What is your ideal lady's personality?

[Ludmila]

Mars,

 now it is becoming more or less clear to me the problem with the "entitlement attitude" that is causing your concern.

Just think, why would a man invite a lady to a multi week vacation? For at least the following reasons ( correct me, please, if I am wrong):

1. he REALLY cares/ loves her ( then why would you be bothered about her gaining weight. You do love her, be rain or shine). So, it wasn't the case.

2. You  do not owe anything to each other . It is simply  an opportunity to get to know each other better . No one of both you has signed up to each other. It was your decision to pay for the trip. Her decision to join you in an unobliging trip. her decision not to cook. Your decision to cook.

3. In HER NIND, she REALLY DESERVES  the trip, when you undertake the expenses voluntarily, when  she hasn't demonstrated any dedications to you as a wife/ life long caring sacrificing lover so far). . She interpreted your spendings on vacation as your desire to impress her with your financial readiness.IN THIS CASE SHE IS ENTITLED TO OTHER THINGS TOO!!!!!!!!!! Why not. tHIS WAS THE CASE, MARS.

 The ladies were not going to put you number one because they felt you were having a simultaneous relationship with other ladies ( don't underestimate woman's intuition). A smart lady would always know, judging by your behavior patterns,  reactions, the way you talk, look at her........ It was obvious for her she wasn't the only one.

So, why bother do the  cooking , be happy, smile ( you are saying  she was moody), etc.

Further on, I am sure, in case  the lady said she wasn't going to lose weight, she meant she  wanted to show you she didn't care to look her best. Bringing the issue of her weight was unethical ( what if she told you THIS TIME she didn't like some of your physical features, which seemed Ok to her previous time). Either you walk away, or bear with it.

[BillyB]

1. he REALLY cares/ loves her ( then why would you be bothered about her gaining weight. You do love her, be rain or shine). So, it wasn't the case.

A person's physical health can be related to their mental health. If physical health deteriorates based off ones own doing, their mental health is deteriorating too. It them becomes hard to love that person even when married to them for decades. If I marry a woman and let myself get grossly overweight, quit brushing my teeth, quit shaving, and quit taking a shower often, I should expect my woman to lose respect and love for me. I can't expect a woman to love me rain or shine if the rain I'm always creating is my fault.

[docetae]

Personally I think the more detailed and exacting your list is the harder time you will have finding the person who has those qualities.

I think that Ludmila brought up a good point that many of the things we look for are contradictory.  We look for a woman who will accept us as we are and yet most women consider men a fix-em-up project.  My wife accepts the workaholic part of my make up but examines anything I put on with a passion to make sure I am dressing in a way that is satisfactory to her.  So she both accepts me the way I am and regards me as a fix-em-up project.

When I was in the searching stage I had more flexability than most about many criteria.  There was a mention of tall.  I met one woman who was 6'2 and wrote one who was 6'6".  One of the last gals I met was probably 4'10 or 11"  Many consider age important.   For me there was about a 35 year difference from the youngest woman I met to the oldest I was interested in.   I met women in the FSU who could hide behind a flag pole and women who would have to shop in a Big Girls store. 

I cared more about inner qualities.  I do believe we tend to put a high priority on avoiding things that created problems for us in the past.   I spent 18 years married to a woman who basically spent her life being angry at the world and bitter.   Avoiding someone like that was one of my priorties.  My wife has a very pleasant personality and I can enjoy every second with her.  I spent 3 1/2 years living with a very beautiful girl who was insanely jealous.  That too, was something I never wanted to go through again. 

Turbo, I am 6ft6 and height for me is an important factor. I am simply not comfortable to date girl smaller than 5ft7. You can care the same about inner qualities but restrict your pool of search to people meeting your physical criterias. First attraction is almost always physical. It will be her smile, her silhouette, the way she walks that will make me talk to her. On the long term inner world is the one who must really match.

I love my wife as she is.. Her physical look (mine too) is a direct consequence of her personality. Physical and personality are a whole, You can not separate them.

[Boethius]

Or when she wakes her man up early and says:  Sorry to wake you, but I am very wet and just cannot wait a minute longer to screw you.

