So far...so good..and of course a couple of questions...

[rjd400]

Just was feeling very positive about the girl I've been corresponding with, so wanted to share...

First, I'd say that talking on the phone EXPONENTIALLY increases the ability to communicate effectively.  Previously, I thought chat/IM over something like Skype would be the same as talking in the phone.  Not so.  I'm surprised over the last week or so that we've been talking on the phone (about every day or every other day) how much faster we've covered more ground.  So I guess, from this newbie to any others, GET ON THE PHONE ASAP!  I'm thinking the first "face to face" should naturally be even more so.  As such, we're pushing forward with my planned trip over there in early/mid December.

Which brings up a question, how far in advance do you all book your flights/accomodations?  I was thinking of booking the end of this month (for early/mid December).

Part 2.  On the advice of some of you here, I've actually begun to correspond with two other gals.  These I "met" through the traditional FSUW dating sites.  Of the other two, they both don't seem nearly as genuine as the one I've been corresponding with so far.  One, when I asked for a number to call her, said her daughter dropped the phone in water, but she should have one by next month.  Plausible?  Sure, but maybe a little odd to me.  She is from the Ukraine as well.  The other, from Russia, was telling me, by our third or fourth email that I made her life so much happier, she's told her family about me, and is calling herself "your girlfriend" (the first two emails it was just "your friend").  Maybe it's a language thing, but again, seems just a little off to me.  So I guess, if nothing else, these other two pen pals have made the original one seem much more real.

The original gal and I had a little "discussion".  I won't say argument.  It had to do with the age difference (I'm 41, she's 25).  I was, again, concerned about the difference, and her ability to deal with it (maybe secretly my ability to deal with it?).  I was trying to make sure she really gave some thought to the differences.  She became a little irritated with me.  To make a long story short, we worked through it without a problem.  It was nice because we both agreed that we're to the point in correspondence now that we have to start to talk about subjects that may be uncomfortable so we can really find out important things about each other.  But the other great thing was something she said (or more to the point, didn't say).  After the discussion she said something to the fact of "I think we really get along, and I really like you.  I can't say I love you because we don't know each other well enough yet...".  AHHHH what a sigh of relief.  I just felt that this was something a level headed, "real" person would say, rather than dropping the "L" word just to make everything alright.  Probably the first time I was glad a pretty girl didn't say it to me! LOL. 
A couple of other nice, reassuring things she said.  We're meeting in Kiev (she's from Kharkov).  Instead of taking the train (7 hours), she's going to fly (2 hours), since, if some of you recall, we're only going to have 4 days together.  I thought it was a nice gesture, cause I'm assuming airfare is more expensive, and she hasn't asked for anything from me, at all.  As the time draws closer, I will offer of course.  I suspect based on what some of you said, that she won't accept, but I will ensure I somehow make her whole before I return.  The other nice thing was once I sent her a text message (via cell phone) and said "can I call you".  She told me I can call her whenever I want.  If she's busy, she'll tell me.  Just made it seem a lot more "traditional" to me, if that makes any sense to you.

Of course, over the next few weeks of corresponding, or when we actually meet, things may not work out.  But I'm at least in the mind set now that we are two people honestly looking for some chemistry, and if it's not there, it will be because it just wasn't meant to be, not from any deception or deceit.

One question.  Would it be inappropriate or odd for me to send her a little something like flowers just before I get there as a sort of "looking forward to seeing you" thing?  With AW, on a first date I usually bring a rose or a few roses, but I don't think they would survive the flight very well!

Thanks all!
-Bob

[Vaughn]

She told me I can call her whenever I want. 

IMO only, this lady's behavior (and statement quoted above) indicate she is a sincere woman
seeking a relationship. I agree if things don't work out it will be for a reason or reasons other
than deception. She sounds very nice, and at least her telephone hasn't been submerged in
water, LOL. THAT's one I've never heard - but plausible? You got me, Bob, who's to say?

For the relatively few times I've traveled to Russia, I've booked about 6 weeks in advance on
average, allowing time for a visa - which you won't need if you stick only to Ukraine.

Flowers, yes, and why not? You could buy them there, or send them in advance. Good luck.

[ECOCKS]

Re: Flowers - Inappropriate? No. If it feels good to you, do it. I would advise that if you're only doing it because you think it is expected, that you may want to consider your motivation though. I have only given flowers to my gal twice in three and a half  years now due to being highly allergic to them.

Let her see the real you.

It's admirable that you're going into this with the intent to "make her whole" before you leave. You're not a lawyer or HR guy are you?

Best of Luck!

