Another newb from the States

[Gator]

Holyoak,

Interesting opinion about gmail.  I selected gmail because of less spam, more storage, etc. than other email accounts.  A RW may have done a comparison and come to the same conclusion.  My ex-wife switched to gmail years ago because her Russian accounts were troublesome.

You have some strong opinions.  I believe it is best to restrain some of your opinions (i. e., be more open minded) until you get on the ground and experience the reality of what it means to date a FSUW in the FSU.

My first impression is that you seem to have some sense of paranoia or a need to be in control.  Understandable given how you were traveling for months a year to provide for your family only to have your wife in your absence find another man.  However, paranoia/control can make you less appealing to a sincere, goodhearted RW.

I believe it is best to avoid interrogations in the beginning and be more trustworthy.   Relax, enjoy the conversations, smell the roses.  I am told that the scammers usually slip up somewhere along the line or become impatient and walk.

[Eduard]

Это - очень хорошая идея, Эдуард! Это потребует некоторого времени и усилия.

looks like you are well on your way! 

[Lily]

Hi Lily, I will try to asnwer your question.

Gmail is the only major mail service (that I know of) that makes it impossible to trace headers.  This could obviously just be a coincidence, but the style of reply is also of concern.  Always a new topic, never a simply reply.  The combination of theses two, coincidence or not, means no way to identify where in the world messages originate, so yellow flag.

P.S.  for those who wish to point out proxy-servers and other means of internet anonymity, IMHO it is must easier to sniff out a proxy than get through the elegantly simple scenario above.

Changing headers, you mean changing the subject line of a message? At first, I also had trouble with this. But then I discovered this very option.

Click on Reply. Then you will see, right below the Recipient field, 4 blue words: Add Copy, Add Hidden Copy, Change Subject, and Attach File. When you select Change Subject, a new Subject field appears. Just for orientation, the option Attach File will now be right below it. Now you can easily change it to whatever you want, and reply to the mail with a different subject line.

By the way, my gmail interface is completely Russian, because I opened my gmail account while still in Russia. Now when I have Canadian internet provider, it is still all Russian for me. Your English interface may differ by words, I believe.

Inability to trace where in the world have the messages been originated would be a different concern. Suppose some IT gurus may be of assistance.

[holyoak]

Hello again, Lily, and thanks for the interest in helping me out.  It seems we are getting closer to clarity.

Headers or not the same as the subject line of an e-mail.  They are normally not visible in a mail program at all, of interest only to the computers routing the message.  In binary, or computer-speak, the first part of any message (the header) contains a bunch of computer specific info, such a intended adress(es), GMT time of origin, number of characters, checksums...and to the point here, the specific IP address of the computer that generated the message (and the IPs of any intermediary servers).  Gmail only shows their own server; every gmail message appears to originate in California.

I'm not an IT guru, I probably got some specifics wrong, but I know the gist of this is accurate.  Thanks for offering to help, I'd like you to know that I do look for and listen to the advice given here, Lily, and from my view yours has always been very considerate and very valuable.

[Eduard]

holyoak, are you a Russian speaker?

[holyoak]

Thanks for the welcome and the psych profile, Gator.  Sorry for the tardy reply, but I missed your post on the last read-through.  For me, really, the most important thing is having control over all my paranoias. Or maybe having paranoia over my controls?  Either way seems to work.

On a serious note, trust works both ways.  Its a classic Catch 22; if someones suspects you distrust them, they are less likely to trust you.  So while I am not aware of conducting any interrogations (seems like a poor date idea to me), I did want to see if I could gain from other opinions about some questions I have.  I ask here b/c I don't want a misunderstanding, a mistranslation or an erroneous assumption to undermine my attempts to build trust.  The part where y'all get to put up with my sense of humor is just a bonus.

But thanks for letting me know I come across as an uptight know-it-all.  I'll work on my delivery, and see if I can get that wound up to about 'feverish pitch' level by next week.


Эдуард, я не говорю на русском языке, но я хотел бы учиться. Вы имеете рекомендацию для лучшего способа изучить русский язык? Кроме путешествия там в течение года или два?

[Eduard]

Самый лучший вариант, конечно, это интенсивное изучение языка живя в России.

[DKMM]

Holyoak your grammar is off, are you using a translator?

anyways, in spite of me speaking fair Russian, my wife used English from the day she met me.  Russian was used about 10% of the time but it was rarely for need.  My point being, you don't need to learn the language so much to make it work.  Better to invest your time into the search and writing ladies or however your preferred method... although it is useful to have enough of the words down for your first trip there.

Many girls there use gmail for the translations so its hardly a red flag.

[holyoak]

Yes, Eduard, that would not just be the best, but also the most fun way.

Yes, DKMM, trying out different translators. Thanks for letting me know that the grammar is off.  Cool avatar, btw.  Thanks for the encouragement as well; i don't feel it's necessary that i learn Russian.  Just that its interesting, and could come in handy.  I've always been interested in the roots of words (as Sandro seems to), and believe that people's choices in this area say a lot. Doing the crossword or picking up minor nuances in Russian might be a stretch, but its an interesting pursuit in any case.

Lately I've been perusing the recent trip reports. They are a very valuable part of this site; lots of food for thought.

[I/O]

why a second marriage wouldn't end the same way as the first

Does your work still involve travel?

[DKMM]

If you like word roots, you will find the study of Russian fascinating.  Even better, go to Ukraine and try to understand both languages. 

