K-3 getting "kicked out" by husband, need some advice for her

[Ravens9273]

BC

The information we have is a Woman who is determined to stay in the US after being here for two months and at the same time have this man pay for her to be here.

We have no information as to the Man or what happened to make him do a complete 180 on her.

However the fact she is determined to stay after 2 months speaks volumes. Her goal was the US. Not a Marriage. If it was just about the marriage and this was now over she would be going back home with her feelings hurt. She would take her son back to be with his family. Not keep him here not knowing anyone.
She has not ben here for years and built a life here that now was taken away from her. Had this been the case then yes she deserves our help.
But this is not the case. To make such decisions from 2 months shows what her true goal and intentions were.

From the little information we have the benefit of doubt should go to the Man.
We cannot speculate he was not loyal. That was pure speculation. I am making my statements based on the information we have.

We were not told he abused her.
We were not told he was unfaithful to her.

What we were told is one day he made a complete 180 and wanted her gone and back to her country.
What we do know is she is determined to stay after two months and collect from him.

From what we know one must wonder why he made this complete turn around on her. Her determination to stay shows what her main goal was. This explains more then playing a guessing game. He saw her for what she is. A GCG. His reation to the situation is one of how many Men would react to finding out they married a GCG.

[Faux Pas]

Crikey! Ravens, so little information here to base anything on other than roykirk has a RW with a kid that has been thrown into the street with $50 bucks and an airline ticket. How you can fall off that insinuation cliff is beyond me.

roykirk states:
They have been married for 3 years
The guy he suspects to be a dirtball
The RW and child have no money or place to go (if she was GC scamming wouldn't she know where to go?)

A friend of his wife apparently needs help. There has been no applauding of a GC scam. Advice has been offered and justifiably so. There is no information whatsoever to suspect a scam on the woman's part. Such atrocities do happen. Some men are scum and some women are too but there's no reason to believe this is anything other that what has been told us. Right is right.

[Misha]

She did not come here for a marriage. She came here for a GC.

She did not go the United States for marriage as she was already married and had been married for three years according to roykirk.

[Misha]

if she was GC scamming wouldn't she know where to go?

After 3 years of waiting in Russia for her K3 visa, you would think so  It is not as if there aren't plenty of Russian-language forums where she could have gotten all the necessary information.

[Ravens9273]

I will explain my points out simply. I am not convinced at all this lady is the victim.

Misha. When I wrote she came to USA for marriage I knew she was married for 3 years already. I meant in the sense that she came her to be a wife and start a family.

Her only purpose to come to the USA was suppose to be love and marriage and to start life with her husband. That is the reason she was brought here. Now since the marriage is over after 2 months of being here what reason does she have to stay?
She had no part in buying a home with her husband or building up any finances with him to fight for. She has no reason what so ever to stay in the USA right now. Yet she holds in her hand a ticket to take herself and most importantly her son home where they will have the support and help of family.
Her son right now should be the #1 priority for her.

But she does not choose this route. The whole purpose of why she was in the USA is gone. But she wants to now stay. She has no money and no place to go with a child. Instead of going home where her child could be safe and have a roof over his head and his family around him she chooses to stay here with nothing. Possibly bouncing from shelter to shelter. She has no means to work etc....

It was stated she had not worked for the last 3 years in Russia. Instead he supported her. Was she disabled or just plain lazy?
Going back to Russia now means she will need to find a job. She will sacrifice her child here in shelters and no help to avoid going home?

The information as the the man being a "DIRTBALL" or "UNFAITHFUL" is not coming from the OP but from what he heard from his wife which she heard from the lady in question.
Now we all know most of the time after a breakup a person because a DIRTBALL.

To me this information does not hold water nor should be taken seriously. Had the OP stated he knew the Man personally and he truly was a dirtball then I would believe it.
But in all honesty what would you expect her to say?

If she is a GCG do we expect her to say

"Well my husband just busted me for using him to get a GC. Now he wants me out of his house and to return home"


The Man described is obviously not dumb. He is trying hard now to get himself out of the financial responsibility he put upon himself by bringing her here.

If he was a cheat or unfaithful and had found someone else as she had claimed then he would not have brought her here to begin with. You can be married all you want but the financial part does not come in until the moment the foreign spouse sets foot into your country. Even in divorce. How can one country take a persons money or property that is in another country? It just cannot happen. However once in same country then the courts can rule. This Man clearly knows this.

