Should men seek advice from RWD?

[BC]

I will point out that my wife and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last month and she isn't packing her bags just yet 

What.... no packed bags test??? LOL

Sincerely, Congrats! Misha and Mrs.

[I/O]

All of this reminds me of the parable about blind men describing an elephant.

Ah ha and so it is.

Collectively as members of RWD we may get the full picture.

I very much doubt that but it is at least a wider picture than otherwise might be seen.

Gator: Age old story, some get it and some don’t because they don’t want to. There is more emotive BS in this thread than I have seen for quite some time. The reality is (not limited to) these.

EVERY available woman will be happy to meet a guy who is only meeting her.

SOME available women will meet a guy who is meeting many.

Which provides the greater number of choices? No brainer isn’t it. The only remaining question then is does the punter have the time and money to sort out those greater number of choices.

[RussianWind]

Caveat:  Some RW are doing the same and don't  tell you.  They might have a RM boyfriend, f_____buddy, or sponsor.   

All women who are interested in finding a foreign boyfriend normally have very strong allergy to local guys.

[Jooky]

Why me and not you?

Probably different reasons in different situations. Many women I've met through non-bridal sites and set up casual first dates. Other women I had long correspondences with and flew out to visit only them. I guess they assumed that if I'm visiting for 5 days to 3 weeks, as I did, that I'm coming just to see them, but they never did ask.

I think the main difference is meeting women who were not accustomed to the 'bride business'. The first time I met a long distance pen pal was about 20 years ago. Since then I've met many women through writing first, in the US, Europe and in Russia. In normal dating this just isn't something that comes up. In meeting someone that you clicked with in letters, they figure your main goal is to meet them which is true. 'Bride hunting' is different in this respect. Women presenting themselves as brides, especially those who have already met men through agencies, know that a man's main goal is to land a bride, not just to meet them. That gives them more reason to ask if you plan to meet others or demand exclusivity to clear out their competition.

Are your observations primarily made with Moscow women who are indeed more like Big City AW?

No, mostly in Novosibirsk, partly in other cities including Moscow, Tomsk, Omsk and Izhevsk.

If you observed that women might be looking abroad but still have a serious or non-serious boyfriend, sponsor or f-buddy back home, clearly not all women that you've met are dating with marriage on their mind either.

[KenC]

EVERY available woman will be happy to meet a guy who is only meeting her.

SOME available women will meet a guy who is meeting many.

Which provides the greater number of choices? No brainer isn’t it. The only remaining question then is does the punter have the time and money to sort out those greater number of choices.

I/O,
Funny proposition you pose here.  Let's do the math.  If it costs a man one week vacation time and $3K (American) per visit:

Meeting 10 women per trip equals about one day and $300 per woman

Meeting 1 woman per trip equals 10 days and $3,000 per woman.

Using this math guy #1 could meet 100 women at the same cost per lady  OR

It would cost guy #2 $30,000 and 100 days to meet the same number of women as #1

OR

guy #1 could meet 10 women as stated above, meet one woman that interests him in his face to face meetings (better selecting in person, eh?) and go visit HER 9 TIMES to equal time and money it would take #2 to meet 10 women.

OR (more practically)

Guy #1 could meet one woman as above and spend 3 weeks of vacation time with her for the same as it would take #2 guy to meet 3 women and still not yet know much about her, if by chance he meets Mrs. Right in only 3 tries.

HMMM? :selfharm:

And I forget, how many women can one man marry at a time?   :noidea: Oh, yeah, one.  I have little doubt that a man can fill his dance card if only some of the women would "submit" to meeting him.  And I would contend that "some" would translate into the "majority" under the right conditions.
KenC

[Jooky]

Not my experience, but the last time I brought this up in another forum I was portrayed as living on the street with my wife ready to leave at any second.

Well, there are all kinds of women, of course, but walk around the downtown of any major Russian city and the materialism should be obvious. I do know of far more relationships here than back home where the man spoils his lady, and these aren't strictly sponsor relationships.

No matter, there are plenty of women that don't require being spoiled, but few that don't expect you to foot the bill on a date.

