Russian women ask West Men

[Rina_G]

Hi guys!
many times I've read your posts about real meeting with FSU women.
I would like to ask you - if you met interesting women - how soon you're ready to come to FSU?
How many time have to pass from first Hi! to first real meeting?
Rina

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello RinaG.

I would say no more than 6 month's.

In my case it was usually 3 - 4 month's.


GOB

[Rina_G]

Thanks
 But it's diferents - 3 and 6 monthes.
You met in three and you advice six monthes
and what you make in this 6 months?
write each other lettes?

[Shadow]

Rina, it does depend on the situation.
I would advise men to be ready to take a trip within 6 months, and take it between 3 and 6 months based on their possibilities.

Remember that there are different situations.
A man from the US needs at least 4 days for traveling, and basicly should not spend less then one week on a trip.
For europeans things can be much easier, they might take na extended weekend and make a trip of 2-3 days.

Next thing is that when you start ommunicatiing, it will take time for both to find interest in meeting. This can take between one and two months. As to have the first contact being the one to visit is probably rare, it would not be correct to start writing and plan a trip three months later, as there might be no serious woman to meet, meaning the trip would be lost.

There for six months is reasonable, and it means that a meeting will happen.
In hte mean time there is enough to write, talk and chat about.

[GoodOlBoy]

An RWD poll has been started for this question:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=10206.msg199499;topicseen#msg199499

I hope this helps you Rina G.


GOB

[Faux Pas]

Before I "knew" I wanted to go meet this woman it took me two months. We quickly went from email to telephone and communicated regularly. Once I "knew it took two months to arrange the trip. Thus, 4 months from "cradle to grave" so to speak. The rest of my trips usually about 30 days.

[Daveman]

All my trips prior to this last one have been on about a two month schedule from first phone conversation.  After a month of communication with some who really piqued my interest, I'd plan a trip for a month out... so meeting happened in two months...

This last trip was a bit different. We started very slowly, about one letter exchanged and one phone each week on the weekends.  We did that for about 5 months, sometimes going two weeks between letters or a talk... it was a very easy and relaxed pace.  We were both, of course, communicating with others.  After some time the pace picked up, the calls became more frequent, and for the last 2 or so months (including the visit) we've been in daily communication through skype/phone/sms.

Before now, I would have said 2-3 months, but I have to say, this slower paced process seemed to be quite natural for us until we both decided that we had an interest to meet and pursue something more.  It depends on the people, the communication chemistry, and comfort zones of both.  IMO, you can neither rush nor drag, but just be natural together, whatever time frame that is where you both grow a certain comfort level, and desire to meet...  of course this is a VO scenario.. a VM approach would be different in a number of ways as that's more of a "See first, write more later" kind of approach.

[Rina_G]

Hi guys!
Thanks for answers/
you help me to understood many others things.
I thought that it's normal to meet in two monthes.
but it\s very important telephone calls.
and so I can understand real purpose man cause romeo  don't like to call - they prefer just internet connect.
and contact is next:
1. meeting on datng site
2. pass on e-mail
3. pass on-line connect (messager or Skype)
4. pass on phone connect
5. planning real meeting
Am I correct?
Rina

[viking]

Some meetings can take time to plan out. For both, sometimes coordinating vacation schedules ( assuming both work) can be a deciding factor. Coming from the the US, there are fare schedules to consider. Less expensive during the colder months for example. Getting visas, rooms, getting a feel for what to do in a certain city. There are many things to consider, besides, "just getting on a plane". But most important is trying to develop a relationship that makes you feel comfortable enough to invest the time, money and energy to fly over there and meet with a certain woman. For me, a few months email and more than a few phone calls was enough. Then the planning. When it was all over, about 5 months went by. It is going to be different for each person, especially where they are located.

As someone stated before, flying from one european country to another could be only a few hours time, perhaps over only a few days, and somewhat less expensive, and perhaps make one more inclined to move at a faster pace.

