Trouble in Paradise?

[Rina_G]

Thanks James
all I've read is normal It looks like truth.
I'm glad.
yes I don't doubt she can finnd good job now and can work some time when you'll decide.
she wants to hurry you - please don't follow this.
and very important thing for us is good sex.
and i think you're normal man not boy who offers marry without sex.
it's not hard to talk warm words by message or skype - it's very hard to talk warm words holding by hands and looking in eyes.
and ask her questions diferent questions about life, values, important things for her.
you have to know her very very well.
then you won't dissapoint in future.
I say always - eyes, ears, bians and at last - heart
Good luck
 

[SMS60]

Frankly I can't imagine finding a woman that fits so well with me. We laugh and joke like we've known each other for years. I am so comfortable around her. She reads my mind and I (kinda) read hers. We have very similar interests and values (at least I thought we did before I got this paranoia attack).
Her words are "I'm glad I found someone as crazy as I am" and I feel the same.

I'm still headed back on Sept. 24th.

[mies]

without diferences - money is very good and nobody normal will loose this for dream perspective.

not necessarily it really depends on which company she works in. Plus - job market is very unstable right now in Ukraine, in oil sector too. She might just as well be forced to leave, and now she cannot resist this pressure any longer - that's why she is looking for job.
 
По вопросу зарплаты - например есть небольшие компании которые занимаются мазутом. Сотрудники в них (не директора) не получают большие зарплаты. В гос-компаниях зарплаты тоже небольшие. Мой родственник работает в "нефтяном секторе". Правда работает относительно недавно но зарплата более чем скромная - еле хватает снять крошечную однокомнатную. Я сама работала некоторое время в энергетике - в гос компании на руководящей должности. Моя зарплата была около 200 долларов. Были еще некоторые надбавки, но до "очень хорошей зарплаты" там было очень далеко. Учитывая что у обычного бренд-менеджера в киевском представительстве иностранной компании зарплата в 10 раз выше.
А если по существу - вы разве не знаете как подставляют бухгалтеров? А в энергетическом секторе их еще иногда и "исчезают". В наших облэнерго в конце 90х эта практика была достаточно нередкой. Сейчас в украинском газовом секторе ситуация снова более чем сложная.

[mies]

.

[JamesDH]

Reading between the lines and going by what she is telling me.

Her boss wants her to modify the books to make the company look better than it is to the perspective Russian buyers, hence the accusation of the 1.000.000 mistake.
She is refusing to do it and he is putting pressure on her.
She would already be gone but she is the only person in the company that knows the job, which she says is very complicated with the taxes (not sure if she is juggling the tax laws or what). The job was Passed down to her by her mother.
She was called in, with mother, while I was there and a severe grilling took place. The boss told the mother that she was not working up to expectations and to get control of the daughter now (squeezing her to conform?).
Total BS. The woman is a hard working, high energy person. According to her, the few days she took off the first time I was there was the first vacation she's had since she started working there.
Every audit ever performed has come up perfect, 10 out of 10.

I see several things at play. The boss desires her but she can't stand him, he wants the books cooked to show the company in a better light and she won't and now the boss finds out she entertained an American man.
She said last night that the boss screamed at her twice yesterday.. unusual for him according to her. (I'm sure she didn't stand there and take it either)

My visit has put extra pressure on her from the boss.

[Rina_G]

Мне кажется ситуация с работой достаточно правдоподобна. тем более ты знаешь, что как только на работе узнают, что к тебе приехал иностранец - срау уже и замуж выдали и чемоданы собрали, тем более, если тучи уже сгустились.
Но что она его торопит сама при том. что реально получила она на данном этапе значительно больше, чем отдала.
Или я не права Ира?

I think the situation with her work is plausible. the more you know, that once at work they will know that the foreigner came to you - at once it means - married and has issued and cases collected, the more so if the clouds have thickened.
But she hastens his own with that. that really she got it at this stage much more than to give.
Or am I not right?

[Aloe]

Gator - Your comment "questioning her in a jealous manner" got me thinking.
I did react rather badly. I lost my head.. stormed out of the room and pouted for a bit. She came to see what was up and we sort of made up.
I need to learn to control that and act in a much more mature manner.

Do RW ever apologize? I never heard her say "I'm sorry".

She is still a wonderful woman in my eyes.

i bet your behavior confirmed everything she wanted to know about portugal. We have a saying here that some men are jealous because they are guilty themselves (рыльце в пушку), and you ARE guilty, what right do you have to get jealous of her talking with some guy if you go off on trips with other women? It doesnt matter that it was planned before you ever met her, you could cancel it, but you went anyway. Besides, how are you planning to build a relationship if you both dont trust each other. Your behavior sounds like the farthest thing from trust. IMO you should work on your trust issues.
She sounds like she is under massive stress at work, that could be affecting her behavior, hence her pushing the issue of marriage, as a means to get away from it all? Just a guess.

[mies]

Rina, i completely agree with you. Marriage and problems with job should be kept separately. She should not be pressuring the man, but it is a convenient solution for her, don't you think so? Elegant solution to all problems at once. Woman can leave the country (or tell everybody she's leaving - which may be not a bad idea if there will merger of companies), can leave the risky job, and does not stay without income/job in the times of crisis.
For James this is a tough choice. If he will directly say "no, i am not ready" to woman - she may view it as treachery/betrayal in the time of hardships and cut down their communication. If he offers her money/support - she may view it favorably, or she may get offended thinking that he is "buying her but does not want to marry her". She isn't a 25yo girl - she is mature and wise woman. And i'm sure she has much pride (in a positive sense - not arrogance but nobility). Since the "marriage" word is already out in the air - some decisions and proper steps should be made.
Regarding "her not giving enough" - it all depends from perspective. James is looking for wife/affection/love/etc and not for "bag of money". In this case - the earlier they start living together /marry - the sooner he will receive what he's looking for, and thus - the more she will give him. In this case - their interests are perfectly compatible, and they both will gain more if they will not wait for ages.

