Stereotypes and perceived age discrepancy

[Saltheart]

Well, I'm still very early into my experience with a lovely FSUW staying here in the states with me for awhile.  It's going as well as I could ask although there's been a bit of an interesting twist I didn't think about.

There is a 9 year age difference between us, I am 38, she's 29.  To me, I've always viewed her as her age (Physically) and see her as around mid 30's mentally/emotionally... What's interesting however is that it appears that most others see her as appearing much, much younger.  Many think at first she might be anywhere from 18-19 to 21-23.  It wasn't until I heard this that I started to view her a little differently myself and they are right.  She IS unbelievably youthful in appearance.  She dresses very well of course but also very age appropriate and her mannerisms are nothing less than you would expect from someone in their late 20's/30's so it's not that she's a teeny bopper, she just looks young.   At 38, I feel personally that I appear more in my early 40's, (40-42) although she thinks I look more 35-36 which I don't quite buy although I haven't detected any dishonesty.

With all of that said, the stares we get are unrelenting and not all of them are good.  Men are more perplexed (and probably jealous) and women either smile or scowl.  She gets a kick out of it frankly but I struggle a little more with it.  Can't sit down to dinner without seeing the neighboring couples heads come together to "discuss" and draw some "conclusion".

Have any of you run into this?  Would be curious what others experience with this has been?  At the end of the day it's their problem and not mine but it is taking me by surprise a little bit.

SH

[Rubicon]

Now try dating a woman who is 18 years younger than you and you will also get some of those stares!!  I would not worry about it.  enjoy your good fortune!!

[Ade]

Well, I'm still very early into my experience with a lovely FSUW staying here in the states with me for awhile.  It's going as well as I could ask although there's been a bit of an interesting twist I didn't think about.

There is a 9 year age difference between us, I am 38, she's 29.  To me, I've always viewed her as her age (Physically) and see her as around mid 30's mentally/emotionally... What's interesting however is that it appears that most others see her as appearing much, much younger.  Many think at first she might be anywhere from 18-19 to 21-23.  It wasn't until I heard this that I started to view her a little differently myself and they are right.  She IS unbelievably youthful in appearance.  She dresses very well of course but also very age appropriate and her mannerisms are nothing less than you would expect from someone in their late 20's/30's so it's not that she's a teeny bopper, she just looks young.   At 38, I feel personally that I appear more in my early 40's, (40-42) although she thinks I look more 35-36 which I don't quite buy although I haven't detected any dishonesty.

With all of that said, the stares we get are unrelenting and not all of them are good.  Men are more perplexed (and probably jealous) and women either smile or scowl.  She gets a kick out of it frankly but I struggle a little more with it.  Can't sit down to dinner without seeing the neighboring couples heads come together to "discuss" and draw some "conclusion".

Have any of you run into this?  Would be curious what others experience with this has been?  At the end of the day it's their problem and not mine but it is taking me by surprise a little bit.

SH

My wife is 13 years younger (33 next month) and when we got together she was 29 but looked quite a bit younger than that. It took me a little aback when we first met face to face but it's something that I got used to after a while. Over the past few years, friends and acquaintances have commented on how young she looks and have guessed anything from (the ridiculous) 18 to 25. I've never noticed looks from others though but then again, I do look much younger myself.

My guess is that people here tend to look quite youthful for their age anyway (perhaps it's the formaldehyde outgassing from all the wood we have here ) so we don't look out of place. Or perhaps people just don't give a damn?

Not that I'd care what others think anyway and neither should you if you feel that you two fit together well.

[Muzh]

Salty,

Why do you do this?

My wife is 13 year younger than me. For the record, my American exwife is also 13 year younger than me.

So my wife looked a lot younger than me when she came here. Excellent!! Eat your heart out.

Any other question you have that may spoil her visit?

Geez, sometimes I wonder.

[Misha]

With all of that said, the stares we get are unrelenting and not all of them are good.  Men are more perplexed (and probably jealous) and women either smile or scowl.  

How can you read all of this in a stare? However, if they stare, they have bad manners and there is no need to obsess over the bad etiquette of others. Enjoy the woman you are with, and let strangers deal with their own issues 

[Saltheart]

Salty,
Why do you do this?
My wife is 13 year younger than me. For the record, my American exwife is also 13 year younger than me.
So my wife looked a lot younger than me when she came here. Excellent!! Eat your heart out.
Any other question you have that may spoil her visit?
Geez, sometimes I wonder.

