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Author Topic: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job  (Read 11377 times)

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Offline scafidi454

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My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« on: May 22, 2011, 08:45:42 AM »
My girlfriend just quit her job in Vologda. She has a lot of contacts there, but I don't think she will be able to find a new job in Vologda from what she tells me. She is going to move to Moscow to find a job, but she doesn't have the money saved to move right now. I could send her money to move, but then I would be spending the money that I am saving to see her in two months (we've already been apart for 7 months). If I gave her the money I wouldn't see her again until December, maybe later.


I told her that most people don't just quit a job without some sort of plan, money, or other job lined up. So, I'm assuming that whatever was a problem a her work must have really bothered her. She and I have almost no time to talk privately because she lives with her sisters.


Anyway, I don't think she expects me to give her the money, but I think if she does that it's pretty selfish (and somewhat scandalous). I already spend enough money giving to my mother who is out of work right now because of my father, and to my grandmother who thinks she is still working when she is really just retired. I cannot afford to feed the world. But is drawing the line at my girlfriend a bad sign? I mean, if I had the extra money to send, I would. But the money that I have now is to pay for MY FLIGHT to RUSSIA to SEE HER?! Would she really ask me to give up that so that she can move to Moscow on such short notice? I think I need some input from Russian women. I haven't been to Russia yet, and I don't know anything about their unemployment system.

I don't want to think that our relationship depends on me helping her financially with this move. My girlfriend hasn't asked me for money, so don't get that part mixed up. I don't think our relationship depends on this, but I feel guilty if I cannot help.

Is there a way for her to get money to move from the government while she is out of work?
« Last Edit: May 22, 2011, 09:14:51 AM by scafidi454 »

Offline molly35ru

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2011, 09:13:39 AM »
Our unemployment system sucks, an unemployment benefit would give her money to feed herself only if she had a good job. Since I'm living very close to her i can say first 3 months she will get 75% of her salary, next 4 months-60%, then 45% but not more than 5,000 rubles.
Government doesn't care if she wants to move so the answer is no, she won't get any money from them.

I guess she is a young girl, as a single mom I wouldn't quit my job until I found a new one cause I have to think about my kids. Talk to her and explain your situation, if she really want to meet you she will understand. But again it's just an opinion of a woman with some life experience  8) , younger girls may think different. Have just asked my daughter of 22 y.o and she said she wouldn't expect you to send her any money if you haven't met yet, if you have and are in a relationship it would be nice but still not necessary.
Hope it helps.

Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2011, 09:22:17 AM »
Спасебо. We met in the U.S. and were together for 4 months while she was here on her student/work visa. She had just graduated from her university and it was the last year that she could come to the U.S. on that visa. The two of us really wanted to keep the relationship going, and we have been managing it since last October when she left. She was going to come here this month, but the consul denied her visa to come. I was thinking about asking her to marry me when she came, but now I don't know what to do. I talked to her about how we could do a k1 visa if she wanted, but she really doesn't like America. And I don't want to propose only for the sake of a visa, and most certainly not over Skype!!!


I just sent my visa paperwork to Washington, DC two days ago so that I can see her as soon as possible. I work and go to college full time, so it's not easy for me to just take time off. If everything goes well, I'll be spending a few thousand just to go there for one week!!! Then, I plan to go again in December.


I just recently moved into a new apartment where I can live alone (because I thought she was coming). I like the apartment, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't necessary. Also, I have been giving my family money, and applying for the visa was about $300.00 - Then, I pay for my own college, which I go to three semesters in the year (year-round).


She knows all of this, and I don't think she expects me to give her money, but I don't know what else I can do...

Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2011, 09:30:18 AM »
And really I feel like everyone is always asking me for money, but no one is contributing to my problems. Nobody gives me money. I suppose it's my role as a man, no?