Had he truly found someone else he met this person before her arrival. We are talking two months. Plus I am sure she took up most of his time upon arrival that he did not have time at that moment to meet and develop a relationship with someone new. he would have known this person ahead of time. He did not just bring her here with all that responsibility just to tell her to go home he found someone else.

This Man's actions says he knows the ordeal he is in. He knows the best way to get rid of it is to send her home. This is not a Man who would act so irrational to bring a Woman here he had no means to stay married to.

This Woman did not work for at least 3 years from what we were told. This speaks volumes as to what type of person she is. The best word is LAZY.

Many of us sent money to our wives or fiances when they were still home in their country to help them out. Nothing wrong with it. Many took care while they did not work. However to not work for 3 years is laziness. Most would go crazy not doing anything for that long of time. It is not even about the money if you are getting support. It is just the fact of doing something instead of sitting around.

Now she wants to stay in the USA and continue to be lazy because her main concern is how can she get his money or have him support her.
She does not want to go back to Russia because that means she will have to get a job. No more sugardaddy.
But here she knows she can play the system and get what she wants.

So I still will ask.
 If she was only in USA because of a marriage for 2 months and the marriage is now over why stay? What is here to stay for?

She did not come here to be with her husband. To have a family and live happily ever after. She came for GC and she came to be lazy and have someone support her. Had she not come for these reason's she would be back on a plane to Russia where her son would be OK. There is nothing here for her and no reason to stay.

What possible reason could she give in her reasons to stay and put her child through all of this other then a GC?

[SMS60]

Only on RWD can a story grow legs like this

[tfcrew]

The information we have is a Woman who is determined to stay in the US after being here for two months and at the same time have this man pay for her to be here....

I re-read the thread and cannot find where it states that the woman
is 'determined to remain in the US.'
And seems to me that a woman's shelter is an obvious place to go if the woman is kicked out.
However I could be wrong there.

 

[roykirk]

Yikes!  Somebody put a quarter on the tracks and derailed this.    I admit (and I stated as much) that I'm only getting half of the story.  But I do know the woman and don't think she was just here for a GC.  To wit, she called my wife earlier and advised she was taking the plane ticket home.  She is so embarrassed and distraught right now that she says she just wants out of the U.S. and away from him.  We tried to help her as much as we could and she chose a route I completely understand.  At least back in Russia she has family and friends.  Here...nothing.  If things happened like she claims they happened, this woman is not going to have very nice things to say about American men to her friends back home.  Be forwarned if you're still looking.   

[Doll]

First of all tell her to not leave before the divorce is final. Her husband is a smart a$$- take a ticket and go. Sure! But first- let's get through all the procedures.
He does not want to spent money on the divorce.

[Vaughn]

Sounds like the Green Card theory fell out of a third story window. I suspected as much.
There's so much more than arithmetic to this fiasco.

[Vaughn]

First of all tell her to not leave before the divorce is final.

Doll, what good will that do? It keeps her here longer, costs her more, and could take
more time than we realize. Here in NC, for example only, a divorce requires an in-state
legal (documented) separation of no fewer than 12 months.

The lady needs to get on with her life, as does her child.

[Doll]

Doll, what good will that do? It keeps her here longer, costs her more, and could take
more time than we realize. Here in NC, for example only, a divorce requires an in-state
legal (documented) separation of no fewer than 12 months.

The lady needs to get on with her life, as does her child.

Well, her husband can "stop and think", also, to leave the country just like that- with no legal reason means the violation of immigration rules.
He wants the divorce? Fine, let him file for it like all the people do in this country. The we'll see.

[Gylden]

I would like to contribute by pointing out some facts.

1. The OP says he has only heard one side of the story from a woman, that at best he could only have know for a couple of months.

2. No rational thinking man or woman would accept that delvering an airline ticket to her and telling her to leave is a reasonable solution to such a problem.

3. All of the information here on this board is second hand.


This must be a difficult situation for both the man and woman and maybe the truth lies somewhere in between or ?? It can be difficult for people to see things objectively under such stress. If I am correct, this is one of the main purposes for this board.
Anyway before calling anyone a SOB or GCG or speaking of raking anyone over the coals it would be good to understand more about the situation.

Questions that I have:

1. Is she factually living in the street? Or has someone taken her in?
2. Is she still speaking to him? If so I would encourage him to seek advice. (maybe he should be encouraged to join this board?)


No offence to anyone, just a perspective from where I am sitting.

[Ade]

I will explain my points out simply. I am not convinced at all this lady is the victim.

