The 10 Commandments---Age Difference

[KenC]

Don't worry, Ray.  Your ol saggy butt and smell are always a "given."
 
KenC

[SMS60]

Guys, we are slipping.  All these posts and no one has mentioned that it won't work because the young wife is going to want to spend all her nights out dancing until 3 am while the older husband is going to want to sit home in his rocking chair sipping hot chocolate and reading the AARP magazine.

We also haven't had any such as Julie, aka, OnlyI aka a million other identities that it won't work because older men have saggy butts and smell. 

Lots of truths in this post

[GQBlues]

I also know that this is a topic of debate often here.  I am not so foolish to think any of our conversations here will have much effect on those that come here to justify their relationships that are already in process.  Where I do see the value of these discussions are when there is a newbie just embarking on his initiation into the club.  I remember all the questions I had when I first began exploring the possibilities.  I believe if these neophytes conclude that even if they can marry a much younger RW than they would typically an AW, it does not come without additional risks.
KenC

I agree with you Ken, hands down. Unfortunately, you and I, along with the others, understand the reality in this endeavor is that there will always be gorillas in our midst.

You can never share sane rationalities and information to the insane.

In my thinking, the more people accept the reality in this endeavor on the onset, the more reasoned thinking folks will apply upon their respective experiences and choice.

[BC]

In my thinking, the more people accept the reality in this endeavor on the onset, the more reasoned thinking folks will apply upon their respective experiences and choice.

What can one expect when the 'selection' process begins by clicking on that 18-25 button...

This whole venture has little to do with reality. -In fact, most come here to escape it.

[I/O]

This is my last post in this thread

Promise?

[TheTraveler]

Still trying to find absolution in generalities....

1. My marriage have an age gap. Things are actually great with us - now. Will it be in the future? Gawd only knows, eh? I sure hope so. What I am confident with TODAY is  my wife had become an independent, well-rounded individual and absolutely sure she'll be able to look after herself if she had to do it alone. Somehow I have a difficult time accepting that someone in the internet that neither my wife or I personally know, is absolutely certain we are miserable and soon to be doomed because of our age gap, for the simple reason it happened to them or simply because the sky is blue.

2. Newbies, lurkers, M&Ms, and the peanut gallery. The fact is, these newb MOBers are NOT your usual bishop-polishing, pubic hair sprouting adolescents. There's better than a good chance they're middle-aged men, multiple divorced blokes with children, grand-children;  or for better/worst, lifelong loners. If at this stage in their lives they actually need to rely on faceless strangers' experience/theories/ego-boosting drivels/fantasies/opinions, etc..to bank their life's aspirations on - or what's left of it - then the age gap issue is hardly their problem, no (?)

2. 'Excuse'. The best 'excuse' used in this topic is the 'life stages' perspective. Often used, likely by those who's at least in their 60s. 20-25 years age gap roughly gives them a pass on a woman that'll be in their late 30s-early 40s. Now, how convenient is that, eh? It may not seem so bad an argument unless you look at this from the woman's POV. By the time she actually arrives here from their time of their corresponsdence, you're looking at easy - 2+ years later. That 60 year old man is two years 'older'. OK, give him another 5-10 years...he's passed 70 and she's around 50. Older women, on average, will have a harder time adjusting to this society, language, and all the nuances that come along with living life at 50 - ALONE. A minor oversight? I don't think so...it's always was and always will be, selfish conveniences.

Rebuttal from pitbull's post:

i.e. stolen youth.

My wife's previous 4 best friends in Siberia are currently in these situations. One still lives with her family, along with hubby and one child. One moved to Kyrgystan with her husband and two children (hubby is a graduate from Houston, Tx.), the last one with a son but unfortunately now divorced. The fourth one, no one knows...

