Could I get your opinions on this? Could this be a scammer?

[daveyj]

She'd mentioned Yalta, since she has a friend there who has a large house we could stay in.

 She mentioned in an e-mail that she would arrange the lodgings because she "wanted to do something for us, too."

Nat, I've quoted Baldhiker's comments about the Yalta house above. 

According to Baldhiker, she said it was "a large house we could stay in", and not that it was exclusive use of the house.  Similarly, he says "she mentioned in an email that she would arrange the lodgings", and not that she would pay for them.

Baldhiker goes on to say that he was "under the impression" that she would pay, and not that she ever actually offered to pay in concrete terms. 

[Shadow]

Well lets ask Nat this:
If you missed (for whatever reason) some phonecalls from a 20-year older guy writing to you and you got the mail as baldhiker sent, what would be your reply ? 

[Faux Pas]

 I'm just not buying this. The story of taking care of little children, not understanding her life, the phone not close by and repeated attempts to call but never an answer. Complete BS in my book. Remember, when a woman gives you a phone number its for a reason, its to call her unless things have changed recently.
  Come on guys its been 3 months of emailing, phone number has been given but still no contact and flimsy excuses that try to pull at the OPs heart. Plus she is 20 years younger.
  Another thing. After the last letter you sent her, if she was a real woman the next letter you would've got from her is one telling you to piss off. Not some crybaby crap asking you why you are so cruel to her.
  
  
  

I agree. I can't imagine two grown people emailing for three months of a romantic nature with telephones so easily available. The one scammer I unknowingly traded emails with didn't want to talk to me either. She is the only one who didn't. After 4-5 failed attempts and different numbers I finally got a voice and from the sound it was relatively clear that it wasn't the supposed woman I had been writing to. Everything about this reeks. baldhiker, time is a wasting. You could be calling and communicating with real ladies who will want to speak with you within days of contacting her. Move on, forget this one. If she is real, she is not sincere. If she isn't real and you continue this dog chasing tail fiasco, the pop for money soon cometh.

[Daveman]

I agree. I can't imagine two grown people emailing for three months of a romantic nature with telephones so easily available. The one scammer I unknowingly traded emails with didn't want to talk to me either. She is the only one who didn't. After 4-5 failed attempts and different numbers I finally got a voice and from the sound it was relatively clear that it wasn't the supposed woman I had been writing to. Everything about this reeks. baldhiker, time is a wasting. You could be calling and communicating with real ladies who will want to speak with you within days of contacting her. Move on, forget this one. If she is real, she is not sincere. If she isn't real and you continue this dog chasing tail fiasco, the pop for money soon cometh.

agreed +2 with facetrock and faux pas, shadow, nat, and others...

the problem here is that baldhiker has a three month emotional investment.  He's new at this... unlikely that he's just going to take what may  be obvious to those with more experience as gospel truth and will continue to beat himself to death over whether he's really blowing the golden opportunity of his life.  In this situation, I think it'd be better for him to see enough light to allow him to figure this out on his own, so no questions, second guessing, or bad feelings remain.  Then he can move on without regret. But that's just my take on it.

[Nat]

Well lets ask Nat this:
If you missed (for whatever reason) some phonecalls from a 20-year older guy writing to you and you got the mail as baldhiker sent, what would be your reply ?  

Well, it'd depend on my reasons to correspond with him If it was genuine interest and hope for true love, I'd at least be shocked with the fact how easy the man is ready to give up the relationship which lasted for a long time. And I definitely wouldn't write letters like "oh my love don't be so rude" if it was all about genuine interest. But all girls are different

[Gator]

And I definitely wouldn't write letters like "oh my love don't be so rude" if it was all about genuine interest.

And neither did Jana.

Like everyone else here, I told Baldhiker to walk.  However, upon learning from Baldhiker that he never confirmed with Jana that she would be available to take his phone call, he should make that call.  There is no telling what else Baldhiker may have done, something he implies.

Baldhiker, you have come this far on the hiking trail to RW land.  Take one more step.  Besides, calling will be good practice if you decide to pursue another RW.  Remember that I also said you are a long way from being in a position to decide about a trip.

Why am I reminded of "Rikki Don't Lose That Number
You don't wanna call nobody else" [   Someone told me it is a homosexual song.]

[BillyB]

I sent her a message today saying so long, and don't let the door hit you in the ass.

It's easy for most guys to be a gentleman when they first meet a woman but most men aren't a gentleman when they say goodbye to a woman.

If you're not absolutely sure the person you're communicate with is a scammer, then the lady you're communicating with may not deserve a comment like that. Always being a gentleman will keep the door open if she is real even if you have to say goodbye at the moment.

I would tell her I can't visit a person I can't speak with on the phone and she needs to give me some phone numbers of some friends and family so I will call those numbers, find one that works and tell her she needs to be there at a certain time to pick up the phone. There are people who participate here that live in Ukraine who may be able to call her number for you. Some are individuals living there and others work in a business so you may need to pay them a fee.

For your next RW, get on the phone within a week and wait no more than a few weeks for her to give you her number. A RW could determine if you're the kind of man that deserves her phone number by then. I would also suggest writing a few RW. You're focused on one and even with phone calls, you may waste another 3 months on one RW who is not "into you" and you may fail to recognize that even through phone calls since you're so focused on one lady and willing to do what it takes to make it happen. Contacting a few ladies will give you some choices and over time, you will eliminate some choices and they will eliminate you and you may end up focusing on a few ladies or one lady with little phone issues or problems in her life that is solved with money.

