The search for value....

[ECOCKS]

I notice a lot of guys and agencies refer to finding women with "traditional values". That can mean many things depending on who you ask but the most often referred to context seems to be a lament to go back to the "good old days".

What does "traditional values" mean to the current board membership these days?

Do the FSUW of RWD feel they are "traditional" or not?

[BillyB]

What does "traditional values" mean to the current board membership these days?

For me it mean that a man and woman play traditional role in marriage. Roles they tend to be good at for ages.

I think it's stupid for me to wash dishes half the time and the wife wash the dishes the other half and we split time mowing the grass among other things. Some people like to be gender neutral to responsibilities but not me.

A man's responsibilty is work and bring home the money. If a woman chooses to work, then a man should help out more in the house. Who's responsible for what should be discussed between husband and wife. If husband and wife are too immature to discuss responsibilities and too selfish to accept responsibilities, then they are not marriage material.

[XMan]

I have no problem with a woman working, wanting a career and family, highest achievable education, etc.   
I do have a problem with the martyrdom syndrome of "giving up career for family," or "working so hard so I can have it all," etc.  (So a man working and also being an attentive father somehow just doesn't measure up.  Sure.) 

I knew a woman quite well who wanted to have a child, purposefully stayed home for 5 years (until school age), then blamed her husband and pretty much any other man she had an opportunity to blame for "missing out on important career opportunities" and her husband moving forward in his career while she stayed home.  Perhaps he would have been better served by being a lazy bum instead, or at the very least accepting mediocrity.  But the smart thing would have been to not marry a woman who could never be satisfied, let alone happy. 

At one point I was working 70-85 hour weeks, for about a 7 year span, until I couldn't take it anymore.  I had women coworkers complain about my promotions, taking charge of high profile projects, etc., while they spent time at home with families.   They acted as if it was favoritism toward me, as if somehow they should have gotten the same opportunities while working less and having less ability and commitment.  (To my knowledge, none of them were ever paged at 3:00 a.m.  I was, and with great frequency.)  Well, give up everything I gave up and work yourself to the point of collapse to acquire my level of expertise and productivity.  Then you're equal to me.  Problem solved. 

Politically correct or not, I am weary of feminism, largely because I spent a lot of time with one who grew progressively worse over time. 

I strongly believe the following:
Dresses are not part of a socialist plot. 
Occasionally wearing heels does not make one a prostitute. 
Being sexy once in while does not result in a permanent reduction of IQ. 
Femininity is not a sign of weakness or a disease to be cured.   

So when I think about traditional values, I think of both people in the relationship accepting the fact that there are differences between men and women, and that it is actually a good thing.  It does not mean the woman is subservient.  It does not mean she has no input into the decision making process concerning their future together.  It means that they love and respect each other, and they understand and celebrate the differences between masculinity and femininity, not try to artificially eliminate them or pretend they don't exist. 

I can speak for no one other than myself.  To each his own. 
I want a woman who is feminine and who actually likes the fact that she has two X chromosomes. 
I want a woman who is intelligent, who enjoys family and being a mother. 
I think that is the most basic part of traditional values. 

[Gylden]

XMan,

Well stated!

[Lily]

 
Do the FSUW of RWD feel they are "traditional" or not?

When it comes to single life, work, hobbies, social life, then I probably am a good example of an AW.

When it comes to my love for a man, here I am a traditional woman as they meant it in the fiftees in America.

[Shadow]

The answer may be different from what you expect, regardless of how people rationalize it.
There is one main difference between people in the FSU and people in the US.

In the US the highest goal is gathering money. Everyone is taught they should get money, spend more, get more, spend more. And have enough left to spend when they retire.

i the FSU money is a means to get what you want, not the goal. The goal is to live a happy life and have the things you desire.

Desires differ, what makes people happy differs. But the goal remains.

