A Month in Novosibirsk - Winter 2009-2010 - Thoughts

[dogspot]

I decided to put together another trip report outlining my experiences during my month here in Novosibirsk this winter. I am still on the ground here in Novosib, where I have been for just over 3 weeks, visiting my lady, her family and friends. Since she is back to work today, after 3 weeks off spent entirely with me, and since the temperature outside reads -26, I decided to spend some time today to share my thoughts on Novosibirsk (and Russia in general) from the perspective of a mid 30s American guy from Southern California. This report will contain a little about my relationship with Elena but will mostly be about my thoughts and impressions of my time here in “The Capital of Siberia.”

**I kindly ask to keep all discussions on topic and to please, please, PLEASE not derail this thread with political discussions and/or debates.**

First of all, some background…I began corresponding with Elena in August 2008, during a small “hiccup” in my previous relationship with a RW (While that relationship didn’t ultimately succeed, it did continue for 9 months beyond this point). During this time, Elena and I were merely pen pals – two people who thoroughly enjoyed writing to one another and sharing their daily experiences. We always had an intellectual connection and shared similar tastes in music, film and various forms of performance art.

Our first meet was in Peter in October of last year (see my previous TR for details if you desire). As reported, it was a fabulous two weeks and I was invited to Novosibirsk to meet family and get to know her better.

I decided to make the most of this trip and stay for an entire month. I felt it was the best way to get to know Elena: to live with her in everyday life for a fairly substantial amount of time. For us, this has proven to be a very wise approach.

She and I rented a flat together here in the center of Novosib, a block off of Krasniy Prospect and across the street from the Globus Theater for 15,000 ru for the month. Her aunt works for the Catholic Church here and set us up with this place that is usually occupied by westerners visiting on church business during the warmer months. This place is warm and comfortable, has everything the two of us need, and is located not far from many of the places of interest in the center of the city.

Living together has been incredibly cool. We cook, clean, do laundry, eat, sleep, watch films, talk, read, LIVE together in this little two bedroom flat. Our relationship has progressed in the most positive way imaginable. There is never a dull moment for either of us, even on days when we stay in for most of the day (the average temps outside have been between -20 and -30 for my entire stay). One of the best times I had with her was washing the sheets and linens for our bed together by hand in the bathtub after our washing machine broke. We laughed, splashed and joked with each other while we scrubbed, rinsed, rung out and hung all to dry. It was simply one of many cool domestic experiences we have had together that have shown me that I want to spend everyday of the rest of my life with her.

Elena is a good cook and loves to cook for me. It makes her so happy when I compliment her by simply tasting her food, finishing my plate and asking for more. She prepares mostly simple dishes but everything she makes is delicious and prepared well. Sometimes we work together – I do all the prep work and she mans the stove/oven. I think we are a pretty good team here in the kitchen. I always offer to clean up but she insists that I let her do the cleaning. I have, however, stepped in a few times to clean up and have been playfully scolded. Apparently, in her upbringing, this work was always done by the women and it is a shock for her to even hear me offer to help.

We spend our evenings out in various ways. So far we have been to the opera, the jazz philharmonic, a couple live concerts in small clubs, a film at a small kinotheatre showing mostly foreign and independents, a silent film in an art club, ice skating, ice sliding (ice city), a night out at the most popular club in town, and a few nights our for dinner. (I will try to detail my experiences at some of these establishments later in this TR).

Other nights we stay in and watch films on my computer or listen to music and talk (I brought with me many of the best films of the last decade to watch and a hard drive containing my entire music library). Most meals are spent here at the flat or at Mama and Papa’s.

I have met the family and enjoyed meals at their home on several occasions. I have been welcomed into their home and their lives. Our relationship has been accepted by all without question and the subjects of our conversations, while mostly about differences in cultures and about my family, have always been lively and fun.

I brought with me gifts for all family members, including Elena’s 9 year old niece. They all adored their gifts (especially the 9 year old) and in return presented me with some cool items that have been in the family for generations. These gestures made me feel as though the welcome mat has already been thrown out for me as a member of the family.

