How many letters before asking for email, phone, address...?

[Tag-n-bag]

Greetings everyone!

I am a certified newbie here, in the world of divorced men and most definitely in the world of considering a RW as a partner.
 
I've been flying by the seat of my pants and have no plan at all when it comes to choosing sites, women, age...well everything. I began by cruising a few 'legitimate' sites, or so I have been told, and to date have restrained myself from even looking at the ultra young, ultra gorgeous girls. The women I have chosen to correspond with so far are definitely attractive, but not on anyones top 10, or even top 500 most popular, most beautiful, most skin showing in a bikini...whatever.

Out of the 10 or so women I have started basic letter writing with located in Russia or the Ukraine, only one has really stood out by actually seeming to read my letters and respond in kind. She actually responds in paragraphs instead of 2 or 3 sentences asking me if I expect them to work, or if I want to have children. One of them, who happens to be a lawyer asked me these two questions within the first 2 letters. Not that I mind answering those questions, I don't mind all, but when I made a gentle inquiry if she would mind providing me with an email address outside of the agency, her response was, "We need to get to know each other better first".

Ladies please...Quid pro quo!

In what country is it considered appropriate to ask questions about if she has to work or if I want to have 10 kids with her before giving me a simple, even generic 'g-mail' type email address?
I have not yet written back to the lawyer.

I would like to broach the same question the the woman I have been having some letter luck with, but how long should I wait before asking her for her email, phone or even address?  My last letter to her will have been my fourth. So far, we are getting along just great. Nothing heavy, but we are now starting to dig a little deeper into each others lives. When should you cut your losses and say ciao baby if she won't even provide me with a basic email address?

[Jack]

......"We need to get to know each other better first"......

Good chance, no great chance,  this was written by the agency.   Any woman who has a real and sincere interest to know you is going to be more than happy to give you her e-mail address. 

As soon as possible Tag seperate any and all ladies who interest you from the agency. Write the ladies directly, not thru the agency.

[I/O]

When should you cut your losses and say ciao baby if she won't even provide me with a basic email address?

Immediately...!!

Mrs I/O and I passed one message on a website before moving to email, then (snail mail) letters etc. BTW, she sent me her email address without request and shortly later, picked up on my phone number which was attached to the signature of my emails, bothered to figure out the international codes etc and sent me an SMS.  Mrs I/O would be considered almost shy in many circles, at least in early contact with anyone so I really don't get this question, which has been asked many times in different forms. Interested ladies mightn't be inviting you to bed in three seconds but for the most part, they'll be wanting to ramp up whatever means of contact is possible and they certainly don't want to be lost in obscure forms of communication.

Tag, from what you describe, you might have one interested party but I wouldn't count on it.

[Jooky]

How many letters before asking for email, phone, address...?

Second letter, if not the first. Get on the phone. At least hear her voice. If you can't communicate well on the phone, continue with emails and chat, and at least you know what to expect as far as verbal communication if you do meet.

When should you cut your losses and say ciao baby if she won't even provide me with a basic email address?

Agree with I/O. Right away. If a woman has any real interest, she'll want to move this along as well.

[Tag-n-bag]

Thank you gentlemen, I really do appreciate the heads up.

Since my divorce is not even final yet, I had to sit down tonight and seriously question my lack of better judgment for even registering at any of these sites. What the hell was I thinking? God bless P.T.Barnum because he must have had me in mind the day he was quoted. The Easter bunny, Santa Clause, the tooth fairy and some bizarre parallel universe where gorgeous young Russian woman vie for the affections of older American men. Don't you just love the internet!

Again, thank you for a most sobering dose of reality.

Tag

[I/O]

Again, thank you for a most sobering dose of reality.

Tag: Remember, reality is usually free and most other things cost. Kudos for your good natured approach. Might I suggest, whether you go this route any time soon or not, you pull up a stump and hang around a while. Most of us here disagree wherever we find an opportunity on most everything but if you sift the BS we argue over, you'll notice we're all pretty much singing from the same hymn book. Goodness I wish I'd found forums before I ever went visiting Russia, I'd have probably come to my senses and never gotten married....!!!

[molly35ru]

I think it's quite normal to give an e-mail or messenger ID after the first letter and phone number after a couple of letters or better chats but not the post address. I need to find out what person a man is before giving my address. And of course this should be mutual  exchange of info 
But there is one thing in your post that would bother most women...your unfinished divorce. It would make us question your seriousness. Always thought it takes some time to start a new relationship after the previous one.
As far as the questions are concerned any questions are welcome in the right time .

