New guy in need of direction

[fabiodriven]

Thanks guys. Sounds like we may have something here then.

[Ludmila]

Fabio, most welcome!

Everything will be OK. Think positively. ALWAYS.

But, as it  happens in life most of the time, in other life situations, BEFORE YOU GET ANYTHING VALUABLE,  YOU HAVE TO INVEST YOURSELF, MUST HAVE YOUR SHARE OF "BUMPS" AND "BRUISES" (means experience, sometimes bitter) patience, common sense and consistency.

As we say in Russian : "don't step on the same rakes twice" -- learn from your mistakes.

Don't be broken hearted, if you make a mistake-- each and everyone here has ( even my husband of 9 years, who wrote to one, made one visit, married in 6 months, .............but had done HUGE, CONSISTENT homework effort prior to the visit ).

"What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger"-- he asked me to tell you.

DONT' FALL FOR HER RIGHT AWAY, fabio. HOLD YOUR HORSES, EVEN IF IT ISN'T SCAM.

TRY TO GIVE YOURSELF A SETTING: "NO MATTER HOW COOL YOU  LOOK and sound, my beautiful lady,   I NEED TO LEARN WHAT YOU  WORTH IS , AND WHETHER YOU ARE AS MOTIVATED AS I AM. I WANT TO MAKE SURE, YOU AREN'T PLAYING ANY GAMES AND LIKE ME FOR ME, NOT FOR WHAT YOU CAN GET FROM ME ".

THEN YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH.

My best to you, Fabio.

[brad5959]

Hi Fabiodriven,

welcome to RWD and good luck to you!!  my opinion as a former soldier is that if you can survive a year in Iraq you can definitely be successful in your search!!  I like Ukraine much better because there is no visa hassle, you just go there with your us passport and you can travel the entire country for up to 90 days from the entry date.  sjk can rent you a good apartment if you want to go to Kharkov.  Mila in Kharkov can put an adv. in russian for you so you have some dates set up when you arrive.  of course you can do that in any city if you make contact ahead of time with a translator/guide.  I chose a lady from a smaller city because I also live in a smaller city.  I don't know yet if things are going to work out for marriage, but I am fond of her.  

a lot of people here recommend Elenas Models.  if I go back to a new search mode I am going to use them, as well as placing an adv. in russian.

best wishes,
Brad

[fabiodriven]

So it's not quite as east to go to Russia as it is the Ukraine, eh? I didn't know that. How much more difficulty are we talking about here?

[Faux Pas]

So it's not quite as east to go to Russia as it is the Ukraine, eh? I didn't know that. How much more difficulty are we talking about here?

It's not a big deal at all, really. To go to Russia it requires a visa which equates to $100- $120 counting the visa cost, postage, invitation letter and registering the visa once in Russia. It's merely a formality and opportunity for Russia to make a few extra bucks. Russia is a much bigger country than Ukraine and as such the opportunities for finding the woman you are looking for are much greater. My suggestion is to look in both Russia and Ukraine as well as some other FSU countries while you are in your writing stage. Let the woman or women dictate where you travel. Russia and Ukraine are both fascinating countries to explore for a first timer. Personally I wouldn't let $120 keep me from meeting a woman I thought has a chance of being my lifetime partner.

I found St. Petersburg to be truly a world class city. Of all the places to travel in the FSU it would be the one place I would recommend over all the others.

[fabiodriven]

OK, thanks for that explanation. Personally, I wouldn't let $120 stop me either.

[ML]

In my opinion, the visa hassles to go to Russia are a 'big deal.'  The dollar cost has nothing to do with it.

I didn't say they are impossible, and should not stop anyone who has found several women there in one city that they want to visit.

However, there have been several fairly scary stories told here about visa hassles and near misses.  For one, just review what TwoBit encountered on his trip.  He (and we) doesn't yet know if the 'fix up' he arranged will work smoothly when departure time comes.

And what if his fix up does work?  Still he was put through some anxiety that one simply doesn't need on these trips.

I have been to Russia multiple times.  The visa hassles are there each time.  And they are different each time.  What works one time for the visa registration doesn't work the next time.

For OP, let me give you an analogy.  You like ice cream.  There are two shops near you that have the exact ice cream you want.

Shop One:  You drive in and park. Go in buy your ice cream, eat it and leave.

