What do guys want?

[olena]

I've been dating this guy for 3 months...
He spends a lot of time with me, loves my child (I'm a single mom), ... helps out around the house... I met his parents... Everything seems okay...
He is a nice guy... What else do I need?...
Well, here it comes... I think that he is afraid that I'm going to take away his freedom...:-)
His friends are a big chunk of his life and they have their guys nights out, working out in the gym, and trips to the mountains to go skiing...
I told him numerous times that that's okay with me..
I have my girl friends and I spend time with them..
But somehow he is "waiting on me to explode"...haha
He says that his ex girl friend complained about him not spending a lot of time with her..
What do guys want? Someone who is a drama queen?

[Timothy]

Hi Olena,

I am new here.
You wrote that you are dating a guy who spends alot of time with you and your child says alot. In other words, he loves the both of you. What is there more to say?
Maybe he just loves you so much and wants everything to be perfect and is sensitive toward your feelings because he doesn't want to lose you.

 Every normal human being needs their own personal freedom at least for a short while. But here is a warning: Just how big a chunk of his life are his friends? And do you feel that would intrude if there is a future life together with him?

[GQBlues]

This question always irked me before everytime I get asked with the same question by a woman telling me my life will not change as I've known it to be if I got into a deeper relationship with her.

Olena, if you're really cool to the idea that his life will be as it is and will not change simply because you're in it.....then yes, you did an excellent job convincing him. So now which part of what you're trying to convince him do YOU not understand?

[Jumper]

there was a comedian that said:
(it seems fitting here)


Guys want:
 a women they can be really close to,
that will leave them the hell alone!


 

[XMan]

What do guys want?

I could be cynical and say "whatever they don't have."  That's a bit extreme though. 

The very last thing any man wants is a drama queen.  I think I can safely generalize in that regard. 

My first question is how old is he?
The younger the man, the more likely he will think that there may be something better around the corner, and thus avoid commitment.   Taking on a someone else's family responsibilities, no offense, is also very low on the list or priorities.  A majority of the time when a man talks about "his freedom," it's his freedom to chase other women he's concerned about, cloaked in the "I need my space, time with my friends" scenarios.  Wow, I really am cynical today.  I think the past 6 months or so have soured my perspective.  So take this entire post with a grain of salt. 

[XMan]

I'll add one more thing to my last post.

The world has plenty of guys.
There are a lot fewer men.
Look for man. 

[olena]

Yep, women are tricky...
They tell you that your life won't change and nothing bothers them...

I guess I'm just having a hard time expressing myself and telling him that's it's okay to hang out with the guys...
But there are some days when I don't want to share him with anyone....:-))

[olena]

XMan

He is 41.. and I'm 34...
And I'm okay with taking your post with a grain of salt...

[Misha]

I think that he is afraid that I'm going to take away his freedom...:-)

I hate to be cynical, but usually a guy who worries about losing his "freedom" is really worried that he will meet the woman of his dreams at his wedding reception  The question is what you want and whether he will be able to give it to you in the future and whether you are willing to wait.

[Jumper]

Yep, women are tricky...
They tell you that your life won't change and nothing bothers them...

I guess I'm just having a hard time expressing myself and telling him that's it's okay to hang out with the guys...
But there are some days when I don't want to share him with anyone....:-))

Seems a balanced and normal enough view, a very healthy outlook on relationships,,
that  he would likely appreciate.
 
So if youve told him that, and more importantly already shown by your actions when he did have his "freedom time"
that he din't 'pay" for it in some frosty attitude from you later..

then nothing more you can do?
your already doing the right things..

Your question . what do men want?
would be answered , that indeed most  want and appreciate a mature healthy outlook on relationships from thier woman.


does he not respond well to this?
its hard to tell from your post.

[olena]

The question is what you want and whether he will be able to give it to you in the future and whether you are willing to wait.

Well, I want someone who will be there for me and my son, a guy who will understand my dreams and goals, a guy who will want to do stuff together, ride bikes with me and my kid, go out on Friday nights...
the list goes on...:-))
Someone mentioned earlier that most single guys are not really excited about dating a woman with a child...
I guess it's true in some cases... But I have a job and I get child support, so we can't be a burden financially.