Muzh/Misha - you know what, you're right.  Something happened regarding this that did bother me quite a bit, an isolated incident which had it fresh on my mind when i wrote this instead of just letting it go.  Thankfully this stuff doesn't bother her at all.  Thread closure please. ... And thanks for the virtual reality slap... Much needed. 

[mies]

Well, I'm still very early into my experience with a lovely FSUW staying here in the states with me for awhile.  It's going as well as I could ask although there's been a bit of an interesting twist I didn't think about.

There is a 9 year age difference between us, I am 38, she's 29.  To me, I've always viewed her as her age (Physically) and see her as around mid 30's mentally/emotionally... What's interesting however is that it appears that most others see her as appearing much, much younger.  Many think at first she might be anywhere from 18-19 to 21-23.  It wasn't until I heard this that I started to view her a little differently myself and they are right.  She IS unbelievably youthful in appearance.  She dresses very well of course but also very age appropriate and her mannerisms are nothing less than you would expect from someone in their late 20's/30's so it's not that she's a teeny bopper, she just looks young.   At 38, I feel personally that I appear more in my early 40's, (40-42) although she thinks I look more 35-36 which I don't quite buy although I haven't detected any dishonesty.

With all of that said, the stares we get are unrelenting and not all of them are good.  Men are more perplexed (and probably jealous) and women either smile or scowl.  She gets a kick out of it frankly but I struggle a little more with it.  Can't sit down to dinner without seeing the neighboring couples heads come together to "discuss" and draw some "conclusion".

Have any of you run into this?  Would be curious what others experience with this has been?  At the end of the day it's their problem and not mine but it is taking me by surprise a little bit.

SH

if you allow me to share my opinion before the thread is closed.
Your story really tells about the validity of agency cr-p: "Russian women are so much more MATURE. you can marry a woman 20y younger and she will be totally at your level of age and wisdom." total bs, if you ask me.
Your wife is young, looks young, and acts young. Probably you were uncomfortable thinking that she is quite younger than you, but you liked her, so you started lullabying your concerns with the agency mantra "She is more mature than her physical age."

Well, the truth is: she isn't. She is just her age, and probably even less mature than her physical age, at least in appearance and behavior. I think this is really insulting when a man trying to fight his personal insecurities adds 5-10 years of age to young and beautiful girl. Please, stop doing that.

It's akin to saying "oh, my wife with double PhD in nuclear physics and law, is really simple person, and in fact, not that well-read at all, so we don't have any problem communicating even though i read one book in my whole life and barely made it through high-school."

Why do you feel discomfort about her age? well, maybe working on your self-confidence would help. Rather than taking her down to the low level of your self-esteem.

[Rubicon]

if you allow me to share my opinion before the thread is closed.
Your story really tells about the validity of agency cr-p: "Russian women are so much more MATURE. you can marry a woman 20y younger and she will be totally at your level of age and wisdom." total bs, if you ask me.
Your wife is young, looks young, and acts young. Probably you were uncomfortable thinking that she is quite younger than you, but you liked her, so you started lullabying your concerns with the agency mantra "She is more mature than her physical age."

Well, the truth is: she isn't. She is just her age, and probably even less mature than her physical age, at least in appearance and behavior. I think this is really insulting when a man trying to fight his personal insecurities adds 5-10 years of age to young and beautiful girl. Please, stop doing that.

It's akin to saying "oh, my wife with double PhD in nuclear physics and law, is really simple person, and in fact, not that well-read at all, so we don't have any problem communicating even though i read one book in my whole life and barely made it through high-school."

Why do you feel discomfort about her age? well, maybe working on your self-confidence would help. Rather than taking her down to the low level of your self-esteem.

Mies, I really think you are way way off base.  A nine year age difference is very small.  if two people respect and care about each other, age differences are not going to matter.  This is especially true as a woman approaches 30.  Many 30 year old women are comfortable with men up to 50. 

[Saltheart]

Interesting.  I agree and disagree.  She's not immature nor does she act young.  On the contrary really - with that said she is just extraordinarily youthful in appearance.  Why assume otherwise?  I have no reason to be dishonest about this.  As for your second part, you are closer to home.  This is more MY issue and not hers at all.  I'm struggling with the whole "getting older" topic - I was prior to meeting her.  This just added some fuel to the fire for me but it's a good experience for me to deal with as it makes me look at this stuff.  Otherwise I think your tone blows   Try not to make such assumptions por favor Seņor.

SH

Thread closure please

[Misha]

Your wife is young, looks young, and acts young.