Shop Two:  You must call in and reserve a time slot.  Then you call back later and give a credit card for advance payment.  When you arrive you must circle around to find an empty space.  Once inside, you must show some documents before they will give you the ice cream.  When you are ready to leave the parking lot, you must  show some documents.  If your documents don't look like the guy wants to see, he will ask you for a 'fine.'  Even if your  documents are perfect, he may still want a 'fine.'  You pay because you have to be somewhere else (like on a plane) at a specific time.

Shop One corresponds to a visit to a country that does not require an advance visa nor does it require registration of visa.

Shop Two corresponds to a visit to a country that requires an advance visa and requires registration of said visa.

Is it doable.  Of course it is.  Is it a large hassle?  You decide.

Note: For those who will point out that the visa situations for others to visit USA are a hassle also; I can't argue with that.  But that is neither here nor there, when advising someone about a trip to Russia.

[fabiodriven]

I've noticed both in the last reply and in some of the other threads I've been reading that some people set up multiple women to visit once they do make the trek over there. How does that work out? Are the women over there OK with that?

[ECOCKS]

So it's not quite as east to go to Russia as it is the Ukraine, eh? I didn't know that. How much more difficulty are we talking about here?

Not much, a little more money, some time filling in forms and waiting for the processing, the registration activities and associated headaches of visiting places which may not be particularly eassy when dealing with foreign registrations (there's a thread on someone who couldn't register in a town just within the last week).

Ukraine is simpler and about 3 items less on your checklist. Just buy a ticket and go on the next flight out if that is what you want to do.

[ECOCKS]

I've noticed both in the last reply and in some of the other threads I've been reading that some people set up multiple women to visit once they do make the trek over there. How does that work out? Are the women over there OK with that?

Do a little searching on the forum about WOVO, WMVM, WMVF, WMVO and so on. Plenty of discussion on this topic to give you some background and form your strategy.

[Faux Pas]

In my opinion, the visa hassles to go to Russia are a 'big deal.'  The dollar cost has nothing to do with it.

I can respect your opinion but, please explain what the hassles are? The invitation letter, sending off your passport, the extra required photo? What is the hassle? I have been to Russia many times and continue to go, I have yet to have one hassle or thing go wrong (knock on wood) on the Russian side of the border. I make sure all my I's are dotted and my T's are crossed. Not one single problem ever occurred with my visa, not a much mentioned "shakedown" or any other hassle ever. With that said, the Russian consulate caused me some problems in the US, insisting that I have to apply in Houston as opposed to Washington which I had already received 3 prior visas.

I didn't say they are impossible, and should not stop anyone who has found several women there in one city that they want to visit.

However, there have been several fairly scary stories told here about visa hassles and near misses.  For one, just review what TwoBit encountered on his trip.  He (and we) doesn't yet know if the 'fix up' he arranged will work smoothly when departure time comes.

I highly recommend do not take any risks with the visas for Russia. Leave nothing to chance or you are asking for a horror story or a shakedown. As I mentioned earlier in this post, prior to leaving I make sure mine is correct.

And what if his fix up does work?  Still he was put through some anxiety that one simply doesn't need on these trips.

There are numerous stories where visa were bungled and it caused the traveler problems. There are also stories where the visas were bungled and still caused no problems. This can happen in any number of countries at any time. The key here is make sure your visa is correct prior to leaving. Research and read up, leave nothing to chance. Those that leave what seems to be even an insignificant date, are asking for trouble.

It was PM'd to me since my last post that I failed to mention when you travel to different cities in Russia, you have to register at each city. This is partially correct. You have 3 days to register in any city, after that you do have to register to each city you visit. $10 bucks each time you register.

[Misha]

In my opinion, the visa hassles to go to Russia are a 'big deal.'  The dollar cost has nothing to do with it.

IMHO, the hassles of getting/registering a visa are inconsequential when compared to the challenges of helping a wife integrate into her new country, dealing with her culture shock and sorting out the minutiae of immigration to a new country. If the thought of spending a bit of time and effort to get a visa and the fears of hassles once in another country deters a man, then I really believe he should really reconsider marriage to a woman from any foreign country. 

[ML]

Faux Pas, you have demonstrated it all yourself.

OP, compare what Faux Pas has written to another completely blank piece of paper wherein is written (nothing) about what you need to do to enter (and travel from city to city) a country where no prior visa is required.

[Faux Pas]

Faux Pas, you have demonstrated it all yourself.

OP, compare what Faux Pas has written to another completely blank piece of paper wherein is written (nothing) about what you need to do to enter (and travel from city to city) a country where no prior visa is required.

