Aust guy communicating with a pro-dater?

[Aussielion]

This is my first post in this forum. The forum looks very well organised with some sensible posters in it. Feel free to clap about my compliments  .
Anyway, I just wanted to post some information about my situation. Im a 32 year old guy who has been in the FSU dating scene on and off for about a year. My membership for "Elenas Models" site expired a few weeks ago. I like the site very much. The staff are professional and they make a great effort to keep the site scam free.
Onto the main topic. I've been communication with a 23 year old lady from Zaporozhye in the Ukraine. She is studying part-time for a computer programming degree and works at a jewellery store. She has a profile at one other website as well. Our communication started at around mid-March with about 20 letters recieved from her over that time. Our communication has been going well. I've rarely recieve more than 2-3 letters from a lady so using that scale, the communication with her has been consistient. After a while, she has given me her cellphone number and mailing address. I told her that I will be with her in September. But, there are a few things that bother me (potential red flags).

1. She is very hard to contact by phone. She gave me a particular time to ring during the day. I had tried to ring her on a few occassions at the time set out, but she always says that she is at work. I have offered to arrange a translated phone conversation with her but doesn't seem keen on following that up. She very rarely returns text messages that I send her.


2. I have suggested on repeated occassions that we need to have some online conversations. She is also very reluctant to do this. She has offered excuses like that younger people in the internet cafe will smirk and laugh at her. This is her exact quote

You want us to talk, but, I think that our talk has to be comfortable and pleasant for both of us. I understand that you have a computer at home and you will sit in your cozy sofa or chair and talk to me and I will be in the internet club, full of boys, playing computer games, who will steer at me and will point at me, laughing. Do you want me to feel myself uncomfortable?


To me, this is a massive red flag. She says that she is studying for a computer programming degree, yet doesn't have a computer at home nor wants to talk to a man who could be her future husband....very odd.

3. Despite saying that she is keen to meet me, she has very few questions for me. She answers all of my questions but poses very few of her own.  Mind you, I have never communicated with a lady from the FSU that had a lot of questions for me. Is this a language issue?

4. Her first email to me has a different mail server to all her other ones. From her second email onwards except for 2-3 other letters, she used "The Bat". She says she uses the internet cafe for most of her correspondence but has used the work one.

5. This unusual quote in one letter. I asked her about her fears. zShe gave me a personal enough answer but added something unusual. Real or fake?

I want to tell you that when I was a kid, I had a phobia of darkness. I was afraid to stay alone in the dark room and I saw
witches in the window! They were laughing at me and they were going to steel me! I remember everything clearly and I want to
tell you that such illusions were stopped, when I was baptized! I began to sleep very well and I have never seen those
witches again.
 Now, I have another fair. I am afraid of snakes! I hate them and I cant imagine myself living in the country, full of
snakes! Of course, there are a lot of snakes in my country too, but they live in the fields and it is a rare thing to see a
snake in the city! Oh, by the way, I have mentioned a snake in the previous year! I was returning from the buss station and
the snake was crawling just in one meter from me. I was in the shock! I stopped and I was paralyzed. Then a snake moved to
the flower garden near the nine-stored house. Children can play in the garden and can step on the snake. It is awful!

I like communicating with her and want to be with her in September. But, I have my doubts about her.

[BillyB]

Welcome to the forum Aussielion,

Based on what you wrote, I don't see any red flags yet.

Although she is studying to be a computer programmer, many Ukrianians don't have computers and yes, you will force her into an embarressing situation if you communicate online with her at an internet cafe with young boys all around playing their online games. You have her phone number, so use that for communication.

Sure it's hard to get a hold of her on her phone if she works and studies at school. She also has to study at home so she has very limited time to talk to you. Figure out the best time to call her and respect those times.

Why she doesn't return text messages? I can't answer that. I hate text messaging and I don't have that feature on my phone in the USA. Maybe she hates it too or maybe there a big cost for it when sending text overseas. Someone else may have the answer to that.

Although she doesn't ask you many questions it doesn't mean she's interested in you. Many FSU people will rarely ask you much and stick their nose in your business. As a man it is your job to show interest in her. The fact that she is talking to you on the phone is a good sign. RW who doesn't like you will ignore you.

How does she speak to you on the phone? Is she happy and eager to hear your voice and every word or does she try to keep the conversation short and tell you goodbye often?

[facetrock]

  My take is this. She is just not that into you. Sorry.

[seraphimangel]

Maybe she hates it too or maybe there a big cost for it when sending text overseas.

