New guy in need of direction

[fabiodriven]

So I want to get myself a Russian/Ukrainian woman. I am 30 years old, not a bad looking guy, and I've got a lot going for myself.

I have started out by trying to do some research on the most popular Russian wife websites such as Anastasia. I haven't dropped any big money yet, and I refuse to do so until I can find a place I can trust. The problem is there seems to be so much propaganda out there. One site devoted to bad-mouthing this one, one site touting the greatness of that one- There really doesn't seem to be any way to figure out what sites are legit and which ones are not.

I am fully determined to accomplish my goal of bringing home my foreign wife and I am prepared to spend some money and do some traveling etc. I just need to find out how to do it. Thanks guys. 

[SMS60]

Hey Fabio

Your have a lot going for you according to you. Why not keep it that way. Your in safe waters and in the prime of your life.

The number 1 cause of divorce and losing half your assets.......................Marriage

[fabiodriven]

I do not do well on my own. I was with a girl for almost six years until we split up a little over a year ago. I hate being by myself. Over the last year I have been with, dated, and chased plenty of women and I gotta say, it is not fun.

The quality of people (not just women) in this country does not meet my expectations. I am by no means anti-American. I fought in Iraq for a year with the army. The problem is, too many American women are fat and the ones who aren't are usually taken. The other problem is where I live. I live in Massachusetts and the women here all have some pre-conceived notion that any man who is hitting on them just want something from them. They have no idea who I am, what I do, and what I am looking for, but they will shut you down at the drop of a hat. Don't believe me? Ask any single guy who lives in Mass. Nobody wants to appreciate what they have. Everybody wants more, more, more. That's how we as Americans are raised. My ex left me because I wasn't exciting enough for her. Even though I am in great shape physically, have a good job, did a ton of work around the house, etc etc. But nothing is enough. I have my own house, I don't owe anyone a thing, all I need is love.

[ML]

The problem is, too many American women are fat and the ones who aren't are usually taken.

Truer words never spoken


My ex left me because I wasn't exciting enough for her.

This is a very common complaint.  So do something about it.  And do it now before you start dating again.

[Kuna]

I don't know...  I'm always uncomfortable when I read things like:

So I want to get myself a Russian/Ukrainian woman. I am 30 years old

Maybe it's just because you were raised to be impolite... maybe you're just inarticulate...  but such phrases create a perception that devalues women in general.

This phrase is unfortunate too...  \

I am fully determined to accomplish my goal of bringing home my foreign wife and I am prepared to spend some money and do some traveling etc.

I wonder if you have the mindset for this, or whether you're better off sticking to the fatties at home.

Of course,  I'm only being honest with you because you asked:

I just need to find out how to do it.

Many MANY men fail when looking for a RW/UW because they have the wrong mindset.  It's not easier to find a wife in FSU.  If anything I think it might be harder.  When you do find a woman who you'll marry she may be more beautiful than you're American options,  but then you're having to deal with many new challenges and problems.

You've been reading lots of sites,  and you've wisely picked up there is a lot of BS out there.  Based on your first post and the poor way you articulate your thoughts tells me you might have some problems ahead...  it's probably worth thinking about that.

The journey is difficult and costly.  Anyone that says any different is lying.  If you really want this you should spend a lot of time reading here because it's got some of the best information available.  Be careful though,  there's a lot of idiots who have never married who will argue against conventional wisdom because they think they know best,  but of course they have lots of excuses for failures.  I don't just mean current members here...  we see lots of guys float in and float out.

You'll have all the information you need here to find success,  your challenge is filtering what is BS and what is worthwhile.

First piece of advice from me is for you to become self aware,  and honest with yourself.

Sorry if this seems harsh.  It's early morning,  my RW is still in bed and the second of our two children had a tough night last night.  I'm grumpy, 

[BillyB]

I have started out by trying to do some research on the most popular Russian wife websites such as Anastasia. I haven't dropped any big money yet, and I refuse to do so until I can find a place I can trust. The problem is there seems to be so much propaganda out there. One site devoted to bad-mouthing this one, one site touting the greatness of that one- There really doesn't seem to be any way to figure out what sites are legit and which ones are not.
 