[Seeker]

I think it's quite normal to give an e-mail or messenger ID after the first letter and phone number after a couple of letters or better chats but not the post address. I need to find out what person a man is before giving my address. And of course this should be mutual  exchange of info 
But there is one thing in your post that would bother most women...your unfinished divorce. It would make us question your seriousness. Always thought it takes some time to start a new relationship after the previous one.
As far as the questions are concerned any questions are welcome in the right time .

I think this is the most important thing no matter who he wants to be with.  I know I wouldn't want to be with anyone still going through a divorce.  It takes time to heal and be ready to move on.  Man or woman.

Maybe it is time for you to take a step back and wait... life, love, and the future will still be there.  But until you are ready for it, it isn't going to work.  No one wants to be a replacement for a lost love (or relationship) and even if that is not how you think of it, she will think of it that way as long as it is still in your day to day thoughts (for better or worse).

[Voyager36]

but how long should I wait before asking her for her email, phone or even address?  

I asked on the first (rather long) letter.   If she was interested in meeting me, fine. If not, why waste time?

When should you cut your losses and say ciao baby if she won't even provide me with a basic email address?

After a couple of letters.....  Just IMO.  

[Tag-n-bag]

I have been very open about my divorce, but in the profile section, the only choices were "single",  "divorced" , 'widowed" and a couple more. They didn't have a catagory for "currently being jammed by your ex-wife's attorney". They should though.

The woman I have shared several emails with, posed the same question to me about it being too soon to start looking. It has been almost 6 months, and too be perfectly frank, emotionally, the divorce really hasn't rocked my world. Sure there are some lingering feelings, not so much for my wife, but for the past we shared. I have officially written her off. If you don't believe me, I'll send you a copy of my last tax return.

I also went back to my profile(s) and in the section where they ask you to describe the type of woman you are looking for, I inserted a caveat with regard to sharing one anothers contact info. If they are not willing to do this after 2 letters, I simply ask them not to write at all. Of course this will only work if they actually read it, so we'll see.

I cannot tell all of you how relieved I was to find this site and how thankful I am for all of your great input, not to mention your support. I mean it, thanks.

[Gator]

Tag,

The first step is to get out of relationship before starting a new one.  This does not require you to wait until the judge's final decree, especially if your wife's attorney is working the case.   However, there should be no lingering misgivings and for sure no major unsettled issue.

The second step is to make a commitment to take a trip not later than four months from now.

Have you done these two steps?  If yes, you should write, and write seriously with purpose.

Start with a short, friendly intro letter (not a summary of your life).  If she responds, send another short letter with a few more facts and a question.  Provide your email addy in the second letter and invite her to write you directly.

Please tell us the agency you are using.  The reputation of agencies vary widely.  Some make their money by stringing you along on a "pay by letter" operation.  Sound like your wife's attorney?

[Al_C]

How many letters before asking?

Simple answer:  ONE

If you are dealing with an agency and not directly with the lady, they will suppress this info because they want to protect their business.  But many agencies will let you have this info from day one, usually the ones that work on flat fee, like Elena's Models, and not the ones that charge per letter.

Just remember that if you ask for the info and don't get it, don't blame your lady.  The agency may be filtering it out.

[Aloe]

What is this talk about asking address? Why the hell would i give anyone on the internet my address, what if you are an axe murderer and rapist  Dont ever ask address, why would you ? Do you write to american women asking their address?
Email is fine to ask in your first ever letter.

[Sculpto]

What is this talk about asking address? Why the hell would i give anyone on the internet my address, what if you are an axe murderer and rapist  Dont ever ask address, why would you ? Do you write to american women asking their address?
Email is fine to ask in your first ever letter.

What if you want to send a girl a gift? 

[Seeker]

What if you want to send a girl a gift? 

I am always amazed at how often I have had a 'first date' with a woman and she gives me her home address to meet her at.  Without my asking for it.

Personally I think it is a bad idea.  They don't know me except from emails and chat.  Still, they feel comfortable in giving it out.

[Aloe]

What if you want to send a girl a gift? 

who does that? ive never got any gifts in 3 yrs of looking

[Voyager36]

What is this talk about asking address? Why the hell would i give anyone on the internet my address, what if you are an axe murderer and rapist  Dont ever ask address, why would you ? Do you write to american women asking their address?
Email is fine to ask in your first ever letter.

Yes, i would agree.
You wouldn't want some odd dude showing up at your house (or work!)

[Kuna]

who does that? ive never got any gifts in 3 yrs of looking

 

So funny...  I often get a laugh out of your posts! 

Stay around please - and I'll visit more often.  Your posts are something to look forward to amongst the trash from the druggies, sex tourists, losers and agists!


No offense intended to any particular memebers of this fine estabishment.