Another newbie

[GQBlues]

A lot of great and insightful thoughts laid out in this thread. Good darn exchanges, too.

To be fair to the OP, he did admitted he's never had this 'type' of experience before and the experienced lot of you (either personally or had witnessed this type of saga countless times on this board before) we are also well aware how opinions that seem too big swallow is well, too big to swallow. Gags me with a spoon reflex, as the ol' Valley saying goes...

I've said it to the OP before, taken with a grain of salt or otherwise..

"So as always, be all you can be anyway you want to be".

Poacher, you're really not that good-looking, are yah? At least not as good-looking as JR, eh?

[dbneeley]

Prowler,

First, keep in mind that the only thing anyone has to go on is what you have posted. The tendency on any Internet list is not to try to coax the original poster to disclose further details, but to comment on what has been posted--or, at least, what the replying member *thinks* has been posted. No one is a mind reader, after all.

The possibilities in this case are many; I tried to outline some of the implications involved. Every potential relationship has risks, as we all should realize--and starting out with a lady who has had bad experiences in the past which have colored her response to men simply means the risk quotient may be higher. From only reading your posts and not knowing the lady, the comments of others may or may not be appropriate.

In my past life, I spent nearly ten years practicing law, and handled many divorce actions. I also did extensive discussion group leading in a Parents Without Partners chapter in Florida over a few years when I lived there long ago. In both periods of time, I met various individuals who had considerable emotional damage. When they formed relationships while still in that condition, there was a fairly common story--the people they met while in that damaged state often formed a relationship in which the new person was a caretaker--who became used to dealing with the other person in the damaged state. As time passed and the damaged part healed, though, quite often the relationship did not change along with the increasingly healthy partner. At some point, the formerly damaged one had to move on as the relationship became a sort of strait jacket.

This is what I alluded to before. This was by no means a universal thing, but happened often enough that I think it explains a major part of the "rebound relationship" failures out there.

It is a part of the risk you run in this situation, I think, and something to be alert for. If the lady does decide to go to a counselor, it would be good for both of you to do at least some couples counseling so you can both understand the changing circumstances--not simply to be reassuring for her to go to begin with.

No one can tell from a distance whether this situation has potential or not--after all, you can't and you are in the middle of it. The possibilities range from a potential train wreck to a potentially solid and rewarding relationship--which itself can range from simple friendship to complete intimacy.

You must simply be convinced it is worth the time and effort on an on-going basis.

Don't be so hard on others--just understand going in that you will get a wide range of responses, including many from men who would be running for the hills were they in your position. In my opinion, so long as you continue to keep your eyes open to what is happening, there is nothing wrong with seeing where it might go. Obviously, you must be much more caring and understanding than many others are willing or capable of being.

Good luck at any rate.

David

[prowler911]

Hey Muzh...you are absolutely correct...a pat on the back i do not need...I can reach my own back....and how you put it.."internalize"..was the word i was beating myself up trying to think of as a substitue for cold...thank you...you nailed it perfectly...for someone that calls himself GQ to ask a question like that..well you will have to take me to dinner and a movie to find that out lol...And now to the pleasant surprise of the evening...or shall i not kiss and tell....oh well i'll leave it at that...i do thank you all and i do realize that in this infernal box called a computer words are straight..no inflection of voice..no body language..no personalization so i guess being a first timer i added my own and that wasn't right..i don't know where this will head but i am gonna enjoy the ride...i was more or less looking to find out traits of another culture that i am unfamiliar with...and well i don't know what i was looking for as it was a spur of the moment thing in a moment of self doubt..I know there will be more doubts along the way until there are no more doubts one way or the other...lol..I can only guess why some of you are stuck on the shagging.is it that every woman you know just goes out and gets laid arbitrarily or your trying to get under my skin...either way have at it...I choose to believe she is nice hardworking young lady..she isn't a bar fly and has done nothing to make me think otherwise...the minute i do i will move on...maybe got to the icelandic women forum.....Jon

[GQBlues]

...And now to the pleasant surprise of the evening...or shall i not kiss and tell....oh well i'll leave it at that...

..I can only guess why some of you are stuck on the shagging.is it that every woman you know just goes out and gets laid arbitrarily or your trying to get under my skin...either way have at it...I choose to believe she is nice hardworking young lady..she isn't a bar fly and has done nothing to make me think otherwise...the minute i do i will move on.......Jon

Sometimes it runs so thick, it's tough to see where you're going. What page are you in now?

btw - it's POACHER, not PROWLER. Now I can understand where the difficulty lies...