If you want the best chance of buying a fantasy, use Anastasia Date or Anastasia Web. They have different names but they play the same game. You want success, read here before spending money. You will find recommended agencies, dating sites, paid sites or free sites. Find out what's best for you and write a bunch of ladies. You might find one or a few that's into you.

[acctBill]

fabiodriven if you are looking to marry a woman from the former SU the first thing that I would advise you to do is to learn some Russian.  She will appreciate the effort and if you do end up marrying a Russian woman she's going to want to teach your children Russian so you might as well get a head start.   

[ECOCKS]

You need a lot more research and self-examination before embarking on this venture.

Particularly with regard to useful websites, realistic timelines and evaluating good women.

[Shadow]

The other problem is where I live. I live in Massachusetts and the women here all have some pre-conceived notion that any man who is hitting on them just want something from them.

Which is correct.
Just what you want might not be what they want to give. 

Spending money and doing traveling is not a problem at all. The problem is to know who you are, what you want in a partner and from life.
Look at your surroundings through the eyes of a foreigner. Do you live in an urban area, or countryside ? How far to the nearest mall walking or by bus ? How do the people in your area treat to foreigners ? Do you know any FSU people ?

If you have enough free time, perhaps start by just making a vacation somehwere in the FSU to get to know the people. You are young enough and do not need to get married on the first trip.

[I/O]

Kuna: It's the "commodity" thing.

[fabiodriven]

Thank you all for the responses, aside from Kuna. A bit harsh if you ask me. I'm just looking for help here. Criticism is fine, but an all out attack is not necessary. And to try to rub it in that you're going back to bed with your wife? Really? That's some real class. Although I am new to this forum I am a long time member of another one (that has nothing to do with this subject) and I know how it goes with the newbies. I was expecting responses like this after browsing through a few other threads. Internet tough guys I guess.

I appreciate everybody else's replies though. The more info I can get the better. I was actually considering trying to learn some Russian myself. It seems like a good idea.

I am determined to succeed here so we'll see what happens.

[Faux Pas]

Thank you all for the responses, aside from Kuna. A bit harsh if you ask me. I'm just looking for help here. Criticism is fine, but an all out attack is not necessary. And to try to rub it in that you're going back to bed with your wife? Really? That's some real class. Although I am new to this forum I am a long time member of another one (that has nothing to do with this subject) and I know how it goes with the newbies. I was expecting responses like this after browsing through a few other threads. Internet tough guys I guess.

I appreciate everybody else's replies though. The more info I can get the better. I was actually considering trying to learn some Russian myself. It seems like a good idea.

I am determined to succeed here so we'll see what happens.

fabiodriven,

Likely you don't understand it now but, if you have to gonads to stick it out, pursue, date and eventually marry a FSUW you will realize what "gold" Kuna's advice to you really is. He's not being harsh nor trying to rub your nose in anything. He's laying you out some very pertinent facts. You should try to re-read them without getting your feelings hurt. There's good stuff there for you

[Daveman]

fabiodriven,

Likely you don't understand it now but, if you have to gonads to stick it out, pursue, date and eventually marry a FSUW you will realize what "gold" Kuna's advice to you really is. He's not being harsh nor trying to rub your nose in anything. He's laying you out some very pertinent facts. You should try to re-read them without getting your feelings hurt. There's good stuff there for you

Absolutely correct. 

welcome to the board, fabiodriven.  Ask yourself these...

Do I want a hot girl on my arm?

Do I want a soul mate and partner who truly loves me and I love her with all my heart?

If it's the former, your road to finding her will be easy (but still expensive)... keeping her much more difficult (and more expensive). Then eventually losing her (most expensive yet).

It it's the latter, your search will not be so easy, take time and a near infinite amount of patience (in all phases of this),  and you'll need to cast off the thin skin and grow it back thicker. 

[Shadow]

fabio, if you get worked up from the response of Kuna, you might have to reconsider. FSUW can be 10 times more rough.  

[ECOCKS]

It isn't just because you are a "newb" on the board it's that your actions show you're a newb at this endeavor.

You should be realizing that several of us agreed with Kuna's comments but simply made softer comments trying to keep your spirits up and not discourage for a misstep or two at the beginning.

You asked for honesty and received it. You're approaching this with a bit too much of a cavalier attitude of cruising over to the other side of the tracks and bringing home a new puppy.