ManLooking,

Let it be noted you did not describe the "hassle". Okay you win. If you are scared of a few extra steps or some possible hassle from Russian militsia or passport control you should consider Ukraine or staying home. Or there is the option of putting your big boy panties on, making sure your visa is correct and going where ever you like. Keep in mind the Ukrainian police are just as likely to give you hassle or shake you down as anywhere else one may travel.

[fabiodriven]

Faux Pas, you have demonstrated it all yourself.

OP, compare what Faux Pas has written to another completely blank piece of paper wherein is written (nothing) about what you need to do to enter (and travel from city to city) a country where no prior visa is required.

I can see what you are saying and I am rather excited about the whole situation. Going there, possibly bringing somebody home, introducing them to this culture, everything. It sounds exciting to me.

[I/O]

I've been reading that some people set up multiple women to visit once they do make the trek over there. How does that work out? Are the women over there OK with that?

ROFL, call me when the debate reaches 30 pages, it should be almost done by then.

You'll find the fishing aplenty in any decent sized city you choose anywhere in Russia or Ukraine and as such, I don't believe it is a mistake to choose a location first, particularly for early trips. Even more importantly if you go VO. The Kite (woman) doesn't fly, you've still got a touristy thing up your sleeve. Furthermore, remember this, marry someone and you'll visit the location enough times so you may as well find a place you like whilst you have the choice.

As for the whole visa thing in Russia, sure, I've had issues, more than enough, but if anyone thinks a petty little official sticking you up on the visa thing is anywhere near the level of what one would call difficult in the bigger picture of marrying and living with a foreign, particularly FSU woman, they are in for some awful shocks later.

[Aliya]

Hello Fabio!
Im sorry if i get too personal but i feel that i must say it. No offends, im totally on your side:)
You have a 6 years long relationship with a girl and you're saying that she broke up with you because you werent exciting enough? Cut me in pieces if you want im not going to believe this! There is some other reason, you know it but dont tell (non of our business though) or you're not awared of that. Either way realized this situation might help you a lot in your new relationships.
Now, you say that all girls are fat or already taken but you managed to date plenty of girls somehow...I also dont think that all your state is on the web sites looking for a russian fiance. They are getting married to locals, it means that not everybody is taken. But thats your own choise i have no intention to argue with you about it. If you really know what you want from a next girl.
So far you've been telling how messed up you are. What exactly are you looking for? Going to another country, with no language or knowledges of the culture and dreaming of bringins somebody back home...i bit too...idealistic if you will. Who is going to be that somebody? You agree to bring anybody back home?
You say that you're not very found of where you live, but you're going to bring a girl there. My own oppinion is she has to speak english and she has to know what is it like American life (or Europinian). So she will help you and you will help her.
I hope you understand me, i dont mean to be rude.
And my last suggestion...try to think are you looking for a real girl to build a serious relationship with or are you looking for a rebound right now?

[fabiodriven]

Hello Fabio!
Im sorry if i get too personal but i feel that i must say it. No offends, im totally on your side:)
You have a 6 years long relationship with a girl and you're saying that she broke up with you because you werent exciting enough? Cut me in pieces if you want im not going to believe this! There is some other reason, you know it but dont tell (non of our business though) or you're not awared of that. Either way realized this situation might help you a lot in your new relationships.
Now, you say that all girls are fat or already taken but you managed to date plenty of girls somehow...I also dont think that all your state is on the web sites looking for a russian fiance. They are getting married to locals, it means that not everybody is taken. But thats your own choise i have no intention to argue with you about it. If you really know what you want from a next girl.
So far you've been telling how messed up you are. What exactly are you looking for? Going to another country, with no language or knowledges of the culture and dreaming of bringins somebody back home...i bit too...idealistic if you will. Who is going to be that somebody? You agree to bring anybody back home?
You say that you're not very found of where you live, but you're going to bring a girl there. My own oppinion is she has to speak english and she has to know what is it like American life (or Europinian). So she will help you and you will help her.
I hope you understand me, i dont mean to be rude.
And my last suggestion...try to think are you looking for a real girl to build a serious relationship with or are you looking for a rebound right now?

I am not offended by what you wrote and I appreciate everybody's point of view. My prior relationship is not the topic here and I am not looking to start a discussion on it.

I have been starting to study Russian, but it has only been a matter of days since I began so it is a long road ahead of me. Ideally I would like to take a trip over there to meet the girl and if it works out I want her to come here with me to live in my home. I live near Boston, Massachusetts.

I didn't say that I don't like it here. I may have said the quality of the people could be better. If I didn't like it here I wouldn't have bought a house here.