Conversely, since being married to me, my wife recently earned her degree in a Cal-State University. Currently in the midst of acquiring additional education (wants to be a CPA). Holding a full time well-paid position in a financial company. Been to 8 different countries, 18 states, and have seen so many places, things, etc...amassed and met so many different peoples of other nationalities and culture she's currently friends with; recently became and holds a deed as a new homeowner, opened herself up to various recreational activities that she would otherwise likely not have enjoyed, holding 800+ FICO score for credibility, can up and travel to just about anywhere in this globe without having to worry about visas on a moment's notice, is at the present time *thinking* sometime soon will be the best time for us to *have our own family*, etc..In short, she's become a well-prepared, well-rounded individual...just like an average contemporary progressive-thinking AW.

So I'm thinking, whose youth you think was stolen comparitively speaking, hers or her friends living in FSU?

For the average US Joe, if there's one absolute truth in this endeavor then here it is. For most of you the MOB affords you an opportunity to not only date/marry younger, relatively more attractive women that you couldn't otherwise do at home. It has no bearing in these women being family-oriented, thinner, prettier, more matured, traditional etc. because they're not. The only reason most men are in places like the FSU looking for love is simply because of economic imbalances in our global regions that afford some the advantage to balance out their personal social latitude.

How you exercise this 'advantage' in your quest is ultimately up to you. If you can be man enough to accept this reality, then man-up and be responsible for the woman's welfare and future that you brought into your world. Think beyond yourselves.

Success in these marriages, with or without age gaps, is and always will be an open-ended, highly-subjective individual experiences.

Just happened upon this old post in an old topic, but had to give it a bump!
 
What a great, great post, GQ!!

[IAmZon]

double bump. I concur

[rambler]

Well , if you are thinking of entering into an age gap situation  there are a few things to do first:


See a film called "You will meet a tall dark stranger" by Woody Allen.
Read the book "A short history of tractors in Ukrainian" by Marina Lewycka


They are both hilarious and the common denominator is a huge age gap relationship.  They are not so funny for the old guy though.  In both cases the stooges are buying and the woman is selling, but delivering very little, the bare minimum. Caveat emptor.


I also have  mentioned book called Snowdrops by A. D. Miller which is not a comedy at all but is about an English lawyer in Moscow who is used by his young lover to lend credibility to a  property switch scam and murder played by young Russians against old Russians. 

[size=78%]For those with a lower risk threshold than myself, my advice is don't get involved with any girl on an agency website.  Simply go to Russia or Ukraine with no prior contacts and get your own hotel or apartment and meet women as naturally as possible.  The advantage of this is you are more likely to avoid the type of woman that Bluesfairy very deftly described. In other words the girl the local guys won't settle down with because she ain't actually looking for a husband, rather a punchbag on which to avenge her parental issues, or a meal ticket. Ask  yourself why this girl has not been snapped up by the local men? What is about her that has made her single? How long was her average relationship? Date her profile & photos on the website (question her about them) then a few days later ask her about the dates of her last local relationships.  You might find that she was dating a local guy while at the same time meeting WM with a view to ... what? Fleecing the WM and deceiving her local guy, or just deceiving the local guy and looking for one way ticket outa there ... [/size]

[size=78%]Be aware of the value of your money. $200 to $1000 might be a monthly wage in most places. That means a hand to mouth attitude that entails the expectation that the wage earner spends all their money every month and if you don't you are greedy. So a salary of $2000 or 5000 or 10000 a month looks like a fantasy paved with gold, for which she is willing to endure an age gap, for a set time only. But relative costs and true net disposable incomes are a huge distortion to her expectations that can lead to serious disappointments.  Buyer beware.  Never fall in love with someone you have to pay for because someone else can and will outbid you. [/size]

[size=78%]Alternatively ....  A friend of mine has been travelling around the world for a long time and has many a tale to tell. His advice is to make her a queen in her own country. Go visit her, take care of her there but don't bring her back. She is going to trade up. That's his philosophy, he is  a bit older than me and he is a happy guy with no worries. Or maybe if you are near retirement cash out your chips and go live in her country where a buck goes further and you have time to build a natural relationship instead of a a one month to get married scenario.  He would not go for FSU woman, they leave him cold, he has seen too much grief.  In comparison to his  tales from the Far East and South America I have to admit, he has a valid point.  The hardships that FSU citizens have endured over the last century have necessarily moulded a phyche that is totally alien to you and I.  There are exceptions of course. If you think they are just like us you are walking into a beartrap.  Blood family is where the allegiance lies, everybody else is fair game. You need to listen to their grannies stories about WWII and scan the literature of the last 150 years to get an inkling of the differences.  The west has a very soft underbelly by comparison.  If you are looking for an age gap relationship, head for warmer climes. [/size]