[Misha]

Well, there are all kinds of women, of course, but walk around the downtown of any major Russian city and the materialism should be obvious.

Precisely the type of women I avoided.

No matter, there are plenty of women that don't require being spoiled, but few that don't expect you to foot the bill on a date.

True, but most of the time while dating my wife, we simply ate at her place with her family. We would go to the market, buy vegetables or pelmeni or other foods and simply go to her home for tea. Nothing fancy, no large sums of money being spent. Just the two of us spending quality time together.

[JR]

Yes, we always say this. "You are only the second, honey...  ' 
(... and only because the first was an ex-husband. Who was in between is absolutely doesn't matter  )

Or how many lovers she had during the marriage. Spoke to a woman today who told me she cheated on several of her boyfriends. She seemed to be ok with that because she always told them about it. She also stated that she would be 100% commited to her future husband. Hmmm, makes one wonder.

Was it Daveman who posted "Every Russian women will tell you they have had only two lovers?

[dogspot]

Well, there are all kinds of women, of course, but walk around the downtown of any major Russian city and the materialism should be obvious. I do know of far more relationships here than back home where the man spoils his lady, and these aren't strictly sponsor relationships.

I was recently advised by a lady friend in Moscow that I should spend far more on gifts for my lady than I currently do. She said Russian men are known to shower their ladies with gifts and recommended I do the same if I want to keep her interested.

[RussianWind]

Or how many lovers she had during the marriage. Spoke to a woman today who told me she cheated on several of her boyfriends. She seemed to be ok with that because she always told them about it. She also stated that she would be 100% commited to her future husband. Hmmm, makes one wonder.

Me too. But I don't think this behavior is common here, most try to be honest to a partner. Not like this one 

Was it Daveman who posted "Every Russian women will tell you they have had only two lovers?

They believe men are too sensitive creatures to this kind of information. Who of you wouldn't be sensitive?  :brightidea: And what is a safe number 

[RussianWind]

I was recently advised by a lady friend in Moscow that I should spend far more on gifts for my lady than I currently do. She said Russian men are known to shower their ladies with gifts and recommended I do the same if I want to keep her interested.

... if this is the only merit you have... 

A normal girl wouldn't feel right to accept gifts from somebody she is not interested in.

And I would change gifts for flowers, flowers, flowers. This is touchy.

Hey, married guys, when did you give flowers to your wife for the last time?

[Misha]

She said Russian men are known to shower their ladies with gifts and recommended I do the same if I want to keep her interested.

Well, if the only thing that would have kept my wife interested in me was gifts, I would have told her to go find herself a Russian man to shower her with gifts if that was all that she wanted 

[Misha]

Hey, married guys, when did you give flowers to your wife for the last time?

Last week.

[dogspot]

... if this is the only merit you have... 

fortunately... it's not 

And I would change gifts for flowers, flowers, flowers. This is touchy.

Why touchy?

(By the way, I just finished ordering flowers to be sent to my girlfriend at work this morning. She loves when I do this at random.)

[dogspot]

Well, if the only thing that would have kept my wife interested in me was gifts, I would have told her to go find herself a Russian man to shower her with gifts if that was all that she wanted 

Yeah, this woman is somewhat of a leech. She has even admitted this to me. But I'm sure there are many like her all over the FSU that expect their man to meet certain requirements.

Fortunately, I found a woman who isn't like this. She is quite happy with the love that I give to her and the modest gifts I present.

[Misha]

But I'm sure there are many like her all over the FSU that expect their man to meet certain requirements.

Of course, and the men are also free to move on 

[I/O]

I would contend that "some" would translate into the "majority" under the right conditions.
KenC

IMO, that "majority" which "some" would convert to under the "right conditions" (Joys Ken, how many hoops do you want to jump through to hang onto a slim point) is likely to exclude the "best".

And....................Did it occur that some people don't give a damn about the cost because they are not (Never were) on a "wife hunt" as such?

[Jooky]

is likely to exclude the "best"

Another way is to use only agencies. 

