What a Year! What a Ride!

[Speedbump]

Exactly one year ago, I started my search for a Russian Woman  . This report will be a review of what has happened in the past year. So it will not be a traditional trip report.

I found this website to be an incredible resource. I spent hours and hours reading and learning. My favorite section is Trip Reports. I learned so many things to do and not to do! I hope this report will help a newbie in the future.

First a little background. I was married for twelve years but that ended in a fairly amicable divorce. We had no children. Since the divorce, I dated American women. I dated women from the internet and personal meetings. One day I was on Match.com and I received a letter from a Russian woman who lived in my town. She was so young, beautiful and well educated I could not believe my luck. I immediately wrote to her. She wrote back and said she lived in Russia and wanted to meet an American man. Ok, I thought, that is interesting. I wrote back. Her letters always included wonderful pictures. She said she did a little modeling!  Her letters also started talking about this incredible connection we have. She has never felt this way about a man before.

This was all way too much for me. So I searched Google about Russian woman on Match. Ahh, so this is a scam! I had never heard of “international dating” or dating scams. Many articles and websites said  there are many of these scams but there are also many wonderful and sincere Russian women looking for marriage.

Wow, How interesting! I studied Russian language and literature in college and I always wanted to visit Russia. So I decided to look for website and place an ad. Why not?

I did some research and a few sites were highly rated. I looked at them all and I liked Anastasia Date the best. They had the best looking woman and the best looking website. I saw some negative reviews but they seemed to be overly dramatic and written by bitter men.

My first ad went up on Anastasia Date and what a reception! Oh My God! I found the mother load of beautiful, sexy, young, educated women. And they all wanted me! But man, it is expensive. I tend to be cautious so I signed up for the minimum membership. Maybe $100? I do not remember. I was very selective in the letters I sent. Only the most beautiful, young and educated would get my attention  . I was like a kid in the candy store.

But then the letters from the women were disappointing. Hmm, I'm paying how much?!? I went back and looked at some of the complaints about Anastasia Date. Maybe they were right? Then I got the most wonderful letter from a favorite of mine.  She was funny and interesting and obviously real. Her letters were thoughtful and specific to my profile. I was on cloud 9! But sure enough I was almost out of credits. By this time I had read all the bad things about Anastasia Date on RWD. The advice was to separate her from the agency. I bought a few more credits. There was no doubt that I had found a quality woman on Anastasia Date. I set up a phone call just to get her contact information.

I was so nervous and excited! We had talked about the phone call and she was as excited as I was. I was already dreaming about meeting her. The phone call was initially disappointing. There was a very bad connection and I could barely hear what she was saying. She is fluent in English so we were not using the interpreter. The interpreter suggested that we discontinue the call and try again for a better connection.

I was very impatient and it took forever for the interpreter to call back. But finally the phone rang and we had a really clear connection. I was so happy. I could clearly hear her voice!Surprisingly she sounded really quiet and kind of shy. I was not expecting that. Maybe she is not comfortable talking in English? Where was the energy and excitement her letters contained? I decided I would just get to the contact information. I asked her for her personal email and she was very reluctant to give it. She said she preferred to use Anastasia. Hmm, not good. I told her I would only communicate with her in email. She gave me her email address and I gave her mine.

Now I’m a little concerned. So I decided to ask her about a trip she told me she took. She said, “Trip? What trip? I have not gone anywhere.” Then the interpreter came on the line and said the time was up. I had to settle the billing with the interpreter (I was charged the time it took to call the second time). I was not pleased by that either. The interpreter asked if there was anything else I wanted. I told her I wanted to meet the person who wrote the letters. I don’t care if it is a man or woman because I have a real connection to that person!

The interpreter didn’t think that was funny but I did. 

OK, so I got burned for a couple hundred dollars. It could have been much, much more expensive. So I came back to RWD and read and read. Now I was ready to start anew.

This time I signed up for Elena’s Models and RussianEuro. I have been very pleased with both sites. I have met many fine and sincere ladies on both sites. Of course there are scammers (mostly RE) but they are really easy to spot. There are also women who are not serious or not accurate in their descriptions. Just use common sense and you will find many wonderful ladies on either site.

Stay tuned for my First Russian Woman! She actually came to US. How cool is that?
   

