Pleasing your RW

[Blues Fairy]

I don't understand RW's reaction in this thread.  Yeah, reading comprehension 

I believe the reaction had more to do with the "shower, shave, and even iron my clothes daily" part.  How it "goes a long way with them (RW?)" does indeed sound rather funny.  Or is it my poor English comprehension? 

[Amerkanski]

I believe the reaction had more to do with the "shower, shave, and even iron my clothes daily" part.  How it "goes a long way with them (RW?)" does indeed sound rather funny.  Or is it my poor English comprehension? 

Had everything to do with it. When you just got off a 35 hour travel day and wake up the very next morning shave, shower, iron, and then cook her breakfast? Means a lot.

[Blues Fairy]

Had everything to do with it. When you just got off a 35 hour travel day and wake up the very next morning shave, shower, iron, and then cook her breakfast?  Means a lot.

Means she has no clue you've been traveling.    I would just let my guy sleep, but that's me. 

[Gator]

Hmmmm, would my ex have appreciated breakfast every morning? As an exception perhaps, she definitely wasn't interested in appreciating it as a routine thing. Her preference would ave been heading out for a restaurant or diner since breakfast at home was "boring" in her estimation.

Sounds more like any wife more interested in spending than saving.  Can find such women in either RW or AW feathers.

The car is certainly appreciated a lot more along with the concept of "her space" and have been places she could stretch herself out a bit as she works to define her new lifestyle in the US.

"Have" vs.  "have not" response.   My AW ex-wife had a car when we married.  She rented an apartment and was delighted to become a homeowner, something she could have not done alone.

[ECOCKS]

Sounds more like any wife more interested in spending than saving.  Can find such women in either RW or AW feathers.

"Have" vs.  "have not" response.   My AW ex-wife had a car when we married.  She rented an apartment and was delighted to become a homeowner, something she could have not done alone.

Nope, the ex wasn't particularly into spending money except in one very narrow area of life so that definitely wasn't it. She preferred the variety offered by menus and the family being able to each have something different. More of a hedonistic approach versus being a spendthrift.

As for "have vs have not", wrong again. While she didn't have a car in UA, her enjoyment seems to stem more from being able to control her movement in a much more "free" fashion than before.

I wonder why some seem to be compelled to try to interpret in a thread where the OP simply asks for people to respond with their own stories? I notice other posters want to take exception to things which seem to merely be responses to the OP's question.

[Daveman]

topic split...  the off topic posts moved to:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=11325.msg221455;topicseen#msg221455

[DaveY]

Means she has no clue you've been traveling.    I would just let my guy sleep, but that's me. 

is that the topic of this thread?

It has everything to do with the topic at hand and I find it to be the most profound thing anyone has said so far.

It may have been a Freudian slip on her part, but guys reread the second line and try to grasp the meaning behind it.

[Doll]

Means she has no clue you've been traveling.    I would just let my guy sleep, but that's me. 

Good girl but Amer was not talking of   what is supposed to be done after this 35 hour trip or better to be done. Forget "35 hours"- the man gets up and want to do something nice for the woman.
 BTW, Amer, it is NOT "cheap". Money wise it is but if a man makes 200-300-400 K, the wife has a nice car and stuff, but there are no signs of affection then she doesn't really appreciate the money. At least RW will not.

[Blues Fairy]

Good girl but Amer was not talking of   what is supposed to be done after this 35 hour trip or better to be done. Forget "35 hours"- the man gets up and want to do something nice for the woman.

He was saying that showering himself and such would go a long way with RW - which made a few of us laugh, quite naturally.  Then, to defend his statement, he added the bit about the 35 hour travel - of course it makes a difference, but in that case, any major effort such as cooking breakfast would be considered rather unnecessary by any sensible woman.  Personally, I wouldn't have appreciated unnecessary sacrifices. 

[Gator]

He was saying that showering himself and such would go a long way with RW - which made a few of us laugh, quite naturally.  Then, to defend his statement, he added the bit about the 35 hour travel - of course it makes a difference, but in that case, any major effort such as cooking breakfast would be considered rather unnecessary by any sensible woman.  Personally, I wouldn't have appreciated unnecessary sacrifices. 

Amer's use of this episode as an example of pleasing his woman plus his explanation may strike some people as odd.  Yet, I think I know how he feels.

Amer's posting style reminds me of a very stimulated or excited person, more than likely from his body's natural stimulants.  All of us know these people, and I use to work in such a fashion on crash projects.  A 35-hour trip upsets the internal clock and he probably could not stay still, much less sleep.  So let him cook breakfast.  And give him a break, although I scratch my head about the showering comment.