[calmissile]

rambler

Great post!  I have a couple of American men friends that are resident in UA and they ask the same thing "Why in the hell would  you want to marry one and go through all the grief?"  I guess my answer is to be together, however you friends advice about searching in the warmer climates may have some merit.  A completely different mind set, and many just as beautiful albeit a little 'thicker'.

[BC]

8. Treat international dating the same as dating someone from your home country. The biggest difference is the cost (travel, phone. etc). This is an expensive process. Don't believe anyone that tells you otherwise.

Actually covers it quite well.

[Mark Davis]

                                Age gap no issue for Zeta-Jones, Douglas

Hollywood actress Catherine Zeta-Jones insists the 25-year age gap between her and husband Michael Douglas doesn't matter and she often forgets he is so much older.

The 40-year-old actress insists her relationship with Michael Douglas works well because he is no longer as focussed on his career as she is and so can stay at home with their children, Dylan, nine, and Carys, six, while she goes out to work, reported contactmusic.com.

"Until someone actually tells me he's 25 years older, I don't actually think about it. I guess he's been through the mill a bit if he can put up with me and we're not vying for equal rights in our careers because he already is Michael Douglas. It works very well with the children, him being at home and me working and vice versa," she said.

The "Chicago" star, who has been married to the screen legend for almost 10 years, also revealed the attraction between them was instantaneous and has only grown "stronger" over the years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Source: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hollywood/news-interviews/Age-gap-no-issue-for-Zeta-Jones-Douglas/articleshow/5440910.cms

I saw that this string was commented on today - and then I saw that it was originally posted in 2010!  Ha!  Just goes to show what a hot topic this is.


So, if I may chime in - I do have a 25 year age gap with my wife and I can tell you a lot about it - especially since it's the biggest subject we're asked about, immediately followed by, "why hasn't she dumped you for a younger dude since it's been five years now."


AGE GAP COMMENTARY FROM A GUY WITH A 25-YEAR AGE GAP WITH HIS UKRAINIAN WIFE OF FIVE YEARS


POINT ONE: I did not go looking for a big age gap.  When we met I thought she was about 26 based on her maturity and humor.  That would have made it a 16 year gap and I felt fine about that. 


POINT TWO: Anna DID go looking for an age gap.  She was convinced that guys in their 20's were all cheaters because they were all sewing their wild oats.  She concluded that a marriage-minded guy would have to be over 30 - and she was dating guys in that age range in Ukraine when she was 18.  It was a strategy on her part.


POINT THREE: We were an obvious fit to anyone who saw us together.  Those who have spent any time with us will say that we are such an amazing and comfortable fit and they concur that the age factor is not relevant to our chemistry with each other.  But you'd have to meet us in person to buy that.  If you're ever in SoCal please look us up and we can do lunch!


POINT FOUR: Anna sees the age gap as an advantage for her as a woman.  Anna feels that women age much faster than men.  A 50 year old guy can still be very handsome - but a 50 year old woman rarely is.  She has said on many occasions that she's glad that she'll always be the most beautiful woman in my life.

POINT FIVE: We have amazing passion and attraction for each other. 


POINT SIX: Life is always fascinating and never boring with different perspectives.  In addition to observing the same things in life from two cultural perspectives - and from the difference of being different sexes - we also see them from different generations.  We NEVER lack in things to talk about just from our two observations of daily life.  I guess I get bored easily and I really love conversing with people who see things entirely differently.  Other people can be threatened by it and see it as potential conflict.  I feel sorry for them.


POINT SEVEN: We add value to each other's life.  She keeps me connected with youthful activities and people with brilliant and young minds.  I am able to provide her with opportunities in life she wouldn't have had in Ukraine - and people in my circle she never would have met.  And I ALWAYS have the hottest woman in the room on my arm.


