Hello

[rjd400]

Hello everyone, my name is Bob.

Very glad I found this site.  I'm 41 and separated from my wife a few months back.  After we separated, I dated a gal living here in the US who was from the Ukraine.  While it didn't work out for us, I became very interested in further pursuing another gal from that culture.  While of course, not all Ukrainian women are the same (just as all American men aren't the same), I'm hoping much of the positive aspects she had I will find to some extent in others.

I am actually having my first call with a gal from the Ukraine that I have been "chatting" online with for a few weeks this evening.  I am excited but also apprehensive.  She is quite a bit younger than I (she is 25).  But I've been reading a lot of the postings here so I will proceed with caution, follow some of the guidelines those with more experience have suggested, and hopefully at the very least avoid a scam, but possibly find "the one".

It's funny, I've dated all kinds of girls/women here in the US with never much care, but this process actually has me feeling some anxiety! 

Regards,
-Bob

[GQBlues]

Hello everyone, my name is Bob. Very glad I found this site.  I'm 41 and separated from my wife a few months back.....

Hey Bob-

Care to elaborate a bit more on that?

[TwoBitBandit]

It's funny, I've dated all kinds of girls/women here in the US with never much care, but this process actually has me feeling some anxiety! 

Welcome to the board, Bob.

This process should give you some anxiety.  It's not for the faint-of-heart!

You should definitely read some of the archives and especially the trip reports.  You'll learn a lot.

[rjd400]

Hey Bob-

Care to elaborate a bit more on that?

Sure, we are currently working on getting the divorce.  We have spoken to lawyers.  There are financial considerations (most notably the home) that are somewhat complex we are trying to work out.  Thus far, the discussions and proposals have been amicable (despite the best efforts of lawyers), but it's proving more difficult and time consuming than we expected.  If I had to guess now, I would think it could be finalized sometime very early 2010, but that will depend on the courts as well.

I have been very upfront with my situation with anyone I have dated (AW included).  I hide nothing, as I expect the same from the other person.  I let them know my situation, and that my time horizon is not rushed.

I consider this journey something that will not happen overnight.  In a normal relationship with an AW I would in no way expect to consider marriage in 3 or 4 months, I see this kind of "dating" as no different from that perspective, just a lot further away.  I know me, and there will be a significant "getting to know" you period before I make any major commitments. 

Am I off base in my thoughts?

Thanks for the reply.

[BrightDawn]

No you're not off-base. You just need to understand the time and financial resources required to date a woman 4,000+ miles away.

[rjd400]

No you're not off-base. You just need to understand the time and financial resources required to date a woman 4,000+ miles away.

Thank you.  Yes, I'm aware of both of those issues (thanks to data sources like this forum) and are not a problem.

My biggest concern, honestly, is that I want to move slowly, and it seems that often the time frame the lady may have in mind is much quicker (from things I've read).  Thus far, from our discussions, the gal I'm chatting with doesn't seem to mind "taking it slow".  But I'm sure there's more about that here on the forum for me to find.

Thanks again.

[Shadow]

It depends on what you mean with moving slowly.
If you want to wait one or two years before making the first visit, I would not count on the woman waiting until you arrive.
If you want to make several visits before taking the step of marriage, moving slowly is not a problem.

[GQBlues]

Thanks Bob-

You're the captain of your own ship thus you'd know better than anyone what your state of mind is regarding getting back in the mode of marriage just when you're just getting out of one. Basically, just sending out an alarm as a benefit to you because for most (doesn't necessarily mean 'you') getting attention from women so close to ending a previous relationship/marriage can easily throw out caution to the wind all over again. As far as you're concerned, you'll be the best judge of that.

Like others stated above, this can be financially taxiing (if you're an average Joe. If you have more money left after your divorce, and more than you know what to do with it, then ignore the financial warning). The pursuit itself is actually the lesser of the two stages, for the most part. It is the overall expense you need to make room for when your inamorata finally arrive to be with you. Many here can tell you how to save a small sum in making the most of your future trips - but the good rule of thumb - and in general - an average of $20,000.00 during her first year here will be a nice reserve to have. There are intangibles that would make that amount higher or lower but that should be a safe number IN general. That number includes her inevitable trip back 'home' within the first year.