I live in New York. If I wanted to meet a woman in Florida, I could leave Saturday morning, spend a few hundred dollars for a RT ticket, meet her in the afternoon, and if it did not work out, be home in time for a late dinner. Flying for 20 hours and spending a few thousand dollars and being in a strange city where I do not speak the language for a week if it did not work out, is a whole different story. Fortunately for me, even though sometimes things did not work out as planned, and the intended goal was not achieved, I was always able to enjoy myself due to having a Plan B.

[Shadow]

Hi guys!
Thanks for answers/
you help me to understood many others things.
I thought that it's normal to meet in two monthes.
but it\s very important telephone calls.
and so I can understand real purpose man cause romeo  don't like to call - they prefer just internet connect.
and contact is next:
1. meeting on datng site
2. pass on e-mail
3. pass on-line connect (messager or Skype)
4. pass on phone connect
5. planning real meeting
Am I correct?
Rina

That is correct, providing of course step 3 is possible. Also step 4 might be step 2 for some guys, depending on what dating site they use.

[ECOCKS]

Hello Rina, glad you're stimulating a conversation from a woman's perspective.

My style was a bit different from standard, but doable by most if they cared to try it.

I setup an extended trip and just went there with no contacts setup. On arrival, I went to Elena's and began contacting women whose profiles seemed intriguing. If I remember correctly, it was about 5-6 days from the time I first contacted my wife until our first meeting/date. The only drawback was the week or so getting my feet on the ground, for guys without a long vacation period, this would be a waste but see below for a way to avoid downtime.

My advice to guys who wish to go this route has been to schedule their trip (probably, as Dave says, about a month out) and then get onto Elena's (or whatever site you like which allows ready access to contact information without much BS or fees) and set up some dates for the first half of your trip. Leave the second half for followup with the most promising women you encounter.

[docetae]

Hi guys!
many times I've read your posts about real meeting with FSU women.
I would like to ask you - if you met interesting women - how soon you're ready to come to FSU?
How many time have to pass from first Hi! to first real meeting?
Rina

1 week Correspondence are for me waste of time. The important is to exchange about foundations of relation, about basics things (what we like/dislike) after if you want to know more someone, you must meet her. Everything else more long will be projection of our own wishes

[Rina_G]

Thanks docetae, Ecocks, Shadow and viking.
it's very interesting and very importand
we know another sides of medal by name dating.
I can understand that you want to have big interest  and big reasons for trip to FSU.
and for risk lessness you plan to meet with several women in one trip and to choise from them.
I know noone RW likes to be one of many. and as she will know you'll fly not only to her your reply will be one - she'll take your maximum money in very short time and say you bye Honey!
I know many examples of this.
so you have to be care and silence. In this case you can see the best woman among them.
I know AM want to be honest and say truth about their trip to several women - beleive me truth in this case is bad friend.
So it's just my opinion.
 

[Mars]

Rina, you have to decide first if you want a stupid man or not.
A stupid man, after you are married, perhaps might take all your joint savings and bet it on a single lottery ticket or a horse race.
This type of man will be willing to risk everything (yours and his) on a single bet.
This is also the type of man who will use all his vacation time and scarce money to fly halfway around the world to meet only one woman placing everything on a single bet.
Quite romantic for the woman, for sure, to have a man do this for her; place all his bets on a single chance.
But it won't feel so romantic when he later makes the single wager on a horse race with  joint money or maybe only her money.
So early in the game Rina, you must decide if you want a romantic idiot for a mate; or a reasoned intelligent person.

The man who will risk everything on a single roll of the dice, will do it in both romance and with your money.