[JR]

Me too. But I don't think this behavior is common here, most try to be honest to a partner. Not like this one 

They believe men are too sensitive creatures to this kind of information. Who of you wouldn't be sensitive?  :brightidea: And what is a safe number 

She was honest with them. She told them about it right after it happened and also that the relationship is over.

A safe number is the one that the listener wants to hear...

[I/O]

Hey, married guys, when did you give flowers to your wife for the last time?

A little less than 3 weeks ago.

[Gator]

They believe men are too sensitive creatures to this kind of information. Who of you wouldn't be sensitive?  :brightidea: And what is a safe number 

a) It is none of our business and b) what difference does it make if it is 3 or 23? 

What is most important is what happens in the future.   

[Gator]

If you observed that women might be looking abroad but still have a serious or non-serious boyfriend, sponsor or f-buddy back home, clearly not all women that you've met are dating with marriage on their mind either.

Yeah, contrary to my intentions. 

I had a good meeting with one RW and I called her the next day to confirm the place for our next meeting.  A man answered in one of those deep bearlike voices that RM use when confrontational.  Thinking he her father, I asked for Natasha.  He went ballistic.  Natasha called a few minutes later and said in a meek voice, "I no meet."  He had to be a RM boyfriend.

From dating a number of single moms years ago, I surmised that many had some sort of sugar daddy to help out with expenses. They were serious about marriage yet towards the desperate side of the scale.

The f______buddy was a pure guess as this RW clearly could not go a long time without being pleasured.  Maybe he was Albert.   Too much for an old man like me.

[Ade]

SJ,
First let me say that I do not agree that choosing not to share certain details of your life with a new acquaintance is a lie of any sort.  There is no obligation IMO that anyone bare their soul prior to having even met.  The only "obligation" is to offer enough information as the couple deem mutually necessary to share some time together to explore the possibilities of developing a future relationship. I can appreciate that some women would demand to be exclusive from first eye to eye meeting.  I happen to be of the opinion that to pledge exclusivity to a woman you have never yet met is foolish at best.  If a woman would insist on an exclusive arrangement from the first date, I would pass on meeting her.

You do like to be melodramatic don't you? We're not talking about soul baring and intimate personal details here, just basic honesty to allow your date(s) to make an informed choice. And we are also not talking about a lifelong monogamous commitment before you meet either.

Any relationship is an evolution of emotions and knowledge of each other.  Just as I would never profess love for a woman before meeting her, I do not feel obligated to provide every detail of my life either.  Some women, you and GQ believe that it is mandatory to begin every relationship with full disclosure of ones dating status while I and others do not.  We need to agree to disagree.  It is a personal choice of when in any relationship certain information will be shared or not shared.
KenC

No, we do not believe that "it is mandatory to begin every relationship with full disclosure of ones dating status" unless by that you mean, "you are single and not seeing/writing to anyone else". Instead of agreeing to disagree maybe you could clam down a little and try to understand what is being said.

[BillyB]

Is it a good idea for men in international relationships to seek advice on relationships from the members of RWD?

I ask this in wake of the numerous relationship failures by members of this forum. I suspect there are more but they have not surfaced yet. Sometimes you can sense it by the way they post.

Does this forum need to be giving advice on relationships? Yes and No.

Some members have a good understanding of how it works. Others do not.

Coming in late but absorb the good advice and discard the bad. If a guy is married, it does not mean he has all the answers, if the guy got a divorce, it does not mean he lacks wisdom. You can judge a man by his actions and certain results in his life but in a marriage there are two people with a say on if it's going to happen or not.

Someone once told me to be careful who you search for on the internet, there are a lot of crazy people there. I replied those crazy people exist in real life too.  Broken relationship don't only exist here on the internet at this forum. Whether or not someone ask for relationship advice on this forum or real life, they still need to sort out the sound advice from the advice that will further hurt his or her relationship.

[Kievman]

Hello,

Certainly, the advice given here can only increase your knowledge base and help you in making your own decisions. The experiences of others can be both wide ranging at times yet so specific to your own question that it can't be ignored.

I'm new here as you can see but have lived in Kiev for over 3 years and can contribute in my own way to the collective wisdom. People are of course free to ignore any and all advice but at least read it.

Kievman