[Faux Pas]

Hey Muzh...you are absolutely correct...a pat on the back i do not need...I can reach my own back....and how you put it.."internalize"..was the word i was beating myself up trying to think of as a substitue for cold...thank you...you nailed it perfectly...for someone that calls himself GQ to ask a question like that..well you will have to take me to dinner and a movie to find that out lol...And now to the pleasant surprise of the evening...or shall i not kiss and tell....oh well i'll leave it at that...i do thank you all and i do realize that in this infernal box called a computer words are straight..no inflection of voice..no body language..no personalization so i guess being a first timer i added my own and that wasn't right..i don't know where this will head but i am gonna enjoy the ride...i was more or less looking to find out traits of another culture that i am unfamiliar with...and well i don't know what i was looking for as it was a spur of the moment thing in a moment of self doubt..I know there will be more doubts along the way until there are no more doubts one way or the other...lol..I can only guess why some of you are stuck on the shagging.is it that every woman you know just goes out and gets laid arbitrarily or your trying to get under my skin...either way have at it...I choose to believe she is nice hardworking young lady..she isn't a bar fly and has done nothing to make me think otherwise...the minute i do i will move on...maybe got to the icelandic women forum.....Jon

prowler

There is a certain "flow" to this forum as well as most forums although the flow isn't always the same from forum to forum. I honestly do not think anyone was/is attempting to get you riled or get your goat. I thought it was you who first made mention of the good girls don't shag but, maybe I am wrong and I'm too lazy to go back and check. My point here is, there is a lot of good information in this thread for you, not to follow it all or any of it but it is there. You are new in the game and most realize that and if you stick around long enough you'll realize the gems here from people truly offering you some honest response to your query.

[groovlstk]

I came here looking for help in a cross cultural relationship and instead i was made to feel like an ass,not by all but those of you who tried to hurt know who you are..... I was told to dump her...told to run..

Prowler, I wish you (and your special lady friend) nothing but success.

People aren't shy about sharing opinions here but these opinions are rarely malicious.

Many moons ago, there was a guy here who had a volatile relationship with a Russian woman, and he'd post trip reports whenever they'd meet. Sometimes he'd post in the wake of an argument, and as you can imagine much of what he wrote about her was very negative. Then, when they were apart again and things settled down and he was happy and secure in his relationship, he'd ask for opinions... and get hurt and angry when people would question his wisdom in forging ahead w/plans to file a K1. Just some food for thought... Good luck to you 

[prowler911]

Hey Groov...I understand what your saying and get your point...I was trying to apologize and say that maybe i took some people the wrong way.... although i still don't get the poacher thing... as i have said in the past i have never done this before nor have i ever had a cross cultural experience... I have re-read the posts a few times and have taken some of the advice..I do understand that it is hard to advise when the people in play are not known on a personal level and i failed to take that in to consideration as well and i apologize for that also...so in the future i will try to pick my words in more appropriate fashion... Hey DB...i read your last post and wholely understand what you are getting at...Thank you... I do care and am willing to take the time..I do think she is worth it...I work a lot of strange hours and do a lot of very stressful things on my job...at first she thought i was meeting other ladies...who wouldn't when the person they are with gets up in the middle of the night and leaves not to return for a day and a half...She kept that feeling in for a long time..now she understands and that seems to have also allayed a lot of fears on her side of the fence...... I have set up a counseling session with her for next thursday...I was shocked to say the least when she said she was willing to do it... So i guess i'll just hold on and enjoy the ride... Damn is that accent sexy lol.... Thanks Jon

[poacher]

Well, it seems like our hero dug his feet in the batters box and made a base hit. Good for him. It must have been a changeup he hit. You can't score from the dugout. Who knows, he might get thrown out before he reaches homeplate, but he is in the game. Now the game for him will become even more unclear. My only advice is, you will make a mistake, but recover from it quickly and show her that you are a good man for her.

Prowler, I think you became confused with something that was intended for me.

I am really not as good looking as my avatar. That is my glamour shot photo.

[Faux Pas]

Well, it seems like our hero dug his feet in the batters box and made a base hit. Good for him. It must have been a changeup he hit. You can't score from the dugout. Who knows, he might get thrown out before he reaches homeplate, but he is in the game. Now the game for him will become even more unclear. My only advice is, you will make a mistake, but recover from it quickly and show her that you are a good man for her.

Prowler, I think you became confused with something that was intended for me.

I am really not as good looking as my avatar. That is my glamour shot photo.

prowler, I believe that particular statement you refer to was just a case mistaken identity. no reflection on you or poacher IMO

[prowler911]

Well, it seems like our hero dug his feet in the batters box and made a base hit. Good for him. It must have been a changeup he hit. You can't score from the dugout. Who knows, he might get thrown out before he reaches homeplate, but he is in the game. Now the game for him will become even more unclear. My only advice is, you will make a mistake, but recover from it quickly and show her that you are a good man for her.