We enjoyed a night out at a club with her best friends and also a Christmas Eve party at our place with the same friends and more. On both occasions copious amounts of alcohol were consumed and we all got to know each other very well. We played games, chatted, listened to music, danced, sang...Great times had by all....

[Assamena]

So nice TR. You seems very happy with your lady! Congratulations!

Love is in air  :angel:

[dogspot]

Night out at Rock City (night club – thanks Jooky) with brother, brother’s girlfriend, half brother and his girlfriend was a great time. The entertainment for the evening was two guys dressed in various retro outfits such as red and white Adidas running suits with the letters CCCP and a hammer and sickle emblazoned on the front of their track shirts, spinning music by the band Modern Talking and other popular songs for Russians from the 80s and 90s. I get such a thrill dancing to these Russian songs, while everyone around me (including Elena) sings along joyfully and dances with such enthusiasm. I just can’t help but grin from ear to ear as I watch my lovely lady move her body with such beauty and grace and sing along to words I don’t understand. This place was crawling with lovely ladies, both young and not so young (my age) and far less men, it seemed. The vodka flowed until after 4am, when we finally departed. Good times were had with the brothers, who advised me not to drink as much as them. I gladly followed this advice.

[dogspot]

Took the Marshrutka to Berdsk to go Ice Skating. We had the pleasure of sitting in the front seat of the mini bus on the way there. This was pleasurable as the driver was a very nice man and pleasant to talk to (for Elena to talk to). We were pulled over by militsia at a bus stop on the outskirts of Novosib and they declined our driver’s bribe (amazing!). At the same moment, our driver was offered to buy some stolen phones by some punks, right in front of the cop. I found that amusing.

Berdsk is a dump. Please excuse me if you or someone you know lives there, but it was introduced to me as “the asshole of Russia” and I believe it after going there. The skating rink was old and run down. Neither of us skate very well but we had a fun time nevertheless. We had to rush back to the bus stop to catch the last bus out of town and made it on time. The bus was not full, however, so the driver decided to raise the rate from 50r to 80r. A large argument ensued and the driver began driver. Although most of the people on the bus paid the guy the requested amount, we stood by our guns and only gave the guy 100r for the 2 of us. He didn’t say anything and we arrived safely back in Novosib.

[I/O]

Most meals are spent here at the flat or at Mama and Papa’s.

I have met the family and enjoyed meals at their home on several occasions. I have been welcomed into their home and their lives. Our relationship has been accepted by all without question and the subjects of our conversations, while mostly about differences in cultures and about my family, have always been lively and fun.

This is all very similar to 3 wonderful weeks I fondly remember Mrs I/O and I spending together during early courtship not so far away in Omsk.

[possum]

Berdsk is a dump. Please excuse me if you or someone you know lives there, but it was introduced to me as “the *snip* of Russia” and I believe it after going there.

I have driven through Berdsk several times, and I can confirm that it's a dump.. The only good thing about it, by its dwellers' own admission, is its proximity to Novo..

Enjoying your TR very much so far, please keep it coming..

[dogspot]

Last night we went to the kinotheater “Pobeda” on Ulitsa Lenina to watch a production of Verdi’s “La Traviata” on the big screen. It was very cool. It was a professionally shot performance done completely in Italian with Russian subtitles. I read the story prior to going so I could follow along. The theater was nice with stadium seating and great sound. Most of the kinotheaters I had been to in Russia up to this point have been independents – old quiet buildings with auditoriums that contained a screen, projector, and a few dozen old and not so comfortable theater seats. This theatre was modern and plush like most of the new theatres in America.

I am also impressed by the love for Opera in this country. I don’t think programs like this show in our movie theatres back home…do they? Also, I have discovered during my few visits to the opera while here in Russia that the prettiest ladies are in attendance at these events, imo. I will take these ladies over club girls any day .

