This is not for me

[josey wales]

Hello.  I've given some thought to this adventure, and am thinking this is not the way to find a wife for me.  My reasons:

1:  I only have 1 week of vacation in which to visit Europe/Asia.  I cannot take time for 3-4 trips per year.
2:  The cost of the vacation.
3:  I believe both spouses need a trade.  Stay at home wifey is not attractive to me.
4:  I have spoken to an immigration attorney.  His thoughts are there will be problems for the fiance visa if the sponsor has a criminal background.  The gooberment is not your friend.
5:  The process seems emotionally draining, frustrating.  Also, I don't have the patience and understanding of a RW who is flustered upon her arrival in a new country, and the baggage that comes with it.

Number five really seems to be the kicker.  I have more enjoyment getting to know a lady in person than spending several months on someone whom I cannot identify.  If I get shot down, I prefer moving on to the next one in line, preferably the same weekend. 

Another thought I have....if these ladies desire a man from the west, why don't they get on a plane themselves and visit America?  An attractive woman won't stay single long over here. 

I just don't have the desire to do this adventure, and can meet a good lady here in the states.  My reasons seem fair, and they are honest.

[ECOCKS]

Nothing wrong with being honest.

[I/O]

if these ladies desire a man from the west, why don't they get on a plane themselves and visit America? 

Yes indeed, lazy beotches, you'd think they'd get off their arses and do something to help themselves. Another thing is their terrible geography, had one try to tell me there is more countries in "the west" than America, unbelievable..!!

[Kuna]

Everything you've outlined seems fair enough... and it's refreshing to see someone analyse the situation and make a decision based on an honest appraisal of their own situation.

Something else you didn't list is the need for many years to come to keep making very expensive trips back to FSU so your new wife is able to visit family and friends... and don't forget the family trips (which you'll most likely fund) to you.

Most of all though it's the time. The biggest cost in this journey is time, and if you don't have enough of it you would be on a very hard path.

Even after 3+ years in Oz, and with 2 children, my wife still needs more of my time than a local wife would have needed because she doesn't have the same support network of family and friends here with her.  Yes, she has local friends,  but it's not the same as when we are at home and she has her life-long school friends around her...  or a mother to dote on her and our children etc.

All the best with the local chicks...

[Faux Pas]

josey wales

It's not for everybody and good for you that you recognize your own limitations. It takes a dedication to date in the FSU and then a heightened dedication to marry an FSUW. You do seem to have a feel of the difference in finding a woman at home and abroad and it is a very real difference.

Good luck on finding your American bride  

[wicheese]

I agree, it's good that you looked at things objectively and made a logically decision.  Too many men get caught up in a fantasy and in the end come up with nothing, but a lot of debt.  Anyways, for many of the reasons you mentioned, I do not recommend this adventure to a newbie as there are still a lot of nice women left in our home countries, we just need to be patient and find them.

Related to FSUW coming here, well most of them who can afford it have no real desire to meet someone in the west and those who are looking to escape (well, it's usually an economic decisions and they can't afford it).  BTW, some do come to the west as my significant other had spent 4 months here (three different trips) before I made the trip there as I was done with the FSU (totally burned out) and I'm happy she did (but she might be the exception).  Note, even with her coming here, I still have already made three trips there in the past year and we'll be meeting again for two weeks in India over the New Year as part of the process of getting to know each other (so yes, time and money is being spent on both sides that you would not be spending at home).

[TomT]

Another thought I have....if these ladies desire a man from the west, why don't they get on a plane themselves and visit America?  An attractive woman won't stay single long over here. 

... and a drop-dead gorgeous FSU woman who can get here under her own steam certainly won't be interested in the likes of us.

[Lily]

Another thought I have....if these ladies desire a man from the west, why don't they get on a plane themselves and visit America?  An attractive woman won't stay single long over here. 
 

This is exactly what I did now I see that my choices in men are far better here than if I would stay in Russia and try to attract someone through Elenas Models or the like. My belief would be that some women who take their lives seriously and are fluent in English would do the same, and try to fit into the educational or exchange programs that are available for people outside America.