[Faux Pas]

Re: Flowers - Inappropriate? No. If it feels good to you, do it. I would advise that if you're only doing it because you think it is expected, that you may want to consider your motivation though. I have only given flowers to my gal twice in three and a half  years now due to being highly allergic to them.

Let her see the real you.

It's admirable that you're going into this with the intent to "make her whole" before you leave. You're not a lawyer or HR guy are you?

Best of Luck!

ED, her or you?

Bob...IMO it is ALWAYS a good time to send flowers. This is one of the few things men can't really screw up. Unless of course you send an even number. Most women adore flowers at any stage in a relationship

[JR]

Flowers ALWAYS work

Hope you guys have fun together!

[ECOCKS]

ED, her or you?

Bob...IMO it is ALWAYS a good time to send flowers. This is one of the few things men can't really screw up. Unless of course you send an even number. Most women adore flowers at any stage in a relationship

Me, not her.

[Mila]

Hi Bob. I hope everything will work with the lady who seems to be really sincere, but if i were you, i would talk to some other girls, just in case, as you never know if it will work or not. Of course, i wish you all the best and hope it will work for you this time. But, still, think about a backup plan. I think, it is a good idea with the flowers Most of the women love the flowers.As for about your flight/accommodations, i agree, late October will be fine. So, good luck!

[rjd400]

It's admirable that you're going into this with the intent to "make her whole" before you leave. You're not a lawyer or HR guy are you?

Best of Luck!

LOL, no Finance guy.  Thanks.


In a semi-related question to you all, one of the other pen pals, when asked about a phone number I could reach her at, came up with this (much more creative than "in water" I think LOL)...

"...But my telephone operator has forbidden service of international calls on my tariff. ... But in weekend I shall try to go in office of my telephone operator and if it will be possible I shall try to change my tariff that it was possible to speak with you"

I cut some of the not important stuff so I didn't feel like I was broadcasting our private message to the world, but does this sound right (this is in Russia)?  Tarriff on incoming calls?

Thanks again.

[Faux Pas]

She likely has mixed up or confused her words. If she is referring to her cell phone it is plausible that her plan does not allow international calls. That is relatively common and she'll have to pay extra to allow her to receive international calls. You might want to be more specific and request to call her landline phone. I'd bet she has one available. Most do.

[rjd400]

Just a follow up regarding the Russian Gal (phone was blocked from international calls)...

Got another letter today, and again, I thought it was a little too over the top romantic.  So I did some of the common scammer search....

- An exact text of the third letter she sent me shows up on a profile she has in German.  Not a huge deal, but it made me say hmmmmm....

- She showed up on a Texas dating site as being in Texas?!?!?

Giving the benefit of the doubt, I emailed her back about this, but I definitely have my guard up...

[Faux Pas]

Just a follow up regarding the Russian Gal (phone was blocked from international calls)...

Got another letter today, and again, I thought it was a little too over the top romantic.  So I did some of the common scammer search....

- An exact text of the third letter she sent me shows up on a profile she has in German.  Not a huge deal, but it made me say hmmmmm....

- She showed up on a Texas dating site as being in Texas?!?!?

Giving the benefit of the doubt, I emailed her back about this, but I definitely have my guard up...

Probably time to turn that one loose IMO

[Daveman]

Probably time to turn that one loose IMO

yeah, I agree.

I will add though, that sometimes the photos and profile from a russian site will appear on an american site without the lady's knowledge (scammers just take photos and profile info, and create what they hope to be a money maker). I saw this a couple of times on Yahoo personals with photos/profiles stolen from Elenas. 

But here, you have a lady with not a profile showing up, but rather a letter to you showing up elsewhere.  This isn't complete proof of something nefarious, but, it sure is looking that way. And, the biggie -- the behavior is gnawing in your gut feelings and especially so being compared to the "genuine" one....  of course some guys are way too paranoid and create conspiracy theories behind ever grassy breast, but, if you are just relaxed and open minded that gut feeling will be absolutely correct most of the time. 

[rjd400]

It's funny, just 8 hours about, I felt great.  Today, I feel like the point man in a hot zone...how things can change.

I'm starting to feel like I may be playing in a sandbox I shouldn't be in....

[ECOCKS]

LOL, no Finance guy.  Thanks.

In a semi-related question to you all, one of the other pen pals, when asked about a phone number I could reach her at, came up with this (much more creative than "in water" I think LOL)...