I suggest you put away the porn and read a book about female sexual response.

[Ludmila]

Billy,

From what Mars wrote, I gather  it was a change in the silhouette( means ab. 20 pounds or so, not more, otherwise, Mars would have chosen some  more coloured epithets and figures of speech).  The reasons for some 10-20 pounds weight gain can be different, ranging from improper diet, starting menopause, etc, etc, to hormone replacement therapy, tens of other reasons.

However, it doesn't change the point I was making. If you love a person, you will stay with them and help them overcome the problem together. Mars wasn't in love with that lady, it is so clear. And he wasn't supposed to be. It was premature ( too early in the relationship, plus he was communicating with other ladies, the latter being a proof he was at the stage of his search.

Then why be surprised that the lady didn't want to cook, etc. At that stage no one owed anything to anyone).

 As far as the entitlement issue, IN HER OPINION  she was entitled, because the man volunteered to finance the trip without a  strong bond in the relationship . IT WAS A MESSAGE TO HER SHE WAS SIMPLY ENTITLED TO THAT TRIP, AS WELL AS MANY OTHER THINGS THAT WERE IN HER MIND. AS SIMPLE AS THAT. IT WAS MARS'S DECISION


 I am afraid, you elaborated on my premise beyond the logic : you were talking about symptoms of depression ( quitting brushing  teeth or shaving). I don't think the context of Mars's post suggested it.

[alex330]

I guess this covers more than just personality but:

Intelligence.
Good education; at least University graduate.  But actually know things and still be able to talk about them 30 years later, rather than having just sat in classroom and memorized the material for an exam.
Smiles a lot and is not the moody type.
Enjoy chess and other mind games.
Good sense of humor; not just saying they have it, but actually telling jokes, etc.
Knowledge of the arts:  Music, visual art, ballet, etc.
Comfortable dressing in jeans and sneakers with no make-up for day hike, and then able to switch to formal dress for ballet in short order.
Can get out the door quickly when needed without long make-up time.
Not squeamish about getting hands dirty: yard work, gardening, fishing, etc.
Like to cook without grumbling about it.  i.e. Really like to cook!!
Not be overly jealous; as in the type that watches to see if you look at passing  women, wonder about what addresses are in your e-mail account, check out your pockets, look for lipstick on collar, etc.
Like animals.
Like sex and a lot of it.  Not to just accommodate the man; but really, really like it.  As in when the woman comes in the home, hugs her man and says: God, I really need a fu$k.  Or when she wakes her man up early and says:  Sorry to wake you, but I am very wet and just cannot wait a minute longer to screw you. One who says: I want more than one orgasm, so let's plan for that.
Be rather tall (5 feet 6 and above) and slender.  Not skinny or emaciated.
Be aged 40-50.
Willing to put me number one in her life.
Does not have 'entitlement attitude.'

Many more probably, as I think of  them.

Amen brother 

[JR]

Forum becomes more interesting. Mars expresses his fantasies  Who's brave to continue?

Since you put it out there perhaps you should continue with some of your fantasies

And just why in the hell would anyone have different lists of qualities between RW and AW? Unless you're a complete dumbass you have only one list. And then you justify going off in search of younger women by convincing yourself that no one in your home country can fullfill your list.

What, you want a stupid AW but an intelligent RW? No, you want an intelligent woman!

[Shostakovich]

I've long ago abandoned the 'list' approach to dating.  While in this phase I met someone who had most of the qualities I was looking for: Introvert, Emotionally driven personality, Intuitive, knowledgeable about art and science, tall/avg-slender(not skinny) build with a vaugely offbeat look -- no chemistry .

I've come to the conclusion that relationships are based primarily on unconscious elements and can not be engineered.  These days if I find the girl attractive and not stupid (rules out alot), I'll roll with it and see what happens.

On the other hand I generally do not do well with perfectionists, stubborn, Capricorns, enneatype 1 & 2, and Myers-Briggs ESFP & SJ types.  Prefer INFP, INFJ, ISFP, enneatype 4,5,6,7.  Does that help?