/abusivewoman.pdf&w=abusive+women+woman&d=NKzuEhlMTRoA&icp=1&.intl=us

Abusive Women:
Are very good at fooling people initially. Attract men into the relationship in the same way abusive and sadistic men attract women by being very nice in the courtship phase, and building up his self-esteem. This type of woman often picks a very nice and nurturing man who likes to take care of people, i.e., police officers, ministers, and is a problem solver. She also picks a man who does not like confrontation or anger, perhaps because he was emotionally abused as a child or was taught that anger is wrong. In the beginning of the relationship, she rarely shows anger, seems to love sex, and lets him be in control. They show glimpses of their true personality, but the man says to himself, "That’s not the real her". Once she feels that she has his love, she begins to switch from positive to negative, putting down her husband and degrading him, being displeased with him and blaming him for every wrong she images she has suffered. He keeps trying to "solve the problem" by changing and doing what she wants. What he does not realize, because he is a problem-solver, is that she doesn’t want the problem solved. She keeps changing what she wants to keep him off balance. "Before we were married, she was so wonderful. Mary always brought me meals at work with sweet little notes in them. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The day we got married was the last day she ever cooked a thing for me."
Nothing is ever her fault. She may initially seem like a victim to others who do not know her well, in that she blames others. However, after getting to know her, it is apparent that she refuses to take responsibility for problems in her life.
Lies and believes her own lies. Her downfall is often her belief that her opinion and perceptions are the "correct" ones and that everyone else will see things "her" way. Often tell completely different lies about the same incident to two people that she should have known might talk to each other. Has problems predicting the responses of others to her behavior. When others get furious with her has limited
understanding of her role in creating this rage.
Is emotionally about three years old and generally can be predicted to act this age. This means she is extremely narcissistic and self-centered and generally lacks empathy for the feelings of others. Believes she is perfect and others aren't but should be. Rarely can maintain close friendships with other women except for family members. Have superficial, short-term intense relationships. May have her husband as her only close friend and spends all of her time with him, except when with family members. If their marriage does not last, seem able to convince the men she dates after the divorce that their last husband misunderstood her or was a monster.
See things in black or white, right or wrong with no grey or middle areas. See others as either perfect or totally flawed. Usually start out believing someone is great and treating them as if they are gods. Then something happens in the relationship, so she switches this person to evil and turns against him or her.
Are vindictive. …….. Because she rarely gives up, her husband (and often those who work with
her) learns to give her what she wants because he realizes that she will not give up until she gets it.
Often crave status, i.e., being associated with "important" people like movie stars, sports figures or politicians. May have furs, jewelry, expensive "in" things that make her superficially seem important.
Have a sense of entitlement. Justifies her behavior no matter how outrageous or hurtful it is to someone else. Nothing is ever her fault. Little guilt or self-awareness.
May hit, scratch, or throw things at her husband, who rarely tells anyone that this is happening because he is embarrassed. Often spends a great deal of time degrading her husband and tearing down his self esteem, at the same time making him feel responsible for pleasing her, although this is impossible. When she senses that she has pushed her husband too far and he may leave, she switches behaviors and becomes nice
and loving to keep him from leaving her. Once she senses that her husband believes she has changed, she returns to abusive behavior. Men married to this type of woman may detail the abuses he endures, but then say, "But, I love her".

[Jumper]

This man needs to get out of the situation ,
in any way he quickly can.


Noone ,man or woman,*deserves* physical abuse,and can you imagine the emotional/verbal that is very likely to go with it?

If she was 30 years older,, he would have absolute full sympathy here.

 you think the emotional and mental damage to him is more or less? dependent o nthe age of the women dishing it out ?
or th eciurcumstances?

he could be in some loveless marriage for 30 years to a woman his own age,  that started to beat him..
would he be more or less deserving of it then?

 
I understand the "old fool !! what else did he expect" mentality.
but it is as silly as when a man says some women deserves *similar abuse * by her actions or appearence.
and noone would ever say that.

care to list an example of a wealthy 60 yo woman married to a 20 yo man who beats her if not given enough money?


Listen , he may be  a total fool, he may have entered into a situation he knew was not based on  love..
that still does not have him *deserving* of physical abuse,
 or give her in anyway the right to dispense it.


i would also ask,,
without knowing any details of the story..and based just on whats presented..

where would peoples sympathy start?

[gousa]

All cases of abuse whether sourced by male or female need to be documented.   If
a person doesn't want to report it immediately at least they should take a good couple of photos of the affected area and save the photos any bloody clothes that they have in a safe place or the abuser will likely find them and they will disappear.   

[gousa]

The best thing to do for an abuser is divorce the abuser.   Nothing screws
up abuse like a nice cold frosty divorce served right up in the face, completely upsetting up the whole abusive system.