[Jooky]

Personally, I wouldn't have appreciated unnecessary sacrifices.

Very interesting comment. I've heard many women tell me that what they appreciate least is a man trying to please them too much.

A lady friend was just telling me about her frustration with her current boyfriend. One of the biggest problems is that in order to please her, he always offers her to decide what they do and what they eat. He cooks for her and cleans for her and asks how to do everything to her liking. She says it drives her nuts and that as much as she likes his personality, she's tiring of being with a 'wuss' and not a man. Remember that song "Where have all the cowboys gone?".

It’s interesting to read the other women’s comments in this thread.

Aloe appreciated her man simply for being a man, not for something he did specifically for her.

Assamena comments that she wouldn’t appreciate the same thing (even though it’s something nice) every day.

I wonder if this is a reason why so many men find Russian women to be unappreciative. Especially when you have men dating much younger women or women 'out of their league' they will do too much to please and it will have the opposite effect.

To answer the topic question, for me often pleasing a woman (Russian or from anywhere, no difference) isn’t so much about what you do, but how you do it and how you make them feel.

For example, I was in Egypt with a girlfriend. A display of gold necklaces caught her eye, especially one chain with a Nefertiti bust on it,  but I told her no way was I going to buy any of that stuff. She was slightly disappointed, but no big deal and we continued to enjoy our day. Later that evening I snuck back to that store and bought the necklace. I gave it to her as a surprise gift a few weeks later back in Russia. She was ecstatic. It was more of the surprise and excitement of how and when I presented the necklace that she appreciated more than the necklace itself.

Surprise flowers will be appreciated more than flowers every day. Something thoughtful is more valued than something expensive. It’s more about creating a mood or emotion than an actual act or gift.

Another thing I’ve noticed, sometimes what a woman appreciates most is simply you appreciating her! A lot of women like to give as well as take, so if you provide the opportunity for them to do something special for you, and you show you appreciate it, they will appreciate you in return.

That’s been my experience. Any thoughts?

[LEGAL]

To answer the topic question, for me often pleasing a woman (Russian or from anywhere, no difference) isn’t so much about what you do, but how you do it and how you make them feel.

Something thoughtful is more valued than something expensive. It’s more about creating a mood or emotion than an actual act or gift.

Another thing I’ve noticed, sometimes what a woman appreciates most is simply you appreciating her! A lot of women like to give as well as take, so if you provide the opportunity for them to do something special for you, and you show you appreciate it, they will appreciate you in return.

That’s been my experience. Any thoughts?

Nice Post  
That's been my experience as well.  I would add it is not what one says it is how one says it and that speaks volumes from both sides.

[Amerkanski]

Amer's use of this episode as an example of pleasing his woman plus his explanation may strike some people as odd.  Yet, I think I know how he feels.

Amer's posting style reminds me of a very stimulated or excited person, more than likely from his body's natural stimulants.  All of us know these people, and I use to work in such a fashion on crash projects.  A 35-hour trip upsets the internal clock and he probably could not stay still, much less sleep.  So let him cook breakfast.  And give him a break, although I scratch my head about the showering comment.

See this is something all RW should learn and Im sure most already know on this board because you've already made the trip. The OP who has not gone to Russia before will get there and be so mentally and physically tired from his travels, variety of cultures, airports, and a new "live in person" relationship will make you not want to get out of bed for the first few days. The Jet-lag (talking to the OP) effects everyone different, but us west coast guys get it bad.

I've learned when you get there to get up, get busy, and get on with your normal daily routine or you'll want to stay in bed for days and not shave or shower and the RW might just think something is wrong with you. Why? Because the women you're going to meet have not made the trip yet and most women "in general" have horrible geography skills and will never truly know or understand how far you've come until they do it themselves. So I've learned the very next day, you get your ass up and get busy.  

Now, this might sound odd to some of you RW, but I am a bachelor that has my US office in my house. So I do NOT shave, shower, or iron my clothes everyday. Hell, I've even been known to go to the market (late at night) in my pajamas. Why? Because this is the US and we are not afraid to be judged by others because I can give a crap what others think of me. They don't walk in my shoes, lead my life, or pay my bills. Something RU people should learn.

[Doll]

My thoughts

Another thing I’ve noticed, sometimes what a woman appreciates most is simply you appreciating her!

I work in Special Education, our kids ask very reasonable questions, "How can I be respectful, how can I be responsible?" We tell them exactly how- we show them  what exactly they do to be responsible- respectful- in our case appreciative.
So what is it to appreciate a woman? How? This "how" consists of many small and big things- actions (which can be breakfasts in the morning for example).