[remiel6]

Just because someone is romantic does not make them an idiot, just because someone would fly halfway around the world to meet one woman does not make him an idiot and neither does it mean that he is a foolish gambling addict. This is a grand sweeping statement backed up by not an awful lot of truth. I will stand as the "idiot" in your words and for the record I've never even bought a lottery ticket for that matter. "idiot" to me is someone who thinks they can reduce the art of meeting the right person to some kind of scientific formula. If I meet X women per trip divided by Y trips at a failure rate of Z to the second power. I come up with a) a man whose marriage fails because he seems to me to be incapable of knowing what love is in the first place. To one degree or another all love is irrational. b) someone so unwilling to take a chance on anything how will they ever win the prize. I would worry they read every letter she writes looking for signs she is a scammer. Now be aware of what scammers are, but we are talking about love and finding the right woman, not building a car.

[Rina_G]

The last thing I would like to bicker and insult each other on the forum and in life.

I tell you honestly, when I started searching and reading about the romance in the male profiles, the first thing I did - make myself to remember what it is.
I do not like to put labels on the chest - good or bad. People are different, I'm looking for one. This is a very difficult task and sometimes it seems impossible. Who knows?
regarding unreasonable expenditure of money - I would have classified themselves as "being greedy", rather than generous. I do not like people of all nationalities, who spend more than they earn, and this deficit adds to someone really stupid.
But I do not like to attach great importance to every penny. If I prefer to live well, I prefer to raise my price in the market as a professional.
Do you know the biggest conclusion I made after reading the posts and the situation around me lately?
I lost interest in the internet search - all I found last year were searching debris. It was unserious - all. It's a shame.
Butit's better to understand this now, and get rid of illusions. probably should to travel regularly to rest abroad on vacation and find a real man there.
Thank you for your help.
 

[Ade]

Rina, you have to decide first if you want a stupid man or not.
A stupid man, after you are married, perhaps might take all your joint savings and bet it on a single lottery ticket or a horse race.
This type of man will be willing to risk everything (yours and his) on a single bet.
This is also the type of man who will use all his vacation time and scarce money to fly halfway around the world to meet only one woman placing everything on a single bet.
Quite romantic for the woman, for sure, to have a man do this for her; place all his bets on a single chance.
But it won't feel so romantic when he later makes the single wager on a horse race with  joint money or maybe only her money.
So early in the game Rina, you must decide if you want a romantic idiot for a mate; or a reasoned intelligent person.

The man who will risk everything on a single roll of the dice, will do it in both romance and with your money.

Incredibly bizarre extrapolation; man visiting one woman = a dumb, irresponsible  gambler. 

I think you will find quite a few happily married men here, myself included, that went to visit only one woman and, as far as I'm aware, none of us are dumb, and/or irresponsible. We're all gamblers though, but so is everyone that attempts this; what the sensible people do is attempt to mitigate and reduce the risk of this gamble and that can be done even if visiting a single person.

[AdAstra]

Do you know the biggest conclusion I made after reading the posts and the situation around me lately?
I lost interest in the internet search - all I found last year were searching debris. It was unserious - all. It's a shame.
 

Since I am just starting to search I would like to know what made you decide everything was debris.  I'd like to learn from other peoples' mistakes.  What would tell you I was serious?

[Shadow]

Rina_G, I advise you not to give up on the search due to some fools who made you think the right person is not out there.

The trouble with internet is that you do not have the luxury you have in real life, of looking someone in the eyes and knowing what person you are talking to. All you have to go on are pictures and letters, and as you are still learning English skills (I can see from your writing you use Promt or a dictionay to help you),  lot of the content you might pick up on in Russian is lost.

It takes more time and effort to meet the correct person, and when meeting all the things you expected might be gone in 5 minutes. Or on the contrary you will know that this is the person you want to spend a lot of time with.

As for guys like Mars who feel that taking a trip is like lining up women for a job interview to the position of wife, do not be too hard on them.
Yes they may seem greedy and even cold in their methods. But mostly it is because they have no experience in having a family life and using their emotions. They are business men who have no other knowledge in life as how to run a business with the lowest amount of spending and highest amount of gain. Given a chance, they could learn to understand the Russian soul and care less about money and more about life.

