Could I get your opinions on this? Could this be a scammer?

[baldhiker]

So I've been talking to this young woman via e-mail for nearly three months now, and we've decided to try and meet in August. She'd mentioned Yalta, since she has a friend there who has a large house we could stay in. I'd really like to do this, not only to see where the Allied leaders met after WWII, but to spend time with this beautiful young woman. She's 20 years younger than I am, and although I'd mentioned this when we first corresponded, she didn't seem to mind. She actually contacted me first through Cherry Blossoms, and she claims to have a master's in English Literature, which, from her writings, seems to be the case. Now, mind you, I've checked her out on two seperate websites devoted to uncovering Russian scammers and she never shows up on either one (I check back once a week, just to be sure). She mentioned in an e-mail that she would arrange the lodgings because she "wanted to do something for us, too." I thought that was a nice gesture on her part.
But here's the thing; one of my best friend's is dead-set against me going. He says he can see nothing but trouble and heartbreak down the road. I told him that she doesn't show up on scammer websites, and he said she won't until she's done with me. One of lines he said is "You'll meet her and she'll say 'hi, this is Boris standing next to me, he has a gun, he wants your passport and your wallet and you're going with him". Of course, he was lucky enough to find a good american woman for himself by playing the rock and roll bad boy. Still, I know he means well.
Has anyone here done this before? If so, what would be your advice?

[tim 360]

You haven't said much about her so there is too little info.  Sure could be a scammer but too little info.  Have you talked on the phone?  Is she arranging or paying for the lodgings?  Very iffy from the little you have written.  How old is she? 

[BC]

jb would say "If it's too good to be true,,,, it probably is."

Sorry.

[daveyj]

You've been emailing for three months, and she hasn't asked you for anything and is even offering to arrange free accomodation at a friends summer house in Yalta?  If that is a scammer, sign me up. And as far as the hypothetical Boris with a gun asking for your passport, that is just silly.

Be advised that Yalta is the playground for the rich in eastern europe, so if the house is not actually free then clarify the cost before you show up. 

But apart from that, get on a plane and have a nice vacation.

[baldhiker]

Sorry about the scarcity of information; she's 27 (I'm 48) she lives in Lugansk and is a teacher, but she also works weekends in a resturaunt. She told me her roomate got married and moved out, that's why she needed the extra job. She's talked to me about her parents, her work, where she lives, etc, and what she's looking for. I called her a week and a half ago, but she couldn't talk because she was at work (she explained this later in an e-mail) and said for me to call her again at the same time the following day. No answer. I tried calling her this past weekend. No answer. This alone has given me pause, and made me question this entire thing. Like the old saying goes "if it seems to good to be true, it is." The other problem is I'm not completely thinking with the big head here.

Thanks, Daveyj. My impression from her is that she wanted to pay for the house ($30 a day). That's one of the reasons I don't think she's a scammer, but still, I'm cautious.

[Gator]

Hiker,

It is a bad sign to not connect with her by telephone.  If she suggested a time, she should have been available.  She does not sound dependable.  It is quite possible that you fly to Yalta and she is a no show.

A large house in Yalta is indeed a large house, possibly even a 150-yo mansion.  However, most of these old houses were divided into many small apartments and perhaps this is what she is talking about.

[facetrock]

  There is no way I would go see a woman if I never talked to her on the phone prior. I dont mean once or twice either. Its been three months and by now you should be calling her several times a week. They all have cell phones there. Something is not quite right here.
   

[Jumper]

The lack of phone connection is a worry.
on the flip side  phones often are hard to get through ,did you try a few times?

overall, there just isnt enough info.

did she suggest yalta/ did you?
did you both discuss other options ,visiting her in lugansk or kiev etc?
her reactions to that?

Do you have her home or cell?
almost evey RW has a mobile

does she get or send sms?
that can be a bit sporadic in delivery as well at times ,but she could sms,or email  a good time to call again.

it shoud be noted that if you know her schedule somewhat ,
and if you are at the planning to go an trip together stage ,
she should  be happy to hear from you during any of those reasonable off work hours ,and should tel you them plainly.

if you can't get that far , you diffinantly should not go.

anyone with mutual  interest in ,would be happy to get the call ,if it was at an inconvenient time i would ask ,and they would tell ,of a better time.

Does she have skype or some other means you can communicate?
not all do ,but if she does its a big help?
 
$30 sounds way too reasonable for yalta ..

the worry over boris is completely silly...


