For older guys . . . how young is too young

[ML]

In the Starting section there is a topic with this title.  There the focus is on 20 something women.

Now, let's change  the focus a bit.

I am in my mid 50s (getting toward upper end actually).  In ten years I will be in mid 60s, in twenty years in my mid 70s, etc.

I am not looking for a young hottie in her 20s or 30s, and would not touch one with a 10 foot (or 12 foot pole).

However, I feel I must focus on ladies in their early 40s.

My reasons are quite simple and understandable (even while not being agreeable or acceptable to some).

1. Women do deteriorate in facial looks; yes men do to, but it is more acceptable, even while being unfair.

2. Women do gain weight when they go past 35 or so; and most men like slender women.

3. Women do lose interest in sex after menopause.  Despite those who will claim otherwise, I absolutely know it to be true.

Now, when the 40 something guy is contemplating the 20 something gals, he gets much good advice against it.  Mostly due to her immaturity, differing lifestyles, differing positions regarding life goals, children, etc.

But many of the reasons cautioning against a 20 year or more gap may not apply to a guy in his late 50s or even late 60s and 70s.

And to throw in some additional info or spice . . . no, I don't look younger than my age (at least in the face), but I do have the body of a 40 year old (through genetics, good diet and regular multi-exercise plan) and the men in my family live into their 90s.

Also, I will repeat here that I have adult children, so have no 'felt need' to procreate to extend my family name, etc.

Anyone, besides Michael Douglas (yes we know you post here often Mike) have any real experience with this, or acquaintences who are in this situation?

Rather than argue whether my reasons 1-3 are true in your belief;

can we please focus on the problems waiting for the 20 year (more or less) age gap men in late 50s and above, and only focus on women who are age 40 and above.

[Faux Pas]

ML

#3 I can emphatically state, is wrong.

Most of the rest would seem to rely heavily on your experience and/or opinion. However, you do not seem to do much in differentiating between young girls, young women and women. For a man in his 50s there is a substantial difference in the ages of the aforementioned classes of ladies. For example; a 35 year old man will find "women" in the age range of 25-35 as well as 35-45. Usually anything 45+ he would consider an "old woman".

That same 25 year old woman to a 55 year old man is a young girl. It wouldn't matter than she acts mature or much older than her age, she is still a young girl. Do you consider these type parameters or is it all just strictly age based relative?

[GoodOlBoy]

I am in my mid 50s (getting toward upper end actually).

How "upper end" are we talking...58,59?

GOB

[ML]

Thanks for helping the topic get started FP, but I wanted the discussion to focus only on ladies aged 40 and up who might be joined with men 20 years their senior.

[kievstar]

I think you will see few problems plus you have a lot of money (you mentioned in the past your successful). Your not going to have to worry about having more children with a 40 year old woman. You have enough money so she is not going to be jealous of other women.  

I see two things with RW who have issues with AM.  Children and money.

Now if your future RW wife has children that do not like you look out.  Also MIL.  Make sure you spend enough time with her family and you like them and they like you.  If no like on there part, run to the next woman.  

[camachinist]

At 51, I generally don't actively look at/for anyone under 40. IRL, should I meet and develop rapport and mutual attraction with someone younger, then it is what it is. There is a part of me which still desires children, and perhaps that drives the perspective. Regardless, there are plenty of attractive women my own age to date and I see them every day and in my travels. As for most, finding a compatible partner is the challenge.  

I have a female friend from Macedonia who is married (currently separated) from an AM who is 19 years her senior (she's 35). From listening to her, I don't get the sense that the age difference is an issue at all for her. Other factors drive their marital dynamic/discord. She seems very comfortable with it. YMMV.

Given the transient nature of marriages and relationships these days, the traditional concerns about an aging man in failing health don't seem as important as they perhaps once were. Also, *some* men are living longer and healthier lives. My main concerns would revolve around health, life experience and generational perspective. A 20 year gap, like I've shared with my female friend about our 16 year difference, causes me to almost think of her as a daughter. I doubt that would be the case for some men, but it is for me.

Good luck in your search. What's right for you is right for you.

[ML]

How "upper end" are we talking...58,59?

GOB

Who cares?  Give your comments as applying to any guy aged 55 to 100.

[Boethius]

Who cares? 

Obviously you do, or you wouldn't be asking the question.  Plus, you're not looking for 55 to 100 year old women, are you?

[Faux Pas]

Thanks  for the start FP, but I wanted the discussion to focus only on ladies aged 40 and up who might be joined with men 20 years their senior.

Good! Because I personally, think that is a healthy discussion on not the same usual age gap threads. IMO, once a woman had reached the age of 40+, I think she very well can and does decide on the issue of 20+ years age gap is acceptable to her. IMO, her decision is usually the right one. Whether it is pro or con. At 40+ she has seen and experienced enough to know if it is something that does or does not bother her. IMO, many women even in their late 30's haven't figured that out. I know many of them  

[tfcrew]

I had stated on that other post that 10 years is enough of an age difference.
So, just find this with the best milage/wear that you can.
Usually prior children are grown by then.  

Good luck w/that...........
Karl

[Daveman]

Thanks for helping the topic get started FP, but I wanted the discussion to focus only on ladies aged 40 and up who might be joined with men 20 years their senior.

I'm not so sure how that discussion would actually work.  I think there are only two members here with such actual experience. Maybe three.  

35 is my lower limit, at 47.  So 12 years.  Sometimes I think that's really pushing the envelope.  I actually do look about 25 so she feels she's out cougaring.   :evil:  

[ML]

Obviously you do, or you wouldn't be asking the question.  Plus, you're not looking for 55 to 100 year old women, are you?

Your comments make no sense.