[Rina_G]

to SJ - my respect!
I respect man going to ONE woman.
yes it may be big risk but it's honest and seriuos.

to AA
in searshing serious men and serious women are absolutely diferent.
and my memories about those unserious men who I found in my searshing doesn't hepl you in searching serious woman.
if you would like to know how you can understand who is she - I can help you.
Rina

[docetae]

to SJ - my respect!
I respect man going to ONE woman.
yes it may be big risk but it's honest and seriuos.

to AA
in searshing serious men and serious women are absolutely diferent.
and my memories about those unserious men who I found in my searshing doesn't hepl you in searching serious woman.
if you would like to know how you can understand who is she - I can help you.
Rina

If I can advise you, first question you should ask, within one month if everything seems to be ok, when you think to visit ? If answer is more than 3 months. Drop him. Traveling today is not complicated. We are not at the time of boats crossing the atlantic. If someone wants really wants to meet you, he can come just for a few days and come back later if things goes well.
another little advise, one friend in Ukraine is asking for photos of hands of men writing to her. She told that she likes men hands. In fact she wants to check if there is a spot of a ring....Another time she was in love with a man from Florida who told her that he owns a plane. He sent her photo of him in front of th eplane after a flight. I did a check for her: 1) he had no watch (find pilot who has no watch) 2) Plane was belonging to an air school after checking the registration. Try to open eyes, the true story starts only after real meeting

[Ade]

If I can advise you, first question you should ask, within one month if everything seems to be ok, when you think to visit ? If answer is more than 3 months. Drop him. Traveling today is not complicated. We are not at the time of boats crossing the atlantic. If someone wants really wants to meet you, he can come just for a few days and come back later if things goes well.
another little advise, one friend in Ukraine is asking for photos of hands of men writing to her. She told that she likes men hands. In fact she wants to check if there is a spot of a ring....Another time she was in love with a man from Florida who told her that he owns a plane. He sent her photo of him in front of th eplane after a flight. I did a check for her: 1) he had no watch (find pilot who has no watch) 2) Plane was belonging to an air school after checking the registration. Try to open eyes, the true story starts only after real meeting

Men are usually so focused on avoiding scammers of one sort or another that they forget that women have an even harder time of it finding men that aren't losers, time wasters/keyboard Romeos and nut jobs.

Cool suggestion about the hand pictures! And now maybe I know why my wife wanted pictures of mine before we first met! I will ask when I get home from work.

[KenC]

Rina,
I would also suggest you do not give up on finding your match on the Internet.  Finding the right person for you is a game of numbers and the more people you "meet" the better chance you have to find someone special.  Yes, there are many pitfalls to looking this way but there is no better chance to "meet" a large number of men or women than via the Net.

Going to a vacation spot is a very limiting way to look for a mate.  But "no stone should be unturned" either.  Meeting the right person for you can happen any where and at any time.  You may meet the love of your life shopping for food or on a silly website or on vacation.  Why limit yourself to just one method?

"Meeting" on the Net is a kind of game.  You just need to learn the rules of the game.  By calling it a "game" does not mean it is NOT serious, but I admit there are many on the Net that are not serious too.  You must just think of any "meeting" on the Net as a potential possibility of a real meeting.  It is not real until it is verified in person.  Before any face to face contact, consider that any relationship is a bit of a fantasy, not quite real.  Upon meeting in real life, the fantasy can take many different directions.  Be prepared for all of them.  It could turn into a reality that it is all you ever hoped and dreamed.  Or it could be an instant "what were we thinking?"  With no real chemistry in person.  Of course any variable in between is possible.

Because of the many different possible out comes, and because of the large investment of time and money to travel such a far distance, many men logically either have a back up plan or meet other women on the same trip.  Like it or not, many Americans have very limited vacation time.  To spend that time (and money too) to meet one woman only to find out in the first few moments together that it is not meant to be, would be a foolish action in my opinion.