Nevertheless, this path would be more open to those who would be willing to settle in Canada than in the US. Your country requires that a foreigner should be invited by somebody, be it a university or family or employer. Canada however welcomes independent skilled migrants. So my guess would be that Canadian guys could more easily enjoy some influx of free RW for them to take

[Aloe]

This is exactly what I did now I see that my choices in men are far better here than if I would stay in Russia and try to attract someone through Elenas Models or the like. My belief would be that some women who take their lives seriously and are fluent in English would do the same, and try to fit into the educational or exchange programs that are available for people outside America.

Nevertheless, this path would be more open to those who would be willing to settle in Canada than in the US. Your country requires that a foreigner should be invited by somebody, be it a university or family or employer. Canada however welcomes independent skilled migrants. So my guess would be that Canadian guys could more easily enjoy some influx of free RW for them to take

USA holds a yearly green card lottery, they give out about 150k green cards to people with university education/work experience. The chances are quite high to win, word lottery is misleading, because they only accept a limited number of candidates, so it's not like a normal lottery where your chances are one in a billion. I think it's like 1 in 3 or 5. At least this is how i remember it from reading about it a few years ago. So if anyone wants to immigrate, they should look up the lottery.

[Aloe]

3:  I believe both spouses need a trade.  Stay at home wifey is not attractive to me.

I believe vast majority of FSU women want to work, and do not consider staying at home at all, unless they are 40-50 and older.
Of course the vast majority, if they have a baby, wanna stay at home for at least a couple years taking care of the baby, instead of just 2 months like it is usually done around these parts.

[Jumper]

... and a drop-dead gorgeous FSU woman who can get here under her own steam certainly won't be interested in the likes of us.

certainly wont be interested..?  hmm..lol
 Having dated drop dead gorgeous eastern europeans both there, and ones already established and living here as citizens, I'd say that's a bit too general of statement?

although the premise is somewhat accurate in that the RW who can immigrate here have more choices, and you'd need to be in the right place at the right time , and you will not find so many listed on singles dating sites.(but some are there as well) If you are a truly interesting man to any drop dead gorgeous RW,  then the  same RW here may find you interesting, their choices may(or may not)  increase as they travel west ,but whom they are attracted to does not really.


Josey Wales looked into this rationally ,recognized it isn't for him for many reasons ,
most seem  very accurate,
particularly regarding his evaluation of his own situation.

#5 is the real  big one as he notes,
 as if he doesn't have the time and patience once she is here ,then certainly it isn't a path for him.
A good amount of patience on the part  of both parties is needed?

As others already stated, it's great he took the time to really evaluate everything and not just jump into a fantasy.


but lets acknowledge some few of the  other reasons given , based more on conjecture, are not nearly as accurate.

I have known very few percentage of  RW here, immigrates by student ,work ,or marriage /fiancee visas that are stay at home moms.Some yes, the majority ? no.

 If you limited that  to looking only at AW/RW couples on these forums , i would agree it might be a little squewed..the demographic seems a bit different than the average RW immigrant that I know.


Also while aloe and lily accurately outline that there are ways to immigrate to western countries,
the reality is the USA( josey wales ) is not very open, and as  a generality  RW wanting to  immigrate here has limited choices.
To paint them as somehow unmotivated for a western man because most are not in a situation that would allow them to travel is simply not the reality.
Far more accurate to say most do not even think specifically about a western man in their daily lives?
Those that do, have limited possibilties of a  visa,
and limited resources that josey seems to recognize as one of his own limiting factors.

 So it's odd to acknowledge that it limits his choices and chances ,(#2)
 when the visa itself is easy for him,
yet not see that these same limiting factors are far greater for most RW?

