Now here, what to expect

[Goombah]

Hi all -

Thought I'd start a thread to document those little surprises, delights, and road bumps encountered AFTER ones bride arrives to our countries.

Evia and Nastya have been here almost 4 weeks now, so I'll post a few comments when I get a break today!

If possible, I'd like to keep this thread positive and talk about how we overcame obsticles on our road to success.  Of course, if anyone can identify events that occured that caused their effort to fail, those post would be welcome, but lets not dive into scammer-war-stories please.

Kevin

[catzenmouse]

A couple of things that I remember right off the top of my little pointy head...

The food (cream cheese, sour cream, meat, etc...) is not as good here as it was at home. Hard time understanding the natives when we were out in public like the fast talking waitress at the restaurant and especially other ethnic peoples who are speaking English with their own particular accents or other linguistic pecularities. Learning curve about computers is big as the terminology/language is rather odd and as she had not ever used a computer just getting the basics down and working with browsers, e-mail, file folders, etc. was a pain for her.  Shopping has been hit and miss. Elena doesn't like shopping in general and has not found any clothing stores that have much in the way of what  she likes. She hates going in Wal-Hell and would rather go to Target or Kohls for basic stuff. Thinks everything is too expensive but that toned down after understanding that price is pretty relative in a lot of items.

Hope all is going well with Evia and Nastya!:D

Ken

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"]Ken,

 Depending on your ladies tastes in clothing, introduce her to http://www.victoriassecret.com/ they have a lot more to offer than [/size][/color][color="blue"]
[/color] [color="#0000ff"][size="4"][color="blue"]lingerie, also Ross is a bargen hunters dream if you lady like to shop, http://www.oldnavy.com/ is a great place for your lady and child.
 
Kevin,
 Explaining the world of mail order was very difficult and it took several years before my lady was comfortable ordering by herself on line. Still once she understood she could get the quality and fashion she wanted as well being able to return what she did not like, she took right to it.

Kevin,
 A small road bump might be brand name products vs generic or the unknown, it still comes up why I suggest a particular brand or another but by letting her make a few mistakes she came to understand cheaper is not always better or the same.

 I know there are a lot more but this is a start Kevin


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[catzenmouse]

Thanks TP, we've done the online and store for Victoria's Secret and she's looked at a lot of different online stores and physical stores. Just not so impressed with the styles. Sees a lot of stuff that she says was in fashion 5+ years ago.

Ken

[TigerPaws]

Thanks TP, we've done the online and store for Victoria's Secret and she's looked at a lot of different online stores and physical stores. Just not so impressed with the styles. Sees a lot of stuff that she says was in fashion 5+ years ago.

Ken
[size="4"]
[color="blue"]Ken,
 I have been told the same things by my lady, still she likes the general fashions in Victoria's Secrets, so far it has been the best she can find without going back to Paris.
 Have you tried http://www.zappos.com/welcome2.zhtml?0111 for shoes? It took a while for my lady to even try buying shoes on line but she really found what she wanted and the return is prepaid.
[/color][/size]

[KenC]

For new arrivals:

On food- Many RW are put off by all the aditives and hormones we have in our foods as well as the use of chemical fertilizers.  Seek out a grocery that has a good selection of organicly grow vegetables and fruits as well as natural foods.  My wife buys 90% of our groceries from such a store.  The remaining 10% would be cleaning products and general merchandise.

On shopping- I am a little suprised that Tigerpaw's lady likes V.S. products.  My wife thinks that their merchandise is of very low quality.  Lena also has the opposite atitude on quality as she says: "Cheap buy twice."  She was also drawn to Bebe stores for fashion and of course the higher end stores like Saks, Nordstroms and Nieman Marcus.  This doesn't necessarily mean more expenditure because she would rather have less things, but quality.  For bargin hunting, she prefers outlet stores for the higher quality retailers.

On communication- The AM should have a heart to heart talk with his new arrival.  Make a pact together that if either is offended by something the other has said, to first consider that they have not understood each other and not that an offensive statement has been purposely made.  Chances are good that there is a misunderstanding of the "hurtful" statement.  This alone can save the couple hours (days?) of hurt feelings.

KenC

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"]KenC,

 I guess like most things in life it is all a matter of taste, my lady dislikes [/size][/color][color="blue"][size="4"]Saks, Nordstroms and Nieman Marcus, says they are way over priced and does not like the fashions. She generally loves the qulaity from VS but again thinks they are sometimes over priced and waits for things to go on sale before she would order them. As for bargains, as I said she loved Ross and couls spend hours searching for 1 item, but then again she likes that so who am i to say it is wrong.

KenC,
 [/size][/color]On communication- The AM should have a heart to heart talk with his new arrival.  Make a pact together that if either is offended by something the other has said, to first consider that they have not understood each other and not that an offensive statement has been purposely made.  Chances are good that there is a misunderstanding of the "hurtful" statement.  This alone can save the couple hours (days?) of hurt feelings.