I already typed sentences in my OP that answered the question you now ask several posts later.

[ML]

I had stated on that other post that 10 years is enough of an age difference.

For men and women of all ages?

[GoodOlBoy]

I had stated on that other post that 10 years is enough of an age difference.

Agree!
I started out looking for a wife that was my age (47 at the time) to -5 years age difference.
I wound up marrying my beautiful Marina and our age difference is 10.5 years.
Most days 10.5 is OK, BUT...in complete honesty, some days that same 10.5 age difference really shows itself.

GOB


BTW...I don't try to kid myself or anybody else about how old I am (53).

[Faux Pas]

I'm not so sure how that discussion would actually work.  I think there are only two members here with such actual experience. Maybe three.  

35 is my lower limit, at 47.  So 12 years.  Sometimes I think that's really pushing the envelope.  I actually do look about 25 so she feels she's out cougaring.   :evil:  

 

Yeah I have that same problem but, that is the cross we bare. The first time I actually took dating in the FSU seriously, I was 44. My age range was 35-45. I often asked myself "am I crazy?" and while the answer was constantly yes, I stuck to it even while declining all those young (obviously much matured 25-30 year olds). I found out as is IRL with me, women less than 5-10 younger than I, I don't find that needed connection on an intellectual, emotional level. Maybe it is because I have raised children

[Boethius]

Your comments make no sense.

I already typed sentences in my OP that answered the question you now ask several posts later.

The question was rhetorical.  You suggest your age is largely irrelevant.  Yet the age of women you seek is not.     

[SMS60]

As shallow and small minded as it might seem. Do not underestimate the importance of the sex drive. Dont try and convince yourself a womans sex drive starts to diminish after 40.

If you listen and read you will find the major complaint of woman in their 40's with older husbands is lack of sex.

I think a man of 60 should look for a women 50 or older.

But if your super man go the 40 year old route. Its about compatibility.

[ML]

The question was rhetorical.  You suggest your age is largely irrelevant.  Yet the age of women you seek is not.      

He asked my specific age.  I asked that the responses be appropriate for any guy aged mid 50s and up.  In  that context, I would like to hear opinions relevant for guys aged 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 . . .  65 . . .  70 . . . and so on.  Get it!!

[Ade]

Women in their 40's are generally mature and wise enough to know what they are getting into so if they are okay with it and you, I don't see the problem. I'd question whether you really know what you're getting into though; do you think you can satisfy a woman 20 years your junior when you're getting on for 60? How about when you are 65 or 70?

[viking]

I was in my late 50's when I started this whole thing. I focused on women from 35 to 45. Then I realized, that there too many really nice ladies out there closer to my age and I did not want a large age gap. So I raised the bar to start in low 40's to early 50's. Most of these women had older children but not wanting any more ( I raised a few and did not want to go thru child rearing again) , established in their ways ( so if it worked I didn't have to worry about life style changes) pretty much knew what they wanted and had realistic expectations. And if they were still looking good with a nice figure at these ages, chances are they were not going to change that much ( compared to a 25 turning 40). I gave no credence to whether I looked my age, or acted my age. As Popeye once said " I am what I am and that is all that I am". And I could care less what any other person thought. If she looked good to me and had the personality I wanted, then that was that. I am now recently and happily married to an "older woman".And in about 2 hours I will be driving over to JFK to pick up her and her son who is coming here for the first time ( the son). PS. that is her in my avatar. I am a lucky guy.

[Daveman]

He asked my specific age.  I asked that the responses be appropriate for any guy aged mid 50s and up.  In  that context, I would like to hear opinions relevant for guys aged 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 . . .  65 . . .  70 . . . and so on.  Get it!!

Okay, but that was my point.. mathematically... any age less than sixty doesn't fit the discussion for women 40+ who will be with a man 20 years her senior.  Perhaps I'm the one not quite getting it...


FP, I'd comment, but I just got carded, we actually ARE too young to participate in the discussion!  

[ML]

Okay, but that was my point.. mathematically... any age less than sixty doesn't fit the discussion for women 40+ who will be with a man 20 years her senior.  Perhaps I'm the one not quite getting it...

Dave, I just threw out the 20 year gap thingy because it seems to be the number often used.

So can't we still just discuss a situation where a woman is 40 + and involved with a guy who is 'approximately' 20 or so years older than the woman . . . .

plus or minus a few years of difference as adjusted for statistical accuracy anyway any person wants to do it, provided no animals are harmed in the process?

WOW, can't believe this can be a focus point of the discussion!!!!

[GoodOlBoy]

So can't we still just discuss a situation where a woman is 40 + and involved with a guy who is 'approximately' 20 or so years older than the woman . . . .

Personally I can't see a "happy" (well rounded) marriage involving this kind of age gap (20+), but if a person thinks he/she can pull it off.....GOOD LUCK!

GOB

[Daveman]

Dave, I just threw out the 20 year gap thingy because it seems to be the number often used.

So can't we still just discuss a situation where a woman is 40 + and involved with a guy who is 'approximately' 20 or so years older than the woman . . . .

plus or minus a few years of difference as adjusted for statistical accurracy anyway any person wants to do it, provided no animals are harmed in the process?

Why,yes we can... and screw the animals (figuratively of course); they shouldn't have gotten in the way of men chasing skirts of any age...  

WOW, can't believe this can be a focus point of the discussion!!!!

LoL.. What a beautiful and wonderful my day has passed! --words of a known love scammer who stole the heart of one of our members....

[ML]

Personally I can't see a "happy" (well rounded) marriage involving this kind of age gap (20+), but If a person thinks he/she can pull it off.....GOOD LUCK!

GOB

Can you mention a few reasons . . . and only for the women aged 40 and above group?