I don't see the scam at this moment.
she wanted to meet you in person,hasn't asked for anything ,,


Lugansk does have a bad rep for scam.

but treat it as normal , unless something comes up that smells bad.
 

at the moment you can't reliably contact each other by phone ,
so thats the "odd" thing,
but i'm not sure how often you've tried.

if she has good english,,she'd likely want to speak often..

[daveyj]

She's missed a total of one call at a suggested time, and a second when you called at random.  Before you jump aboard the cynic express, just consider that sometimes people miss a call or can't answer.  Such is life.  Suggest to her that you'll try calling her on Sunday or Monday evening at 10pm her time.  And when you talk to her, for goodness sake don't start treating her like a scammer.  If she's legit, she is likely a lot more nervous about your sincerity than you are about hers.  A scammer wouldn't put in all this effort without any payoff -at worst she's just unsure of things.

[Shadow]

Anybody could be a scammer, including you. Tricking a girl in to paying for a house in Yalta and then not showing up or calling her all bad things...

As for your friend, he has probably read too many horror stories. Yes there are bandits, but they have much better prey as some American tourist with only a couple of $1000 in his pocket.

As for trouble and heartbreak, its part of almost any relationship. But also love and good times. As long as there are no sudden requests for money, go for it.

However do beware, and keep some useful telephone numbers with you in case you need a backup. And in the case she suddenly discovers she needs to pay a nice amount to the owner right before the trip, bail out.

[Vaughn]

She'd mentioned Yalta, since she has a friend there who has a large house we could stay in.

My impression from her is that she wanted to pay for the house ($30 a day).

baldhiker, first of all, welcome to RWD - the fact that you've opened up here tells me there's hope
for the big head after all. Get the living arrangements clarified when you do get through by phone.

Secondly, consider that should things not fare well between you and her, you might find yourself
seeking a quick rental on your own. Back up plan - back up plan for sure. She contacted you first,
she's 20+ years your junior, and wants to stay with her "friend" in Yalta. Go and have a great
time visiting, but - don't expect passionate fireworks. Keep your expectations reasonable.

I get the feeling you'll end up paying most expenses anyway because you're a gentleman.

If you ultimately seek a LTR leading to marriage, I give this scenario less than a 20% chance of success.

[tim 360]

baldhiker, first of all, welcome to RWD - the fact that you've opened up here tells me there's hope
for the big head after all. Get the living arrangements clarified when you do get through by phone.

Secondly, consider that should things not fare well between you and her, you might find yourself
seeking a quick rental on your own. Back up plan - back up plan for sure. She contacted you first,
she's 20+ years your junior, and wants to stay with her "friend" in Yalta. Go and have a great
time visiting, but - don't expect passionate fireworks. Keep your expectations reasonable.

I get the feeling you'll end up paying most expenses anyway because you're a gentleman.

If you ultimately seek a LTR leading to marriage, I give this scenario less than a 20% chance of success.

Righto Vaughn.  Baldhiker your friends fear of the boyfriend and the gun are laughable.  If anything she will shop and spend you to death if she's a scammer.  The phone thingie?  After 3 months some positive phonecalls should have already occured if she wants to.  Instead you have one "almost a call".  I would be amazed that this 20 year old does not have a cell phone of her own and texts 30 times a day.  Try beefing up your phone conversations with her before you do a thing.

[Vaughn]

I would be amazed that this 20 year old does not have a cell phone of her own and texts 30 times a day. 

Whoa! She's 27, not 20 - but I agree about the availability (+ frequency) by phone/text.

[tim 360]

Yup Vaugh...my bad.  20 years age differential.

[FredC]

One thing that I will tell you from a recent experience. I have been using Anastassia Ash to translate my calls to my fiance. The last few times that we tried to call,we would not get an answer. This last time, after Anastassia tried to call, I made the call. For some unknown reason, Anastassia's call would not go through, but my call did. So this could be some kind of problem with the phone system.

[Sculpto]

The phones are notoriously unreliable.  Everyone needs to get that into their heads.. mobile phones in every girls hands or not.. they are still unreliable.

However.. what is reliable in Lugansk is Alex.  I am going to plug for Alex right now because this is exactly the kind of situation he is perfect for.

contact Alex... via his site.. he is a member here also but rarely posts.. tell him sculpto sent you.. Alex helped me a lot when I had a girl I was interested in who is from Lugansk and Alex was able to help me flush her out as a very smart and sophisticated scammer/pro dater/ sterva. 

http://www.luganskukraine.info/

[Faux Pas]

I dunno baldhiker. The no phone contact is a deal killer for me. You've passed emails for 3 months but not yet talked on the phone? I think Vaughn must be letting you down easy but, let me turn the numbers around. I'd say there is a 90% chance this lady is going to scam you. I communicated with many RW early in my pursuit and one invariable fact was a common denominator, if they wanted to speak to me on the phone they did. The only one that didn't was a scammer. Thats my personal experience. Don't buy into the unreliable phone service. It certainly works way more than it doesn't.

