A cultural question.

[al-c]

OK, here is the deal:

I am going to St. Petersburg in May to meet a RW I am VERY serous about.  We have been writing and talking for several months now, and we are getting to the point where little roses appear at the end of her letters to me.

Here is the question:  She told me the last time we were on the phone that she bought tickets to the ballet for us when I am there.  She is not poor and can afford these tickets.  I asked previously if we could attend the ballet but did not ask her to buy the tickets.

Should I offer to pay her for the tickets, or should I graciously accept what she bought and attend the show?  The money is not an issue; I can easily afford it.  I just want to do the right thing.

 

[jb]

Find out what the ballet tickets cost, (if you can), and present her  with a gift of equal value after the show.  You have hit on one of  the things in Russia that Russians are the most proud of, the ballet  performances in Moscow and St Pete are world class, and the music is  outstanding.  She's probably very excited to be able to do this  thing for you and buying her off with a bit of cash would spoil all the  fun for her.   Russians are very proud and trying to give her  money may hurt that pride. 

It's really a very nice thing for her to plan, you shouldn't miss it for anything.

Edit:  One other thing, those tickets are, no doubt, the Russian  price of admittance, if she'd told them her guest was an American she  very likely would not have been able to afford them.  So for Gawds  sake, when you go in the door, keep your mouth shut.  Otherwise  the ticket babuska will demand you pay "Foreigner" price if she hears  your accent.

[Vaughn]

I totally agree with jb. Aside from keeping your
mouth shut, dress the part - no evidence of New York
(or America, for that matter). What a nice gift this
lady has offered you!

 

Otherwise the ticket babuska will demand you pay "Foreigner" price if she hears your accent.

And that might also steal your lady's thunder...

[TigerPaws]

[color="blue"][size="4"] As a suggestion, you may want to consider an inexpensive necklace, companies  like Zales have beautiful diamond heart pendants in the $100.00 to $150.00 class  range, this could easily serve a dual purpose should things go well with the  lady. Believe me she will truly appreciate your gift as she has already gone to  considerable effort for you.[/size][/color] [color="blue"] [/color] [color="blue"][size="4"]

 Good luck she could be a real  find.[/size][/color]

[Patrick]

Hey al-c. Listen to these guys. They will not tell you wrong. Please don't steal her thunder. What she is doing is a good thing. It is good for you and better for her. She is a happy woman and sounds like a good one.

  

[al-c]

Thank you all for your excellent advice.  I will certainly keep my mouth shut at the theater box office and be prepared with a nice gift for her that evening.

I attended Russian ballet when I was there last, in Novosibirsk.  Two tickets were the ruble equivalent of $13.00 U.S. Dollars.  Equivalent theater in New York would have been about $250.00.  I guess I got lucky there and didn't think of speaking at the box office because the ticket clerk would not have understood me anyway.

I agree with everyone's assessment of my present love interest.  I believe she is a real gem, which is why I am covering every possible base here to make things go just right.

 

 

[Turboguy]

Personally I would vote the other way.  I would offer to pay for them but not make a big deal if she refused.    If she happened to buy them expecting you to re-imburse her, she might think you were cheap if you did not make a token offer of repayment.  I seem to be outvoted though/

[Elen]

The cost for tickets to Moscow Bolshoi theatre may be from 600rub(~20$) till 3500rub(~120$)and more - depending on time,performance, greediness of intermediators and so on
Foreigners pay the same price as Russians ( as there is no such places where you could easely buy those tickets for fixed "state" price.)

Taking into considerations our salaries to my mind you should offer to pay for them and to make an effort to insist that she would accept your offer And only after you failed with that you may give up ( and take her for dinner after balet to some decent place (I don't mean Mc Donalds )

[Albert]

There are several ballet theatres and ballet companies in St. Petersburg.  The prices vary over a very wide spectrum with the Marinsky (Kirov) being the most expensive (Over $100).  There are also widely different policies regarding the dual pricing system.  Some have a dual system, some do not.

