Am I missing something?

[Aussielion]

Hi all, I just want to know if im missing something here.

This is part of a letter that I wrote to a person that Im planning to visit. She has first tried to book an apartment for me. I knocked that idea on the head. Now, she is insisting that I take her taxi from the airport instead of going to my apartment on the transfer that I have already paid for

> Hi *&*&^*&,
>
> Just a quick note before I go to work. I have already booked and payed
> for the transfer from the airport to my apartment. I'll be happy to pay
> for your cab to take you to the airport to wait for me. I don't see why
> going in the transfer car is a problem. The transfer car has direct
> contact with the landlord so if there are any problems, they can simply
> let the landlord know. I have her number as well. Everything will be ok
>
>
> (*(*&& , I am much more comfortable with organising everything myself. It
> gives me some independence and certainty about aspects of my journey.
> Please let me handle apartments, interpreters, transfers, bookings for
> things. I have everything under control.


This is her response.

hello, dear Ro(&&^!
i dont understasnd you dont you terust me? you alwasy want to underline that you want to organise eevrything by yourself. you offend me with such words, i have a feeling that hou dont strust me.
if i arrive ona  taxi, you will have to pay for it. there is no need to booka  transfer, bvecausde you will have to pay for transfer and for the taxi on which i will arrive. i see no sence to do it.
and by the way you havent answered to me how much costs the transfer from my city to Dnepropetrovsk?
i am just curious to know it.


Am I missing something here? Everything she has written to me over 7 months seems to check out. She has a russian facebook profile which includes her friends and family. Do you detect a scam or is this normal behaviour?

[facetrock]

 Are you flying into Dnep? If your not you should. I've done it several times, very easy.
Renting your won flat is a good thing to keep your independence.
Can you be more specific as to where she is meeting you? Where you arrive at? Is she taking a taxi to the airport to meet you?

[Aussielion]

She wants to meet me at the airport at Zaphoryhye. She said that she will take a taxi to meet me. Im confused as to how it could be a problem to use the transfer that I have payed for. How do I pay twice when I've offered to pay for her taxi in the first place?

[Shadow]

She wants to meet me at the airport at Zaphoryhye. She said that she will take a taxi to meet me. Im confused as to how it could be a problem to use the transfer that I have payed for. How do I pay twice when I've offered to pay for her taxi in the first place?

Taxi's do not charge for one-way, but will charge the return trip no matter if you use it or not.

While it is a good idea to be in control of things, by constantly refusing any help she offers it comes across as if you do not trust her.
Remember a relationship is built on trust.

[facetrock]

  Its about an hour from Zap to Dnep.  If you paid for a transfer its going to cost more since now you have to pay for her taxi there too. I would have asked her what a taxi costs and if it was comparable to the transfer, take the taxi. Its really no big deal and keeps the peace. Now you have a women thats wondering why you dont trust her and I can see her point. The taxi would have been a good way to throw her a bone and make her feel more involved with you journey.
  Is it possible to have her ride with the transfer car from Dnep to Zap? Or is the car leaving from Zap?

[tfcrew]

Taxi's do not charge for one-way, but will charge the return trip no matter if you use it or not.

 

Where is that Shadow?
In every city in the world, taxi charges are by the mile/Km or fractions thereof.

There is a VIP taxi service at the airport usually faster but why the big deal over which taxi service? Step off the plane and see what happens.

[easyukraine]

Well looks like your paying for a taxi you wont be using so decide which one you wont use. Personally you could probably have arranged for her to ride on the one from the place you rented and tell her you have it covered and make it sound like your doing it for her.

[SMS60]

Hi all, I just want to know if im missing something here.

Yes, Confidence and Trust

[XMan]

First, of course I am not privy to your many months of communication with this woman.  
You would know far better than anyone else as to whether you should take what she says at face value.  

That having been said, I will take the contrarian view here.  

If you've been communicating for 7 months, I would think she would have learned enough about your personality to understand your decision making process by this point.  (If I understand correctly, you have previously said you wanted to book your apartment yourself, so it should not be a newsflash that you want to handle things yourself in general.)  
You are the one putting it on the line -- taking the time, resources, etc., getting on a plane (or perhaps multiple planes) to travel to meet her.  
You sound like a careful person who is thinking ahead and planning appropriately.  I see nothing wrong with that.

I know how jaded and cynical this will sound.  Perhaps it is.  Again, only my opinion, and nothing more.  
Whenever a woman says "I am offended, don't you trust me?" it is just a big red flag to me.
Here, let me manipulate you by making you feel guilty about "not trusting me."  
Of course, everyone's opinion is influenced by past experience, and I've seen exactly what I just described.  
To me, this is akin to "if you loved me, you would do (fill in the blank)."  
I don't think so.

As far as "not trusting her," baloney. You're trusting her enough to plunk down 5 grand to meet a woman who lives 10,000km away in a country where (I am assuming) you don't speak the language.  That's some pretty strong evidence of trust.
 