Last and certainly not the least (you covered this already) unless your divorce is final, it should only be fair to tell your object of interest what your status is at some point of your relationship. The earlier the better.

Good luck with everything.

[rjd400]

Shadow,
No, I plan on visiting much sooner than that.  Most of it will depend on how the long distance correspondence goes.  I know this isn't the only way of doing it, but I think I can only correspond with one gal at a time (what is that, WOVO?).  Just my personality.  I would think that if the current correspondence I have going on goes well, I hope to head over in maybe November.  I'm not sure how often is "expected" to visit (haven't read that much yet), but I naturally would plan to go over several times during that period.

This is actually bringing up a lot of questions I have, but I realize the search function is my friend and will use that before I go bothering everyone with more newbie questions.

GQ,
Marriage has been "over" for a few years, but now it's taking the formal steps.
While I certainly don't have more money than I know what to do with, based on the figures I've seen thus far, I don't think it will be too much of a factor.  Not easy, but is anything in life worth doing or having easy?

Thanks to both of you.

[JR]

Welcome rjd. Many has been the man who says he is 'ready' and that the marriage has been dead for years before the papers have even been signed. (pointing at myself here) It is to say you are ready when you are 40-ish, have the attention of a 25-ish hottie and see your second adolesence in front of you...
Quite another matter to actually 'be' ready. I don't know you and won't judge you but make sure you are ready. Dating casually, even in the FSU (as long as you are honest about it) can do wonders for you and in retrospect you might find yourself a little "more" ready.

[Vaughn]

  I'm 41 and separated from my wife a few months back. 

Welcome, Bob...

One question - are there children involved in this pending divorce?

[rjd400]

Welcome, Bob...

One question - are there children involved in this pending divorce?

No, no children.


Jollyrats,
Thank you.  I actually wasn't seeking someone that young, and I'm a bit apprehensive about it(yet another reason I want to take it very slow).  I was looking for someone a little older, but happened across this gal, and so far the communication has been pleasant. 

[Rina_G]

Wellcome Bob!
I\ve read here so many successful stories and maybe sometimes your story will be one from them
Rina

[rjd400]

Wellcome Bob!
I\ve read here so many successful stories and maybe sometimes your story will be one from them
Rina

Thank you!

[Faux Pas]

Welcome Bob!

Have you dated in 25 year olds in your home city?

[rjd400]

Welcome Bob!

Have you dated in 25 year olds in your home city?

No, the youngest gal I have dated recently has been 33, and most have been in the mid-thirties(for those who are now wondering about my "dating" already having only being separated for several months, the soon to be ex is aware of it, and as I said, the relationship has gone south a while ago).  I didn't seek out someone 25, I came across her, and didn't think I should count her out only because of her age, anymore than I should be counted out because of mine.  Thus far, the communications and interests seem to be on par (maybe I'm a little immature for my age?  ).  But I am aware of the issues that can arise with this big of an age difference.

Regards

[Faux Pas]

No, the youngest gal I have dated recently has been 33, and most have been in the mid-thirties(for those who are now wondering about my "dating" already having only being separated for several months, the soon to be ex is aware of it, and as I said, the relationship has gone south a while ago).  I didn't seek out someone 25, I came across her, and didn't think I should count her out only because of her age, anymore than I should be counted out because of mine.  Thus far, the communications and interests seem to be on par (maybe I'm a little immature for my age?  ).  But I am aware of the issues that can arise with this big of an age difference.

Regards

Bob,

I'm not making any judgements on you, her or anyone else. Just cautioning you that a 25 year old RW is no different than a 25 year old AW. Different people have different ideas about age. I only recommend that western men date the same age and caliber lady they do back home. The agency hype that young RW are more mature and accepting of of larger age differences than their American counterparts is pure BS. Sure many in this pursuit wish to upgrade from their previous relationships. Just don't make to so far of an upgrade that they are out of your league in age, mentally, intellectually or emotionally or the end result could be, not so good.

Good Luck

[rjd400]

Thanks Faux,
It's this kind of verbal "bucket of water" that can help keep a person realistic.