If your gal has bought the tickets, I would guess it is most likely that she bought for the Russian price and at one of the less expensive places.  But, a lot of the FSU people really do not know about the dual pricing system.  It does no good that she was able to buy the less expensive tickets.  It is the babushka's at the entrance who will stop you.  This can really ruin an entire evening when you arrive and are faced with this situation.  The two of you will be sent back to ticket window to buy a more expensive ticket for you AND it is possible that this other ticket will be for a DIFFERENT location.  That is to say, you will NOT be sitting together.

I would always offer to pay her for the tickets.  But it is always tricky and no approach is foolproof.  The vast majority of gals (even the best of them) will take the money very quickly.  A few will get highly peeed at your offer.  But you can really never predict which group any particular gal is in.  I don't agree with the suggestions to buy her gifts of an equal value (if you can even determine the price she paid).  She may have used a week or month's food money to buy the tickets, and a fancy gift has very little food nurnishment value.

[al-c]

Here is an update:

I just got a new letter from her, which said that the theater she had in mind was indeed the Marinsky, that tickets would be a quarter of her salary, and that she did not buy them yet, so she wanted to know if I really wanted to go.

Now with this updated info, should I offer her the money?

 

[RacerX]

This suggests she seeing if you want to pay for them.  Any good RW is not going to ask you upfront to do this in her country (until after you marry her!).

However, it's hard to comment without some more info: how much will the tickets cost?

[al-c]

This suggests she seeing if you want to pay for them.  Any good RW is not going to ask you upfront to do this in her country (until after you marry her!).

However, it's hard to comment without some more info: how much will the tickets cost?

Based on what albert said about Marinsky tickets costing $100.00 and up a piece, I suppose we are talking $200 plus.

Olga has never asked me for one cent ever; she is very good about that and I respect her for it.  Maybe this is her way of telling me that she cannot afford this on her own.

I have no problem paying for it; I just don't want to offend or insult her.

 

[TigerPaws]

al-c,

 Only you know what is up but it sounds like after you arrive and spend some time with this lady you could diplomaticaly bring it up that ii would be your gret pleasure if she would allow you to pay for the tickets. It would have to be handled carefully and as I said only you know best if this is something she would feel comfortable letting you do.

[Leslie]

Al

Pay for the tickets.  Make sure she buys a foreigner ticket for you. 

You are not going to fool those babushkas

People dress when they go to the ballet.  Take a suit and tie!

An evening at the Marinsky will be wonderful.  It is going to be expensive but not in Western terms.  I am a lifelong ballet fan.  This evening is going to cost 300 bucks all in.  You could not buy a single decent ticket to see the Kirov company in New York or London for this money.

PS Ask your lady which ballet she wants to see then read up on it before.  This will increase your enjoyment and your social standing

 

[Elen]

different prices for tickets depends on theatre ( to my inform Bolshoi does not practice that, it gives only some privileges to some categories like students, pensioners and etc)  
In majority cases Russians can buy tickets only for full prices (the same as foreigners) as tickets for reduced tariff are rare things.

Anyway you may check prices to Bolshoi at its site
http://boxoffice.bolshoi.ru/eng/sales.html

Mariinsky theatre

http://www.tickets.mariinsky.ru/index.php



PS if you desided though that offering her money for tickets would be an "offence" to her then try at least to show her that you REALLY enjoyed with ballet ( but not fall asleep in a midle of a show , because 200$ for tickets is really high price for your girl)

[al-c]

OK, it is done.

I e-mailed her and asked her to please not be afraid to tell me if she cannot afford the tickets, and if so I would buy them over the internet at the web site Elen provided us with.

I explained to her that I realize she has financial responsibilities that are more important than my entertainment, such as her son, and that I do not want her to throw her budget into disarrary just for me.

Thank you all for your advice.  It was all very useful in helping me arrive at a decision that I am confident with.

I will let you all know the end result.

And I will certainly stay awake for the ballet and dress appropriately.  I do enjoy ballet, especially the excellent ones that are in Russia.

Thanks again.

 

[Aleksia]

Leslie is right. they will see that you are foreigner and you might have problems.

also tickets are quiet expensive, so it will be nice if you will offer to pay for them....even if she will refuse, it will be a right thing to do.