Prowler, I think you became confused with something that was intended for me.

I am really not as good looking as my avatar. That is my glamour shot photo.

lol... if you are even half as good looking as the pic your a charmer lol... awesome pic... I was baffled by some comments so I think your right... and I'm guessing we are in the same boat sorta..i haven't really read your posts... oh i'm sure there are more mistakes to be made..and i will deal with them as they come... thanks

[erudite]

Have you seen Poacher with his brother?  Here they are:

[GQBlues]

Well, I'm glad we got the identities at least back on track. I was about to make a roll call just to make sure....

Prowler, you seem to be coming around and at least starting to show a bit of objectivity. No one here wants to see anyone burn-up, at least not until the peanut gallery is given the chance to scream a few hoots your way.

That said, lower your sails and let the westwind blow your happy ship. I was going to go off on a tangent about it but it matters so very little now. But before you sail into the horizon, take this note along with you...it may do you some good to at least ponder the thought that MAYBE it isn't the type of men your inamorata have had the unfortunate fate of meeting before, but rather MAYBE it is the type of woman she is that made those men become what she said they were. Do not chalk up strange/bad behavior to cultural differences.

Just food for thought.....take....grain...salt.

So now, that said: Since wining and dining is on the menu, allow me to give you a couple of ideas.

Josiah Citrin have an incredible resume that gives this restaurant a place to remember and impress. I believe their Valentine's dinner cost +/- $500.00/couple and while I'll still say it's worth every dime, that's far too much for poor silly me. They do have a pre-V Day specials and will served up a 5-course dinner for $135.00 pp on the 12th and the 13th. Their wine collection is to die for. (forget Geoffrey's)

I've taken my wife there for our anniversay and since then she's compared all the other places we've gone and nothing even comes close for her.

Then, to unwind and unleashed the rigors and stress of the day, including the frustration you felt posting on RWD, indulge yourself and Ms Inamorata to a sumptious day here. I prefer their Sta Monica location over anywhere althought most of the other locations come pretty close -  with the lone exception of Sherman Oaks.

Lastly, walk very softly on this one grasshopper...and sail on.

[Muzh]

I am really not as good looking as my avatar. That is my glamour shot photo.

Why you HANDSOME DOG, YOU!!

 

[prowler911]

I do absolutely agree with you GQ...and i have been overly observant of the little tells that i have picked up over my years in law enforcement...i also realize that i am looking for those tells thru rose colored glasses so i must watch my 6 because no one else is going to...thanks for the tip on the restaurant but we will be in new orleans for v-day.. i got us a room overlooking jackson square and the mississippi river... I am actually based on the east coast now....lol..talk about cultural differences... for kicks i checked out some of the gals from the cuteonly ads in here...are they for real....if this bombs...wow is all i can say....

[poacher]

It seems that our hero is putting his neck out on the line. We don't know everything here, but there must be some behind the scenes action that has happened, that we are unaware of. Way to man up. I'm assuming that the two of you have become romantically involved in some shape or fashion for her to agree to trip on Valentines. It would be a real bummer for her to thinking "just friends." Remember, she is a woman, a Russki at that. Just when you think you have her figured out, she will baffle you. If this trip goes well, remember March 8th. More important then Valentines Day. That day will get you more mileage then Valentines.

Euridite, you found the family photo album. Yes, me and my brother were big sex tourists in FSU for 4 years. Our mother was a real looker, too. She was a smokinotkova. My brother made me look bad in the photo. He wore a clean shirt.

Now for my sexual misconduct quote of the day. My advice to Prowler is to take some batting practice beforehand. It would be embarrasing for you to swing too early at the pitch and dribble one into foul territory. Especially if this is opening day of the season. I do wonder how many people here understand the baseball analogies.

[Muzh]

PLAY BALL!!!

[Patagonie]

It would be very kind if in the future Prowler might post some news here.

About my own experience AW/RW in particular for the last three years is that
the chance to start a real relation with a lady (commited) is near to 1% no more, if you begin by "start to be friends". When a relationship "grows" like that you are stucked for ages.
As the relation is not "growing" so at the end you need to move on. And it's the job of the man to drive the relationship, either for a RW/or AW. Otherwise the girl will loose her interest for your.
Now the circumstances  here are particular as this girl had been abused and so her personnality had been modified in no normal way. So she is probably carefully examining the bond and need time.
But the nature is the nature a girl who go away when you touch her....
The last two who did it in the east were prodaters during my travels.

Hope to know more about you Prowler. Bye

[GQBlues]

Yeah...I do hope things worked out the way prowler had hoped it would, and that his absence here means they're thumping like bunnies and have no time to bless us with his presence...