Honestly, I'm unsure if this will work, but it would be wrong of me, at this point, to just end it with her because of her age. 
One point, I didn't meet her through an agency.  Actually, I was looking on a free "community message board" fairly familiar to us all for a Russian Tutor, and found her.

I guess time and a lot of communication will tell.

Thanks again.

[NJ]

Welcome Bob!!!

Moving slowly sounds like a good idea. But even when moving really fast you just would not be able to marry a Russian woman within the year since you met her. Good to hear that you are honest with the lady you correspond with about your marital status. Don't think that corresponding with one woman only is something bad. It increases the risk, but gives you more attention to pay to this woman and more attention to see the red flags if they appear.

Good luck in your search!

[rjd400]

Thank you!

[Faux Pas]

Thanks Faux,
It's this kind of verbal "bucket of water" that can help keep a person realistic.

Honestly, I'm unsure if this will work, but it would be wrong of me, at this point, to just end it with her because of her age. 
One point, I didn't meet her through an agency.  Actually, I was looking on a free "community message board" fairly familiar to us all for a Russian Tutor, and found her.

I guess time and a lot of communication will tell.

Thanks again.

Bob....other than the fact that I find FSUW extremely beautiful, sexy, usually intelligent all wrapped up in a bit of mystery, keep in mind under the surface there's not a dime worth of difference in them and their western counterparts. I have long contended women are the same the world over (JMO) good ones and bad ones in any society. Search for the good woman just as you would do at home. It does seem that there are so many more to choose from in the FSU but the numbers don't really reflect that. Be careful not to blind yourself by youth and beauty  and not see the real woman in that skin.

[jamesbond]

RJD400,

I was like you last year -- 40 writing to a 24 years old .  But I backed out when it became obvious that she was NOT into me after meeting from Dominicana. I am glad I did it  --- it saved me from another divorce or train wreck. There  was another guy here who spent $20,000 for a year and the FSU woman would not be intimate with him and it turned out to be intimate with another guy. There was another horror story I read from another site who not even hold hands with the guy . The guy still sponsored her and married her... you know what happened "divorce " .  You have to watch --- physical attraction is important particularly you are dating 15 years younger. If you marry, make sure you have a pre-nuptial that you will not support her after the divorce . You have to be realistic and little bit UNATTACHED  to protect yourself.

[Jooky]

If you marry, make sure you have a pre-nuptial that you will not support her after the divorce . You have to be realistic and little bit UNATTACHED  to protect yourself.

Alternatively, you could marry a woman who actually is attracted and attached to you.

[Faux Pas]

RJD400,

I was like you last year -- 40 writing to a 24 years old .  But I backed out when it became obvious that she was NOT into me after meeting from Dominica. I am glad I did it  --- it saved me from another divorce or train wreck. There  was another guy here who spent $20,000 for a year and the FSU woman would not be intimate with him and it turned out to be intimate with another guy. There was another horror story I read from another site who not even hold hands with the guy . The guy still sponsored her and married her... you know what happened "divorce " .  You have to watch --- physical attraction is important particularly you are dating 15 years younger. If you marry, make sure you have a pre-nuptial that you will not support her after the divorce . You have to be realistic and little bit UNATTACHED  to protect yourself.

jamesbond....It is not my intention to try and bust your bawls here but, at this point you should probably stick to dispensing advice based on what you actually know. From your earlier thread your trip to Dominica could be labeled a colossal failure. You haven't yet found a RW to like you, much less fall in love and marry have you?

Please believe me I am not attempting to kick you while you are down but, you have one bad vacation under your belt and you are telling another newbie about marriage and prenupts. Based on your thread you still have much to learn. IMO

[jamesbond]

Faux Pas ,

I don't think it's a colossal failure ----- for one, I am the one who ended it and backed out after I realized she was no into me. I enjoyed also the holiday in Dominicana .. not as erotic I want it to be. One initial mistake doesn't make me "stupid" or "foolish" . Actually I was smart to back out, otherwise, it's gonna be train wreck (another divorce). My friend, wisdom is not a monopoly of you. Everybody makes a mistake -- I corrected it .What's wrong with it ?