I always read and hear so much about "wanting a real man."  
Well, a real man makes his own decisions, so a woman should be willing to accept certain decisions, especially when those decisions are perfectly reasonable and he is willing to accommodate her otherwise in pretty much all ways.  

You prefer making your own travel decisions.  
You're willing to do everything necessary to meet her.  
Fairly simple.  
She should understand.  

[ML]

Seems quite simple to me.  She is saying that there will be a round trip cost for her taxi from Zap to Dnipro and return to Zap . . . whether or not you or she is in the taxi for the return to Zap.  This makes sense.  The taxi driver lives in Zap; he will have to return.

So  in this first instance somebody is paying for this taxi to return empty to Zap.

And in the second instance, somebody is paying for the second taxi to take you and her from Dnipro to Zap.

Thus, you are both correct.

First, you are correct in wanting to be the man and arrange for your own trip from Dnipro to Zap.

Second, she is rightfully mystified as to why you are willing to pay for a taxi to return empty to Zap.

Welcome to the world of long distance dating!

[facetrock]

  I think after talking for 7 months and really getting to know each other you hurt her feelings by not letting her help you a little on your trip.
  I am sure she knows your spending a lot of money to come and see her and if she is a decent woman she is just trying to help.

  SMS said it well. Confidence and trust. Sooner or later you have to show her both. Letting her help with a taxi is a good place to start.

[Aussielion]

Excellent advice everybody. I had no idea that things are paid for via a round trip over there rather than one way.
To soms things up, my communication with this lady has been pretty good. We write a few times per week and skype about once a fortnight. I was just worried about the paying twice thing....but that has been cleared up. I was also suspicious because she claims to have had her phone stolen. Are phones expensive over there?

Otherwise, communication has been great. I've written to heaps of scammers over time and her letters just don't fit that mould.

[facetrock]

  Well phones are about the same cost there as they are in the USA and probably the same as in Australia. But those people dont make nearly as much money as we do so its a bigger investment for them.  I dont know if you are planning on spending all your time with her but if your not it would be a good idea for you to pick up a used phone. They are cheap and if the relationship goes to hell at least you have a phone.

[easyukraine]

Get a chi phone from ebay under 100 bucks and have dual sim. just buy sim when you land and your all set. just make sure its quad band and unlocked.

[XMan]

  Well phones are about the same cost there as they are in the USA and probably the same as in Australia. But those people dont make nearly as much money as we do so its a bigger investment for them.  I dont know if you are planning on spending all your time with her but if your not it would be a good idea for you to pick up a used phone. They are cheap and if the relationship goes to hell at least you have a phone.

Facetrock is absolutely right about the phone on all counts. 

I picked up a new phone a Kharkov a few years ago, $100-$120 or so, don't recall exactly.  Worth every penny.  Since I couldn't read the instructions very well (in Russian), it was handy to have someone who could do so set me up with the SIM in the store.   Unfortunately my charger was 220v only and could not get a USA version when I returned home, which was odd.  I probably could find something that would work, but I found a cheap 110v to 220v transformer instead so I could charge the phone in the USA before taking off for Ukraine the next time.  That way I have a working phone once I land.

There are alternatives as well, phones that work in 150+ countries, but cost per minute can be fairly stiff.

[ML]

When you buy any travel item:  Phone, camera, camcorder, DVD Player, Notebook, Netbook, Shaver, etc.,

Don't buy until you look at the specs that say it works on anything from 110 -240 volts.

Not just the appliance itself, but look at the transformer (if any) that converts the AC to DC.  This latter item is apparently what tripped X-Man up.

[XMan]

Indeed.

I have a "One World" adapter that is great for any USA-style device you want to use in Ukraine (or a number of other countries).  *Mine is both adapter AND transformer, some are adapter only, in which case your device must be able to run on either 110v or 220v.  If you have a 110v-only device, you'll need a combined adapter/transformer.* 

Going the other way (a device you buy in Ukraine and want to use in USA) pay attention as ManLooking outlined. 

[Daveman]

if i arrive ona  taxi, you will have to pay for it. there is no need to booka  transfer, bvecausde you will have to pay for transfer and for the taxi on which i will arrive. i see no sence to do it.
...

Am I missing something here? Everything she has written to me over 7 months seems to check out. She has a russian facebook profile which includes her friends and family. Do you detect a scam or is this normal behaviour?

Why yes,f yes you are missing something... you are missing the RW logic gene.  don't worry though, after about 500 or so of these bizarre interactions and being told how the most simple and easy way to handle something is stupid because it's not the complicated, over the top, weird way they do things, you'll begin to see this as quasi normal (and also begin to question your own sanity. I'm surprised she's talking about a taxi in the first place -- much better to carry your bags on a trolley, transfer to a bus, move to the subway fight the crowds and the 17 story escalators, take the marshrutka, then walk 40 kilometers to the flat than to do it the difficult way of terminal to door delivers with a few extra bucks in a taxi).

Yes, it's normal behavior (and a very mild, mild, mild, mild, ad infinitum case of it). Get used to it...  not enough info to determine whether or not she has nefarious intentions, but doesn't sound like it from what you posted.