Are RW emotionally cold?

[Aloe]

That being said, i did pay for my own tickets the first 2 times i met my husband, that was unpleasant, but i just really wanted to be together Also paid for my own dress i bought at our vacation, and once he complained how i always wanted a second drink (its 30 C outside, duh), and its expensive (2 euro lol), at that point i thought to myself id never be together with this stingy person. But he somehow still managed to sweep me off my feet   (and yes, all of you's concerned about partner reading, i told this to my husband before and we laughed at it  )

[Voyager36]

Mialia is very right about money thing, its 100% normal that a man pays for everything, and frankly its very weird you would expect her to pay for anything, why should she? You are the man, arent you? When i was dating and a guy would ask me to pay for something, or i got a feeling he expects me to pay, the guy would immediately lose A LOT of points in my eyes. He's supposed to be the man, isn't he  Making the woman pay is quite unmanly in my eyes   

Yes, that's the usual situation basically everywhere in Russia, especially for a foreign man. (ie. man pays)

[mialia]

oziduncs, about the pictures.. I also never posted pictures of me and my husband together on vacation. Because in my opinion i looked very crappy in all of them. I am very critical of my own photos Although my husband thinks im silly and i look good in those photos, i think i look awful. Maybe she is also critical of her photos.
Mialia is very right about money thing, its 100% normal that a man pays for everything, and frankly its very weird you would expect her to pay for anything, why should she? You are the man, arent you? When i was dating and a guy would ask me to pay for something, or i got a feeling he expects me to pay, the guy would immediately lose A LOT of points in my eyes. He's supposed to be the man, isn't he  Making the woman pay is quite unmanly in my eyes   

agree on everything. i have exactly the same attitude to the guys, who expect me to pay, they don't have any chance .

[I/O]

You never gave any indication as to why she almost brushed you off

It became obvious outside when I noticed her shaking she was simply in an emotional mess. At that point, slack had to be cut.

AND also why you were miffed?

Initially so because I hadn't gotten the "red carpet" greeting I, as a typical male, thought appropriate but as mentioned, once I stepped outside, paused and fully saw the situation for what it really was, you know, actually including someone elses emotions and not simply ones own, there remained no justification for feeling put out.

[seraphimangel]

Oh no, I agree.  And I would substitute 'usually' for 'always' found out.  That is why I am less than open about my plans... experiences, etc.  I am not trying to hide anything.  But I also don't want to have to explain misunderstandings later.  Or worse, other peoples advice and words will be seen as my own.

But now it is too late for being cautious and careful in this situation.  If it is to be presented to her, he had better trust in her love and know that she believes, trusts, and most of all, that she loves him and will not judge the entire relationship on what she reads here.

And this in some ways is a warning for future posters.  Be honest, okay... have questions, okay....  but be prepared to stand behind your words in the eyes of the readers, no matter if you have a relationship or not with that person.  I always want to respond to each first post with a "Be careful what you say".  But I don't. 

LOL.  And thus, I shall not ask anymore detailed questions.  LOL.  I was actually thinking about this.  Good thing I'm not technically in a real relationship yet.  Just was curious as to the structure of things and how cultural differences account.

[CanadaMan]

It became obvious outside when I noticed her shaking she was simply in an emotional mess. At that point, slack had to be cut.
Initially so because I hadn't gotten the "red carpet" greeting I, as a typical male, thought appropriate but as mentioned, once I stepped outside, paused and fully saw the situation for what it really was, you know, actually including someone elses emotions and not simply ones own, there remained not justification for feeling put out.

OK if I understand you correctly this time, she was avoiding you simply because she had become emotionally overwhelmed by the situation (anxious to see you etc.) and was embarrassed to be seen all shaken up like this?

[I/O]

OK if I understand you correctly this time, she was avoiding you simply because she had become emotionally overwhelmed by the situation (anxious to see you etc.) and was embarrassed to be seen all shaken up like this?

'bout sums it up.

[CanadaMan]

oziuncs: Unlike everyone who claims when a RW is in love with you, you'll never doubt, I found another thing, a very 'nother thing. I recall Mrs I/O (Long before becoming Mrs I/O) meeting me in Novosibirsk airport where she almost brushed me off as I exited customs and I was more than a little miffed at the moment but as I stopped outside for a smoke, I noticed her shaking and although it was -4c, that wasn't the reason. We'd been apart for several months at the time. For once, I was smart enough to pretend I didn't notice and turn away for a few seconds giving her time to regain her composure and most importantly, maintain her personal dignity. Honestly, I am not at all surprised by her response in Thailand.