[Gator]

This time I signed up for Elena’s Models and RussianEuro. I have been very pleased with both sites. I have met many fine and sincere ladies on both sites. Of course there are scammers (mostly RE) but they are really easy to spot.

They are "easy to spot" because you are a fast learner.  Most men waste more than $200 at Anastasia.  Just remember that some scammers are very clever and may fly under the radar.  Eventually, something should lead to their true intentions.

There are also women who are not serious or not accurate in their descriptions. Just use common sense and you will find many wonderful ladies on either site.

Common sense is not common, especially when a lonely man receives sweet words from a woman far more attractive than his peers.

Stay tuned for my First Russian Woman! She actually came to US. How cool is that?

Sounds promising.  What visa did she use to enter the US?   

[Kuna]

SpeedBump,

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on...  Am looking forward to reading more...

Kuna

[Muzh]

Speedbump, so far so good. It seems you may get lucky and find your gem out there. Keep on the with the hard work. It pays at the end. That's a guarantee.

Please, keep us posted and I'm rooting for you.

[Speedbump]

Sorry for the delay. I got caught up in the Final Four excitement.

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

I hope this little dictation of mine will help other guys not make some of the same mistakes I did. And I hope it will encourage other men to embark on this adventure.

This is an unbelievable adventure. I do not know if I will have a happy ending or not but it is an exciting ride!

[Speedbump]

So now I’m happily cavorting in the candy stores of EM and RE. I’m sending letters and interests. There are so many wonderful women on these sites. Each woman is more beautiful, or better educated or more interesting profile than the last.

It takes a lot of time to write all these letters. I notice I was getting overwhelmed. How do you narrow the field? The first few letters from each woman were very similar with the introductory facts.  I was having real problems narrowing the field and deciding how to discern which women were truly interested.

Looking back, I see the mistakes I was making. I did not have a good sense of what type of woman I was looking for. Therefore I was wasting a lot of time on women I would not really be interested in.

While I was overwhelmed on the internet, a friend of a friend suggested I meet a woman coming to the US in a couple of weeks.  Sure! I said. We exchanged contact information. It turns out she was on a different dating site. She only had one photo but it was stunning. We looked at each other’s profiles and chatted on email and Skype chat (I did not have a video cam). It seemed like there was a good connection. We spoke a lot about her trip and plans.

She was coming to New York City. She applied for and received a tourist visa. She is 33, single and no children. But she has good education and works for a Western company and owns her own car and apartment. She has also traveled extensively outside Russia. So it is possible for single women to get a tourist visa.

We agreed to meet in New York. She was staying with friends in the Bronx. I was staying in Midtown. We agreed to meet in the Bronx by the subway entrance. I was very excited about meeting her. As I said we had a good connection.  I leave early to be sure I had time to get there and buy flowers (everybody says Russian women expect flowers).

Everything takes longer than expected in New York. So now time is getting close and somehow I miss my station!  I had to get off at the station and work my way back. I decided it would be quicker to walk than to wait for another train. It was going to be close and I still had to buy flowers.

I arrive at the designated meeting spot with just a couple of minutes left. I was very glad I was not late. That must be the only street in NY that did not have flowers for sale. So I was on time but without flowers.  She was not there. I was trying to decide if I should leave and get flowers or just stay. I decided to stay. She arrived about 15 minutes late.

I did not recognize her when she walked in.  The photos I had seen of her were simply beautiful. They could easily have been of an actress. The woman who walked in was wearing no make-up and was dressed in a t-shirt, ratty blue jeans and flip flops. She was also shorter and heavier than her profile indicated. I was very disappointed. I hope I did not show the disappointment on my face.

I apologized for not having flowers and I told her what had happened. We walked to the subway (and of course there was a shop selling flowers right by the stairs). :burnedup: We rode into the city. Her English was perfect with just a hint of an accent.

We got along very well but there was just no personal chemistry at all. We had a wonderful day in the City. It really was quite fun to show the city to someone who had not been there before. The day went by quickly and I escorted her back to the Bronx. Nothing was said but we both knew there would be no relationship.

In some ways the trip was very disappointing. But I have no regrets. It was an interesting experience and I learned a lot.

I learned that Russian woman are everything you hear about. She was really very beautiful (once you looked past the clothes and dirty fingernails  :yech:). She had perfect bone structure. She was also well educated and interesting person. She was most definitely interested in finding a husband and starting a family. I learned I was definitely interested in finding a Russian woman for myself.