Misha. When I wrote she came to USA for marriage I knew she was married for 3 years already. I meant in the sense that she came her to be a wife and start a family.

Her only purpose to come to the USA was suppose to be love and marriage and to start life with her husband. That is the reason she was brought here. Now since the marriage is over after 2 months of being here what reason does she have to stay?
She had no part in buying a home with her husband or building up any finances with him to fight for. She has no reason what so ever to stay in the USA right now. Yet she holds in her hand a ticket to take herself and most importantly her son home where they will have the support and help of family.
Her son right now should be the #1 priority for her.

But she does not choose this route. The whole purpose of why she was in the USA is gone. But she wants to now stay. She has no money and no place to go with a child. Instead of going home where her child could be safe and have a roof over his head and his family around him she chooses to stay here with nothing. Possibly bouncing from shelter to shelter. She has no means to work etc....

It was stated she had not worked for the last 3 years in Russia. Instead he supported her. Was she disabled or just plain lazy?
Going back to Russia now means she will need to find a job. She will sacrifice her child here in shelters and no help to avoid going home?

The information as the the man being a "DIRTBALL" or "UNFAITHFUL" is not coming from the OP but from what he heard from his wife which she heard from the lady in question.
Now we all know most of the time after a breakup a person because a DIRTBALL.

To me this information does not hold water nor should be taken seriously. Had the OP stated he knew the Man personally and he truly was a dirtball then I would believe it.
But in all honesty what would you expect her to say?

If she is a GCG do we expect her to say

"Well my husband just busted me for using him to get a GC. Now he wants me out of his house and to return home"


The Man described is obviously not dumb. He is trying hard now to get himself out of the financial responsibility he put upon himself by bringing her here.

If he was a cheat or unfaithful and had found someone else as she had claimed then he would not have brought her here to begin with. You can be married all you want but the financial part does not come in until the moment the foreign spouse sets foot into your country. Even in divorce. How can one country take a persons money or property that is in another country? It just cannot happen. However once in same country then the courts can rule. This Man clearly knows this.

Had he truly found someone else he met this person before her arrival. We are talking two months. Plus I am sure she took up most of his time upon arrival that he did not have time at that moment to meet and develop a relationship with someone new. he would have known this person ahead of time. He did not just bring her here with all that responsibility just to tell her to go home he found someone else.

This Man's actions says he knows the ordeal he is in. He knows the best way to get rid of it is to send her home. This is not a Man who would act so irrational to bring a Woman here he had no means to stay married to.

This Woman did not work for at least 3 years from what we were told. This speaks volumes as to what type of person she is. The best word is LAZY.

Many of us sent money to our wives or fiances when they were still home in their country to help them out. Nothing wrong with it. Many took care while they did not work. However to not work for 3 years is laziness. Most would go crazy not doing anything for that long of time. It is not even about the money if you are getting support. It is just the fact of doing something instead of sitting around.

Now she wants to stay in the USA and continue to be lazy because her main concern is how can she get his money or have him support her.
She does not want to go back to Russia because that means she will have to get a job. No more sugardaddy.
But here she knows she can play the system and get what she wants.

So I still will ask.
 If she was only in USA because of a marriage for 2 months and the marriage is now over why stay? What is here to stay for?

She did not come here to be with her husband. To have a family and live happily ever after. She came for GC and she came to be lazy and have someone support her. Had she not come for these reason's she would be back on a plane to Russia where her son would be OK. There is nothing here for her and no reason to stay.

What possible reason could she give in her reasons to stay and put her child through all of this other then a GC?

Wow. Just wow dude.

One little fact that a lot of guys doing this international dating thing seem to be totally oblivious to; the amount of emotional and intellectual investment required to uproot your life, leave most of what you know behind and to fully commit to move permanently to another country. Some people seem not to understand what this means unless they've done it themselves, which of course most people haven't. Even going to live in another country for a 1 year or 2 is not the same because you know that you're not going to stay there.

It's fully understandable that in her mind this woman would have built her future in her new home country; why wouldn't she? And, given the drastic change of circumstances, why would that have to change anything? If she'd committed herself to living in the US, her husband kicking her out would not necessarily change her mind. She's a person too with ambitions and a future to plan for herself and her kid and those don't have to be inextricably linked to a husband whether she's with him or not.

I think it's sad that she's decided to go back to Russia. The arse of a husband will get away with causing havoc in the life of this woman and her kid that they will never forget.

[UTRO]

SJ is right.