Thanks for clarifying what happened at the airport I/O.

I don't think it was a good example however to demonstrate that your woman also was not displaying emotion, or was emotionally cold, as in oziuncs' situation.

To the contrary, once you grasped the situation, you realized that the emotions were literally pouring out of your girlfriend.

With oziuncs' girlfriend it was quite different. She didn't show any emotion, she simply acknowledged oziunc with a casual 'Oh hi'. That was dramatically different than the emotional outpour you witnessed at the airport.

[SFandEE]

It makes sense that withholding emotion is a sense of power or dignity because my experience is when I am reunited with someone I love and miss it is highly expressive.

I also love the sound of her voice when you can tell she really wants to be talking with you and tell you about her day.

[Doll]

Guys, RW have same feelings, but the way FSU people show them is different. It is not worse or better- it is different. I know what I am talking about because I can compare AW and FSU women. You can also look at Italians or Latinos.
There is a "well known" Slavic way of showing emotions , as well as "well known" American, Finnish, Indian- you name it.

[SFandEE]

Guys, RW have same feelings, but the way FSU people show them is different. It is not worse or better- it is different. I know what I am talking about because I can compare AW and FSU women. You can also look at Italians or Latinos.
There is a "well known" Slavic way of showing emotions , as well as "well known" American, Finnish, Indian- you name it.

Your insights are greatly appreciated and details welcome!

[Doll]

Your insights are greatly appreciated and details welcome!

When I first met my husband-to-be (at that time- just an AM)))), he was upset I didn't give a kiss and a hug. Why should I? I saw him for the first time in my life!
Now I understand why- because AW don't hesitate to loudly show friendliness.
This is how it is in the USA, it is different in every culture. "Different" is a key word.
 

[Jumper]

Doll ,of course!

nothing wrong with "different"


but i have never known any RW  i would say is "cold"
that ,while possible,  would be unusual charater trait in general (my opinion)

I find ,most to be very out going and very communicative, in fact if they know you , or like you , much less love you , they will talk your ears off and yes be affectionate and emotional.
Pretty much the furthest from *cold fish*



Doll,do you think that in general RW are *cold*?

perhaps to a stranger or at first meeting ? absolutely yes.


but someone they know well and engaged to?

if she is a cold person by personilty, he should know this well by now and NOT surprised by the reasction in thialand.

but he was.

so we are left with :
she cares deeply for him ,but he doesnt really know/understand  her after a year of living together.
or
 she just din't miss him all that much?
 
its why it was important how the rest of the trip went ..she did seem concerned about his feelings when he told her ..



Anyway i dont thin kthe cultural diffrences are at play ,since the man asking ,
 has lived with her for  a year! ..
and it is his fiancee.. they have shared a significant amount of time living together.

it was not a first meeting ..or even a second or third..
where impressions can be certainly affected by cultural differences  etc.


 i'm divorced ,and if i see my wife in a random store , i would get a far more (positive) emotional reaction than he got.So i just can't relate,or attribute it to cultural differences.

[Doll]

Doll,do you think that in general RW are *cold*?

No

[Maxx2]

I had the red flags and justifications of cold behaviour from my ex-wife that the OP has with his. As example she took all kinds of photos here in the US but never sent any of us back home to her friends and family. I could go on and on but it would upset Doll  

Maxx

www.immigrationfraudvictims.com

"No More Mister Nice guy"
http://immigrationfraudvictims.freeforums.org/no-more-mr-nice-guy-t13.html

[Doll]

Hi, Maxx!

[Maxx2]

Hi, Maxx!

Hello Dear!  I do miss you but I know you are married so I stay away as much as I can!

[tfcrew]

do you think that in general RW are  cold ?

Again...
Those who tend to generalize, generally tend to be wrong.

The coldest people I have ever known were homegrown right here in the USA.

[ML]

As others have pointed out:  Emotionally cold and emotionally hot people can be found in every country.  There are some generalities however; as it is well known that as you go to the south (within the northern hemisphere) people are 'usually' more emotionally warm, and as you go to the north people are 'usually' more cold emotionally.