She is 29, he is 38. The issue was less that she is younger but acts more mature, rather that she looks much younger than her real age  :noidea: Also, a 9-year difference is not a really that big of a gap.

[GQBlues]

if you allow me to share my opinion before the thread is closed. Your story really tells about the validity of agency cr-p: "Russian women are so much more MATURE. you can marry a woman 20y younger and she will be totally at your level of age and wisdom." total bs, if you ask me.

LOL!!!!!

Yeah...but considering all of the FSU-bound AMs look much younger than their ages make this a 'perfect fit', no?

Besides, if the woman is at least in her late 20s and have lived through some life experiences IN FSU, she would actually be ready to marry someone much, much older and live in a totally different culture and country, is it not?

No? 

[SMS60]

I must get in before the lock

How do you have time to participate on a internet forum while you have your "dream woman" visiting for a short period of time?

My gosh dude surely you have more to do than sitting in front of the computer.

New rule for Salty until "dream woman" leaves.  No more internet forums

[Muzh]

Mies, forget evryone else. You get an A+ for your response, especially this.

Well, the truth is: she isn't. She is just her age, and probably even less mature than her physical age, at least in appearance and behavior. I think this is really insulting when a man trying to fight his personal insecurities adds 5-10 years of age to young and beautiful girl. Please, stop doing that.

When I met my wife she behaved 13 years younger than me; that's was a given. AND she was 32 at the time.  OR maybe I was the immature guy behaving like a childish 32 yo

Why do you feel discomfort about her age? well, maybe working on your self-confidence would help. Rather than taking her down to the low level of your self-esteem.

I know why you said this and I understand, even though it's a bit harsh.

.

Thread closure please

I'm done so you should also. Go have fun with her and say hi from me.

[Saltheart]

I must get in before the lock

How do you have time to participate on a internet forum while you have your "dream woman" visiting for a short period of time?

My gosh dude surely you have more to do than sitting in front of the computer.

New rule for Salty until "dream woman" leaves.  No more internet forums

LOL!  Can't spend every waking minute with her although that would be nice for awhile.  At the office.  Gotta pay the bills occasionally.

[Gator]

Don't be bothered by stares from small-minded strangers....maybe your fly was unzipped or food was dangling from your lip....maybe you looked like a celebrity couple and they were trying to guess who you were.....It is not their business.

Sometimes RW dress somewhat provocatively, and that could be the reason for stares, not her age.

If you want stares, try a 30-year age difference when dining next to a table of overweight women of your age.  Scowls galore (Pussy Galore's mother).

What is important is how you feel about yourself, about this woman, and about the two of you as a couple.  If both of you are happy together, enjoy!

[Jumper]

I look my age, (not younger)
and my RW is the same age as yours, never had a those type of stares anywhere, and in my previous marriage nevber had any stars at us as a *couple*
I wouldn't care anyweay, so maybe i just never noticed them.

It baffles me you'd get any stares at all, as i've always dated women quite a bit younger regardless nationality.. and can't recall this happening.

Where do you live, or what places you are going to,  to encounter this?

are you sure they just where not staring at her being attractive? a different way of dress ? or perhaps heard her accent?

Can we sak what the one incident was thar sparked this?

I think you ave a handle on it, I'm more curious than anything,
as it just seems an odd phenomenon.

[neo]

14 year age gap 37 vs 23. nobody cares. nobody stares.

europe for you, the whole lolita thing started in Paris and its a well known fact european men are dirty old rascals that like young skirt.

I suspect looks from men is jealousy to you, looks from women is jealousy to you for not having to put up with some old bag.

people hate the age thing because its like having some magical stop the clock elixir of youth - old guys dont like the fact they are at it with some old dear and women dont like it because they dont want competition from hot young things.

they comfort themselves there has to be some alterior motive at work money/power/visa/father replacement.

it helps them sleep at night, but the simple truth is some girls get off on older guys, some women get off on younger men, a lot just accept their own age because they want to feel part of some nonsensical social norm. some girls trade youth for maturity and status, others paddle their own canoe and just want to get banged by and college jock.

all things being equal it doesnt mean a 80 year old guy having it away with a 21 year old thing is the right thing to do. you can get too much of a good thing, you have to have a cultural connection, if you have a 21 year old and you have no clue who beyonce is married to then its hard to see any shared generation of culture - but if you are in the same ballpark and are youthful and she is mature then you can meet in the middle. or you could be like me:

a complete child man who has to resort to relations with a girl of early 20's because he can't hold a rational conversation with a woman anywhere near his own age due to a inability to grow beyond 25, ive probably reached the end of the road in that respect because dealing with young ladies is bloody hard work and dealing with older ones exposes my intellectually limited ability to cope with a demanding mate.

i'm thinking celibacy and a cat for company is the best answer.