Ravens, don't forget what this Woman has given up to uproot from her native land and move to the USA. Job, Family, Friends, Culture, other Russian Speakers, etc... She trusted this guy with her and her son's life and future.
They've been married 3 years. Are you going to belittle this 3 years of marriage simply because she was a Russian Woman living in Russia and he an American Man living in America? Did this 3 year marriage meant squat until she arrived on American soil?
She put her life on Hold in Russia for 3 years while this ass made her empty promisses. If the relationship is doomed, so be it. But a friggin' plane ticket and $50 after 3 years of marriage doesn't quite cut it mister!
You're simply feeding those who believe that our International Relationships are a joke.

She should stay.

[roykirk]

Glyden:  No, she's not physically out in the street.  If it came to that they'd be staying with us.  From what I gather they've taken to different rooms of the house until her trip home in a couple of days.  I also didn't think she should leave, but as I said, I completely understand why she would chose that path.

[UTRO]

Glyden:  No, she's not physically out in the street.  If it came to that they'd be staying with us.  From what I gather they've taken to different rooms of the house until her trip home in a couple of days.  I also didn't think she should leave, but as I said, I completely understand why she would chose that path.

Roykirk,

What will she be going home to? Did she give up her flat??

[roykirk]

Yes, apparently.     But it sounds like she's got a family and friend network that will give her and her kid a place to live for a while. 

[apple47]

I stand corrected, but I don't believe AOS is related to her Green Card, that is executed through the I-130 and if she's been in the US for two months she should already have it.

It's possible her husband confiscated it when it arrived in the mail, if so he committed a crime.

          My wife was K3 and she received her GC in 2 weeks of arriving .  I agree that if she doesn't have it ,he has probably intercepted it.


                                                                  ...Larry

[Gylden]

She should certainly do what she believes is best. It is allways a good idea to seek advice from professionals in this kind of situation, maybe she has, maybe not.

This is just another example of the difficulties concerning international relationships/marriages. It must have been difficult on everyone involved to be married for three years and living in different countries, especially in the beginning of a marriage.

[UTRO]

Yes, apparently.     But it sounds like she's got a family and friend network that will give her and her kid a place to live for a while. 

WoW! That's completely unacceptable.
Her whole life has changed in the space of 2 months.
We shake our heads in disbelief at some of the quick proposals and marriages of International Couples. If they happen to fail we aren't surprised.
Then there is This situation where the Husband and Wife were married for 3 years and obviously knew one another before that. He had plenty of time to get to know his wife before her arrival. If she was the female version of Hellboy he would have seen signs before her arrival, no? Apparently he met someone else during the interim period? It's hard to point the finger at her. He could have stopped things before she turned her life upsidedown.

[Doll]

Glyden:  No, she's not physically out in the street.  If it came to that they'd be staying with us.  From what I gather they've taken to different rooms of the house until her trip home in a couple of days.  I also didn't think she should leave, but as I said, I completely understand why she would chose that path.

Tell her not to leave till he files for divorce. She is his wife, then let him start the divorce.

[BC]

IIRC Divorce should be filed at the place of residence.  If she desires a divorce she should get it done before leaving.  If she meets someone in the future and wants to marry it might be a bit difficult.  Dunno how it would work if she returns and files for divorce in her homeland without the husband being present.

IMHO temporary lodging should be afforded by the husband as things can quickly escalate and get out of hand.

[roykirk]

My wife told her that she is making decisions way too fast, but she seems set on the the direction she has chosen.  Part of the problem is how quickly this all transpired.  Apparently the blowup came Friday.  By the end of the day he had bought her and her son a ticket home for this Wednesday.  She had this looming deadline of tomorrow to either get packed and leave or buckle down in a shelter and prepare for a fight since he told her he wasn't giving her anything other than an airplane ticket.  I don't know about filing for divorce here or there, etc.  I just know she's decided to leave and I guess there's not much we can do about that. 

[remiel6]

I can give no advice about divorce as my knowledge of such things is very limited. I can say what I stated earlier, that I felt the first decision she needed to make was whether to stay in the US or not. She had decided not to and one has to respect that choice. As far as the divorce goes and leaving. I can imagine that there are provisions in Russian law for such things. They may rarely be used, but they are there. She came on a K3. They were legally married under Russian law first and there should be a way for her under Russian law to divorce him. As for him, he started this mess and well he can't get married again either, without the divorce so he will not contest this IMO. In fact she can hold this over his head if she wants to. The proper person to ask on this might be a russian lawyer.