A lot of women like to give as well as take, so if you provide the opportunity for them to do something special for you, and you show you appreciate it, they will appreciate you in return.

I don't think women look at the money you make like the opportunity to do something special for men.
They do use the money for it(sometimes) but don't consider you money as the means to please you. Will I appreciate the man who provides to be pleased? Don't think so, not me.
 This is what I think.

[Doll]

He was saying that showering himself and such would go a long way with RW - which made a few of us laugh, quite naturally.  Then, to defend his statement, he added the bit about the 35 hour travel - of course it makes a difference, but in that case, any major effort such as cooking breakfast would be considered rather unnecessary by any sensible woman.  Personally, I wouldn't have appreciated unnecessary sacrifices. 

I would double appreciate it.

[Jooky]

I don't think women look at the money you make like the opportunity to do something special for men.

Hmmm... my comment wasn't about money. "Providing the opportunity" has nothing to do with money, being a 'provider', or providing in order to please. What I'm saying is very different than what you understood. I think you misunderstood the expression.

[Doll]

Ok, I misunderstood, then tell me what  "providing the opportunity" is.

[Doll]

Also, what it is - to appreciate a woman.

[Jooky]

providing the opportunity

It means: creating a situation, allowing for things to happen. Sometimes it means doing nothing, so that the woman has the chance or opportunity to do something for you.

I'll take my friend who is frustrated with her boyfriend as an example. He does so much that she never gets the chance to do something in return. He doesn't 'provide the opportunity' for her to do anything for him.

Is it clear now?

[Blues Fairy]

Jooky, great post. 

My first boyfriend was a pleaser and a wuss like the one you've described; always letting me make all the decisions and catering to my every whim.  A desire to please bordering on self-abuse.  It rubbed my ego at first but quickly became very annoying. 

The things a man does for me should be within sensible limits; otherwise they make me uncomfortable.  And yes, taking care of him - and being appreciated for it - can be just as pleasing as being taken care of. 

[Blues Fairy]

Now, this might sound odd to some of you RW, but I am a bachelor that has my US office in my house. So I do NOT shave, shower, or iron my clothes everyday. Hell, I've even been known to go to the market (late at night) in my pajamas. Why? Because this is the US and we are not afraid to be judged by others because I can give a crap what others think of me. They don't walk in my shoes, lead my life, or pay my bills. Something RU people should learn.

This may sound odd to you, Amerikanski, but we RW shower and put on makeup for our own self-esteem and sense of propriety, not to please any man or woman or people at the market.  In fact, we put on makeup just to go to the store around the corner, because that's how we like to treat ourselves.  And who cares what some people who try so hard to appear not to give a damn about what others think of them, think of us.    Something you AM should learn, perhaps.

[Misha]

Do you guys really do this?

This guy does 

[Misha]

Very interesting comment. I've heard many women tell me that what they appreciate least is a man trying to please them too much.

In my experience, women will say such things invariably when they are with a man they do not love. Then, everything he does will be an annoyance  I have yet to hear my wife complain that I tried to do something nice for her 

[Amerkanski]

This may sound odd to you, Amerikanski, but we RW shower and put on makeup for our own self-esteem and sense of propriety, not to please any man or woman or people at the market.  In fact, we put on makeup just to go to the store around the corner, because that's how we like to treat ourselves.  And who cares what some people who try so hard to appear not to give a damn about what others think of them, think of us.    Something you AM should learn, perhaps.

that is why they call it "self-esteem"- because you need it.. otherwise you would not have to buy at the makeup counter.

[Ludmila]

Amerikanski, if you didn't exist, it would've been worth to create you. You made my day, and I am laughing rolling on the floor :-)  :-) :-)

Quote Amer: "So I do NOT shave, shower, or iron my clothes everyday. Hell, I've even been known to go to the market (late at night) in my pajamas. Why? Because this is the US and we are not afraid to be judged by others because I can give a crap what others think of me."

USA!!!  USA!!!  USA!!!



Amerikanski, did you go to  a kindergarten and school ?


Were you ever told that the reason people brush their teeth, take shower, use toilet paper  has nothing to do with being afraid what OTHERS think of you, WHETHER YOU ARE IN US OR NOT?

Did your mama ever explain to you that boys and girls are supposed to brush their teeth, take shower just because THEY ARE HUMANS, even if they live in US, on the Mexican border ?

 What about the  garbage? Why to  take it out ? We live in the US and are not afraid of what others think of us?

You are  saying , you can give a crap. This is no secret. What if no one takes it from you, (and you are not afraid) ?