WMVM

[GQBlues]

FTR and on that note Pacifica, hypothetically speaking, if I found you interesting and wrote you an email extending you an invitation/opportunity to meet with me on an  introductory/superficial level, as one of the women I plan on meeting' for a given time to see if there would be cause for us to further the acquiantance; would you find that acceptable, or would you find that offensive?

[Faux Pas]

I guess it would depend on the depth of the connection. If we just exchanged a few casual emails, and he happens to travel to my town, then it's fine if he meets other people.

If we have been corresponding for weeks/months, talking about personal things, feelings, goals, etc. and he comes to my town because we are ready to meet, then I would expect to be the only one for that weekend.

Which is the same as I said before, it doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman that does the traveling.

You seemed to have skirted the question.  I thought from my question the assumption is that the connection was there, for you anyways and at the same time you think it is for him as well. He states he is coming to meet you and later casually mentions he is meeting other women from the date site while he's in town. How would you feel about him at that point?

I think it would be completely understandable if you haven't connected and barely communicated. In that instance it wouldn't really matter if you met him or not or, if he was visiting others. My only point in these illustrations pacifica is that even in just internet and phone communications prior to meeting, progressions can be made and lines can be crossed as well as expectations heightened.

[Jumper]

faux -

Same scenerio but they are both from the same city /region..

,, and meeting vie match .com or it sjust lunch

absolutely no problem


if its the very NEXT city over ,and it assomewhat nearby  9like my sitaution chicago /milwaulkee or rockford /madison)
lets say an hour or two hour drive,still likely no problem?at all

niether woiul dever think to ask ,much less tell  about any other plans
 

if its 5 hours drive ?
or a 3 hour flight?

then these "feelings on impropriety start"

seems as soon as a person  has to get  a hotel or stay over night the *dynamic* changes?

i'm not disagreeing 
i'm asking

why?

i would just love for someone after a decade to define why that is .


anmd please while they ar eat it define exactly where that  "line" is ,, in miles or kilomters  or time of travel..


lets face it ?

if the star trek transporters
were in each street corner. you could  easily go any where instantly
all of us would date world wide like we do in our own city and now

and NONE of this would come up at all..much less be an endless debate.

but our mode and time of travel changes things,
its incredibly interesting as to why it does so.


my guess at is: humans like to be self delusional ..
 

[Faux Pas]

AJ,

I dunno the answer to your question but, I can tell you this:
I met someone in the same city on match or any other, I would met them without any expectations. Someone that close, the meeting would come asap and likely within a day or two, no real time to frame any expectations. Sure there's the little pumped adrenaline. If or when it doesn't work out it's easy enough to step away, go home and still catch the ball game on TV  No harm no foul and the investment both emotionally and financially is next to nil. In this case I likely wouldn't even stay past the cocktails and would have no problem skipping dinner

Two hours away in the next city. That would involve some degree of high interest and by default "some" expectations, interest and emotional investment. I wouldn't visit a woman 2 hours away unless there was a high degree of interest on my part and I perceived that there was on hers as well. At a minimum drinks and dinner is expected. I would have communicated a week or more online and on the phone before making this date.

Plane ride of 1-3 hours. It would take a very high degree of interest on my part. Rather than just my throbbing loins. Communication of 1-3 weeks or more and she convinced me that her interest was as high as mine. Other plans for entertainment were made rather than just a meet and greet. What changes the game here? I expect the addition of the time and financial commitment along with emotional investment.

To fly across the ocean to the FSU. This elevates everything. Two to three months communication and I am convinced I have to meet this lady and she will return my affections.

Why am I this way, I have no idea. I was inclined to do all of these (and have) at any given moment without any chance of meeting any woman, just for the hell of it. Maybe when actually doing it with a woman involved changes the dynamics?

[Jumper]

Faux-  good answers ..

and i agree ,its likely the presumed  amount of investment proceeding the date ..

now your baseline of 'distabnce 'vs 'expeactation"
is likely very normal , likely similar to my own ..

still others would easily be different and fly to another city if its only a 2 or 3 hour flight..
and think nothing of it .
as you mentioned you  yourself have without even thoughts of  a date.

my  i would think nothing of a date in milwaulkee for example (2 hour drive)
,, it is still 'just lunch" i dont feel entitled to know if she might meet someone else tomorow for lunch   (as in your example to pacifica)
or if she drove her to meet me ,. i dont feel any entitlment to ask her if shes meeting soemone else in chicago..
in fact it would be a bit WEIRD  to do so
i think we all ackhowledge that?

so exactly what distance does it so radically change from being weird to even ask,
to a "general"  expectation that it somehow isnt "cool" or misleading ,even hurtful ...
if they meet someone else ?

if they fly home,  and fly back in two days (or next week)
its ok? right?
 but if they stay over and just met someone else , its generally not condsidred ok really..
 
I'm just asking / probing for answers .(not you personally its a general question)

 i think you see my point though ,
it is *the parties involved * that change the dynamic.

the scenerio or act of travel ,the amount of phone time before hand really isnt
some 'investment" on either parties side that entitles  them to anything more
form some other person they have met.. than any other scenario .

it seems to be common for many people to do ,.
i do agree it seems natural to do so..
hence the endless debates on it .

*******************************************************

I'll use pacifica as an example. (and try not to embarrass or offend )
She's midwest.

I'm in Chicago. She calls with some interest to meet of some *profile*
we have a long talk ,seem to click and agree to meet for dinner ,why not?

if she's from chicago .who in thier right mind would be offended if she also had other palns on other days this week or weekend?
In fact it would be rude to mention ,or even ask about such a subject.
 

ok what if  shes from indianapolis..(2 hour drive)
and just coming into town
(could be any number of reasons including visiting one person,two.or jusr spending the day downtown )
 
 seriously , i cant imagine anyone would have the discourtesy of asking if she had *plans*
to meet anyone else .  still not thier business and rude at that point .
certainly ok to ask if she had plans because youd like to meet a second time?
 but not proper to ask anything further ..

now if she is st louis ,or detriot , its  a 5 hour drive or 1 and a half flight..
most men with any iterst i nher after just the one phone cal woul sd stil meet her. ? right?

sorry , there is simply  no more investment there !
(except on her part) so why would the men have any more expectation of her time than lunch or dinner / coffee? whatever was discussed on the phone?


so ok ,what if its no longer a midwest woman ,
and its someone  flying in from NYC. does the dynamic change/
 or from russia?
if there was still just the one call?
and she said shes coming to town ,, many men would still meet her for lunch.
 
but if they have 5 phone calls or 10 ,well then ..   
its starts getting somehow invested?and the dynamic changes..

so the *line* between it is  rude to even ask her about the topic ,
to expectation she wouldnt meet any one  or she would be acting somehow rudely..

is in the pre date .. time spent in email or phone ...

that's a huge 180 degrees.. in shift?

and it's understandble on the surface ,
until you step back away from it ,and it seems humorous.

[ML]

Good analysis AJ.  I think the answer lies in - it is a weird psychological phenomena - how this thing about travel gets people's panties in a wad.

As you said, we accept a guy or gal having dates with 2 or more persons during the course of a week or month - if they live in the same city.

But when the person in question travels to another city - then suddenly it is in bad faith to do the same thing as you do in your home city.

Totally weird.