[mies]

i bet

I agree with Aloe's viewpoint on this issue

[Rina_G]

Sorry Dave

[mies]

He may not heard her correctly, and added the content from what was on his mind. Like a audio version of a Rorschach test.  Maybe he told her something in English and she responded that she wants to hear those words in Russian. Or maybe she was talking about herself - that he should not have american woman and he should have russian. In the case when one person does not speak fluent English, and is drunk, and another person is falling in love, jealous, and does not understand russian accent too well - we can be endlessly guessing what she meant to say. The most important is that she seems to be falling for James, and he seems to like her.

[Daveman]

Ladies,  you're posting in one of the English areas of the forum.  Posting something in Russian here is okay, but simply provide the translation as well for those who cannot read/understand.  Thanks for understanding...
Dave

[Jooky]

I agree with Aloe's viewpoint on this issue

Me too, can you believe it?

James,

When you ask 'Is that normal for FSUW?', does it really matter? Everyone is different and what should matter is if this behavior is acceptable to you or not. Don't compromise what you seek in a partner and rationalize it due to 'cultural differences'.

So many men accept lack of affection, appreciation and consideration as a perceived part of Russian culture. If behavior that's not ok with you is truly ingrained in the culture, then you're looking for a bride in the wrong part of the world. Never compromise!

[mies]

Me too, can you believe it?

I am chewing on peach right now - not hungry and happy, so i believe it
{I would not refuse from borsch either  }

peace and xoxox to this beautiful world 

[JamesDH]

What seemed simple in my mind has now been complicated by coming here and airing my crap.

Talk of her going to jail or being killed never entered my mind nor was it hinted at by her.

I feel a double standard is being applied.
She can have men on Skype but I can't go to Portugal with a woman?
If I'm to trust her chatting to men on Skype why is she exempt from trusting me with a woman in Portugal?

[Daveman]

Well, I think there is a leeeeetle difference between chatting with someone at skype and physically being with another woman in a physical setting.

Don't allow this to become complicated. It isn't. Are you comfortable with her personality/behavior? Can you accept her as she is for now and see where everything goes? (or can you only accept vision of her of her after she conforms to your view of how she should be?)

Trust grows over time but it does have to begin with some baby steps at some point in time. Now is as good a time as any. 

If you feel comfortable -- it's good, if you don't - it's not.  Chat about what bothers each of you in this situation, even argue a bit about it without going off the deep end... either way when the dust settles, you'll always find yourself in a better place.

[SANDRO43]

She can have men on Skype but I can't go to Portugal with a woman? If I'm to trust her chatting to men on Skype why is she exempt from trusting me with a woman in Portugal?

Is this a serious question ? Would you be ONLY chatting with the woman in Portugal ?

[Boethius]

She can have men on Skype but I can't go to Portugal with a woman?
If I'm to trust her chatting to men on Skype why is she exempt from trusting me with a woman in Portugal?

James, if your lady friend were one of my girlfriends and I heard you say, or even hint at that, I'd tell her to dump you.  It is a very one sided, and selfish, perspective.

[Ade]

James, if your lady friend were one of my girlfriends and I heard you say, or even hint at that, I'd tell her to dump you.  It is a very one sided, and selfish, perspective.

Yes, I agree. When I read his post I laughed out loud. Comparing a woman talking to an old friend with going to Portugal to deliberately date another woman is silly at best.

[Rina_G]

Hi James!
It seems to me now you make simple things very complex.
Now you create dificulties and then you'll be heroically to overcome it
you can't check out
you may to trust.
it seems to me you jelaous her - please shouldn't

[JamesDH]

You are all assuming she is telling the truth about the man in Australia.

I didn't know the truth and suspected the worst.. as anyone would.

If she is not telling the truth, as many on here would have me believe by reading the posts about FSU women having russian boyfriends while talking to foreigners, then I see the sins as being equal.

[Ade]

You are all assuming she is telling the truth about the man in Australia.

I didn't know the truth and suspected the worst.. as anyone would.

If she is not telling the truth, as many on here would have me believe by reading the posts about FSU women having russian boyfriends while talking to foreigners, then I see the sins as being equal.

If you are going to assume some sort of guilt every time she talks to a man, old friend or not, you are going to have problems. You have to trust and assume the best at least until there really is evidence of something to be concerned about.

There is no comparison to what you did and her talking to an old friend no matter how you want to twist it to make yourself feel better and, to be quite honest, it's not a flattering side of your personality that you would try to use some imagined guilt of hers to alleviate your own.

[Rina_G]

It seems to me main dificult in your head. stop please stop to think - truth or lie.
it's great stupid to think that australian friend will call her to him.
it's great silly to think she has any men.
you told with her - she was talking nice things
why you doubt now?
you make yourself crazy.
stupid really stupid.
this wat move to the end
it'll be very sorry.
please read your before posts
I was adn=mired it!!!!!!!!!!
 

[JamesDH]

First off.. get off my back.

Second off.. how is what I did any worse than guys going over and seeing several women?

I went there, visited her for a week. Left for Portugal unsure if I would come back. realized how much I liked her, came back.

Came back.. we had a small tiff because we both realized we had feelings and everything was smooth the next day.

Now she wants to get married and I think it's too soon but still think she is marriage worthy.

Lay off the guilt thing.

She is still talking to me. I'm still talking to her and I'm going back in 3 weeks.
End of story.

[SMS60]