Offline wicheese

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2011, 12:04:08 PM »
I'm not a RW whose advice you are looking for, but I have known two women who I communicated with who made the move from the regions to Moscow, during our communication, and both of them had work lined up and money saved to make the move.  Moscow is the best paying city in Russia, but I think the costs of living there are much greater than any raise she might get, unless she gets a mid-level position with an international company. 

The other thing to think about is, if you have filed for her K visa (I'm guessing that is what you meant), then you have plans to be together here so why is she all of a sudden making a move to Moscow as it seems a lot more logical to just wait and then be with you?

Offline LAman

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2011, 12:08:05 PM »
scafidi....#1, you seen to be assuming a lot. Just let things fall as they may
#2, you keep bringing up finances. That is not a good sign. Take care of yourself and your family first, to include a girl half way around the world just drags you down even more. As you said in another thread, you cannot communicate very well long distance and now girl left her job and may need assistance. Sounds like your mind/heart is moving much quicker than your pocketbook can keep up. This can be a VERY expensive journey. Hope things work out well.
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Offline Misha

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2011, 12:10:43 PM »


Quote
My girlfriend hasn't asked me for money, so don't get that part mixed up. I don't think our relationship depends on this, but I feel guilty if I cannot help.

Why? Would you feel guilty not sending money to a girlfriend in Maine moving to NYC for a job? It is her decision and there is no reason IMHO why you would send her money.

Offline Misha

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2011, 12:15:27 PM »
She knows all of this, and I don't think she expects me to give her money, but I don't know what else I can do...

You don't have to do anything else...

Offline Lily

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2011, 12:29:01 PM »
I agree with molly35ru that there is no way that government will give her money or give any support in her job search in Moscow. People who plan to move to Moscow for job usually have some sort of plan, as you suggested. It may be saved money, valued job qualification or skills, family support, etc. It is likely that the government probably won't give her the percentages of her last salary that were mentioned by molly35ru, in case she was not made redundant by employer but quit the job on her own will, which happens in the most of instances.

Whether she expects you to provide her with money, it is not visible from the situation. She may, or she may not. If she does not have any saved money to go to Moscow to find a job, my guess would be that she hopes for some assistance from her family. A sister or cousin may have offered her help in case she decides to move to Moscow. That happens.
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Offline Gator

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2011, 01:56:50 PM »

I just recently moved into a new apartment where I can live alone (because I thought she was coming). I like the apartment, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't necessary. Also, I have been giving my family money, and applying for the visa was about $300.00 - Then, I pay for my own college, which I go to three semesters in the year (year-round).


It is my initial impression that you are not ready to get married.  You need to 1) improve your finances and 2)  have more  time available to help a new Russian wife in her adjustment period.
 
Quote
I talked to her about how we could do a k1 visa if she wanted, but she really doesn't like America.

 
And neither is she ready to marry.
 
So the big question is:  Do you want to forsake female companionship while saving for a one-week trip every 9 months over the next 2-3 years?  I know RW are beautiful, but I suggest a more complete life in your new apartment will make you happier.
 
Regarding money - don't send any.  Tell her you need to save for the trips to Russia.  If this fact turns her off, good riddance.
 
 

Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2011, 02:13:42 PM »
If were were to be engaged, it wouldn't happen immediately. I expect that we'd be engaged for at least one year until we could both settle in our careers (after I finish school, and when we can live together). Engagements can end.
 
Like I said, I don't think she expects money from me. My finances can be trying at times because of my position with school. However, if I want to make more money, I have to finish school.
 
I think that she has some people she can rely on in Moscow, but I don't know yet. Like I said, we haven't talked much about this yet because she just took off to Moscow on Thursday, and is just returning today to her home in Vologda.
 
She and I do not expect to keep a relationship like this over the next 2 - 3 years. We expect maybe one more and half at the most before we can both live together. Who knows. I should be done with my BAS in March, and I can work on my MS from Russia.
 

Offline bleau

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2011, 03:27:34 PM »
You say you talked to this girl and she says she really doesn't like America. You can finish your degree here then live in Russia and finish your Master's.