[dogspot]

We went to a cool art club in Академгородока called Нии Куда to watch a silent German film called Die Austernprinzessin (1919) accompanied by a live pianist. There was no charge for entry and I thought the job done by the pianist was quite impressive. The club is very clean, comfortable and somewhat elegant for an art club. The walls are adorned with works of art that were all constructed from different technological devices from reel to reel tapes to hard drives. The lighting was dim but not as dark as most of these underground clubs I have been in. The room is quite large and the tables have soft, couch-like seats for comfort. We ordered the mulled wine and it was delicious and appropriate for this cold, below 35 degree evening. I REALLY liked this place a lot. Oh, and our waitress was a sweet young lady who SMILED constantly and provided us with excellent service. (Really, she did). I left her 25% tip (as I usually do here in the States when I receive good service). We will be returning to this club on Friday night with Elena’s brother and his girlfriend to watch a band consisting of two violinists and a guitarist perform.

That same evening, before catching a taxi to Нии Куда, we visited with Elena’s brother at his new one bedroom flat in Академгородока. He has a projector connected to his computer and we viewed photos of Novosibirsk from 40 years ago and today. They were before and after shots of landmarks and areas around the center of the city. It was cool. We also enjoyed a few Baltika 7s and chatted (none of Elena’s family speak English so she serves as translator – she does an excellent job).

[dogspot]

As I always do before a trip over here, I visited my local Wells Fargo branch to request a withdrawal of funds in new Ben Franklins. As they told me prior to my last visit, they no longer receive new bills but they would give me the best, most crisp bills they could find. I was ok with this as the bills they provided me for my last visit to St. Petersburg were accepted without issue in both Moscow and Piter. No problem…

Well…Novosibirsk is not Piter or Moscow and bills MUST be brand new or in PERFECT condition to be accepted by any bank here. After most of my bills were rejected not once, not twice but three times, Elena and a friend decided to get on the phone and contact a friend at one of the many banks here in town. We thought she would certainly be able to assist us in exchanging these “almost new” bills for something close to the going exchange rate. WRONG! She told us the best she could do is exchange the bills for 24r to the dollar. It amazes me.

[JR]

Cool Dude! Sounds like things are going great. I hope it just gets better! Keep us up to date.

Now about my political views.......

[Chicagoguy]

It surprises me when I have Russians visiting here and they not only have brand new bills but they still have the Federal Reserve wrapper on them. This is $$ they are getting back at home.

[groovlstk]

It warms my heart to see someone going about this in a smart, committed manner instead of the usual litany of excuses from guys who think their circumstances justify making shortcuts.

Great TR, dogspot. Keep it coming and good luck.

[dogspot]

It’s cold here…too cold, really. I walked Elena to the bus stop to catch the marshrutka to work this morning at 7:15 – it was still dark out – and the temperature (F) was -27. It is now 11:00 and the temperature remains at -27. This seems to be about the average temp sice I arrived here on December 28th, but it has risen up to as high as 10 and as low as -45.

*note to Jooky: stay in Moscow until next week at the earliest. It is supposed to warm up drastically the day after I leave.*

This isn’t my first time to Siberia in the winter but it’s definitely my first time experiencing such bitter colds. My last experience was in December 2008, when I travelled to a small village outside of Ishim to visit the family of my ex-girlfriend. On that trip I decided to pack lightly, bringing with me only one carry-on bag with a few items for cold weather. When I arrived sporting my ski jacket I was ridiculed by some of her family members for being so ill prepared with such a light coat for such extreme colds. “You’re obviously not from Siberia” I was told. I also brought with me only one pair of shoes, which were a pair of New Balance sports shoes that had me slipping and sliding all over the place, including a couple of hard falls on my a$$. Fortunately, they said, it was mild conditions while I was there, with temperatures hovering around 20F.

For this I decided to prepare myself a little a lot better this time. First, I did some online research and found a decent North Face jacket that received rave reviews from some guys living in Canada and Alaska who work outdoors. I saw that it was priced reasonably at $300 at REI. So I went down to my local REI in Huntington Beach and found the same coat in my size on the clearance rack for $200. I snatched it right up. I mention this coat because it has been absolutely perfect for conditions like these. It’s a little bulky but my upper body has never felt cold at all, even when taking long walks in the city at 30 below.