I decided I had to narrow my search criteria. I could not be distracted by all the beauties who did not match my criteria. This woman was not a good match for me. She was too young and wanted to start a family. My criteria are 37-47 year olds with no children or grown or almost grown children. I have no desire to have a baby. I wrote down my list of requirements and taped it to the computer.

I also decided I would look for a Russian woman living in the US.

[Anotherkiwi]

...I decided I had to narrow my search criteria. I could not be distracted by all the beauties who did not match my criteria. This woman was not a good match for me. She was too young and wanted to start a family. My criteria are 37-47 year olds with no children or grown or almost grown children. I have no desire to have a baby. I wrote down my list of requirements and taped it to the computer...

Ditto for me, although I've expressed a preference for 38-46! However, the local pool of single female Russians in that age group is very small (I've met both of them! ) so I'm definitely looking in the FSU itself.

[Speedbump]

That is an interesting and challenging age group. I was shocked at how many late 30s and early 40s women have grown children. FSU women start early. Here in the US that age group still has young children at home.

Some 40 year olds look like they are 60 and some look like they at 30. And be cautious of the thick ankles

Also there seem to be a significant number of very bitter women in that age group. Russian men and keyboard romeos have done a number on them.

[Speedbump]

After the disappointment in New York, I turned my attention to Russian women living in the US. Again there were plenty to choose from. I limited my search criteria and this time I stuck to it (almost always). That made the search so much easier. I also learned to be better about screening the women for mutual interests and mutual goals. One of the mistakes I made with the girl in New York was that we just spoke about the trip details. We had not discussed our plans for the future.

For the women in the US I had a completely different strategy. The same strategy I used for regular internet dating. I would find a woman I was interested in. I would write her and quickly get her phone number. Then we would talk a bit and schedule a date.

The next woman I met lived in the US. She lived farther away than I had intended to look. But she matched up on my other criteria very well. Plus she was smoking hot!

I drove almost all day to see her. She was everything I could have hoped for. We had a wonderful time together and I enjoyed her company very much. We made plans to see each other the following day. Again it was a very pleasant time together. We talked about seeing each other again.

I drove home with a big smile on my face.  We spoke on the phone the whole time I was driving. It was like being a teenager again  .

A few days later I noticed she had removed her profile from the website. That took me by surprise. I did not know if I should acknowledge it, or if I should take down my profile. I decided to just ignore it and deal with it later if she brought it up.

We had made plans to meet again in two weeks. This time we decided we would meet halfway and spend the weekend together. This was going very well.

Then I had a crisis at work. I could not take the weekend off. I called her and told her and she was disappointed. But we agreed to reschedule for the following weekend as long as she could get off work. A few days later I called and she did not call back. I sent an email and she did not respond. Then her profile went back up.

WTH . . .?!?

[Gator]

Then I had a crisis at work. I could not take the weekend off. I called her and told her and she was disappointed. But we agreed to reschedule for the following weekend as long as she could get off work. A few days later I called and she did not call back. I sent an email and she did not respond. Then her profile went back up.

WTH . . .?!?

She did not believe you.   It seems that many RW in that age group have a long history with deceitful men.

[The Natural]

Thanks for posting your story Speedbump, it's very interesting and entertaining. Keep 'em coming...

[GoodOlBoy]

We had made plans to meet again in two weeks...... A crisis......I could not take the weekend off.

She did not believe you.   It seems that many RW in that age group have a long history with deceitful men.

You have just learned an important lesson about older RW Speedbump.
NEVER and I mean NEVER make a promise you cannot keep to a RW.
The age group that you are dealing with (37-47), have been lied to and mistreated (treachery) so many times by RM that you have to be a "real man" and keep your word with them (show yourself) or you have no chance.
It is hard work to win a good RW heart, BUT once you do.....

GOB is serious here.

GOB

[Speedbump]

She did not believe you.   It seems that many RW in that age group have a long history with deceitful men.

You have just learned an important lesson about older RW Speedbump.
NEVER and I mean NEVER make a promise you cannot keep to a RW.
The age group that you are dealing with (37-47), have been lied to and mistreated (treachery) so many times by RM that you have to be a "real man" and keep your word with them (show yourself) or you have no chance.

I agree with you both. I think she did not believe me and decided to move on. It surprised me because we had a nice calm conversation and even made alternate plans. Then she just disappeared.Most American woman would have had an extended conversation about feelings and emotions.