And I know it is a real downer when a person who is emotionally warm has feelings for someone who is somewhat emotionally cold.  I have been there; done that.

But also, I have been overwhelmed by someone who is much more emotionally hot than I am.  Just one more problem in trying to find the 'right one.'

[neo]

shes probably a saggitarius. i know a english girl who is like a ice queen so its nothing to do with russian nationality. my wifey is a typical gemini, very emotional, always cuddling me even on the metro. when i was away on business she would pester me every 30 minutes. shes very emotionally expressive. to be honest i've met all kind of women, some are cold and clinical, otherwises romantic, some are just nuts. you can't generalise, but the image of cold-hearted russians is a load of rubbish. some of the most emotional women I know are russian. they thrive on drama.

[Jumper]

Again...
Those who tend to generalize, generally tend to be wrong.

The coldest people I have ever known were homegrown right here in the USA.

and who would be '"right"?
those saying "yes" russian women are emotiobally cold?
oh wait thats a generality as well.
so yes given a specific person,, any generalization is wrong..




a guy asks a general question
"are RW cold?"


exactly what kind of answer
can anyone give?

a specific one to a general question?

i dislikemaking generlties and said inmy post that of course you canfind any "type"

i have never found RW to be ciold.. in fact the iopposite..

so i asked doll, a RW  , if in general she thouight RW to be cold..


heaven forbid we give a  answer about general cultural traits..

tio a guy confused about them..
as mentioned ,he had lived with her for a year so should be past the "generalities " anyway right ?

[falcon]

and who would be '"right"?
those saying "yes" russian women are emotiobally cold?
oh wait thats a generality as well.
so yes given a specific person,, any generalization is wrong..




a guy asks a general question
"are RW cold?"


exactly what kind of answer
can anyone give?

a specific one to a general question?

i dislikemaking generlties and said inmy post that of course you canfind any "type"

i have never found RW to be ciold.. in fact the iopposite..

so i asked doll, a RW  , if in general she thouight RW to be cold..


heaven forbid we give a  answer about general cultural traits..

tio a guy confused about them..
as mentioned ,he had lived with her for a year so should be past the "generalities " anyway right ?

Have to be careful not to generalize here, but an average american/canadian is quite "flamboyant" compared to other cultures, western european cultures included. Being overely exited about frivolous things etc. The "unecessary" use to of the standard phrase "how are you" to strangers etc. I'm an european who has lived in canada for 17 years, so I know how long it took to adjust...

I do not have a lot of experience with FSU girls, but I have worked with a lot of FSU guys. The attitude and general behaviour is quite different than in the west. i.e. distrustfulness and the difficulty they have admitting to any mistakes, all of which I blame the old SU system for (to survive, you had to watch your back, and keep a low profile always).

On top of that, you have a cultural system, which lags the west by several decades. The FSU woman openly proclaims that the man is in charge of the household. She also finds it necessary to point out to her suitors that she knows how to sew and to cook. I wouldn't be surprised that an average FSU girl wants her suitor to take charge of the courting in a more convincing way than in the west, just like it was when our grandpas and grandmas were dating...  

[Aloe]

The FSU woman openly proclaims that the man is in charge of the household. She also finds it necessary to point out to her suitors that she knows how to sew and to cook.

Whoever told you that shamelessly lied. Those 2 are quite bizarre statements Especially the sewing part, lmao. I only know 2 people who know how to sew. One of them actually studied to be a fashion designer, and the other one is my mom. I do not know a single person from my generation (under 30) who knows how to sew. I do not feel the need to point out that i know how to cook, it is kind of implied that women know how to cook. I guess here you are right that women know how to cook, usually. But nobody feels the need to point it out Lol. And especially say something stupid like man is in charge? Whatever happened to partnership? No couple that i know has man in charge, not even older generations. If anything, it's a LOT more often that woman is in charge.

[Aloe]

Sure, a woman may pretend that a man is in charge of something to make him feel good, or even let him be in complete charge of things she doesnt know or care about, but i doubt there are many women who are that submissive to actually let the man be in charge in important parts of life. These times it's all about partnership, joint decisions and the like.

[Aloe]

Wait, I know how to sew a button back on!!!! Does that count as sewing