POINT EIGHT: It's not as big a gap as you'd think. When I'm finally getting close to the end of my life (mid-80's in my family history), we will have been married for nearly 40 years.  She will be approaching 60 and have had a wonderful life with me.




In spite of all of those benefits for us - we have dealt with judgement and harsh accusation.  I have been accused of being on the hunt for teens.  I have been told I was cruel to marry her knowing that I would die first.  Had anyone read the life expectancy tables for Ukrainians?  Men are expected to die at 63 and women at 75. 


Everyone's story is different.  But I always advise to look for the one you have a spark with - meet in person first and not online - she won't have an age on her name badge.  You'll just have to listen to your heart for a change.

[ECOCKS]

It's good that folks are understanding the age gaps are no different here than there.

You want a young one? Be sure you understand the risks and costs (financial, emotional, etc.) and go for it if you're going to accept responsibility for your actions.

The odds are what they are, wanna play the game? Ante up and take your chances.

[LAman]

It's good that folks are understanding the age gaps are no different here than there.

You want a young one? Be sure you understand the risks and costs (financial, emotional, etc.) and go for it if you're going to accept responsibility for your actions.

The odds are what they are, wanna play the game? Ante up and take your chances.

+1

[Kuna]

I'm just glad I don't visit here often any more and therefore I don't have to read age-gap threads too often...  though I do miss reading about the train wrecks.   

[Mark Davis]

Sorry, Kuna.  No train wrecks today.

[IAmZon]

Most conversation about age gaps should be read with the knowledge that middle aged men here are almost always suffering (or not suffering) a "mid-life crisis" and being with a younger woman is youth giving.


But, it is impossible to make a person a number.   There are many 21 year old women that are UGLY, thus not physically desirable.  There are some guys in their 50's that are more interesting and in better physical shape than other men in their 30's.


For me, I have not dated a woman older than 32 in years.   I do not do this out of design.  It just has worked out that way for me (of course the fact that I have lived 70% of my time in South / Central America over the last 4 years also comes into play.    I have had only two "more serious" relationships in 4 years.   I ended them both because of extreme age gaps.   24 and 28 years.  In both of these cases, there was sincerity and love - it was not make-believe.  Sometimes I wonder about one of the woman - I was very happy being with her every day.


What is really at work here in my opinion is this:  First, the man can not be crazy and dishonest with himself. Second; women 19 - 26 change greatly!   (I am not talking about American women) Women 27 onward change less.   Women 32 and older are more or less fully baked. 


Train wrecks occur when incomplete, emotionally needy, and temporarily crazy men lie to themselves and marry a woman out of their league who is highly likely to change and mature ... when she wakes up, she realizes she made mistake.


And, there are other issues - older men may not wish to have children, etc...

[LAman]

Guess I've had a  'mid-life crisis'  ever since i was a teenager!!!!!

[Gator]

I'm just glad I don't visit here often any more and therefore I don't have to read age-gap threads too often...  though I do miss reading about the train wrecks.   

If train wrecks are your cup of tea, you should be encouraging large age gaps, 20 years minimum.  

[GQBlues]

:::We now bring you back to your regular scheduled programming::::

~ I don't even know why we give Jack such a hard time for plugging his business at all. Every other commercial members do so unabated in most threads these days it seems..

(btw- thanks for the props The Traveler)

[AnonMod]

Commercial posts have been moved.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14662.msg297145;topicseen#new

[IAmZon]

Commercial members have good information too.  Of course, guys that have independently traveled and skinned their knees along the way have real life information without the commercial structuring of messages.


The only  thing that sticks out to me when I see this stuff, or talk to service providers is the basic hype about marriage itself - and the process.   It leads to a "model - making mentality" ... if I follow step 1, 2, 3 then X, Y Z.  Human relationships must be more natural than that.

