Missing Ukrainian Wife/Daughter

[dunrick]

Hey guys, I married my wife in 2004 in Ukraine, I'm from Seattle.  I'm 27 now.  I've had a wonderful marriage until the last year basically.  Were both devout Christians, but the last year my wife became addicted to World of Warcraft and other online video games.  I work and provide, she takes care of our daughter. 

Low and behold friday Sept 11 I come home from work and they're gone.  This is the second time, but the first time I caught her at the greyhound station. 

I hate to fall into that category of typical stories with fob wives, but apparently I am falling into that niche. 

My nature is easy to get mad and easy to forgive, my wife is very delicate and the exact opposite.  She speaks wonderful english and never really hit the ground running here since 2005.  Shes educated.  She is very clever also.  This time she left she took her computer, left her cell phone.  I'm fairly crafty and know how to check history, etc.  I found out she has seperate e-mails I never knew about. 

The clues I have are, she didn't take the baby stroller, she took the computer box (left monitor/keyboard/mouse) but also took the camera.  She took a suitcase for clothing.  Took baby clothes.  She did not take the baby seat from my car.  So it makes me believe she got picked up in a car with somebody who (HOPEFULLY) has a baby seat. 

We traveled to Ukraine this last June and had a wonderful trip.  We never fought over money, she hasn't taken any money from me.  She is basically just gone.

I know now I need to be more sensitive to her needs, etc.  I'm a tougher guy and it obviously reflected on my marriage....

However, I'm a little concerned about my child and where she is, also my wife.  She has taken my passport (probably by accident) and her passport info.  Her resume information.  What actions can I take as to finding her?  INS?  I'm obviously her sponsor/husband.  Please any help will be greatly appreciated.  I'm praying and just researching e-mails, etc etc.  Any tips will be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading all this, i'll happily answer anymore questions.  Thanks again,

-D

[GoodOlBoy]

Did your wife leave a note?

If not, did you call 911 yet?

Your family may have been abducted.

Have you called your local women's shelter?

Did you put your hands on her?

How old is your wife?

Does she have her Green Card yet?

Does your daughter have a passport?

What was her destination last time you "caught" her at the Greyhound station?

Does she have any family here in the GoodOl' USA?


GOB


BTW....Your "nature" of being an mad/angry man is not compatible with the RW I know.

Christian or not, RW really don't like this kind of behavior from a man.

[ECOCKS]

Just me, but I'd shut down the bank accounts and credit cards or at least shift money and turn off cards, then call my lawyer and afterward (depending on legal advice) start checking with trustworthy friends (trustworthy by you).

She has your passport but does she have hers?

If she packed and no disarray I'd see what lawyer says about calling 911.

If you think she might head out of the country, you need your lawyer's help on handling the police in this, dont waste time.

Oh yeah, shut off the phone too, IF it is in your name.

[dunrick]

Did your wife leave a note? Yeah it said "I'm ok"

If not, did you call 911 yet? Nope, I don't want her to get into trouble...

Your family may have been abducted.  Nah, I saw her like 4 hours before this, I come home from lunch and she made me a tuna melt sammich.  No signs of anything.  It was a clean R U N O F T if you know what i mean.

Have you called your local women's shelter?  Nope.

Did you put your hands on her?  Nope, just a verbal guy myself.  I've never hit anybody, not even a guy.

How old is your wife?  24

Does she have her Green Card yet?  Yup, she has been here almost 5 years.

Does your daughter have a passport?  Shes a American CItizen and yeah she does.

What was her destination last time you "caught" her at the Greyhound station? Some shelter in Chicago, I've since talked to the people who were going to help her out too, they just said she only told them 'she needed help' so they were going to offer her a little aid.  However she took her computer this time, which leads me to believe she wasn't planning on going to a shelter.

Does she have any family here in the GoodOl' USA?  A half brother in NY who wouldn't help her.



I guess my ultimate goal is, can I can INS to see if she has left the country?  What are my options to finding her.

[dunrick]

Just me, but I'd shut down the bank accounts and credit cards or at least shift money and turn off cards, then call my lawyer and afterward (depending on legal advice) start checking with trustworthy friends (trustworthy by you).

I've been questioning her friends and so far I've found no reason NOT to believe any.  She never really got a long with my friends enough to talk to any of them.  My friends would sell any girl out in a heartbeat anyways.

If she packed and no disarray I'd see what lawyer says about cvalling 911.

I don't really have a lawyer, but I know a guy at my church and I think that might be the right thing.  My main concern is I don't want her to get into trouble, I feel like she is doing a 'cry for help' type thing and has a hard time expressing herself.  So this is how she reacts.  I guess ultimately I don't want to make her becoming a citizen in the future a pita because I got INS/Lawyers/Police involved.  Yet at the same time she took our child from me so...

Oh yeah, shut off the phone too, IF it is in your name.

She never took her phone.  I got her iPhone and mine right next to me. Probably because it has GPS on it is my thoughts (why she left it) 

[ECOCKS]

I would shut off the number since she can go to any Best Buy or phone store counter and get a new phone with that number on the SIM card for her old number. Strictly a financial concern though.

Call the lawyer tonight and see what advice or referral he can give you. Abducting your child without your knowledge is a scary thing.

While you don't want to mess up her citizenship you also don't want your child endangered.

[GoodOlBoy]

How long ago was this, exactly.

Has she contacted you at all, since she took your daughter and left?


GOB

[ECOCKS]

You can jump into chat room for faster communication than posting and reading, posting and reading, etc.