[Jumper]

Well, I want someone who will be there for me and my son, a guy who will understand my dreams and goals, a guy who will want to do stuff together, ride bikes with me and my kid, go out on Friday nights...
the list goes on...:-))
Someone mentioned earlier that most single guys are not really excited about dating a woman with a child...
I guess it's true in some cases... But I have a job and I get child support, so we can't be a burden financially.

from what you posted , it sounded like he is doing those things?

so why the question of what he(men) wants?

 

[Misha]

Well, I want someone who will be there for me and my son, a guy who will understand my dreams and goals, a guy who will want to do stuff together, ride bikes with me and my kid, go out on Friday nights...
the list goes on...:-))

Did he tell you what he wants?

Someone mentioned earlier that most single guys are not really excited about dating a woman with a child...

I am curious, how old is he? I presume you are both living in the United States.

[olena]

from what you posted , it sounded like he is doing those things?

so why the question of what he(men) wants?

 

Yes, he does all those things...
I just want more...lol...
And I want someone I can always rely on...

[olena]

Did he tell you what he wants?

I am curious, how old is he? I presume you are both living in the United States.

I never asked him WHAT DO YOU WANT...
I guess I should...
He is 41. Yes, we live in the US...
I'm from Ukraine... and he is a real washingtonian...

 

[Jumper]

Yes, he does all those things...
I just want more...lol...
And I want someone I can always rely on...

ahh, well its ok to want more? but what is it  ftro mhi myou want? rely on,,nmeans more commitmebt or there more often?
maybe for him (i'm only guessing)  its early in a relationship,,depending on how quickly you got "close"..
and what "more' you are wanting..(since it isnt defined


sorry,,not much help..
but it seems he is doing what you expect from your first post?
and that you are being reasonble about his freedom..personal time?.
so there doesnt seem a problem?..but must be doubts or you wouldn't have posted

[GQBlues]

Olena-

You couldn't convince me you meant what you say and I don't even know, how do you expect to convince him?

[IAmZon]

What do men want?  Especially American men - 30 - 50 in these days ...  most do not know.  Remember the Elephant who has been tied to a post since birth, even when untied will not stray beyond established boundaries.  Welcome to the modern, American life.

Most men will act defensively when confronted with the truth and strong opinions.

One characteristic I have enjoyed with RW is their NO BS, Black and White take on things.  Contrast with the shades of grey point of view that most Americans have and you have the making for a -

Don't waste any of your time. Be honest and forthright and find out the answers to your questions.

[Mars]

I just want more...lol...

Well, there you have given the answer to your own question.
That is what he is afraid of.

[Gator]

But I have a job and I get child support, so we can't be a burden financially.

True, yet he may not be able to deal with what he perceives as emotional 'burdens' ("someone who will be there for me and my son, a guy who will understand my dreams and goals") and time 'burdens' ("a guy who will want to do stuff together, ride bikes with me and my kid, go out on Friday nights...the list goes on...:-)" )

Someone mentioned earlier that most single guys are not really excited about dating a woman with a child...

Especially true if a man is unsure about marriage and family.  This man is 41 and presumably never married.  Don't RW have a guidelne that something is wrong with a man  unmarried by 40?

Also, to marry a woman given today's divorce laws requires a huge amount of trust.  My older son (29) believes that if milk is free, don't buy the cow.

What to do?  You can continue what you are doing and hope he develops the trust in you and himself.  You can have a "Come to Jesus" talk, yet most men walk when pushed even if it hurts to leave.

[olena]

  My older son (29) believes that if milk is free, don't buy the cow.

What to do?  You can continue what you are doing and hope he develops the trust in you and himself.  You can have a "Come to Jesus" talk, yet most men walk when pushed even if it hurts to leave.

Yes, the milk is free...it is what it is...
"Come to Jesus talk" is something I would not consider doing... simply because it sounds more like a visit of a 2nd grader to the principal's office...
I guess I'll just live one day at a time...and won't think too hard about the future....

[Gator]

I guess I'll just live one day at a time...and won't think too hard about the future....

That's best.  What will be will be.  Meanwhile, enjoy the time with your man.  He seems like a good fellow.

BTW Olena, your writing style is superb.  You write better than 90% of the AM at RWD.  How long have you been in America?

[olena]

Thank you, Gator...you are so sweet...
I've been here since November 2007 - 2 years...