"I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."

[Doll]

Doll, click Personal CP in the Personal Menu at left. Next select Forum Profile Information which will give you 3 choices, including:

- I have my own pic - for something from the Internet.
- I will upload my own picture - for something from you PC.

 

Thanks!

[Tag-n-bag]

Hey, what are women from Uruguay like?

 

[SANDRO43]

Hey, what are women from Uruguay like?

They're probably rather heavy on make-up :

The word Uruguay, coming from the Guaraní language, means "river where the painted birds live".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uruguay

[Jumper]

Hey, what are women from Uruguay like?

 

Tag lol
I know you are joking..

but they are women,  and they likely have limited english ..
i'd say not less challenging than a random  RW..???

 I lived in brazil for two years, greece for a few years as well. and time in isreal and egypt..etc etc
(my first wife was Irish)
women are women..
men are men..
some cultural differences for sure , yes..!!!!
but the fundamentals remain the same..

Brazilians where fun, and beautiful, but also in general quite difficult to adjust to.(at least for me)
I was young ,not interested in marriage, and in a position not to worry about it....
a new bus came along every 15 minutes.
The point is ,you wouldn't likely find them any easier to communicate with (portaguese) or
any more similar to you culturally , than a RW.
(or Uruguay)



you had one odd exchange..  don't let it get to you..
you'll likely have a hundred false starts like that,before you really click with someone..

just forget it,and  move on to another,
 
the forum will dwell on it and debate it to death for you.. lol




As far as this RW posting her profile, and perhaps not liking americans,
 some really are only interested in European men,.,
americans are not the only men in the world looking there
many on EM post it in thier profiles "european only"
(maybe this one should have,or maybe you just set her off ,for whatever reason, who knows ,no big deal)

 Many RW married into Japan, Australia, and Europe..
Elena ,of EMs was originally married to a south african i believe? the world is a big place
  
Your blue passport in Russia ,can be more of a burden than a positive, just keep that in mind?


 

[Blues Fairy]

For God's sake, DO NOT place your pretty little face and thong tied derriere pictures and profile on a worldwide website advertising yourself as available for marriage, dating, pen pal, etc. if you do not want to be contacted by any American men! How numb nutted do you have to be to do something like this?

And how stupid do you have to be to contact a woman who posts her 'thong tied derriere pictures' on the internet profile, and to expect any kind of intelligent conversation with her?

[Shadow]

Tag-n-bag, I guess that there is onething you might have picked up from this all.
When Faux Pas criticized you for not getting on skype with her faster, you got all defensive and managed a million excuses. In the end it would have saved you a month of fantasy time.
This is why the veterans are sometimes hard on new guys who are slow to move forwards. Sure it is your time to waste, but if you wish to go forward you have got to learn to act fast and decisive.

Write, chat, call, visit.... you need to be ready for all of this and know how to find information. By being slow to move forward and making excuses for yourself you will only lose any woman that might be really interested, apart from attracting those who are just in it to make a fast buck.

[Voyager36]

And how stupid do you have to be to contact a woman who posts her 'thong tied derriere pictures' on the internet profile, and to expect any kind of intelligent conversation with her?

Maybe when most men consider the qualities they are looking for in a woman, "intelligent conversation" isn't exactly on the top of the list. 

[Gator]

And how stupid do you have to be to contact a woman who posts her 'thong tied derriere pictures' on the internet profile, and to expect any kind of intelligent conversation with her?

The old issue - whether to eliminate or choose RW who post photos on the Internet that would suffice for an escort service catalog.  Reap what you sow.

[Misha]

Needless to say, I've heard Indian, Polish, Italian immigrants speak English, also I am an ESL teacher, so the girl in the OP was speaking quite decent English. Her "resting in nature" is just a very Russian [phrase said in English. There was no need to mock on it. Low class, sir.
Then don't go there, stay in this country and you'll have perfect English with no accent of mistakes, sugar coating and smiles.
Yes, Doll is mad

I agree with Doll. IMHO, he came across as quite condescending. He seemed intent on putting her down.

[Turboguy]

I knew it was a long time since I studied anatomy but I always thought the brain was in the head not the butt so what does sexy photos and conversation have in common except it may destract us from sounding intelligent if we get to preoccupied with it.  Are we saying a girl can't be sexy and smart.

I do agree that mocking a girls English, her country, her life or anything may have a very adverse effect on her willingness to get to know someone.  Most RW are very proud and rightly so.

[OlgaH]

He seemed intent on putting her down.

I do agree that mocking a girls English, her country, her life or anything may have a very adverse effect on her willingness to get to know someone.  Most RW are very proud and rightly so.