[color="blue"][size="4"]You are SO right, Goombah, it will happen and KenC's advise is right on target and will save a lot of hurt feelings.[/size][/color]
[color="blue"][size="4"] 
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[KenC]

Tigerpaws,

Lena will stake out her future purchases at Nordstroms. Saks and Meiman Marcua and wait for "her" items to go on sale.  She also spends hours at Marshall's looking through everything.  She may or may not even buy anything.  She also knows when they get their new merchandise.

KenC

[TigerPaws]

Tigerpaws,

Lena will stake out her future purchases at Nordstroms. Saks and Meiman Marcua and wait for "her" items to go on sale.  She also spends hours at Marshall's looking through everything.  She may or may not even buy anything.  She also knows when they get their new merchandise.

KenC

[color="blue"][size="4"]KenC,

 LoL on the stake out, I have seen that as well, Marshall's is number 2 for my lady, she prefers Ross. Don't ask me why maybe she can say, I can not tell the difference.
[/size][/color]

[Photo Guy]

KenC wrote:
On communication- The AM should have a heart to heart talk with his new arrival.  Make a pact together that if either is offended by something the other has said, to first consider that they have not understood each other and not that an offensive statement has been purposely made.  Chances are good that there is a misunderstanding of the "hurtful" statement.  This alone can save the couple hours (days?) of hurt feelings.

[size="3"][color="darkred"]Yes, I agree- this comes across as being right on target. I haven't 'been there and done that', but it stills rings true for me. It's sound psychology that promotes love and benevolence. It would inform her that no matter what happens, you really have the best intentions and do not want to hurt her. Good one, Ken.[/color][/size][/b]

[Goombah]

Here are a couple of tidbits I've experienced so far:

Size of stores, be they clothing, department, or grocery were not surprising to her.  The quantity of choice in each store has been.  Going to Old Navy and trying to pick between a dozen+ variations of blue jeans was overwhelming.  Going to the grocery store and having to pick which of 18 varieties of apples to buy is likewise overwhelming.

"What is public information" is one I just discovered yesterday.  As we talk with neighbors, they want to know what we have done, whats happened, etc. since their arrival.  She considers the fact that she got sick for week VERY personal and not appropriate for mentioning outside of family.  To me its about as personal as the fact that we visited a local cave - its just history, but its important to respect their views.

They both like Peanut  Butter and Jelly sandwiches!

They adopted the household appliances quickly (washers, dryers, dishwashers, microwave, etc.)  The digital oven took an extra week, but I had homemade cornbread with dinner last night, so apparently she has mastered it.

I have a "conversion" chart hanging on the refridgerator with the most common units she will need.  Suspect that is helping with the oven...

She is actively using a computer I gave her.  She had one in Omsk, and her mother had one with Internet connectivity (thats how we exchanged e-mails!), so she was very use to it.  I have enabled the standard Windows Russian keyboard, and we have key stickers.  That seems to help a lot.

Just this week (my first full week back at work) we have re-started e-mailing each other.  This seems to be a lot easier way for her to express more complex thoughts (which she does in Russian, and I get the jist via computer translation and follow-up questions).

She wants to be involved in my current, future, and past life - I'm a package.  So she engages whenever I have previous marriage issues.  Rather nice actually - nothing is hidden, and it provides her background information.

Don't be surprised if you have soup for dinner many nights a week.  And don't be surprised if you find an entire chicken leg - skin, meat, and bones in your bowl.  Likewise, beef in your soup probably won't have been trimmed of its fat.

Elementary school based music programs are a joke relative to theirs.  Suspect my 5th grader Nastya (with 4 years of violin training) plays the violin much better than the Music teacher - and thats the extra-curicular music classes.  The in-school class is doing fancy things like "Lets try and sing an anti-drug song together".

A shoe rack hung on the back of the laundry room door (right next to back door) is very popular.  Still working on getting guest slippers, but we all wear them routinely, but not religously.

She doesn't like Vodka, even premium Russian milk-filtered Vodka.  She does like Port wine.

Fruit consumption is almost scarry.  We bought a large Cost-co bag of apples on Friday - and ate the last two last night (Wednesday).  Oranges are going faster - I estimate about 36 a week...  supplimented with grapefruits, pears, bananas, etc.  Its not uncommon for us to take a bowl of fruit up to the TV room and kill it watching a 2 hour movie (three of us ate 5 bananas, 2 apples, and 4 oranges Tuesday night).  Don't worry about light soup-based dinners, the after dinner fruit snacks will fill you up!

Checkbooks are unknown to her.  Debit cards were, but she is getting use to it.  She has yet to use a Credit card (although she has one now).

Its not uncommon for her to leave her purse at home when we go out.

Nastya had never been on a bike - it took two days before she was riding on her own (and no, I do not have training wheels on it).

When asked what she likes best about America, Evia's instant response is "Being with him...".  The odd part is, I think she really means it!!!

Kevin

[KenC]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

KenC wrote:
On communication- The AM should have a heart to heart talk with his new arrival.  Make a pact together that if either is offended by something the other has said, to first consider that they have not understood each other and not that an offensive statement has been purposely made.  Chances are good that there is a misunderstanding of the "hurtful" statement.  This alone can save the couple hours (days?) of hurt feelings.