[GQBlues]

She mentioned in an e-mail that she would arrange the lodgings because she "wanted to do something for us, too." I thought that was a nice gesture on her part.

Yes, it is...

My impression from her is that she wanted to pay for the house ($30 a day). That's one of the reasons I don't think she's a scammer, but still, I'm cautious.

...and likely with your money. Upfront. Through western union just to make sure it is warm and fuzzy by the time of your arrival.

The other problem is I'm not completely thinking with the big head here.

'other'?!....what exactly will your big head tell you if you use it to it's fullest capacity?

Of course, she may well not be a scammer, after all unless there's a dead body a crime hasn't yet been committed. methinks however that odds are better that LBJ would sign with the Clippers for a buck and K-Perk will play the full 48 minutes tomorrow night and the Celts will blow the Lakers out by 40 for the crown - all on the same hour.

[Sculpto]

i think you guys are jumping to conclusions and Alex can find out for sure.  There are plenty of reasons for the phone situation that are all legit.  I have a friend in Minsk that no matter what we can not get though on the phone.. sms or calls.. but I have regular skype chats with her and she is 100% real. 

I have also had several girls go ballistic with me because they thought I was not being honest about where I am because for some reason my cell service routes through Russia for SMS messages to certain Russian mobile providers.. it took a HUGE amount of convincing for those ladies to understand that it is the technology that is in Russia and not me..

I will suggest again the OP contact Alex and have Alex find out what the deal is.  Lugansk isn't that big a town and he will be able to get to the bottom of things quickly.

[Daveman]

Hiker, I'd check out 2012's friend Alex and see what's what.  There are two thing for which 2012 is the resident expert.. the first increases the sales of Doritos and Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies throughout the land, the other is 'scammers' (perhaps because the former made him more susceptible to the latter? hehehe)... anyway, I have had a few problems with the phone system here and there with calls not going through. I can assure you that even if the woman is sincere, she is expecting you to pay whatever expenses are incurred for the travel and stay.. her "arranging" the stay is just that.  This doesn't SEEM all that strange at first glance, but everything together has my "I don't think so" warning buzzer flashing....

[daveyj]

If you send a local to check up on her, you better make sure she never finds out.  Most women would kick you to the curb for that, and that goes double for FSU women who are paranoid about big brother/etc.  Personally, although I appreciate the temptation, I'd suggest that you keep your personal business between you and her rather than violating her privacy in a small town.  my 2 cents.

[baldhiker]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your honesty and candor with this. I've never tried to date outside the U.S. before, so this is all new to me. Thanks for the information for "Alex", as I'll definitely contact him.
On a side note, I'd actually planned on footing the bill for the housing over there, but I'm not sending anyone I don't know money. I can hand it to them in cash, or she can make a downpayment and I'll pay her back.
Anyway, we've set up a call for tomorrow. Wish me luck and thanks again.

[tim 360]

Good luck with the phone call.  Have several.  Yeah, I have had problems with the phones but I usually get through.  Make sure the girl does not know about Alex or you will probably get a very pissed off girl.  And you don't want that either.

[Chicagoguy]

A girl cousin of mine moved to Florence and fell in love with an Italian boy. They ended up with a 20 year marriage and stayed in Italy. But at some point the boy discovered that his father in law had hired a detective to check on him. He never forgave him.

So since this is just a "date" I would think twice before going this route.

[spectris]

Honestly, its just not that hard to do this.  She has internet access, but no mobile phone - hmmm?  Even if she had a phone, you should SKYPE (see her) before you get your hopes up.

To save you a minute, here's a link to internet cafe's (simple Google search - really, it's not that hard) in Lugansk - maybe suggest she go to one and SKYPE you and I bet you can answer your own question.

http://odessa-travel-guide.com/print.php?city=Lugansk&country=Ukraine&type=internet&q=Lugansk%20Internet%20cafes,%20wi-fi%20acces%20points

I've never even heard of Lugansk, but pend a couple more minutes online and find this site:
http://www.quicktsearch.com/popular-scams-on-the-internet-russian-bride-is-she-truly-an-angel/

No idea if all (any?) of the info is correct on these sites, but sure would/should make you wary.

Good luck in any event - hope it works out for you...