 I noticed that Russian women tend to "just disappear". There have been several occasions were I am writing to a woman and I think everything is going well. Then she just stops writing. It is very disconcerting.

Is this a typical trait in Russian women?

[ML]

 I noticed that Russian women tend to "just disappear". There have been several occasions were I am writing to a woman and I think everything is going well. Then she just stops writing. It is very disconcerting.

Is this a typical trait in Russian women?

Not just for RW but for FSU people of both genders.

I see it all the time in business dealings.  FSU people will not send a polite decline, or sorry message.  They will just stop corresponding.  This leaves the burden on the western party to send more communications to try to ascertain if previous communications have been received etc.

Quite rude, but just part of their mentality.

[Speedbump]

Ah thinks ManLooking! I did not know if that was a cultural trait or an individual trait. I saw it enough to think it may be cultural.

That is OK with me. I find the AW concentration on emotions and feelings to be draining. I kind of like the no muss no fuss approach. If it aint working why drag it out?

I don't always need closure 

[Vaughn]

Speedbump, I've known a few guys whose Russian ladies failed to show up in Moscow for their
K-1 interview. They disappear. For whatever reason. Never to be heard from again.

Am enjoying your story. Don't stop now.

[ML]

I kind of like the no muss no fuss approach. If it ain't working why drag it out?

Not talking about dragging anything out.

Party 1 sends message to party 2.

After some time period, party 1 realizes no return message from party 2.

This could be for a multitude of reasons . . . including party 2 did not actually receive the earlier message from party 1.

In this situation; somebody has to be the adult, non-rude person and try to ascertain if previous messages received by other party.

A simple 'no thanks or goodbye' eliminates the need for this extra step by party 1.

Note: I am not referring to situation where woman (man) receives first intro message from a person on dating site, etc.  I understand some receive so many they cannot respond.

Nor am I referring to situation of business receiving unsolicited offers of goods or services.

I am talking about an established relationship with several previous bits of correspondence back and forth.

[Speedbump]

Speedbump, I've known a few guys whose Russian ladies failed to show up in Moscow for their
K-1 interview. They disappear. For whatever reason. Never to be heard from again.

OMG!  :whirling:

I thought it was just at the initial stage! That is truly scary.

Am enjoying your story. Don't stop now.

Thank you. I know this is not a typical trip report. They are so much better when done in real time. But i hope someone in the future will learn from my mistakes.

[Speedbump]

In this situation; somebody has to be the adult, non-rude person and try to ascertain if previous messages received by other party.

A simple 'no thanks or goodbye' eliminates the need for this extra step by party 1.

I understand what you are saying. After someone disappeared on me (after quality communication) I would send a follow-up email or call. If that message is ignored then the answer is obvious.

Now I am learning that the "just disappearing" act can also occur far into a relationship.  To me that is unacceptable behavior.

[Speedbump]

So I am on a very steep learning curve. I seem to be successful in meeting women on the internet but I am not enjoying great success in the personal meetings. But at this time, I am too busy writing a wide range of women to stop and calibrate by approach. BIG MISTAKE!

The next woman lived very close to me. Again we had very brief email exchange and telephone contact before a meet was set up. I had some reservations about this woman. She seemed to have a lot of drama in her life and that is a red flag for me.

This was a typical date like with any woman who lives in the same town. We met at a nice restaurant. We had a very nice time and made plans for the following day. The next day went well too. I told her that I was very pleased I met her and she replied that she felt the same. So things were going well.

The next day my concerns were proven accurate. She was not just a drama queen, she was downright crazy. Fortunately the drama only lasted for one phone call and several emails (actually I still get some emails but I just delete them).

For the next weekend, I made plans with another Russian woman. We had been emailing but to be honest she was not high on my list. I thought she may be too materialistic. She was very status conscious (I am not). I made plans with her anyway. You never know for sure what a person is like.

Of course she picked the most expensive and popular restaurant in town  . I was OK with that because I had been curious to check it out too.  She showed up to the date looking like a million dollars. Every item on her was an expensive designer item. She was very intelligent and well educated. We had wonderful conversations. I did not sense a whole lot of mutual attraction on the first date but we made plans to see each other again.