[Globetrotter]

This will probably be the never ending topic...as one will do, because he can.  Just think, if you are Donald Trump, or like him, you can hang out with Brazilian beauty queens, marry them, have babies, etc.  However, if you are a construction worker, middle aged, and marry a teenager...beware, and expect the obvious results that are likely to follow.  And....if you pontificate as to your supreme intellectual as well as sexual skills...as a reason that this teenage beauty will be your lifelong love, well, sorry, you are pissing up a rope...and trying to rope others into your way of thinking because of a deep inferiority complex for more reasons than can be explained!
 
(Daveman............hope this does not get me banned for ever again posting...for thinking of mentioning the obvious Duffus!)


Daveman's edit: Apparently you just didn't get it, and also wish to push the envelope at RWD.  I trust this makes it crystal clear.
 
If two people are loving and comitted no matter what their age, I say go for it, but realize the pitfalls.  Also, have a pre-nup. 
 
Also, no matter how many studies and surveys have been done, recorded, posted, validated as to AM-FSU marriages............just know that the divorce rate in this country is about 50%, and in the FSU it is greater than 50%....so, you knows your odds, and you takes your chances!!!
 
I am 60, and divorced for more than 20 years.  At 39 and waiting for my flight from Caracas, a really cute girl (she was 24) at the bar asked me in Spanish the time of day, and I answered in Spanish, which started a 2 year relationship.  Great fun for 2 years. 
 
Anyone can have a relationship with a younger girl if you have the physicial and financial means.  If you are a dreamer........stay home and save your money....or just "rent one" for the weekend.
 
Some people think that if you can have a relationship for 5 or 10 years, that this is OK, and good.  I want, and seek more.  I want a best friend who I can speak with on any and every topic, hold her hand, and also sleep with her...again, a best friend!
 
Lucky me...as I have found just such a lady.  She would be happier if I told her I was moving to Siberia.  She has been here 2 times...soon 3.
 
Each to their own.  Just have a pre-nup....as you should have if you were about to marry a USA girl.............especially if so!!! 
 
 
 
 
 
         
 
 
 
 

[IAmZon]

Anyone can have a relationship with a younger girl if you have the physicial and financial means.  If you are a dreamer........stay home and save your money....or just "rent one" for the weekend.

Agreed. It really does comes down to that!  I spent the last week with a new client and he is a great guy.  He is 52 and looks every bit his age physically.  BUT, he also has a strength and charisma.   Beautiful women, much younger, are clearly attracted to him.  He currently has only one girl friend for 7 years.  She is now 26 and from Russia.

Last night, my first night in Kiev, and 5 days before I am to attend Jack's tour (Jezzz!  I still can not believe I am going on a "tour")  My 22 year old "amiga" from Medellin SKYPKE call me to talk with her AND her aunt.  The reason? Her aunt has been happily married to a German man for 20 years and they have a 20 year age gap.  My "amiga" says she understands the advantages and disadvantages of falling in love with an older man.  She also is an academic and works in places where she meets many foreigners.  All in all, she is not trying to get a ticket to leave the country.  BUT, I am still 28 years older than her, and she is going to be 22 years old in September (a point she reminds me off to show that she is almost a complete woman for me).  But, this woman is 2 FRINKIN 1.  She is way too nice and of too high quality to treat cheaply.  She is too young not to notice the obvious.

I would not be so reluctant if a similar woman was 28 years of age ... and it does not have to do with some mathematical formula.  Women change greatly between the ages of 19 - 27.  (in the USA you can add 10 years, and throw the possibilities out the window)

I KNOW there is a "taboo" at work.  I feel it in the USA.  The psychological solution for how to get over other people's perception is "Screw em".

[2tallbill]

most of all don't don't get seriously involved with any woman who isn't absolutely crazy about you.

Agreed!

[ML]

Wife and I have a large age gap.

However she was 36 when we met, not 20.
I think that makes a big difference regarding future problems as they both age.

I had to go for a large age difference because of my unusual and PIA interest in sex.

However our Olgac here is saying that many women past menopause still have an interest in sex.  That was not my experience in USA nor words I heard from female relatives.

However . . . putting sex aside . . . it is great to be out and around with a much younger woman, as we did today at Texas Roadhouse.  I enjoy the jealous looks from men my age.  And just like them . . . I don't know how the he!! I pulled this off.