[Rubicon]

I would recommend a dog Neo, if you have space or a backyard

[Chicagoguy]

Read where an old codger was talking about younger women and he said They don't know the music".

[mies]

Try not to make such assumptions por favor Seņor.

I'm a female sorry if the tone was too rough. 
***

To Rubicon: You missed my point, unfortunately.
Firstly, 9 years difference isn't "very small," and it isn't just "small difference." Unless you compare it to 30 or 40 years difference. It's not even "average," it's a "big difference, but still OK." 

But my point was something different. My point was: if an individual is sensitive about his/her own quality/-ies, (s)he should not try to drag down their partner to the same level. Instead, they should enjoy the good qualities of their partner. Imagine you have a dumb wife, and instead of reading a book or at least Wiki, she keeps telling you how dumb you are. More or less same is going on here.
You know, people say "if a guy marries younger woman he starts looking younger, if a woman marries older guy - she starts looking older than her age and much older than before." I think now i know why that happens.    because the woman out of her kind nature keeps complimenting a guy on how young and good he looks, and the man keeps "complimenting" his woman on how "much older and much more mature than her age" she is. :evil:

[The Natural]

I don't think 9 years is a big difference. My ex is 9 years younger than me and it was never an issue and I never heard anyone mention that as anything peculiar. My brother is married to a Phillipina who is 13 years younger. Never heard anyone say anything about that either. I know of two couples in my small town, native, with 12-13 years of age difference.

One can sometimes hear it mentioned as an oddity when the man is somewhat younger than the woman. That's just the way it is, like it or not.

Incidentally, sometimes it goes the other way. One of my best friends is married to a woman 8 years older than him.

[Muzh]

I'm a female sorry if the tone was too rough. 
***

Salty, let that be a lesson for you. Always add an "a" to make it femenine. Just like Russians add "aya" to the father's last name to make it femenine.

You know, people say "if a guy marries younger woman he starts looking younger, if a woman marries older guy - she starts looking older than her age and much older than before." I think now i know why that happens.    because the woman out of her kind nature keeps complimenting a guy on how young and good he looks, and the man keeps "complimenting" his woman on how "much older and much more mature than her age" she is. :evil:

LMAO

Mies, you are amazing. For years I had arguments (no yelling, just showing exhasperation) with my wife because when she would go shopping she would end up with clothes my mother would wear.

Factoid: Even though my mother is 79, she dresses very classy. Always did.

Point here is a relatively young woman going to the "wrong side of the aisle" (35+ in age) and buying that stuff. Then she would be upset at me because I would not go ga ga over her. That's when she told me she would not buy clothes anymore if I didn't go. Every time we went shopping in the Juniors Dept. @ MACY's or Express or any other type of clothing store that would appeal to the young crowd.

This proved to be a win win situation for us. She would model for me hot stuff eliciting certain response on me and she would get compliments from her co-workers because she would always dress very fashionable. That kept her looking young and me with it.

[dbneeley]

It seems we never get through the "age gap" b.s. To me, so long as both parties are adults to begin with their relative age doesn't matter so long as they are both comfortable with the situation.

If you are hyper-sensitive to the responses of strangers and you imagine their responses are age-related, then either understand that this simply goes with the territory or do something else (unless you can ignore it comfortably, of course).

If you're like me, the responses of others are their problem, not mine. So long as my wife continues to put up with me, that is all that matters.

David

[mies]

I don't think 9 years is a big difference.

Have you or your brother been married to woman a 10 years older?

[mies]

LMAO

Mies, you are amazing. For years I had arguments (no yelling, just showing exhasperation) with my wife because when she would go shopping she would end up with clothes my mother would wear.

Factoid: Even though my mother is 79, she dresses very classy. Always did.

Point here is a relatively young woman going to the "wrong side of the aisle" (35+ in age) and buying that stuff. Then she would be upset at me because I would not go ga ga over her. That's when she told me she would not buy clothes anymore if I didn't go. Every time we went shopping in the Juniors Dept. @ MACY's or Express or any other type of clothing store that would appeal to the young crowd.

This proved to be a win win situation for us. She would model for me hot stuff eliciting certain response on me and she would get compliments from her co-workers because she would always dress very fashionable. That kept her looking young and me with it.

likewise, Muzh
your story proves my point!!!