It's not cheap there dude.  I have talked to my favorite person in Ukraine for hours, but she rarely texts me, or when she does... she says.. go to email... or call me... because for me.. its .20 american per international text... for them... it's half of dinner.  It eats up their time like a MF'er,

I know a girl in Zap, who also is near that age, studies something similar... who also does not have a computer.  Zap is not a big city, people from Kiev or Odessa are more inclined to have computers I've noticed.... of the 3 Zaps I've met, only 1 did.  You just have to live by the phone calls, or maybe emails..

[Breeze-J]

Hi Aussielion

(sorry my english is bad)
My opinion the girl from Zaporozhye is honest with you.
I agree with BillyB.
Questions 1,2, 4,5 I do not see red flags.

Question 3. If she has written 20 emails it means she wants dialogue with you.
Maybe she not ask you because she worry you could thought  about her as  mercantile girl.

It is very good that you aspire to make dialogue  more real and less virtual reality.
She should know that your intentions are serious and not play.
She could send sms to you when she will have comfortable time for talk and you could call back at once.

Probably you should ask really she wants a family in the near future? does she understand about changes if it happen with the man from west? But not all questions at once

facetrock
You think Aussielion already has not only interest but also feelings to the girl?
She is 23 year old and 3 months of dialogue is not such long term for her as for woman of 40 years who knows that it wants and  who promote relations also.
All initiative should be from Aussielion in this situation.

Her answers to your questions your compliments     will help you to understand about September trip

[felix8787]

Ok, I have read enough and i can't stop freaking laughing.....I am not going to comment on Aus's stuff that is going on with this young girl....I take that back...she is young and she doesn't know what she wants... YET! Now as far as the texting thing...it is not expensive, sorry to bust whatever bubble someone is feeding you. You might be wondering? How do I know, I'm sitting here next to my lady (in Ukraine) and I just asked her and she tells me about 1 to 1 1/2 hrv to send a text to me in the US, now keep in mind that it comes down to whatever plan they have with the mobile phone company. Now im quoting here from my lady.. "But still baby, it is not expensive to send sms.""To call yes, but not to send sms." But before I leave I'm giving her my Life sim card which she can call me and it won't cost her much cause I had a friend program it to call the US for about 1 hrv for 5 minutes. Sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh my a$$ off when I read that it cost big bucks and it's half of dinner. Not to insult but damn that is funny.

Thats all for now.
felix8787

[kievstar]

You started talking in March. It is now June.  When does she have vacation time.  Most have time in August.  You should be going for 1-2 weeks in August with a backup plan.  September is a bad month with many people back at work and school.

Felix depends on the phone plan.  It is not always 1-2 (its 1-2 times the 30 men texting her  ).  Also, reception is not great where this girl lives. 

[Aussielion]

How does she speak to you on the phone? Is she happy and eager to hear your voice and every word or does she try to keep the conversation short and tell you goodbye often?

I've tried on a couple of times. She had been at work each time so the convo was very short. She sounds pleasant enough though.

[Aussielion]

Hi Aussielion

(sorry my english is bad)
My opinion the girl from Zaporozhye is honest with you.
I agree with BillyB.
Questions 1,2, 4,5 I do not see red flags.

Question 3. If she has written 20 emails it means she wants dialogue with you.
Maybe she not ask you because she worry you could thought  about her as  mercantile girl.

It is very good that you aspire to make dialogue  more real and less virtual reality.
She should know that your intentions are serious and not play.
She could send sms to you when she will have comfortable time for talk and you could call back at once.

Probably you should ask really she wants a family in the near future? does she understand about changes if it happen with the man from west? But not all questions at once

facetrock
You think Aussielion already has not only interest but also feelings to the girl?
She is 23 year old and 3 months of dialogue is not such long term for her as for woman of 40 years who knows that it wants and  who promote relations also.
All initiative should be from Aussielion in this situation.

Her answers to your questions your compliments     will help you to understand about September trip

Thanks very much for your input. Everything you have said makes a lot of sense to me. Based on our correspondence, I like her very much and have strong feelings to meet her. I've never had that with a FSU lady before. Her letters are personal with touches of humor. I find that very attractive in a partner.

I've posted this info to gain knowledge as I have read some sad stories before. But, Im definitely seeing her in September to see if we are a good match. Im a genuine guy and only intend on being with her. I'll keep you posted on how things go. Once again, thanks!!!