Yes, I agree- this comes across as being right on target. I haven't 'been there and done that', but it stills rings true for me. It's sound psychology that promotes love and benevolence. It would inform her that no matter what happens, you really have the best intentions and do not want to hurt her. Good one, Ken.

This is also a practical way to proceed into a relationship where communication is difficult even when the RW speaks English well.  I know you have romanticized the language barrier you and your RW will have, but that bloom will wilt very quickly and become a pain in the arse.  This also works BOTH ways as you will find that your RW will appear to say some nasty and hurtful words to you too, when in fact her meaning is competely different.  I don't know how many times I thought "that ungrateful Bit--" when I stopped and asked what she really meant.

KenC

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]Yes, we're 'romantics'. No, I have not romanticized the language barrier. I see it as a huge obstacle to overcome. We have to deal with it, but [color="blue"]she's worth it[/color].

[/color][/size]

[Voyageur]

The language barrier is difficult to deal with on a daily basis.   My wife speaks English rather well, but sometimes it takes her a long  time to express herself. Frankly, Russian culture is also more direct  than American culture. I always ask her in the "Can you please...."  way, something that my ex "trained" me during my previously Politically  Correct Marriage :huh:.   This amuses her.  At first her blunt way of speaking about  personal issues bothered me, but I learned that this is just the way  she knows from her old culture.

Yes, fruits are eaten often, shoes are removed after entering the house  and never are ice cubes used. They are the source of all colds and  coughs, you know.  And I never had home made soup before (from  scratch) and when she told her American Woman friends about it, they  tried to convince her that that this was not something she wanted to  start doing :? on a regular basis.  Her American woman friends always seem to try and change her, to their :huh: "golden" standard :huh:  ways.  They are always against her cooking each night and always  dressing so nicely, etc.  She is strong enough to ignore them but  I wonder if the years will take it's toll on these wonderful attributes.

[Goombah]

Nastya uses ice to cool excessively hot tea.  Now if I could just get her to use a cup instead of trying to hit the dispenser and catch the things...

Evia avoids ice, and really likes it when I warm her juice in the microwave after taking it out of the refrigerator.  Not hot, just cool-to-warm-temp, but not cold.  (As if the fruit consumption isn't enough, they both are very fond of fruit juice too.  Neither is a problem, its just different.)  I'll second the notion that all cold drinks are evil, possibly excepting Pina Coladas.

Somewhat strange to me is her total LACK of desire to meet any other local Russians.

So far, she has avoided telling me about any problems she has.  For instance, I found out she had a bladder infection from her mother... 

Kevin

[KenC]

Goombah,

Somewhat strange to me is her total LACK of desire to meet any other local Russians.

Lena was the same way.  I never "got it" either.

KenC

[Son of Clyde]

My wife arrived at JFK airport. We were driving home in bumper to bumper traffic.

She was angry I could not pull off the highway immediately to go to a rest stop. It took about 45 minutes of very stressful driving to arrive at the first one after crossing the two bridges.

[Admin]

Goombah,
Lena was the same way. I never "got it" either.

KenC

Hate to break it to you guys, but I "got it" and "got it" and "got it" some more.

Wouldn't have it any other way  :kissing:

- Dan

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]I envy you guys. Maybe someday soon, I'll be getting it too.[/color][/size][/b]

[KenC]

Dan,

Now that, I did get!  (I just didn't understand about her not wanting to meet Russians when she first arrived.:noidea:

Photo,

I dunno, maybe you won't get it cause I also got kissed before Lena arrived.:zappedhim:

KenC

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]Okay Ken. Sure. LOL. I'll pretend you actually are a well-intentioned 'know it all'.[/color][/size]

[Goombah]

Had another one of "those events" this weekend, where her behavior simply surprised me...  Its a little thing, but I found it amusing.

She recently commented that we were running low on pickles, which surprised me, because I hadn't noticed anybody eating them.  Well, apparently it been part of an open-face sandwich she has been making herself from toast, pickles, tomatos, and a small slice of sausage.  She made me one yesterday, and it was good!

Anyhow, the next time I was in the refrigerator I noticed the pickle jar, and sure enough there were only three left.  What was odd was they there was no pickle juice!  I asked her about that, and she simply replied "Oh, I drank it, it was good!".

Kevin

[catzenmouse]

Elena told me about this while we were watching a Russian movie. Apparently it is a cure for a hangover and also some people just like it. Hope all is going well for you and your Siberian family!

Ken

[Photo Guy]

Pickle juice!?
The thought of it gives me the shivers.

For good tasting meat and cheese, there's nothing better than the Whole Foods market in Tempe on Rural Rd. (for RacerX) A huge selection of organic food.  ie  I recently bought a stick of butter from France. Delicious. And the organic ground beef tastes better than meat from your typical supermarket. Yeah, you pay a little more, but it's worth it.  -doug

[KenC]

My Mom used to make my brother drink the juice from
sauerkraut to induce a bowel movement.  Of course she was Russian, and not above torture.
KenC