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Author Topic: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?  (Read 10063 times)

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Offline TigerPaws

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #25 on: January 14, 2006, 08:48:09 AM »
[color="blue"][size="3"]
[/size]
[/color][color="blue"][size="4"]  I spoke to my lady about this last  night and her first response was as I thought the time I spent with her, we were  together almost constantly for the first year.[/size][/color] [color="blue"][size="4"] [/size][/color] [color="blue"][size="4"]

  I did not consider her next response  because I never thought of it the same way as she did, her family was forced to  leave their home in Tajikistan when it became an independent country and were  relocated to a remote village about 800 km east of Moscow. They were renting a 3  room apartment (1 bedroom, living room and a closet they called a kitchen), they  did not have a telephone and as you can imagine very little room. After my lady  arrived and settled in a bit, one of her greatest concerns was that her mother,  sister and grandmother could at any time be evicted from their apartment which  had already happened on several occasions. After discussing this at length I  suggested that we purchase an apartment for her family, after all (at the time)  it was only 5 grand for a new 3 bedroom apartment and we could have a telephone  installed once they moved in. This from her perspective was one of the pivotal  points early on in our relationship, though I never even considered it to be a  very big issue for her it showed a committment on my part.[/size]
[/color]

Offline Todd

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #26 on: January 17, 2006, 02:42:37 PM »
My three things (no pub...sorry...I don't drink):

1.  We have lots of fun

2.  We laugh a great deal

3.  I was always myself through the whole process so there were really no surprises whe she arrived

 

Incidentally, this was as much her list as mine and seemed very different than many other people's.  Kate is very different than many others in that her English was fluent, and the only misunderstandings that result is when she doesn't find a pun onf mine particularly funny.  (It can't be my fault after all.)  The rest of the stuff:  credit cards, cell phone, bank accounts, etc. is really just operational in nature.  As for contact with home, she uses yahoo messenger voice a great deal.  She has only been here for 6 months, so during the second half of the year we face job and driving issues.

Offline Noleman

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #27 on: January 20, 2006, 06:26:44 AM »
What are LD Peanuts?

Offline BC

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #28 on: January 20, 2006, 06:32:06 AM »
Welcome Noleman,

Must be some kind of long distance calling.. phone card maybe or ip phone

Offline Bruno

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #29 on: January 20, 2006, 06:54:29 AM »
Quote from: BC
Welcome Noleman,

Must be some kind of long distance calling.. phone card maybe or ip phone

Prepaid long distance

http://www.ldpost.com/prepaid-long-distance/

By min from USA NYC local access :

Ukraine 0.1$, Ukraine mobile 0.131$, Russia 0.05 $, Russia Moscow 0.018 $, Russia St Peterburg 0.021 $, Russia mobile 0.055 $

Offline OhioGuyRob

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2006, 03:23:06 PM »
Im with ya on this one.... My wife hates doctors of any kind, for any reason.  So I go with her on every visit for everything....

Number 1 in my estimation is patience... and when you think you've started more patience.

Number 2 LISTEN... I mean REALLY listen.  Take time to NEVER assume anything she says is what she means... remember unless she is fluent what you THINK you here may not be what she is trying to say.

We are just now working on driving..... Natalya has been going to the Jewish Center for english lessons (free yeah!!) four days a week.

Quote from: TigerPaws
[size="4"][color="blue"]N[/color][color="blue"]DOC,

 What is the problem with taking your lady to the
[/color] [/size][color="blue"][size="4"]gynecologist? Hells-Bells I played catcher when our daughter came out, as for the plactic, again what is the big deal just put a limit on it that you are comfortable with. I gave her a Visa card the same day I gave her a new car and a cell phone, what is the big deal.
 Honestly I do not understand this attitude NDOC.
[/size]
[/color]

Offline RussianGal

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2006, 08:25:29 AM »
My hubby:
1) was there for me at all times, e.g he was patient, attentive, understanding;
2) arranged soon upon my arrival 2 wonderful trips which rocked my world;
3) never made me feel stupid just because I did not know things.

+ I adapted pretty easy. :-)

--------------
I noticed one thing (based on my own experience and my friends`): if a woman lived abroad or at least on her own, she`ll adapt easier here, than a girl who lived her whole life with parents.
Why? Because she already knows that feeling - to be on your own in a foreign environment and how to cope with it.
As for me, my tears of homesickness were shed in the UK long time ago.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2006, 08:26:00 AM by RussianGal »
Translation, Consultation, 3-Way Call - it can be done by RussianGal.

Offline brentxxoo

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #32 on: March 16, 2006, 07:28:14 PM »
Quote from: TigerPaws
Dan,

 I am not suggesting you (or I) do the exam,
You see, you've already missed fun item #2

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #33 on: May 02, 2006, 04:59:35 AM »
Sorry for posting in an old topic but I believe that this is the most appropriate place for this.

 In some recent conversations with Elena and some other RW/WM couples I seen a bit of a trend (and it was confirmed that I do this as well  :noidea:) where after some time (6 months to 1 1/2 years) where the man will see that his lady is reasonably comfortable in her new surroundings, perhaps she is working or driving where she wants or visiting friends and shopping on her own, and he feels something like "Hey, she's doing great now." so he will back off a bit on the nurturing and extra time and attention that he has been showing up to this point.