Now there is another factor to be considered too.  How deep had the correspondence been?  How deeply involved is the couple?  If there has been a long term correspondence, then there is a better possibility that the face to face meeting may go well.  In this case, it is best to plan a trip around that one specific lady and have a back up plan should things not go well.  If it has been a short correspondence and the couple is only slightly interested in meeting, then I see no harm in meeting others in the same category.  It is called "dating."  In my opinion, it is better to not be too involved before meeting face to face and to meet many different women before narrowing your chase to just one.  Nothing can replace what happens face to face.
Best of luck to you.
KenC

[BC]

I've always viewed the internet dating 'scene' as only a very small way of getting to know someone.  It does seem like a trap when you restrict your search to only the i-net.. it actually limits possibilities.  You never know when a walk in the park might turn into something more. 

To me it's all about exposure, butt off couch type, and keeping your eyes open for opportunities and not being afraid to open your mouth at the right moment.

Instead of concentrating on sites geared towards dating and marriage, try another approach.. there are plenty of sites on the net that cater to just about any and every interest, hobby, occupation, travel location etc etc.. All one really needs is an 'in' or common interest (which btw is a component for a successful relationship).

An interesting guy named Andrew James came here a while back and I suggested such an approach..  Last I remember he did get involved with a RU dancing club via facebook or such, got his visa and disappeared into the wilderness -dunno how things turned out.. -in any case he did not come back here looking for more   

Lastly, I really believe that you can't 'push' life and force 'the one' to suddenly pop into your life.. all you can, and probably should do is try to enlarge your social circle.  Call it destiny, karma, whatever.. when I look back I really never had to even try to meet a woman.. they just appeared when I least expected.  Every time I tried to force the issue I failed miserably.  9 times out of 10 when I did meet someone interesting I was doing something at the time that was outside my normal 'routine'.

In the past there was a good bit of talk about getting 'off the beaten path' as it regards cities to visit.. maybe it's time to do the same on the 'net.

[Rina_G]

Hello guys!

I’m appreciate you very much for your posts and advice.

It seems to me now I have to reply and to explained my position.
At first – my words don’t mean that I will stop to live and to joy.
I guess you know not each deal is success and it isn’t big drama – it’s life.
All information about myself seems me as PR and I wouldn’t like you to think that it’s me way to find anyone here – lol.

But if you want to know I can’t saying “A” don’t say “B”. So I think I can tell about my searching.
At first – I amn’t angry with any man. I can say just thank them.
Really they helped me to remember English and to go rather. They opened me world and I could ask and get interesting reply. I saw nice pics and had interest talking with interesting men.
They all hadn’t one – they wanted to get pleasure and didn’t want serious relations.

When I could  write  and talk in English (not good of course but not bad too) – it isn’t interesting for me.
I was created technology of active searching and it was interesting for me – I did experiences with myself and looked what happened. I wanted to have nice end for technology – happy end. Not yet but may be.
Technology is ready.

I sent many pilots letters to men and looked their reply.
It’s fun – usually I get a little letters from men and this men aren’t for me (old or young, small height, not well-educated or from east). It wasn’t my variant from beginning and I didn’t want to continue.

Was I wrong?

Now I got reply on my main question – how I can different serious and unserious men. Thank you all.
I agree – the life gives us many possibly but I know one thing. If  I do everything correct – I’m getting all.
I won’t remove my profiles and refuse from wishes to be happy with man. I just won’t make active actions for this.

Specially to BC
I have very much different contacts with people cause I’m real and successful business-lady. And also I have many obligates to customers. My business is my head and my time and I have no right wasty their both.

Now I’m writing without Promt – is it understudy for you?

I hope I’ll have possible to ask you and to get replies on my questions.

***
I’ve read you use service of  agency.
Tell me please – why? what plus of agency you see in searching?
How you relate to dating site?
What men (on your opinion) are on dating sites (or dating agency)– social class or another?
What is pleasure for you – to trust agency or to look for yourself?

Thanks for all
Rina