I doubt very seriously I would do the K1 on a girl that has already told you she doesn't like America and I doubt very seriously I would try to get a Master's from a US university and live in a foreign country. When I was working on my Master's my parents were footing the bill and I was living at home, not trying to support myself somewhere else especially in a foreign country such as Russia just to be with a girl. What if this relationship failed over there after you had moved to Russia?

My ex fiance lives in Moscow and makes $12,000 a year. Her apartment cost her $900 a month, her metro pass is $70.00 a month plus her regular day to day living expenses. Do the numbers.

You're both young and I'm sure all of us on this forum hope you both have a long and healthy life. The only thing I've, per say, seen in Russia cheap was not to go there in the first place if you cannot afford it. I was not supporting my ex fiance but I was supporting her youngest daughter so she could have decent clothes to wear and more in life than.,..nothing. Because of the close relationship I have with her kid I still support her and now paying for her university education. Her mom couldn't without working more than one job.

Do the numbers on this relationship, save your money and go visit her and experience her life over there. Finish your education then see where you're both at then in this relationship. She may have other plans about her life she hasn't told you about and you may not like them. Plan on spending big bucks if you do get engaged and eventually do a K1 visa. Being in love to a Russian woman is not cheap if you plan on marrying her one day.

Just my 2 cents worth and I wish you the best of luck



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Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #12 on: May 22, 2011, 04:24:02 PM »
I completely understand what you're saying. I have been footing the bill for myself for years (college included). The K1 visa is something that I am not seriously considering. It's just another avenue.
 
Actually, I know about the salaries in Russia. I am not saying that I want to live in Russia. We have both been discussing future plans. Probably  not in America, maybe not in Russia. Most likely we will figure this out. My trip in December was for me to talk to some U.S. companies over there about a job after graduation. Also, being that my degree is in Project Management and Government Contracting, I could go to work for the U.S. Government and work overseas. That's another option.
 
Furthermore, I know that she doesn't really like the U.S. because she doesn't have family here (or many Russians in this part of Florida). But when her and I took a trip to New Orleans she told me that she would live here if she could live in New Orleans. She likes busy city life. In Vologda, she knows everyone there and always has something to do. Now that she broke up with her boyfriend for me, and has just quit her job there, She most likely won't get another job in Vologda. Her boyfriend also knows a lot of people in Vologda and has since tried to make life for her a little difficult. She recently attended Multimaltograf, where he was an organizer, and there were problems there.
 
So, to recap.
 
She and I have been talking about her going to Moscow for a few months now. She had an offer in February or March, but didn't take it because she thought she weas coming here and the job she just quit would have allowed her to take 3 weeks off. I think she was just holding out in her old job and only quit now that she is not going to be able to come here. It's not like it was 100% unexpected. But I didn't expect it without proper planning.

Offline CanadaMan

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #13 on: May 22, 2011, 07:34:12 PM »

 
So the big question is:  Do you want to forsake female companionship while saving for a one-week trip every 9 months over the next 2-3 years?  I know RW are beautiful, but I suggest a more complete life in your new apartment will make you happier.

Gator, let's not forget BluesFairy was in a 2-3+ year correspondence relationship with her husband-to-be, before they even met!
The fellow has at least met his girlfriend.

I know he's young, but just sayin'.  :)




Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #14 on: May 22, 2011, 07:43:54 PM »
LOL - Yea, we met alright. :) I am happy with my girl, but our situation (distance) is a gap we're brainstorming. We both know that we want to be together, have jobs, and live together. Finding where, when, and how is the difficult part. :crackwhip:

Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #15 on: May 28, 2011, 02:46:18 PM »
BTW - If this woman is to be my fiance or wife, how would you view this case? I think it's ok.

Offline BC

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #16 on: May 28, 2011, 02:52:44 PM »
quello che sara sara

Offline Misha

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #17 on: May 28, 2011, 02:57:12 PM »
BTW - If this woman is to be my fiance or wife, how would you view this case? I think it's ok.