GET INTO CHAT FROM UPPER LEFT MAIN MENU ABOUT 3/4 OF WAY DOWN!

[SANDRO43]

How long ago was this, exactly.

Low and behold friday Sept 11 I come home from work and they're gone.

[dunrick]

She hasn't contacted me at all.  I came home Sept 11 Friday @ 4:46 Pacific Time.  Its now 5:13 Sunday Pacific Time.

All her family in Ukraine is cooperating more than they need to.  So I don't think they're in on it.

I asked her one time after she took off the first time, what were your plans?  To be with another man?  She said No to the man part.  Then I asked, what, get a job and do your own thing?  She replied Yes.  

I'm a blue-collar guy here and she got a college degree in computer Science in Kiev before she came.  I have never kept her from pursuing a career in that.  She got a interview at Microsoft when she first came, but she wasn't comfortable in America enough yet.  She was still sort of 'stern' I guess you could say.  However around me she was not.

[glassman]

Gee, I don't know if I'd be sitting around in front of a computer if my wife took off with our kid and the computer.

And you haven't called any of the authorities to report her missing.

Perhaps what you should be doing in the future when she comes home.  Is to get your wife into fishing as in the Northeast I hear there's plenty of fishing opportunities as from what I understand most Ukrainian ladies love to fish.

And pose for photos with the one they caught.   You might be in that frame as well.

I'll bet your kid would enjoy something like that as well.

From what I gather the MSFT culture is one of good home spun music - hence get your kid into guitar, mandolin or banjo style music and get your wife into that as well.  Something about female programmers adapt well playing the banjo, but it helps if your sit directly across from her and play as well.

[greg2654]

If she took the computer then maybe try to email her.
Might work.

[Shadow]

It sounds like she thought out things before going away.
I suspect she has left the country, and took your passport to make it harder for you to follow her.

If you can check her / your credit cards for signs of airline tickets.

[CallMeSasha]

no disrespect to the posters on this forum but you're not likely to find the answers here.

do you have an equivilent of "The Citizens Advice Bureau" in the US?

[boaterguy]

At the very least, I think you should file a missing person report with your police department. If I'm not mistaken she can not leave the country without proof that you have given your consent. I also think she would be under more scrutiny if she tried to leave the country because your daughter has a US passport and she does not.

[GoodOlBoy]

RWD update.

After RWD chatroom discussions last night with ECOCKS, Sandro, Docetae, Boethius and myself....Dunrick contacted the police (911) and started the process of finding his missing daughter (4 yo) and his wife.


GOB

[GQBlues]

It's hindsight, Amber Alert would've given you a great place to start as soon as you found out they were gone last Friday.

I hope this gets sorted out and wish everyone well.

[Jooky]

Hello Dunrick,

I don't know if you or the police have already considered this, but a good lead would be to access your wife's online game accounts. With your credit card information, or a police request (I believe) you should be able to obtain her login information. If she's addicted to these games, she's likely to be checking in with her game friends and guild mates.  Some of them could know her whereabouts, and I wouldn't be surprised if she is with some friends she met through these games right now. (I assume you contacted all her friends from her phone that she left behind).

If you (or the police) need any help with this, don't hesitate to contact me. Online games is my line of work, and if I can help in any way, I will.

[tfcrew]

She has your passport but does she have hers?

 

Didn't ever see an answer to that one. Someone's passport is the actual property of the US State Dept and the FBI could jump into the fray.
Same as with military discharge papers [I know ...my American ex-wife]

[tfcrew]

no disrespect to the posters on this forum but you're not likely to find the answers here.

 

Sasha...you'd be surprised.
Some of these guys know more about stuff than a lot of attorneys do.

[tfcrew]

Dunrick just mis-posted this in the poll thread...

No new updates.  Filed a police report, police came over did the usual questions.  I called and was able to claim my passport as stolen.  I got to file for my daughters and I can not call my wifes in.

[dunrick]

Hey guys.  So far the biggest update has been I saw she opened her e-mails on one of her e-mail accounts that I have control of.  However thats all I've seen so far as evidence she is alive, so that is good. 

I have control of her WOW account, I've canceled it in hopes that she gets bored without it.  I'm guessing she is going to roll a new toon on a new account though.  I've left a post on her Guilds website about if anybody knows her whereabouts please let me know.  They understand the situation and appear to be responding.

Thats about it as far as updates, meeting with the pastor tonight and possibly the lawyer.

[SANDRO43]

I have control of her WOW account, I've canceled it in hopes that she gets bored without it.  I'm guessing she is going to roll a new toon on a new account though.

Not sure it was a very shrewd move since, as you say, she can enroll again. I don't know WOW, but you could have signed yourself up there, probably check if she's playing and maybe send her a message or whatever when she does .

[dunrick]

Well its just more money the person helping her will have to dump for her to play now, since I canceled the other one.  I'm not going to pay for her gaming addiction while I just sit here.

[Boethius]

Have you tried to contact her by email, dunrick?

In speaking to your pastor, I hope you look deep into your own actions, which contributed to your wife leaving.  Every marriage is 50/50, and you are both equally to blame.

In speaking with your lawyer, try to ensure your rights to access to your daughter are dealt with, but I would suggest, until you are certain your marriage cannot be put back together, not to do anything further.  It will only inflame the situation and solidify your wife's certainty in her decision to leave you.

Both of you need to work on putting things back together, for the sake of your daughter.  If your wife refuses (a good chance, given her actions), you need to let go of all anger and do what is best for your daughter.  If your wife will listen to anyone, includng her parents, I'd suggest having them speak to her.

Good luck, and my prayers are with both of you.