[kievstar]

Don't worry about the phone.  I have worked in Ukraine and I can tell you women have it a lot tougher than men in the work environment.  Many work 70-80 hour weeks and get paid little.  They also do not have set work times always.  Plus they have men bosses giving tons of work to them making it tough on them.  It is a tough life for many working women.  They do not have much time to speak to people they have never met in person.  

[Aussielion]

You started talking in March. It is now June.  When does she have vacation time.  Most have time in August.  You should be going for 1-2 weeks in August with a backup plan.  September is a bad month with many people back at work and school.

Felix depends on the phone plan.  It is not always 1-2 (its 1-2 times the 30 men texting her  ).  Also, reception is not great where this girl lives. 

Unfortunately, that is the soonest time I can get time off. If things work out, I'll try work something out where she can holiday in Australia with me on a tourist visa.

[Doll]

Phobia for darkness, witches and shakes IS a big no-no for dating in the FSU 

[facetrock]

  Ok, so you only got 20 letters in about 3 months from this gal. She doesnt want to chat online with you. She asks very few questions about you. She doesnt want to talk to you through a translator. She rarely returns text messages. You cant get her to answer your phone calls.

 If you have feelings for this girl you better get them under control.
 Her being keen to the idea of you coming to see her is no big deal. Most women you get to know a bit from the net will be happy to meet you. It doesnt cost them a dime. Not a big deal for them if you show up and there is no interest.

I stand by what I said before. "She's just that not into you."

I dont think she is a prodator either, just a young girl playing.

[Gylden]

  Ok, so you only got 20 letters in about 3 months from this gal. She doesnt want to chat online with you. She asks very few questions about you. She doesnt want to talk to you through a translator. She rarely returns text messages. You cant get her to answer your phone calls.

 If you have feelings for this girl you better get them under control.
 Her being keen to the idea of you coming to see her is no big deal. Most women you get to know a bit from the net will be happy to meet you. It doesnt cost them a dime. Not a big deal for them if you show up and there is no interest.

I stand by what I said before. "She's just that not into you."

I dont think she is a prodator either, just a young girl playing.

Have to say  I agree 100%

[Shadow]

As far as real or not real, fram what I see she is real.
As for marriage material, I am not sure, you will have to find out yourself.

[Waleed]

She is right about internet cafes. They are usually full of young boys. However, some internet cafes install small partitions for privacy, but this may not work well in the countryside where many people know each other!! I saw some girls chatting by mikes in crowded cafes, but I think many Ukrainian girls will not feel comfortable to do that; they are too shy.

Not many Ukrainian girls in her age can speak English fluently as she does … I think it could be likely that someone is helping her in writing emails and this could be one of the possible reasons that she avoids communicating with you over the phone.

We are all busy at work, but I do not think there is a big harm to dedicate 5 minutes to answering a call that will change your fate in life!!!

I will recommend to continue with her but do not take any serious step (e.g. travelling to Ukraine) unless you have in your hand a more solid evidence that she is real and interested in you.

[SFandEE]

It's not cheap there dude.  I have talked to my favorite person in Ukraine for hours, but she rarely texts me, or when she does... she says.. go to email... or call me... because for me.. its .20 american per international text... for them... it's half of dinner.

What is the hru expense for international text messages from Ukraine to USA?  When I was last there texting with my Ukraine phone I was only texting to Ukraine.   

[Voyager36]

She is right about internet cafes. They are usually full of young boys. However, some internet cafes install small partitions for privacy, but this may not work well in the countryside where many people know each other!! I saw some girls chatting by mikes in crowded cafes, but I think many Ukrainian girls will not feel comfortable to do that; they are too shy.

Yes, this is correct.
My wife didn't have a computer until I bought one, and didn't like the internet cafe, which was usually jammed in the evening with kids anyways.

Also, keep in mind the time dynamics here.
If she works during the day I doubt that she can take time off from work to go to an internet cafe. Her only free time is probably 7 - 11 pm, but in Sydney that would be 2am - 6am.
So unless AussieLion is willing to  to stay up all night to talk to her, it would be difficult.

[BillyB]

so you only got 20 letters in about 3 months from this gal. She doesnt want to chat online with you.

Facetrock, under normal circumstances I would agree with you but the girl works and goes to school. She has a very busy life and has little time and little access to a computer. Getting to a computer 1 out of 3 days isn't bad for doing a shift of work and school. I'm not sure if she'll get in trouble if she uses the school's computer to look for romance.

The fact that she is working and getting educated are two fine qualities about her and Aussielion may be lucky to have found her. It would be foolish for her to quit her job or school to give Aussielion more time since there is no guarantee he will ever show up let alone be her husband.  It's up to Aussielion to figure out if she's really into him through the little communication he has with her.