"...But my telephone operator has forbidden service of international calls on my tariff. ... But in weekend I shall try to go in office of my telephone operator and if it will be possible I shall try to change my tariff that it was possible to speak with you"

I cut some of the not important stuff so I didn't feel like I was broadcasting our private message to the world, but does this sound right (this is in Russia)?  Tarriff on incoming calls?

Someone with Russian experience may know about this but I have never heard of paying for incoming calls unless she's in some sort of metered time phone system.

If you want to "fix" the problem, ask her to check into starting up high-speed Internet either through the phone company or cable TV network. Then you're on a fixed cost system and you can use Skype on a 24/7 basis.

[Taz]

I have cell numbers in both Russia and Ukraine and never had to do anything for incoming foreign calls. I never had an issue calling the US or Germany from either of them as well with no special arrangements made. I did pay through the nose though if I didn't use some of the dial-around services though. I think what she is saying about this is likely BS.

I am not 100% certain but my experience with the cell companies I've used has shown otherwise. Heck, even in Egypt and Turkey I had to do nothing special to receive foreign calls. Ditto for my German number as well. Not to saying that it isn't possible what she is saying but highly unlikely.

Roaming internationally on the other hand is a different story. I had to set this up with almost all my foreign providers.

[Johnny2009]

My wife came from Vladivostok, then during the visa process moved to St Petersberg, and never had to do anything special to accept phone calls from me, weather it was Skype to mobile, mobile to mobile and land line to mobile.

Not sure it makes any difference but I am from the UK so maybe Russia charges for incoming USA calls, but somehow I doubt it!

About the girl in question, if it smells fishy, its a fish! Best to move on, there are plenty more girls out there to choose from.

Again, just my opinion and by no means fact!

[rjd400]

My wife came from Vladivostok, then during the visa process moved to St Petersberg, and never had to do anything special to accept phone calls from me, weather it was Skype to mobile, mobile to mobile and land line to mobile.

Not sure it makes any difference but I am from the UK so maybe Russia charges for incoming USA calls, but somehow I doubt it!

About the girl in question, if it smells fishy, its a fish! Best to move on, there are plenty more girls out there to choose from.

Again, just my opinion and by no means fact!

Thanks.  I sent the "new" gal an email inquiring about the stuff in question, and I haven't heard a thing back (and don't expect to).  Not a biggie.  Like I said, these two new pen pals were just something I did on the suggestion of some of the folks here.  I'm really a WOVO kind of guy, and the way it looks, I'll probably stay that way...

[Johnny2009]

Thanks.  I sent the "new" gal an email inquiring about the stuff in question, and I haven't heard a thing back (and don't expect to).  Not a biggie.  Like I said, these two new pen pals were just something I did on the suggestion of some of the folks here.  I'm really a WOVO kind of guy, and the way it looks, I'll probably stay that way...

Hi

Good luck, hope it all goes well.

Take it easy!

[Faux Pas]

Maybe my last post needs some clarification. My RW cell phone plan does not allow her cell phone to accept any international calls. I never speak to her on her cell phone and I never have. Her cell does accept text messages from me which we use often.  We usually speak on Skype and if for some reason we can't I have to call her hard wired home phone.

I remember early on in my search several years ago a woman who I was communicating with was pretty quick to give me her number. I tried every imaginable way to dial that number eventually enlisting the help of the operator before finding out she could not accept an international call because of her particular phone plan.

We exchanged several more emails and she inquired on her plan only to find out what she didn't know, she couldn't accept international calls. I gave up the communication shortly after that.

However, with rjd's further revelations, this doesn't sound like the case here. I'd say he is getting jerked around on the phone which is a typical scammer MO (IMO)

[Taz]

FP - what cell provider does your RW have? It would be interesting to note. I had no issues with MTS (UA and RU), BeeLine (UA and RU), Kyivstar (UA) and a regional carrier in Tomsk (RU).

[Faux Pas]

FP - what cell provider does your RW have? It would be interesting to note. I had no issues with MTS (UA and RU), BeeLine (UA and RU), Kyivstar (UA) and a regional carrier in Tomsk (RU).

Taz....she is in Tomsk and the provider is Beeline. Beeline I'm sure has plans that accept international calls but hers does not. Her phone is an older model and she's not interested in changing either one. I've offered more than once to fix that and she flatly refuses. We have no problem with communication 24/7 and I know when to pick my battles. She'll be here next month and getting a new one anyway.

On a side note: my FMIL, a 79 year old babuska just recently got her first cell phone and she is on the same plan. I  wanted to and tried to call her on her new phone and it didn't happen.

The point of my earlier post was, it is plausible as I've had first hand experience although it doesn't appear to be the case with rjd400