RW say the darndest things

[babe_in_rusland]

I believe my wife is a natural, though perhaps unintentional,  comedian.  She occasionally comes out with some hilarious comments  that cause me to laugh in the middle of the night and at other odd  times.

About her son, who was acting up at the time:  "He'd better straighten up or I will give him a five-bucket douche!"

This seems to be a literal translation of a Russian phrase, about lying:  "Don't hang noodles on my ears!"

She's come out with some other real doozies, though I can't remember all of them at the moment.

[Turboguy]

I had a first letter from a gal today.  She was trying to tell me about her job and told me that her job is that she works with pricks and intraveineous pricks.    Well, I have had some jobs where I worked with pricks too but not the way she does.  I think she was trying to tell me she was a nurse.

[Journeyman]

Yes, I've heard the "noodles on the ears" thing before.  Funny, and quite a visual.

One of my former Russian girlfriends spoke less-than-perfect English, yet tried to say things as best she could.  However, she thought that the word "too" meant the same as "very" or "very much" .... with respect to an amount of a degree of something (like "very" much vodka).  

I kept telling her that the English word "too" was like the Russian word "sleeshkom" (i.e. excessive, or excessively), that is, like "too much" vodka .... but she didn't catch on to the idea.

One day, she looked into my eyes from a very close distance and, in a very heavy Russian accent, said quite emphatically ..... "I vant sex with you too much."

Another precious, unforgettable memory.

Journeyman

[Albert]

Journeyman, I got the same words just this week in a phone call.

The gal told me she was 'too excited' while waiting for my phone call.  I told her she could try putting some ice cubes in her panties.  It was all very funny as I tried to explain to her that at times too and very were interchangeable and sometimes they were not.

[RacerX]

I keep a list of funny mis-speak. 

She calls wood framed houses, "woodies."  And due to a temporary vocabulary malfunction, said to me as we were driving by a flock of sheep in a field: "oh, look at those fish!"

[SgtFlame]

I know this is a little off topic, but Alina keeps saying I am "so modern"

Any clue what she means by that?

In context...

"Angel, you are so romantic... so modern."

It's almost always associated with being romantic.

Any insight would be appreciated.

[Rvrwind]

My wife likes her

smashed potatoes

Everytime I get the visual of that I see Bud the Spud in a head on with a Mack Truck!!!:)

RVR - Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[NDOC]

My wife has serveral classics, but one of the best one's is when she gets angry with me and has to take a walk to cool down.

"I am going to walk the street"

and my reply was "Ok, but I get half."

[NDOC]

Asking if she could "milk the horses" at the State Fair was another classic.  When I told her they weren't horses she got frustrated and said, "Fine, can I milk the bulls."

My reply, "I think they'd rather enjoy that."

So many opportunities for a smart-ass like me.

[BC]

'go by legs'..
'hand up clothes'..
'feet fingers'..

[jb]

You forgot "foot nails" instead of toenails.

[Son of Clyde]

close shoes (remove shoes)

thanks God

I got drunked

Kitchen room

Baskin Robinson (ice cream)

Where is you?

[catzenmouse]

May I will ask you (or tell you) something?

I will go by my legs.

Automatical

I am your very complaining wife.

Its not honest (when something doesn't seem fair).

[LatinSwede]

An RW told me she liked to eat fishes.

[dostogirl]

I know this is a little off topic, but Alina keeps saying I am "so modern"

Any clue what she means by that?

mmm..have no idea. I know that a lot of girls mix it up with the word "fashionable". But I suggest she mean modest instead of modern???

[RacerX]

You forgot "foot nails" instead of toenails.

Dumb things we say: "tooth brush, hair brush" - like you only have one?

An RW told me she liked to eat fishes.

[/b]which only means she is more of a gourmet than you and likes to eat several species of fishes.

[Voyageur]

My favorite is "handle-bag" instead of "handbag". Also, the use of the  word "clothes" is difficult, the "e" is pronounced.  And finally,  the word "pants" is used for normal pants like jeans, but also means  "thong".  :cool:

I would not change "no any thing" about her "talking".

[Shadow]

'Look how many ships there are in the field'

In the supermarket yesterday she was trying not to ferget to buy something. So she would constantly say: "Sugar"

To which my reply: "Honey"

[MandM]

My sister was helping out in our fruit'n'veg shop and offered someone 'bottom' mushrooms (instead of button mushrooms).

My partner jokingly said to her 'we love us, don't we?' Very seriously, she replied 'No, we are not lovers. We are brother and sister!

Here in Britain they sometimes say 'Bloody Nora!' meaning 'Blimey!' For a few weeks I kept thinking 'Gosh, who is this woman Nora? Everyone seems to be talking about her!'

 

[catzenmouse]

My favorite is "handle-bag" instead of "handbag". Also, the use of the word "clothes" is difficult, the "e" is pronounced.  And finally, the word "pants" is used for normal pants like jeans, but also means "thong".  :cool:

I would not change "no any thing" about her "talking".

I like the words "clotheses" and "automatical". Last evening when she got home a friend of hers called and she didn't have a chance to take off her shoes and change clothes. I said to her that she should take off her shoes and relax while she was talking. Her reply was "Would you help me take off my clotheses?" meaning her shoes... well of course I started with her shirt... which propted the "Oh! Ken!" response with a great scowl.

Ken

[Son of Clyde]

She calls rings (as in wedding ring) wrinkles.

[START2]

Here's a story we still laugh about since it happened when val arrived in the summer. Hope no one takes offense to it.  ......I had my 16 yr. old son with us and Val's 9 yr. old son, Ihor, was with us as well. Well, Ihor is misbehaving for some reason, so Val notices that my son has a belt in his pants. She doesn't know the english word for belt . Val says  to to my son, Adam, "do you have something in your pants for Ihor's ass?" I turn to look at Adam and Adam looks at me and we both start crackin up and I tell Val , yea, Adam has has something or Ihor's ass in his pants. It didn't take her long to catch on to our sick sense of humor. Whenever we think about that we still laugh. !!!

[catzenmouse]

[user=297]START2[/user] wrote:

Here's a story we still laugh about since it happened when val arrived in the summer. Hope no one takes offense to it.  ......I had my 16 yr. old son with us and Val's 9 yr. old son, Ihor, was with us as well. Well, Ihor is misbehaving for some reason, so Val notices that my son has a belt in his pants. She doesn't know the english word for belt . Val says  to to my son, Adam, "do you have something in your pants for Ihor's ass?" I turn to look at Adam and Adam looks at me and we both start crackin up and I tell Val , yea, Adam has has something or Ihor's ass in his pants. It didn't take her long to catch on to our sick sense of humor. Whenever we think about that we still laugh. !!!

You are one sick puppy! :P:D No wonder I like you!

Ken

[BC]

Start,

Now that made my 'laugh of the day'.. maybe even more!!

[Turboguy]

I like the words "clotheses" and "automatical". Last evening when she got home a friend of hers called and she didn't have a chance to take off her shoes and change clothes. I said to her that she should take off her shoes and relax while she was talking. Her reply was "Would you help me take off my clotheses?" meaning her shoes... well of course I started with her shirt... which propted the "Oh! Ken!" response with a great scowl.

Ken

That brought back some memories.  A year ago last Novemer I was in Kiev and out with a 21 year old cute blond.  We went outside of Kiev to a restaurant that had a lagre central dining room surrounded by a lot of cottages that we private dining rooms.   We went to one of the cottages.  We walked in and she sat me down.  She turned the heat up and said she wanted to turn the heat up so she could take of her clotheses.   I had a very hard time concentrating on the menu, but all she ever took off was her coat.