For Gator ( et all): clarifications

[Ludmila]

Gator,



 my dear friend,



I am sorry to say, you messed up facts about me. I do know it isn't intentional.



 I have been living in the USA fairly long ( BTW, on the same coast, as you).



I have been living in this country longer than any lady on this list.



My husband is one of the most attractive American males I have seen here in US-- a hunk to kill all hunks. If you call him yankee , you won't be far from the truth.



 We have been married longer than the majority of couples on this list.



 We are proud that we have done everything we could for the detente :-).



I have never visited the Ukraine in my lifetime, neither has my husband.



I am proud that I was born in Russia, and lived in Moscow the better part of  my life before coming to US.



I have deep respect for my husband's loved Motherland--the United States of America, its history, traditions and culture. My husband's mother tongue , its beauty and purity have always been of tremendous value for me all my lifetime.



It is clear from your post that something has upset you before you wrote your post. Hence, you messed up so many things about me.  It happens sometimes, my friend. Cheer up!



 

[Gator]

Ludmila,

You have my sincere apology.

I assume that this derives from Aloe's thread in which you made some comments and I wrote that you were a UW living in Ukraine.  Obviously I was confused.

You certainly are a lady considering the gentle manner in which you corrected my many mistakes.

Actually, I am in good spirits, surprisingly so considering what's happening.

[BillyB]

My husband is one of the most attractive American males I have seen here in US-- a hunk to kill all hunks.

I better stay away from your husband because I don't want to die!

Ludmila, it's seems you are in a happy and strong marriage full of pride and love. It didn't come by doing nothing. You and your husband worked for it and earned it. Although some people didn't like your post in Aloe's thread, they can only hope to have a strong and lasting marriage and bond with a spouse that you have with your husband. Congratulations.

[Ludmila]

Gator,

I certainly would like to see all your troubles behind you as soon as possible.

My life philosophy ( when facing a crisis ) is to make sure I have done everything, have exhausted any and all modes, means and used all tools. If I have done everything, and it hasn't helped, then it isn't my problem any more.

It has always been crucial for me not to have pricks of conscience later that I didn't do something I could have done.

[Ludmila]

 Billy, there is hope all will stay alive :-) :-)

Yes, Billy, marriage is work, work , work of minds, hearts, souls ON AN EVERYDAY BASIS ! if only Aloe realized it sooner! Constant confirmation that you care, that you hear them, you acknowledge each other's needs.

I can also add, that in  marriage actions speak louder than words. After talking things over ad nauseum ( that "I am right"), you have to ACTUALLY do things, if you want progress.

 You take very good care of yourself, Billy!

 

[KenC]

Gator,

I certainly would like to see all your troubles behind you as soon as possible.

My life philosophy ( when facing a crisis ) is to make sure I have done everything, have exhausted any and all modes, means and used all tools. If I have done everything, and it hasn't helped, then it isn't my problem any more.

It has always been crucial for me not to have pricks of conscience later that I didn't do something I could have done.

Luda,
Just a note to tell you that I am a fan of your many posts thatI have read here.  I loved your post in Aloe's thread.  It is wonderful that we have someone like you to put forth some traditional Russian thinking.

Your advice here is perfect.  I was about to go through a heartbreaking divorce when a friend of mine gave me similar advice.  He said, "Ken, your marriage may indeed be over, but if you try everything possible to save it, then you can always be confident that you will have no guilt if it is not saved."  He was right. I did everything I could do and I never felt guilty once since then.
KenC

[Ludmila]

Absolutely, Ken.

I've tried to follow it in any kind of relationships  ( husband, colleagues, girlfirends, neighbors, students, clients etc).

 And thank you for your kind words. We obviously look at many things in the same way.

[Boethius]

Yes, Billy, marriage is work, work , work of minds, hearts, souls ON AN EVERYDAY BASIS ! if only Aloe realized it sooner! Constant confirmation that you care, that you hear them, you acknowledge each other's needs.

I disagree with most of this.  I think marriage requires compromise, but I have never considered my marriage work.  Now, we have been married so long, that even compromise is no longer required.  

[Ade]

I disagree with most of this.  I think marriage requires compromise, but I have never considered my marriage work.  Now, we have been married so long, that even compromise is no longer required.  

Awesome.

Just after I read Ludmila's post and before I read yours I asked my wife how she felt about this "work, work, work" comment. We both agree, it's nothing like work in the slightest. Going by what I've heard and experienced, my guess is that the more "work" a relationship requires, the less compatible the people are in that relationship.

[Ade]

I better stay away from your husband because I don't want to die!

Ludmila, it's seems you are in a happy and strong marriage full of pride and love. It didn't come by doing nothing. You and your husband worked for it and earned it. Although some people didn't like your post in Aloe's thread, they can only hope to have a strong and lasting marriage and bond with a spouse that you have with your husband. Congratulations.

I was going to say, "but this is just her opinion, maybe her husband..." and then thought better of it because I doubt that anyone but a few would get the irony.