I bought a couple of pairs of new shoes (keep in mind I live in Southern California so need for snow and ice shoes is practically nil.) First I bought a pair of ice clogs by Soloman (I posted a photo in Canada Man’s thread about winter clothes) but they were uncomfortable and didn’t fit right. So I returned them and bought a different clog by North Face (I have no affiliation with this company – it just turned out this way) for $89. These shoes have been almost perfect. I have not fallen once and have only lost traction a couple of times but not enough to fall. This is amazing to me because walking in this city is literally walking on ice – everywhere is a slick spot. It is also important to note that they keep my feet warm most of the time. I only had a couple occasions where my toes started feeling cold and the temperature was well below -30 and we were out walking for a long time (>30 minutes). Last but not least they are comfortable on long walks and since they have no laces, they require little time to put on and kick off.  



I also bought a pair of the black Sorel boots but I only wore them once. I brought these along thinking we might encounter more snow storms but it has only snowed lightly on 2 of the days since my arrival. The reality is, it really doesn’t snow that much here. According to Elena, the snow accumulates but never melts because the temperatures rarely rise above 20 degrees in the winter, making it appear like they receive a lot of snowfall. That said, I am still glad I have these boots. They will come in handy on my trip to Mammoth next weekend.  



Good gloves are a necessity. I found that the ones Elena’s mother knitted for me keep my hands much warmer than the pair I bought for 50 bucks at REI.

Socks, thermals, hat…let’s just say that I am never the one complaining about it being too cold.  

[dogspot]

OK…I know people around here only *really* want to read about relationship developments. So…Yesterday there was a small development in our relationship and it goes like this…

After a year almost a year and a half of correspondence and almost 1 ½ months of face time, I finally received an “I love you.”  << (notice the period inside the quotation mark)  

This is HUGE for me and for us because, according to Elena, she has never uttered those 3 words before to any non family member in her life. I already sensed the way she was feeling because I am feeling the same way and have been for some time now. She just wanted to make sure she was certain of her feelings before expressing them to me in words.

I must mention, I have used these words a few times during our brief relationship, but not so much to make her uncomfortable or with expectations for her to return the same gesture. In fact, the first time I said it was during our last few days in Piter. She quickly hushed me after I said it and told me she was scared of these words. I respected this and only said it one more time before boarding my plane home, but prefaced it by saying “I know this is not what you want to hear but it is the way I feel so I am going to say it…” She squeezed me hard and smiled with delight before kissing me goodbye.

So when she finally came out and said it, it was prefaced by some words of her own. “I don’t know if this is the right time to say this but (pause)…” (I was waiting for her to break some bad news or tell me she was pregnant or something). But what came out was unexpected and unheralded. It wasn’t to return the gesture but spoken genuinely and from the heart.

I can’t express here how happy and relieved I am that these words came out of her mouth, her mind, her heart last night. There was no doubt in my mind that these feelings were mutual, but I felt that I needed to hear them before returning home to The States for our relationship to progress. It seems our relationship is progressing.

[dogspot]

Thanks Assamena, I/O, Possum, JR, Chicagoguy and Groove for your comments and feedback. 

[Makkin]

Hi,

  Thanks for the really great report on your life and relationship. I'm really glad your doing things this way and finding that things are going well for you both.


  Best of Luck,

  Makkin

[Jooky]

Dogspot, I have that exact same parka (and it's great!). Too bad I'm not out there. We could have looked like real dorks walking down the street in our matching outfits. 

[Blues Fairy]

We went to a cool art club in Академгородок called Нии Куда

It's so cool to see familiar place-names. Akadem is my home town and I played a joint gig with a friend's band in Nii Kuda once while visiting there in the later years. 

Your girlfriend sounds like a really sweet lady, dogspot!  Wish you the best of luck.

[myrddin]

I think more people are following your TR than are saying anything

It is a wonderful, magical moment when you first hear those words.  Congratulations, dogspot!!  We wish you all the best!

[I/O]

\It seems our relationship is progressing.

Progressing? Lol, you're a shot duck buddy, you were in SP but just didn't realise it. BTW, I get the temperatures. I've done -10C to -15C but below that starts to get, well.................bitter.

[Chicagoguy]

My wife first told me she could not say "I Love You". She had never before in her life said this and she exclaimed the words actually stuck in her throat - LOL now. She was 52 and had never been married or even had a serious boyfriend.