I came at this from a different angle.  My first trip to Russia was from a tourist perspective and the desire to marry a Russian came after this trip (but I still met some on my 1st go).  For me it was better to go see what its all about before devoting a lot of time and energy into going down this road.  The trip reports are great and will prepare you for the shock of walking out of the airport.

[Eduard]

Even better, go to Ukraine and try to understand both languages.  

and if you do that, and become fluent in both Russian and Ukrainian, you will also understand Polish, Serbian, Zhech, Slovak, Belorussian, some Bulgarian and soon you will start forgetting English after spending 15 or 20 years in the FSU becoming fluent in Russian.  
 But don't worry, it will all come back once you return to the USA if it's still worth returning to in 15 years...
 

[holyoak]

Hello, I/O.  I am moving to be more central to work, and to get out of the town that I & my ex currently live in (still run into her most days, it's a small town), so not as much travel soon.  Maybe four three day trips every six months.

DKMM, yeah just going over seems like it would work best for me.  My schedule favors an April trip, which sounds like a nice time to be there.  Also gives me time to consider the pros & cons, what I'm really looking for, what kind of a life I have to offer, etc...

Only 15 years Eduard?  Thanks for thinking I can handle the fast track!  Seriously, I have always been good with languages, but I picked them up through immersion while traveling, and lost them when I stopped using them.

Thanks for the questions and comments.  I still think the whole endeavor is a bit crazy (time consuming, expensive, low success rate, potential for more difficulties down the road...), and further reading has not changed this opinion.  On the other hand, the greatest pleasures in my life so far have come from success in adventures that were also very challenging.  Thanks again for the comments, questions and advice.  After considering all of these, I believe the best route for me will be to prepare for a trip this winter, and then take a vacation and see what the Fates weave.

P.S. anyone know the root of 'zastruga'?

[ECOCKS]

You can become fluent in 3-5 years if you truly immerse.

I know a couple of guys who have done so and my wife is continually amazed at their progress. OTOH, if you are distracted or it isn't your priority, there are guys who have been there 20 years who can barely order alone in a full service restaurant.

[Eduard]

Zastruga? Is that a Russian word? Neither my wife or I ever heard it before.

As far as this venture being too hard... it really doesn't have to be, but somehow most guys here seem to prefer doing it the hard way (no wonder so very few on the forum are actually married to RW. Only less than 30 are married out of a few thousand members according to the poll...it really doesn't sound very incurraging! So I understand what you are saying.)
Personally I was married to my wife in about one year from the time I seriously started my search (and still happily married with 2 kids after 6 years together).

[holyoak]

Thanks ECOCKS, immersion would be sweet, but I like my job, and I'm not gonna get that knid of vacation time anytime soon.  I'll have to budget the time into my everyday life.

Thanks also for your thoughts again, Eduard, its not that the challenge scares me off (at all), but rather that I am serious and prepared (for a variety of possibilities) before getting on a plane.  This site seems to be a great way to get this info, and its pretty entertaining reading at times as well.

Zastruga, was told it referred to a carpentry tool (a rasp, maybe?) by a Russian skier.  I couldn't find it anywhere either.  He claimed it was the root of the English plural 'sastrugi', an esoteric word decribing a particular type of windswept snow, and the only Russian contribution to the international mountaineering lexicon (e.g. avalanche, arete, bergschrund, carabiner,etc...).  Thanks for the reply.

[I/O]

Maybe four three day trips every six months.

Not a good recipe for success in a new international marriage.

[holyoak]

Thanks, I/O for your honest opinion and the heads up.  Nothing worthwhile is without challenges.

[Eduard]

Not a good recipe for success in a new international marriage.

You really think so I/O??? A decent woman couldn't stay faithful, if her husband is gone travelling for work 6 days out of the year?
Then I really must be in trouble!

[I/O]

6 days out of the year?

Maybe four three day trips every six months.

I make that 24 days per year.

When Russian Honey is finally drafted out of the mob (pun intended), arrives and is attempting to adjust, she requires his constant availability in the early stages.

[Kuna]

As far as this venture being too hard... it really doesn't have to be, but somehow most guys here seem to prefer doing it the hard way (no wonder so very few on the forum are actually married to RW. Only less than 30 are married out of a few thousand members according to the poll...it really doesn't sound very incurraging! So I understand what you are saying.)

HAHAHAHA.... No wonder you earn such a poor income... have you not worked out most married men can't be bothered being here listening to your misleading marketing pitches and they are off living their lives?

Come on Ed... what is it??? Dishonest or just dopey?

[Turboguy]

Not a good recipe for success in a new international marriage.

If something like that is going to destroy the marriage then there wasn't anything there worth saving anyway.

As far as this venture being too hard... it really doesn't have to be, but somehow most guys here seem to prefer doing it the hard way (no wonder so very few on the forum are actually married to RW. Only less than 30 are married out of a few thousand members according to the poll...

I can relate to doing it the hard way since I probably did that myself but the ratio of 30 married out of a few thousand members I would not agree with.  Keep in mind that most of that few thousand members either didn't visit RWD since the poll or didn't read that thread. 

[ECOCKS]

Bit inaccurate there Eduard. Thousands didn't participate in the poll. All this says is that about 2/3 of those who responded are married at the moment. Those thousands of members are hardly active currently.

[Eduard]

I make that 24 days per year.

I still would be in serious trouble if this was true. It all depends on a person, you can't make such a broad generalisation IMO...well you can off course, but doesn't mean it's the truth.

[DKMM]

Eduard,

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