I neither see any intent on putting her down nor mocking her English, her country, her life or anything in the OP's replies to her 

[Doll]

Neither?
Well, the OP asked what was wrong, we answered. You can open the endless discussion if it is right or wrong but this is what happened in this chat.
To the ones who are searching for more politeness- to express it properly in another language you need to be at a certain level ( I mean language).
Before you can do (language wise) so much.
I really recommend the OP and the others start learning Russian ans then see when they are capable to express the thoughts in a proper way.
I've heard Americans try it- didn't know to laugh or to cry.
Anyway, the OP knows why the chat "went South".
Come on, Olga, you read the chat- the girl instantly reacted on his "close to nature" stuff. It is up to her how to react. As for " we don't like Americans"- this is the fastest way to way rid of this chat. Very effective- he will never be back to her.

[OlgaH]

Doll, how about a variation of conversation below, for example,  without  getting defensive about language skills. Is it so difficult?


[2:39:50 AM] ME: hi RW
[2:40:10 AM] RW: hi
[2:40:23 AM] ME: r u at work?
[2:40:28 AM] RW: aha (yes)
[2:40:39 AM] RW: today is Friday (dance)
[2:40:42 AM] RW: Smiley
[2:40:53 AM] RW: nobody in office
[2:41:00 AM] RW: )))))
[2:41:05 AM] ME: party time!
 [2:41:55 AM] ME: what r u doing tonight?
[2:43:21 AM] RW: going to go to my friend
[2:43:35 AM] RW: out of Moscow
[2:43:36 AM] ME: okay then what?
[2:44:19 AM] ME: you are driving out of the city?
[2:44:26 AM] RW: for resting close to Nature
 [2:44:42 AM] ME: i love this about you guys
[2:45:02 AM] RW: Huh??? What do you mean saying "i love this about you guys
[2:45:40 AM] ME: "resting in nature"
 [2:45:51 AM] RW: hm Ah, OK
[2:46:06 AM] ME: what does "resting in nature" mean exactly?
[2:46:18 AM] ME: like a vacation?
[2:46:33 AM] RW: r u telling about my chinese english maybe? I'm sorry my English is not so good, please make your writing easy to understand for me. I also will need some time to translate
[2:46:38 AM] RW: Smiley  Yes, vacation outside city. How do you say it in English?
 [2:47:40 AM] ME: in Russia do many people have weekend rest in nature type houses?
[2:49:46 AM] RW: yes
[2:49:59 AM] RW: can imagene?
[2:50:20 AM] RW: imagine
[2:50:23 AM] RW: : )) Thank you for correction I appreciate it
[2:50:25 AM] ME: this is great
[2:50:32 AM] ME: i want a house like this
[2:51:16 AM] ME: maybe i should move into one and live in the woods 8-)
[2:51:37 AM] RW: is it funny for u to talk with russian? Not bad idea if the house has water and heating, and is not too far from the city and job. You also can pick berries and mushrooms and sell it. Extra income  
[2:51:39 AM] RW:  Smiley
[2:51:45 AM] ME: you speak chinese english? (If I don't mention Chinese English no question comes about it)
[2:52:58 AM] ME: tell me what you do when you "rest in nature" all weekend
[2:53:24 AM] ME: do you swim?
[2:53:49 AM] RW:  that's why don't cavil (quibble-I had to look up ‘cavil’ in the dictionary) at every word We make shashliks   Yes, I swim but only with safety belt. I'm not a good swimmer.  

[Ranetka]

I agree with you Olga. that would be much better if she said this instead of being confrontational.

And he should have said "Sorry, what do you mean by resting on nature" instead of "I love it about you guys....Resting on nature"

no confrontation would have followed.

[OlgaH]

Come on, Olga, you read the chat- the girl instantly reacted on his "close to nature" stuff. It is up to her how to react.

Yes, reaction is only her own problem

As for " we don't like Americans"- this is the fastest way to way rid of this chat. Very effective- he will never be back to her.

It was a rude way. But her own nature is her only own problem. As I already said not a big loss for a guy  

[OlgaH]

And he should have said "Sorry, what do you mean by resting on nature" instead of "I love it about you guys....Resting on nature"

Ranetka, problem is that she did not ask what exactly she did not understand.
How he supposed to know?

I see nothing wrong that he likes a fact that Russians like to spend time "Resting on nature" 

[Gator]

OlgaH,

You are very polite.  I will agree that the RW's comment about Americans was stupid.  However, how many men would have no clue upon hearing the term "resting close to nature?"  How else could it be interpreted?

The expression may be more European than Russian.  I recall a Swedish woman and I riding in an open windowed train in Thailand a long time ago.   At one point, we slowly passed a pig farm and the odor was horrific.  She looked at me and said, "Ah, so close to nature."

One does not need a broad vocabulary nor precise pronounciation  to communicate unless one is talking with someone with no imagination. 

If Tag did not understand "resting close to nature" he should have asked an open ended question such as "What type of nature do you prefer?"  Her comment would reveal more.  

I can't wait until a RW mentions "repose" to him.