They have much more difficulty in obtaining a visa, and in general have the same or more limited abilty to finance a venture like searching for a spouse abroad and multiple travels to do so.
While the economy there has changed greatly , its flucuated up and down,currently the cost of food ,clothing, etc
 is on par with the west,or more expensive ,with lower average salaries.The only way the *average person* even gets by is the fact housing costs for most, are less then the west?
If josey feels the cost of the vacation itself limits him, then he needs to understand the realities there ,of just how limiting that would be for very many?
(of course there are many exceptions,he was making a general statement, it's a general response)


None of that changes that overall he has fundamentally sound  reasons for his decision,
 and i wish him good luck stateside.

[BC]

josey,

Thanks for taking the time to post.

There are quite a few out there that could learn from you and those you will help in the future when they stumble across your post.

How you managed to keep your head screwed on straight is admirable - seen quite a few that did not and got into deep waters very quickly.

I tip my hat to a smart man.

Cheers!

[JR]

Hmmm, how dare you not delude yourself? What the hell's the matter with you? You get right back into the candy store and spend all your money on illusions!!!! The gall of this dude!!!!

[TomT]

AJ,

Yes, once in the U.S., an FSU woman who is a swan amongst American ducks will have more choices. Do tell...

[Al_C]

Let me try to answer these one at at time.

1.  I have 2 weeks of vacation a year which I try to not use all of since I can cash out unused vacation time at the end of the year and get a nice fistful of cash for Christmas shopping.  Yet I did it (well, almost, as her K-1 is still pending).  Yes, it was a big hassle with limited vacation time, but I overcame the obstacles and got the job done.

2.  True it is not cheap.  But you don't have to go bananas either.  Each trip ran me about $2,500.00.  I am not wealthy but only a middle class wage earner with a house, complete with a whopping mortgage.  I put my mind to getting the money together for the annual trek, and I made it happen.

3.  Most FSU women have a trade, as they need to support themselves in Russia.  Most, although not all, of these skills are transferable to work in the West, and most of the women want to work and have their own money in their new country.

4.  Your criminal background may not be as big of a problem as you think.  I am not an immigration lawyer, so I certainly cannot advise you on this, but throwing in the towel does seem to be a bit extreme.

5.  Baggage= children?  Not all of them have children.  And if one does, you may even like the children.  With one of the FSU women I met, I actually liked her son better than I liked her.  You never know.  As for patience, I am far from the most patient man in the world, but when the prize is worth the rocky ride, I seem to always find a little more patience to get it done.

I really hope you find a good AW for yourself.  Every one I found who stuck around for more than a week or two was either an alcoholic, a drug addict, or someone who made a beeline for my wallet.  They all failed me.  I hope they do not fail you.  Good luck.

[Jack]

Hey Josey, my thoughts on your post.


# 1  I only have 1 week of vacation in which to visit Europe/Asia.  I cannot take time for 3-4 trips per year.

One week a year. I would say this alone would make it real hard for you to find, establish a meaningful, long time relationship. 

Some here will say if you write a woman long enough, many months, and you develop those special feelings, that the one week visit will be enough.  I will politely agree to disagree with those although their will always be exceptions to everything, including this. But if one goes with the highest percentages, number 1 would rule you out in my opinion.


#2    The cost of the vacation.

If the cost of the trip is too much or put's a real strain on you, forget it, an FSU wife is not for you.


#3     I believe both spouses need a trade.  Stay at home wifey is not attractive to me.

Most FSU women are not stay at home wife's. I only know of two such FSU women. The stay at home FSU woman will be the exception, not the norm.


#4.  His thoughts are there will be problems for the fiance visa if the sponsor has a criminal background.

I will have to disagree with your attorney's thoughts.   


#5    The process seems emotionally draining, frustrating.  Also, I don't have the patience and understanding of a RW who is flustered upon her arrival in a new country, and the baggage that comes with it.


Forget it Josey. A man who does not have patience is going to have a very difficult time.   The process can be emotionally draining and frustrating. And with only a one week a year visit, Josey, pack'em up, FSU wife is not for you.    Might want to consider Mexico.