[GregfromGa]

Just act like it never happened. There's a great "Seinfeld" episode about this.  It never happened.

[Voyager36]

I think you've alllowed the scamhunting mentality of the board to poison your perspective of her.  If she was a scammer, she would have asked for money a long time ago.  And $30/daily for a place in Yalta is a bargain basement price.

Maybe she is an incompetant scammer, or maybe she is just a woman corresponding with a white knight from a a foreign country and is a little scared by the whole process or is simply having doubts.  You are the man, and it is your job to place her fears ahead of your own and act appropriately to address her concerns.

If it was me? Having invested 3 months of emotional time, I would treat her like a lady until such time as she actively does something concrete to deserve otherwise.  I would email her and explain that a friend of yours (aka the board) told you horror stories about unscrupulous FSU women who deceive romantic western men, and that you were frustrusted and hurt because you weren't able to speak to her on the phone when you have so much interest in learning more about her.  As her if you can put this behind you, and ask her to suggest a time you can call.  If the call goes well, then perhaps consider sending her some flowers afterwards.

Good advice Davey.  

I honestly don't know what to make of this. If I was mistaken and she's on the level, then I've hurt her and that makes me feel pretty badly. Any advice?

Yes. Set up a Skype account, find a time when you can be home, and ask her to call you.
Sat/Sunday daytime from 10am - 2pm is the same as 5pm - 9 pm Lugansk time, set a date and have her contact you on skype.

[baldhiker]

Well, gentlemen, the lady and I have both explained our sides of the story to each other, and we're gonna give it another try. We're supposed to set up phone calls starting next week. Let's see where it goes.

[facetrock]

  Why next week? Why not tomorrow or an hour from now?  Or better yet right now!!! All it takes to have a conversation on the phone is to dial a number. I have never met an RW that was so busy she couldnt talk to a guy she liked until next week. I know your infatuated but Jesus Christ already. Its been over 3 months and all you get is excuses. The girl doesnt exist. Move on.



The person your trying to talk to needs some time to find a girl that can talk to you. Hows that for paranoid

[groovlstk]

  Or better yet right now!!! All it takes to have a conversation on the phone is to dial a number. I have never met an RW that was so busy she couldnt talk to a guy she liked until next week.

This echoes my experience, also.

Baldhiker, you came here feeling a little frustrated with your inability to connect with this woman outside of email. Let me ask you this: If this woman were 40, would you continue to try to connect with her or would you have long ago forgotten and moved on?

I'd really like to do this, not only to see where the Allied leaders met after WWII, but to spend time with this beautiful young woman. She's 20 years younger than I am, and although I'd mentioned this when we first corresponded, she didn't seem to mind.

Based on your quote above, I would guess you're hanging on because you're willing to put in a little extra effort due to her beauty and age. FWIW, I think this is a huge mistake that a lot of guys succumb to when chasing women out of their league, as that "little extra effort" can quickly morph into foolish behavior like showering her with gifts or vacations. Even if your "little extra effort" doesn't involve $$ or gifts, the only women interested in such a relationship are those who see you as a compliant puppydog and wish to take advantage.

[daveyj]

Baldhiker, it was David Merrick (famed Broadway producer) who said it best...

"It’s not enough that I should succeed – others should fail."

But I hope that you (and her) will indeed succeed.

ps.  some claim that the quote actually came from Gore Vidal or François de La Rochefoucauld.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Merrick

[baldhiker]

SUCCESS! I got a calling card, I called just now, she answered, and we talked for a half hour. Hey, she DOES exist!

[Gator]

Let me ask you this: If this woman were 40, would you continue to try to connect with her or would you have long ago forgotten and moved on? .... I would guess you're hanging on because you're willing to put in a little extra effort due to her beauty and age. FWIW, I think this is a huge mistake that a lot of guys succumb to when chasing women out of their league, as that "little extra effort" can quickly morph into foolish behavior like showering her with gifts or vacations.

Excellent point.  This point is worthy of its own thread.

RM do this all the time as part of sponsoring a young dyev.  However, the same as a Sugar Daddy in America, the RM sponsor is not interested in marriage.  The goal is to spend far less than marriage and then exchange the dyev for a younger model when her short shelf life expires. 


Rather than showering her with gifts, the AM perhaps accepts behavior he would not tolerate from the typical American woman he dated.

[Jooky]

Hey baldhiker,

I'm surprised by the lack of questions before people jumped to conclusions and the lack of response after you finally connected with this woman.

How did it go? From your post, you seem excited.

My advice in this 'pursuit' is always take a step back from your situation, and view it from a realistic outsider's point of view. If a friend was in your situation, what you you think and what would you advise?

My questions are:

How many emails did you exchange over the past few months? What type of conversations do you have? A descriptive email every two weeks is much different than a deep ongoing daily dialog.

Why do you think she contacted you first? Is there something about you that stands out from the crowd of other men on Cherry Blossoms? Is there something particular about you that she mentioned in her first letter? If not, the likely case is an agency spamming every guy out there with her name trying to draw in customers (and she might be ok with that).

Is this woman a smoking hot '10'? Is she way out of your league? Or is she the type of girl you could date back home? (Maybe 10-15 years ago?)

From the little you've written about the situation, my take is that she's no scammer, just a woman in a crappy situation in a dump town interested enough to spend a nice vacation by the sea with you.

If she was considering you as a marriage partner, you’d be on the phone daily by now. She’s not, at least not yet. Whether it’s worth continuing or not, that’s up to you.