Do a lot more research on websites as you start this search. The first one you picked and identified as popular is one with a widespread reputation as a commercial venture designed to separate you from your money without much to show for it afterward.

Expect to spend a year and a half after you contact the "real" one that seems she will workout for you. This isn't a drive to the other side of town.

Deciding to date in the FSU in search of a potential LTR is not conducting a beauty contest with yourself as the prize. You'll be dealing with cultural and language differences, new foods, long travel, extended visits and a host of other issues that only complicate, not simplify your search.

Most of us hope you make it IF you're serious. Experiences are shared, observations are offered and opinions are everywhere, just like real life but accelerated by the miracle of the Internet.

[fabiodriven]

Once again, thank you all for the advice. If Kuna is trying to help me then I must say thank you to Kuna as well. I am entirely serious about this and I do realize it is going to take some time. The only thing I can see stopping me would be if I happen to meet somebody here first. I can't thank you guys enough for all of your advice. This is the first step in the right direction I seem to have taken. So many scams out there. I ordered a book last week, but I forget what it was called. There really doesn't seem to be a whole lot of literature out there on the subject so I'm sure you guys may be familiar with it. Was that another rookie mistake? Is the book bullocks?

[Faux Pas]

Once again, thank you all for the advice. If Kuna is trying to help me then I must say thank you to Kuna as well. I am entirely serious about this and I do realize it is going to take some time. The only thing I can see stopping me would be if I happen to meet somebody here first. I can't thank you guys enough for all of your advice. This is the first step in the right direction I seem to have taken. So many scams out there. I ordered a book last week, but I forget what it was called. There really doesn't seem to be a whole lot of literature out there on the subject so I'm sure you guys may be familiar with it. Was that another rookie mistake? Is the book bullocks?

The book may or may not be a bunch of BS, you didn't mention which book but, no matter. The more you read and research IMO, the better off you'll be. Quite frankly, you can find most everything you need right here at RWD. The caveat here is, as Kuna mentioned, you have to separate the wheat from the chafe. Think of it as panning for gold and trust me when I tell you, there are plenty of nuggets. Read, read and read some more. There are great many successes and failures, all there for you to read and glean from. Keep in mind, one man's nugget is also another man's dirt. When you have some pointed questions, come open a thread and ask it. You'll find most here and specifically Kuna willing to help, if you are willing to listen.

[SANDRO43]

There really doesn't seem to be a whole lot of literature out there on the subject

Actually, RWD produced an E-book last year that tries to condense the various experiences of our Forum members in this area:

You might care to have a look at its freely-downloadable Trial Version here: http://www.goodwife.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=29&osCsid=1ff140edfaab1020b01f9fd6c0704ec4.

[fabiodriven]

So I've been poking around on FreePersonals.ru for a few days. I saw where somebody on here had recommended it to somebody else in another thread. Seems like a pretty good site so far. I started to talk to a woman today and we were messaging back and forth for quite some time. She said she wanted to "Skype" tomorrow. I can't say I'm familiar with what skyping is, but I guess it's some sort of video chat?

I have two concerns and if any of you feel like commenting I wouldn't mind some input.

One thing I was concerned about was the quick replies to my messages. That was an obvious red flag to me. The other thing that caught my attention was how quick she wanted to skype. Now obviously if things appear to be moving really fast caution should be exercised.  Are there any other tips you guys may have for me?

[ECOCKS]

Google Skype and then download and install it.

Are you paying for this video chat?


If so, decide how much you'll spend then tell her plainly that any more contact will be between you two without payment.

[fabiodriven]

I am not paying anything to her or a website. If I have to pay for skype then I guess that's all I'll be paying for. It's a free site.

[Jooky]

Install Skype and have a chat with her tomorrow. If she has a webcam, you'll be able to see her. Do you have a webcam?

Would do you think a quick reply is a red flag? Everything seems good so far.

[fabiodriven]

She does have a webcam and I just bought one today. I figure I'll be needing it anyways.

[ECOCKS]

Skype is free for PC-to-PC chatting. Good worldwide directory system as well.

[Misha]

Chatting (video or voice) on Skype is free. The only time you pay for Skype is if you use Skype to call a phone (land or mobile)