[Ranetka]

I see nothing wrong that he likes a fact that Russians like to spend time "Resting on nature"  

We just gave to agree to disagree on this one.

To me he was slightly taking a mickey and talking down to her.

[Gylden]

Someone said it up thread a bit. If two people from different countries looking for a relationship, speaking different mother languages can't muster up the patience for some small difficulties now and then with communication, it's time to throw in the towel.

"resting close to nature" ?
Would you say this is tent camping? or a spa? or weekend at the dacha? A picnic? etc.

There is no doubt that the OP didn't quite understand exactly.
There is no doubt (like most of us) finds foreign accents interesting and enjoyable.
IMO it seems like the OP new she was angry and tried to lighten up the conversation by trying to convey that he enjoyed her accent (in an awkward way of course).
I have no doubt he learned something (probably many things) from this chat. In no way do I see him either mocking her or making fun of her.

Lesson for him and others reading this:  when he became aware of the problem (hard to believe he didn't know it was language based) he shouldn't have chose to lighten up the conversation using language as the topic.

Lesson for her and other non native language users:  Don't be so quick to react when there are translation difficulties/missunderstandings.

He will survive this and so will she and bottom line no one is really to blame here. They are most likely not right for each other, but IMO there is no danger in that either.

 

[chivo]

I'm still looking for him being condescending. Fact is he wasn't. Inexperienced or not quite so comfortable talking to RW yes, but condescending, no. She too has much to learn about communicating with foreigners.

It also doesn't matter the level of speaker as I'm learning Russian and can quickly tell someone that my Russian is not up to a certain level. It was one of the first things I learned to say matter of fact, so people would be more patient with me when approached on the street here.

Funny how much more respectful the Russians were once I told them this. Before when approached and asked questions on the street I would stand there processing what was said to me only to have said Russian start to scream at me like I was stupid.

Another thing that I have learned here about communication is that when you speak a certain level of a 2nd language, natives tend to think that you can speak better than you do. Happens all the time here to me. I can speak decently at times but get lost with the language almost as frequently. It can be frustrating at times for all involved, but most normal people understand and adjust...without an attitude BTW.  

So, condescending; no. miscommunication between two people not understanding the dynamics of communicating in one language or another and adding to this a man who doesn't know/understand how to talk to foreigners who are trying to speak "his" language; yes.

[vwrw]

Lesson for him and others reading this:  when he became aware of the problem (hard to believe he didn't know it was language based) he shouldn't have chose to lighten up the conversation using language as the topic.

The content of your prescription seems as a hasty generalization to me because it is based one very few women’s preference. Yes, some women do not like when someone corrects their linguistic error. However, there are many other women who would appreciate that someone brings their linguistic error into focus.  For example, I would be very grateful if surrounding me people pinpoint my mistakes in speech. Yet, they usual do not do that despite all my requests and explanations of how beneficial such practice would be for me. Besides, I am always delighted when my conversationalist chooses to lighten up the conversation using language as the topic.
Therefore, lesson for you is do not project preference of a very few women onto a majority.

[Gylden]

The content of your prescription seem as a hasty generalization to me because it is based one very few women’s preference. Yes, some women do not like when someone corrects their linguistic error. However, there are many other women who would appreciate that someone brings their linguistic error into focus.  For example, I would be very grateful if surrounding me people pinpoint my mistakes in speech. Yet, they usual do not do that despite all my requests and explanations of how beneficial such practice would be for me. Besides, I am always delighted when my conversationalist chooses to lighten up the conversation using language as the topic.
Therefore, lesson for you is do not project preference of a very few women onto a majority.

OK I will slow it down a little:
When he realised she was over reacting concerning her use of "resting close to nature". He should have realised that she was the type to over react and at that point should have politely left the chat. His choice to try to save the conversation combined with the choice to try to awkwardly flatter her about her accent/word usage was a bad decision. But I think he knows that allready.

BTW, I am not trying to project anything onto other women or men. I think you just missunderstand me.

[vwrw]

BTW, I am not trying to project anything onto other women or men. I think you just missunderstand me.

Well, if you say you were not trying to project anything onto other women, then I indeed misunderstood you. In this case, what was the lesson for others reading  the lesson? (I am not trying to irritate you; I am just willing to understand you.) Was the lesson that if the readers had met the anonymous girl, they shouldn't choose to lighten up the conversation with her using language as the topic?

[Gylden]

vwrw,

The lesson (and it may be a bad choice of words) let's say example instead of lesson.
If during a conversation, you become aware that a certain subject/communication problem caused an adverse reaction in the one you are speaking to, it may not be wise to try to lighten the conversation, while engaging in that very subject or making more emphasis of the communication problem. As you suggested, in this example to try to clarify what is/was said is absolutely the best.

[vwrw]

Now I find your suggestion to be sensible. Thank you for clarification.