[Jumper]

AJ,

Yes, once in the U.S., an FSU woman who is a swan amongst American ducks will have more choices. Do tell...

TomT

That wasn't my point.
 I'm reasonably sure you know that.


Your statement :

a drop-dead gorgeous FSU woman who can get here under her own steam certainly won't be interested in the likes of us.

Having known several here in the USA , I just don't find that to be true.
If you are an interesting man, and are in a situation to meet and interact with them in a natual scenario,
They may ,or may not , be  interested.,but that's a far cry from *certainly wont be interested * IMHO.

 yes indeed, they have the same choices as any drop dead gorgeous women here.
Some of those women.. ,regardles nationality,  would find  men here interesting?

i'm just trying to understand your *the likes of us*
lol


Certainly the economic disparities and other factors relate to many AM /RW relationships..
and its a big factor in why men look, or women seek..

but certainly RW that got here on a work or student visas,  certainly  can and do have intesrest  in men here,
Even with thier wide array of choices..
if you havn't experienced that...
*shrugs*

My whole interest in RW, stemmed from involvment with a  local RW here on her own steam.

[kievstar]

Josey, there are ways around the time but you will need to have some money.

She can fly to Jamaica or DR and you can meet around USA holidays and make the trips 3 days (no vacation time burned).  But there is cost for this.  USA has enough scattered holidays that meeting 6 times a year not hard but it will cost you.

[Ade]

i'm just trying to understand your *the likes of us*
lol

I think he meant it like the Royal "us". As in him. AKA an old fart. And he's probably right.

[BC]

Josey, there are ways around the time but you will need to have some money.

She can fly to Jamaica or DR and you can meet around USA holidays and make the trips 3 days (no vacation time burned).  But there is cost for this.  USA has enough scattered holidays that meeting 6 times a year not hard but it will cost you.

Throwing money at a problem rarely solves it. -

Josey did just fine. - he rose above all the crap in this venture.

That's smart in my book.

[kievstar]

BC - problem was time this is not throwing money at it.  Just more expensive taking several trips than 1-2 long ones.  When people say they do not have time means it is not important there are always ways to make more time without going over vacation. 


Why is there crap in this venture - a very easy process IMHO.  Only hard for the people who are clueless or lazy.

[Boethius]

Only hard for the people who are clueless or lazy.

Or for people who are thinking.  Josey stated:

5:  The process seems emotionally draining, frustrating.  Also, I don't have the patience and understanding of a RW who is flustered upon her arrival in a new country, and the baggage that comes with it.

Number five really seems to be the kicker.  I have more enjoyment getting to know a lady in person than spending several months on someone whom I cannot identify.  If I get shot down, I prefer moving on to the next one in line, preferably the same weekend. 

I think that indicates a lot of self awareness.  Hardly "clueless".  Recognizing this is not laziness.  Josey just has different priorities and expectations than you do.

[TomT]

AJ, old boy, 'the likes of us' are compromised in one way or another. I'm surprised that you haven't noticed. Of course, there are folks who blow their own horns ad naseaum but we know what that's about, don't we?

Anyway, I agree that Clint is wise to avoid an international relationship if he doesn't have the obsessiveness patience for it.

[Shostakovich]

Sounds to me like he wants someone to talk him in to it.   

[GoodOlBoy]

1.  I have 2 weeks of vacation a year which I try to not use all of since I can cash out unused vacation time at the end of the year and get a nice fistful of cash for Christmas shopping.  Yet I did it (well, almost, as her K-1 is still pending).  Yes, it was a big hassle with limited vacation time, but I overcame the obstacles and got the job done.

Yet you posted on a "LOCKED" thread: ( Re: My RW is coming here to New York
« Reply #83 on: December 12, 2009, 01:23:13 PM ») "The company I work for, owned by my father,..."

This is a hoot!
You work for your Daddy and he only lets you have 2 weeks off a year?
And....makes you work late so you can't meet your prospective FSU fiancee at JFK airport?
AMAZING.

GOB