Now she looks at me at least once a day and with her cute accent, and for no particular reason, will say " I love You !"  With the exclamation mark.

[dogspot]

The past few days have found me exploring the city on my own. This is always an interesting experience to be “off the leash”, if you will. My previous experiences in Moscow and St. Petersburg showed me that if one can read Cyrillic, with minimal knowledge of Russian language, survival is quite easy as there is always someone around who speaks or understands English. This is not the case here in Novosibirsk.

First of all, my Russian language abilities suck. I have completed unit 1 of the Pimsleur course but have discovered through practice with Elena that much of what I have learned is incorrect or “old fashioned”, so I have been less enthusiastic about testing my abilities on my own. When I attempt to speak Russian in a room full of friends or family I receive a room full of laughter as if to say “oh, how cute…the American is attempting to learn our impossible language.” But I still try a little, at least.

After the first few days here I realized that most people don’t speak passable English. I decided as a joke to test to see how many servers or cashiers had English abilities. I told Elena that when we are greeted to allow me to ask the server or cashier, in English, if they speak English. The results: only one server in 2 weeks time was able to understand and communicate with me. In fact, most either give me a blank look or quickly walk away after hearing me speak those 4 words. Elena is always quick to jump in after seeing their reaction.

Another difference I found has been the lack of menus in English. In Moscow and Piter almost every restaurant has English menus. In Novosib this is not the case. So far I have seen only one restaurant (People’s) that has an English translation on their menu (and this translation is a brief description in italics under the detailed description in Cyrillic).

My first experience with the language barrier on my own here was when I went out to eat lunch on my 2nd day here. Elena was at work so I ventured out and into a coffee shop for a business lunch. I was greeted at the door with the usual “Zdrasvutsya” and found myself a seat. My server was a young man of about 20 years who spoke zero English. I asked him “Вы говорите по-английски?” and he replied “нет”. I informed him that I don’t speak or Understand Russian very well and simply pointed to what I wanted on the menu. He returned and continued to ask me questions in Russian to which I replied “Ne snayu…ne ponimayu”. I remember him just staring at me and making these gestures as if to say “what do I do now?” It was quite funny because he obviously had little experience or exposure to English speaking people.

A few days later I visited the same coffee shop with Elena. As we entered the place I was recognized by the same young man. He looked startled and I noticed him walk over to his fellow workers and begin talking about me. I felt like I was an alien or a celebrity or just “that strange guy.”

My experience at People’s a few days ago was similar but not so panicked. Actually, my server spoke “a little” English and was able to take my order. But it was funny when she arrived at my table and began speaking to me in fast Russian as I stared at the menu. I acted as if I understood her until she finished her spiel and she waited for a reply. I smiled and asked her, in Russian, if she spoke English. She blushed and quickly ran off smiling but without saying a word. After preparing herself for a few minutes she returned to my table, armed with the small amount of English she knew and prepared to put this knowledge to the test. I really admired her for her efforts and thanked her as I left.

[dogspot]

We went to a club called Truba Jazz Club to watch a flamenco band perform. I don’t recall the name of the band (sorry) but I know they are pretty popular here in Novosib and they play frequent gigs there at Truba.

The club was a small, dimly lit room with typical bar features: random artifacts on walls, drunk guy leaning against the bar checking out every woman that walks by, heavy cigarette odor…but the joint was cozy and a fun place to spend a night with friends and enjoy some music.

http://clubtruba.ru/

Elena made a reservation for us and 2 of her friends. Her friends arrived shortly after us and we began introductions. One of her friends, Natasha, spoke but a few words of English and was very eager to put them to use at every opportunity. Natasha is a very attractive, thin, extrovert of a woman; very fun to be around and equally as fun to watch. She enjoyed posing for photos and even dancing with random drunk old guys. Her other friend, Kolya, is a young lawyer who is currently studying English but has no confidence to practice with me, so he primarily speaks through Elena as an interpreter. Both are two of her best friends from childhood.

The band was very fun to listen to but I was hesitant to get up and dance as the dance floor was dominated by a few flamenco dancers, possibly members of a dance club that occupied the table nearest to the stage and dance floor, who danced very aggressively and with no concern for others not in their group. For this I decided to sit back, enjoy the music and get to know Elena’s friends.