 The ladies have invariably felt a bit abandoned by this change. Even though they have made great strides in their new life they are still feeling vulnerable and cut off in many ways. They are waiting for him to get home from work to spend some time together and talk etc. or waiting for the weekend so they can share some activities together and basically to get some quality attention from the man that they have ripped their life apart to be with.

 I hear you say: "Shut up and get to the point!" Okay, okay already... ;)

 This transition is not on a set timetable nor will it ever be truly over in many cases. It is up to us guys to pay attention to our behaviors, moods, actions, etc. and to keep in focus the reasons that we married this lady and to make sure that she is in the front of our thoughts and first in our minds and hearts. The other things will still be there for us when we get to them. I won't die if I miss the hockey playoffs (well, I might but it is a gamble I will have to take...) the lawn, the painting, the garden, the (insert whatever you are doing/planning on doing here) will wait for you. She may not if she feels that she is a pretty ornament or feels that she is being taken for granted.

 Doesn't matter if you've been married for a month or 10 years. She is and has to be first in your life.

Shutting up now.

Ken
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline Turboguy

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #34 on: May 02, 2006, 05:14:51 AM »

 Doesn't matter if you've been married for a month or 10 years. She is and has to be first in your life.

Shutting up now.

Ken

I have to think if everyone did that in all marriages that divorce would be a rare thing. 

Offline Voyageur

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2006, 06:33:49 AM »
Ken and T/G I agree with you 100 %.

I have noticed that I have had a tendency to relax my "patience" levels internally. I do not mean that I am any different, but I think it is a somewhat natural tendency to "relax" after a while. I want to correct this. I remind myself always of what Ken wrote, about how someone completely changed her life (which was also a good life) to come to this strange country to be with me. I notice this mostly when I am trying to watch the Flyer's playoff games  :(.

Then I remember how long I looked, how long the road was to find her. How lucky I was to find her, how even luckier I am that she saw something in me. And I see her struggle to speak to me in a language that is not her own, and I remember all the reasons why I should be listening to her instead of some announcer on Television  :-\.

Offline Turboguy

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2006, 06:02:51 PM »
Good post Voyager.  I ever find the right girl I too will give up the Flyers playoff games.  Actully she can have me 165 hours a week.  The only price she has to pay are the 3 hours in the fall for the Steeler games.  That is my one flaw she is going to have to accept. 

Offline Jumper

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #37 on: May 02, 2006, 10:47:46 PM »
The Top 3 things initially??

1. Made sure she had almost a year of drivers training ,and almost daily driving in Ukraine before relocation here.
She was ready to drive home from the airport..!!!
and i think that allowed *some* initial freedom and independence ,
as soon as she could find her way around ,(very quickly)
 she was going here and there  daily.

(ok this was likely  a purely selfish thing,
so that i wouldnt have to go grey ,trying to teach her to drive LOL ,
 i'm joking, actually she is a much better driver than me)

2.To initially fly here, bought her a round trip ticket with an open end date..
she could go home to visit (or for good,ouch !! lol ) in one week, one montgh or one year  ,
by simply getting to the airport.
This gave her and her mother/family  some piece of mind in many ways, but mostly on when they would, or could ,see each other again ,,
(we were married before she arrived, it wasnt a K1 )

3.Since her english was good ,and she could get around by herself,
got her involved in the gym, and a few other activities she liked right away..
also ESL, but really just to meet people ..and have someplace to go and something initially to do..besides dwell on the strangeness of a new land..and homesickness.... but shes a social person , and would have done this regardless my help or encourgement..
shes someone who would go completely bonkers sitting at home.

Its why these where atthetop of the list,
on another person/personality the list might be completely different!
The key would be knowing the person well ,what makes them tick
and what would let them adjust the easiest?
*shrugs*
« Last Edit: May 02, 2006, 10:51:45 PM by AJ »
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Online 2tallbill

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The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #38 on: January 14, 2021, 02:47:27 PM »
Bump,

I will post my response later. I have a deadline to finish something
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #39 on: January 14, 2021, 05:20:53 PM »
1) Got her enrolled in 1 year Intensive English course at local university.

2) Taught her to drive.  Didn't cause any marital strife at all.  We spent a lot of time at empty large parking lots on weekends.

3) We took a ton of trips her first six months or so here.  Niagara Falls, Washington DC., Mountains, Lakes, Florida.  This provided a lot of joy and excitement and kept her mind off of  her family and country.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline GenMish

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #40 on: January 15, 2021, 06:58:44 AM »
I like MLs answer. I was lucky that my Mom and sisters lived nearby, so that was my number one two and three things that helped. English courses Helped too.

Let me ask this question, what is the one thing you wish you would have done? For me, had a vegtable garden ready to go when she arrived. Dopey me, I knew she gardened in Russia, I just figured she would rather just buy produce at the store. We didnt have one for a few years, and after we got one she just loved to garden. And food you grow really does taste better

Offline I/O

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Re: The 3 Things You Did to Ease Your Wife's Transition?
« Reply #41 on: January 15, 2021, 12:28:46 PM »
Taught her to drive.  Didn't cause any marital strife at all.
Had someone else (Russian speaking) teach her to drive. Caused even less marital strife.....😉

 

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