[Gylden]

Shadow,

NOW I GET IT!!  I thought there was something strange in my community where I grew up. They must have all been communists!!  They were very sneaky too, because all of this time I never even suspected!!
Thanks for telling the truth, so I would know!!   

[Lily]

The answer may be different from what you expect, regardless of how people rationalize it.
There is one main difference between people in the FSU and people in the US.

In the US the highest goal is gathering money. Everyone is taught they should get money, spend more, get more, spend more. And have enough left to spend when they retire.

i the FSU money is a means to get what you want, not the goal. The goal is to live a happy life and have the things you desire.

Desires differ, what makes people happy differs. But the goal remains.

Interestingly, my observations in both countries are the opposite. In the FSU, money matters for vanity. Having really big money is something that would allow you to look down at others.  Big spending is admired; thriftiness is condemned. Americans however seemes to know to value things that cannot be bought just for cash.

[myrddin]

Interestingly, my observations in both countries are the opposite. In the FSU, money matters for vanity. Having really big money is something that would allow you to look down at others.  Big spending is admired; thriftiness is condemned. Americans however seemes to know to value things that cannot be bought just for cash.

 

I think both views of Americans can be accurate - there are millions of Americans on both sides of that coin.  The key in relationships (and friendships) is finding people whose values are similar to yours, whatever those values are.

[Rutherford]

My wife's mom says , " now that you are married , you must forget about any friends  and spend all your time with your new husband".    My wife often  recites what   her mother   has taught her over the years , in many ways I love it  , some are a   bit over the top

[Shadow]

Interestingly, my observations in both countries are the opposite. In the FSU, money matters for vanity. Having really big money is something that would allow you to look down at others.  Big spending is admired; thriftiness is condemned. Americans however seemes to know to value things that cannot be bought just for cash.

Having big money allows to look down on others about everywhere, just remember Ambach.

The difference which I am not sure if you understood it, is not in the amount of value of money, the difference is in the use. Having money for the sake of having money is useless, yet this seems to be the main goal of many people.

[Gylden]

 :usdeyes:

Did you say money again???


Just in a humorous mood

[Shadow]

:usdeyes:

Did you say money again???

Norway

[Ronnie]

Interestingly, my observations in both countries are the opposite. In the FSU, money matters for vanity. Having really big money is something that would allow you to look down at others.  Big spending is admired; thriftiness is condemned. Americans however seemes to know to value things that cannot be bought just for cash.

Spoken as someone who has lived in both the FSU and America.  Far more more worthy (and accurate) than one coming from Holland.  There are exceptions to both generalities as always, but on the whole, Lily's matches my observations and I have lived both places as well.

[Mars]

Quote from: Shadow on Today at 01:43:31 AM
The answer may be different from what you expect, regardless of how people rationalize it.
There is one main difference between people in the FSU and people in the US.

In the US the highest goal is gathering money. Everyone is taught they should get money, spend more, get more, spend more. And have enough left to spend when they retire.

i the FSU money is a means to get what you want, not the goal. The goal is to live a happy life and have the things you desire.

Desires differ, what makes people happy differs. But the goal remains.

- - - - - - - - -

Quote from Lily:

Interestingly, my observations in both countries are the opposite. In the FSU, money matters for vanity. Having really big money is something that would allow you to look down at others.  Big spending is admired; thriftiness is condemned. Americans however seemes to know to value things that cannot be bought just for cash.

- - - - - - - -

I have spent several months in the FSU and agree with Lily's view.

[Gylden]

Absolutely Lily is more correct!
 

[Shadow]

I guess you know better. Having spent equal time in the US and in Russa my observations are just those from a tourist with interest in people. 

[Doll]

Did I miss it or the guys here didn't define what they are/ were searching in FSU women as far as "traditional" goes?

[Gylden]

I think your right Doll, I will make a stab at it.
Traditional values IMO:
Not getting wrapped up in the feminist agenda.
Emphasis on family and the home.

Of course this is pretty general and short but it encompasses a lot.