If you think it is okay, then that is your business. I personally wouldn't subsidize a woman just because someday she might be my fiance who might then become my wife, but hey we are different people...

Offline Shadow

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2011, 03:19:27 PM »
First of all, do not underestimate the female mind.
If you have told her that you support your mother, she will expect you to support her as your future wife.
Her not really liking America is a plus. At least you will know you are not a mule for a green card.

Right now the situations seems ready for a train wreck. If you support her financially, you are stuck with supporting her and it is not a guarantee for a future together. After all if she does not like to go to America, and she can get to live in Moscow for free, her comfort zone will be too big to pack up and leave.
If you do not support her, it may be seen as a breech of trust, or not loving her enough as future wife. Do not forget she is in Russia now and may have lost any perspective of American life she will have had.

Your plans may be long term, but it is going to be hard to keep her waiting patiently and keeping the romance alive.
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Offline Manny

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2011, 06:51:42 AM »
Have you actually ever met this person yet?

Offline Shadow

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2011, 07:22:44 AM »
Have you actually ever met this person yet?
Спасебо. We met in the U.S. and were together for 4 months while she was here on her student/work visa.
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Offline ML

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #21 on: May 30, 2011, 08:17:42 AM »
We met in the U.S. and were together for 4 months while she was here on her student/work visa.

Perhaps only a technical point (or maybe not), but  there is no such thing as a student/work visa.

There are student visas and there are work visas.  A person here on a student visa cannot legally work (except for a few hours on campus after first year). But it is still only a student visa, not a student/work visa, and the work can only occur while the student is enrolled as full time student.

University and college students are on F-1 visa.  Vocational students are on M visa.

Seasonal workers and au pair are on J visa, while highly skilled are on one of the H type visas.

So my question to OP:

Did you see the visa pasted in her passport; and what were the letters (F, M, J, H, etc.)?
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Offline Rubicon

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2011, 08:41:46 AM »
First of all, do not underestimate the female mind.
If you have told her that you support your mother, she will expect you to support her as your future wife.
Her not really liking America is a plus. At least you will know you are not a mule for a green card.

Right now the situations seems ready for a train wreck. If you support her financially, you are stuck with supporting her and it is not a guarantee for a future together. After all if she does not like to go to America, and she can get to live in Moscow for free, her comfort zone will be too big to pack up and leave.
If you do not support her, it may be seen as a breech of trust, or not loving her enough as future wife. Do not forget she is in Russia now and may have lost any perspective of American life she will have had.

Your plans may be long term, but it is going to be hard to keep her waiting patiently and keeping the romance alive.

Wise advice!

Offline scafidi454

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #23 on: May 31, 2011, 08:32:38 PM »
I don't completely support my mother, but I am constantly trying to help everyone in my family when they need me. I don't know still what will be, but I am trying to get everything in order. Thanks for the replies.

Offline bleau

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Re: My Girlfriend Just Quit Her Job
« Reply #24 on: May 31, 2011, 09:57:45 PM »
I don't completely support my mother

But you do help your mother when she needs help. This is good because you never have but one mother.

You said you and this girl were together for 4 months, she didn't like America but New Orleans was ok for her. I personally don't like New Orleans but it is part of America. I like some parts of Russia others I don't, but they're part of Russia also but I would never live anywhere in Russia.

You have not been to Russia and experienced it or your girls life in Russia. You need to do this and seem to have plans to do so.
Would I support a girl from another country that I had spent only 4 months with that didn't like my country? no..
Would I support a fiance from another country that was still in her country and still didn't like my country? no...and I doubt very seriously I would have ever gotten engaged to her because of that. Thinking long term here now.
I was engaged to a lady in Russia...did  I support her, no but when she needed a little help and I knew she needed some help then I would help her. The engagement didn't work out for us and there are no guarantees yours would either.

A LTR is a serious investment. A serious investment needs to be thought out well with a lot of planning and thought input or it could become a bad investment and possibly end up being nightmare for you.













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