The second date was another success. Again we had amazingly intelligent talks and we enjoyed most of the same things. But I knew there was no future. She has expectations of a style of living I was not able or willing to provide. Again, I did not get a feeling of attraction from her. I kept hearing in my mind the guys on RWD, “when a Russian woman likes you, you will know it.” 

She was going out of town on a vacation and we did not make any future plans at that time. We talked after she got back. I told her I really enjoyed her company and she was a wonderful person but we just did not have potential as a couple. We agreed to remain friends. We have talked a couple of times since then but not often.

While all this was going on with the Russian ladies in my area, I was planning a trip to Odessa Ukraine. A friend of mine in Europe suggested we met in Odessa.

After the New York experience, I decided I was not a WMVO guy. I concentrated my search in the Odessa area. Again I was writing to many women and again I was having a very difficult time telling who was truly interested and who was not. I booked my flights and rented an apartment.

Odessa has A LOT of scammers. There was one woman I really liked. We had great letters and I thought she was very sincere and honest. The only red flag was I could not get her on Skype. We made many appointments to talk (she said she was using an Internet café) but she always had an excuse why she could not make the appointment (work, internet was not working, mama was sick, etc).

I had five women I was planning on visiting. As the time grew near, the women started to fall off one by one. The woman from above finally asked me to send her money. She wanted $200 for a taxi from Nicholai (?)(I’m sorry I do not remember the name of the city and I am too lazy to look it up) to Odessa. She also “found” me an apartment for about 3x what I found.  The alarm bells really rang! I found out a way to check where an email was coming from. Her emails were coming from somewhere in Russia (Chebecksory(?))!

Then there were four. One woman disappeared. Another woman announced she may be out of the city at the time. There were two women left but neither of them were high on my list. I was writing them even though they did not match up well with my criteria.

I decided I would cancel the trip to Odessa. I could have gone and used a back-up plan (an agency) or just tried to meet women on my own. But I have to be true to myself. I do not do well picking up women in bars or off the street. Why would it be different in a foreign country?

BIG TRAVEL TIP: LOT (Polish Airlines) tickets are refundable for a fee of $100 or $150! 

Now I was 0-4 and a cancelled trip. I had to make a decision. Did I want to continue seeking a Russian lady? If so, I had to completely adjust my process. Or maybe I should just keep looking locally for a Russian or American woman.

[ML]

Sorry to hear of your Odesa situation.  I would have told you beforehand to avoid Odesa, but others have had success there.

Don't know what to make of your problem in keeping the 4 gals going.

I would suggest having a much larger pool for the correspondence.
Like have 20 or more still 'live' going into the final couple of weeks.

If half drop out, you can still keep busy with 10.  I am talking of a trip of 2 weeks or more.

Of course others will advise that you had no luck because the women knew you weren't on a WOVO trip and thus didn't take you seriously.

Who knows?

Good  night.

[Speedbump]

Oh no, not another WOVO vs WMVM thread!      

Seriously, I think the problem was that I was not doing an intelligent search. I kept getting distracted by the photos and compromising on my criteria.

I would find a woman I liked and write her. But I was also juggling many other women. I was also going down many blind alleys. I had the kid in a candy store syndrome.

My search was all over the place. I tried to accomplish too many contradictory goals and I was stretching myself too thin.

I was not getting serious responses because I was not conducting a serious search.

[Daveman]

Excellent ride so far Speedbump (and sounds like you plowed into a couple of those full speed).  Your points about focus, criteria, etc are spot on. Looking forward to more of the journey.

[Muzh]

I noticed that Russian women tend to "just disappear". There have been several occasions were I am writing to a woman and I think everything is going well. Then she just stops writing. It is very disconcerting.

Is this a typical trait in Russian women?

All you guys are missing the obvious. Her plan B. Some other guy showed up and that was it. That she didn't say a word to you, yes I agree it is rude behavior.

I understand what you are saying. After someone disappeared on me (after quality communication) I would send a follow-up email or call. If that message is ignored then the answer is obvious.

Now I am learning that the "just disappearing" act can also occur far into a relationship.  To me that is unacceptable behavior.

Don't put the cart before the horse.

Yes, it is a possibility it can happen to you. It is a possibility that it will happen to her also.

This is the price you pay in these long distance relationships.

[Gator]

All you guys are missing the obvious. Her plan B. Some other guy showed up and that was it. That she didn't say a word to you, yes I agree it is rude behavior.

Quite possibly so.