[SMS60]

Aussielion

You are asking the wrong questions about the wrong person. You are doing what many men do when they lack the tools needed to start a healthy relationship.

You should be looking in the mirror and asking why you feel doubtful. Why you are worrying? Why are you questioning every event? Why are you questioning her every move? You will eventually convince yourself whatever you want to believe. You are causing your own fear. You wont attract a genuine women being like this. You will poison the relationship with your fears. Of course no one wants to be scammed but if you have the right attitude it will filter the bad ones out.

Years ago, when I went thru some bumpy times with relationships and women a wise friend told me this. "A genuine and interested women will not confuse a man". Yes, you will have the actresses to mess with you but the key word is genuine. The actresses have something "fake" which sets off your senses. Their interest is not real. The biggest mistake men make is falling for the fake interest. Once you have a good grasp of who you are looking at in the mirror you can navigate around these type of women.

[Breeze-J]

Thanks very much for your input. Everything you have said makes a lot of sense to me. Based on our correspondence, I like her very much and have strong feelings to meet her. I've never had that with a FSU lady before. Her letters are personal with touches of humor. I find that very attractive in a partner.

I've posted this info to gain knowledge as I have read some sad stories before. But, Im definitely seeing her in September to see if we are a good match. Im a genuine guy and only intend on being with her. I'll keep you posted on how things go. Once again, thanks!!!

Aussielion.
You are welcome
When the person have strong feelings he is vulnerable, also I hope that nobody's councils will not damage to your relations with the girl.

As all details are known only  you I can just suppose…
Maybe she wants your arrival but her parents do not know that she searches for the foreign husband or they disapprove it.
Unfortunately, neighbours and colleagues opinion is not so friendly while she in search and have no ring on a hand. Probably you have pressure too and can understand it , to support and convince her to make an attempt.

Can she talk with you without the translator if you arrive?

[I/O]

IMO, just one of the many playing casual interest in net introductions. Don't get too serious about it before meeting (or even for some time after meeting) and have a good holiday plan lined up because I would be surprised if this amounts to anything.

[Breeze-J]

  Ok, so you only got 20 letters in about 3 months from this gal. She doesnt want to chat online with you. She asks very few questions about you. She doesnt want to talk to you through a translator. She rarely returns text messages. You cant get her to answer your phone calls.

 If you have feelings for this girl you better get them under control.
 Her being keen to the idea of you coming to see her is no big deal. Most women you get to know a bit from the net will be happy to meet you. It doesnt cost them a dime. Not a big deal for them if you show up and there is no interest.

I stand by what I said before. "She's just that not into you."

I dont think she is a prodator either, just a young girl playing.

it was YOUR experience when you thought that  she «into you».

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=11601.msg230499;topicseen#msg230499

[facetrock]

 I tell you what else I have learned Breeze. Its pointless to argue with an FSU woman on a forum. You never get anywhere.

[Aussielion]

  Ok, so you only got 20 letters in about 3 months from this gal. She doesnt want to chat online with you. She asks very few questions about you. She doesnt want to talk to you through a translator. She rarely returns text messages. You cant get her to answer your phone calls.

 If you have feelings for this girl you better get them under control.
 Her being keen to the idea of you coming to see her is no big deal. Most women you get to know a bit from the net will be happy to meet you. It doesnt cost them a dime. Not a big deal for them if you show up and there is no interest.

I stand by what I said before. "She's just that not into you."

I dont think she is a prodator either, just a young girl playing.

There was a period of 10 days where I didn't contact her at all due to the fact that I was suspicious of her being a possible pro dater. When I did contact her again, she did thank me for the short letter (I usually wrote longer ones to her).

My suspicions about her arose from the factors that I've outlined in the first post plus the fact that I've read about quite a few unhappy stories.

But, as far as communications go, I've never corresponded with a lady as long as I have with this one. I've also never correspondeded with a lady who writes things about her life and things that happen more than her.

I'll try and push the translated talk issue. I have not really followed that up due to the fact that I've tried for an internet convo first.  This was her exact quote

 I like to hear your voice and don't worry, I know that we have to try to do our best, if we want to have the really
long-lasting and sincere relations!
 I really appreciate your efforts, I think that it is a good idea to talk with the translator. But, if it is a problem for
you, I will be glad just to hear your voice and to exchange couple of words with you!

Thanks for your imput. I'll continue on to see how things go. If things don't seem right, I'll have to log into "Elena's Models" while Im there