At the conclusion of the performance the DJ started spinning some classic old Russian and Western hits and, much to the satisfaction of the majority of the club, the dance floor and stage became the place to be for the rest of the evening. We danced and danced. After a while the music slowed and we all sat for a break. Natasha was dancinga slow number with a young man when a nice looking blonde approached me and asked me to dance. At first I declined but Elena insisted I go. So I accepted. I had a couple nice dances with Olya, a young lady who didn’t speak much English but who was able to tell me that she is from a village in the north of Siberia. It just so happened that her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend was the guy dancing with Natasha.

After a short bit the couple joined us at our table. I introduced myself to Petya, a young guy from Kazakhstan who spoke perfect English and who, like Olya, was studying at the university here in Novosibirsk. We shared a couple bottles of champagne with the two and they invited us all over to Olya’s flat for a little post party. We gladly accepted.

I’m not sure of the area we were taken to by taxi but I believe it is located near the university. I do know that we had to walk for an additional 20-30 minutes to the flat from the market where the taxis dropped us off.

We arrived at the flat and snacks were prepared. We all sat in the living room, listening to western pop music and drinking shot after shot of bad tequila (I regretted this the following day... beer + champagne + tequila =   ). I learned a lot about these young folks and felt they were not much different then typical university students in The States. I was even offered a taste of some Kazakhstan weed smoked out of a homemade bong made from a 1,5 liter beer bottle. I declined with a laugh and a spasibo but enjoyed watching a few of the others partake.

We arrived home in the wee hours of the morning and slept until the afternoon. This was my first drunk experience in country and hopefully my last of this nature. (I much prefer drinking a bottle of vodka with family or friends in the comfort of familiar confines.)

[dogspot]

Dogspot, I have that exact same parka (and it's great!). Too bad I'm not out there. We could have looked like real dorks walking down the street in our matching outfits. 

That would have been funny! It's too bad we missed each other but perhaps we will meet up in the future. Unfortunately I will not be coming back to Novosib for a few years, it seems, as Elena will be moving to Piter in a couple months.

[dogspot]

I’ve been slacking on my TR since returning home from Siberia last week but I certainly haven’t forgotten about it. I’ve had to catch up with my responsibilities in life after being gone for a month and haven’t had much time for RWD. I definitely have much more I want to share and hope to find time this week to get everything out.

So…my last weekend in Novosibirsk was as great as the previous 26 days. Elena and I didn’t let the idea of my departure get us down. We stayed busy by visiting with friends and family, going to see a performance by the symphony, cooking meals together at home, and engaging in stimulating conversation (as always).

Our relationship has developed so smoothly and naturally – at a slower pace than some but so comfortable for both of us. If there ever was a perfect fit, I’ve found her. I have been in relationships before - and married once - and the chemistry has never been better than what I have with Elena. Our personalities complement each other completely; our interests, too. I’m sure that I’ve found “my second half”.

That said, I have yet to make a proposal for marriage. We have been in correspondence for a year and a half, “together” for 4 months, with a total of 6 weeks of face time…Everything feels right…but I know that the time is not right. I know that she is not ready. From the beginning of our correspondence I was told that she likes to move slowly and that she has had trouble in the past with guys trying to move too quickly. For this I have become relaxed and just let things develop without pressing or trying to accelerate the process. The results (so far) have been amazing.

Since returning home I have shared some wonderful “I can’t live without you” moments with her. She has shed some tears that expressed her sincerity and deep love for me. But we have also continued our correspondence and conversations as if I had never left. There have also been some developments in our conversations or, rather, some hints at our future together. For example, she told me that she finally copied our Skype records to a word document, so we could “have something to read when we are old.” These little things that speak of life together make me feel like we are moving comfortably in the right direction.

Elena will be moving to Piter in April and I will be visiting her there in May for two weeks. If all goes well between now and then I will likely slip the ring a ring on her finger then. But only if I feel the time is right. The last thing I want to do is spoil what has been a perfectly developing relationship with a premature marriage proposal.

So that’s about it for my relationship status…With that, I will continue with my thoughts on my experiences in Novosibirsk…