Rebound? No. I would describe myself as co-dependent. I wasn't happy before I met my ex, and I haven't been happy since she left me.

Just for a little update, I have been in pretty heavy communications with a nice young lady from a free site. We are friends on Facebook and we will be Skyping very soon. I am trying not to get overly excited about the situation because it is still in its infancy. There are any number of things that could go wrong at this point. My initial observations do not show this girl to be a scam but then again, a good scammer has to be an expert at gaining trust. Seems like a pretty good situation for somebody who has only been looking for a little over a week.

I must say, I'm not sure why I didn't look into this whole endeavor sooner. I have always had a thing for Russian women. There is a beach area not far from where I live that I go to at least once a year for a few days. Every summer they transport Russian people in for a work exchange program and every summer I go ga-ga over the beautiful Russian girls there. It's been something that's ingrained in me for a long time I think. 

[ECOCKS]

It's good that you're trying to control being over-excited.

Read the 10 Commandments, think hard about this and ask lots of questions.

We'll try to do what we can to help.

[Aliya]

Once you see her on skype you'll understand if she is honest with you, i really wish you luck:)

[cranehand]

i have to say here that without skype,  i think i might still be looking.  everyone will say the internet relationship is not a real relationship but for me it brought to life my desire to persue this woman on the other side of the world.  Yes it was a virtual relationship in the beginning stages.  However you can read body language, tone of voice see the physical acts of the person with whome you are communicating. All of this builds up to the physical meeting.  We spent literally a few hundred hours on skype feeling eachother out before I made the first trip,  Direct question and answer sessions, we wanted to be together even if it was only in cyberspace.  She was always there when she said she would be and I did the same. Always answered the phone when I called and replied to nearly every text message I ever sent. She still wakes up at 3 am and comes to skype just to take advantage of good internet, I am so in love and it is a great feeling. A commitment to spend your time with someone even if it is not possible to have touch is still a commitment.  These are just a few things that will show you if she is genuine/real:))

Know yourself Fabio very well my friend because when you find this woman you seek she will re-enforce all you feel in your heart to have a strong and loving family.  She will commit time and effort to you and you will have no doubt that she has interest in your pursuit of her. Be the provider the protector and the persuer of her heart.  Do what you say you will do and hold your ground.  Be honest and kind be understanding and forgiving.  You will face cultural differences and missunderstandings at every turn in this adventure.
Good luck buddy.

[fabiodriven]

That's some awesome insight Crane. Seems like that could be the very road I'm headed down. I'm very surprised at the speed of which this girl and I met. I've sent out a ton of messages and this is the only thing I really have going. We shall see.

[Vaughn]

I do not do well on my own.....  I hate being by myself....  all I need is love.

I would describe myself as co-dependent.

You've nailed it, fabiodriven. I've been there - addicted to relationships, until the quick demise of a rebound marriage
caused me to take a harder second look at myself. Tread carefully and exercise great patience. I think it was groov who
once posted that the mystique and exoticism of things FSU cloud many a man's better judgment. If and when you
ever actually pull the trigger and buy a ticket east, don't pack K-1 paperwork. Go and enjoy yourselves, period.

Give something as big as this the time it deserves.

[Faux Pas]

Just for a little update, I have been in pretty heavy communications with a nice young lady from a free site. We are friends on Facebook and we will be Skyping very soon. I am trying not to get overly excited about the situation because it is still in its infancy. There are any number of things that could go wrong at this point. My initial observations do not show this girl to be a scam but then again, a good scammer has to be an expert at gaining trust. Seems like a pretty good situation for somebody who has only been looking for a little over a week.

Why the delay? Skype is even much easier and cheaper than a phone call. If you have hooked up on facebook could have already been Skyping. Heavy communications? It doesn't sound very heavy fabio  :noidea:

[Sculpto]

Russia is easy to travel.  Drop off passport and 165 bucks at gotorussia.. wait 10 days.. pick up passport with visa..

staying in hotel?  they register..

staying in apartment?  technically the apartment owner is supposed to register you.. but thye don't because they don't want to pay the tax.

Pay gotorussia another 45 are you are registered..

or.. don't register at all.. this will be my third trip.. i did not register either time before.

So.. what's the big deal? 

Ukraine has more people willing to leave for the wrong reasons.  IMO.  There would always be some lingering doubt in my mind.. "does she really love me or did she really want to get out of Ukraine?"  With Russia, that really isn't an issue.. people aren't lining up to leave like they used to.