Need advice...

[gandalf34]

Hi everybody,

I am a new here and also new in the quest to find the girl for me from a FSU country.

Here is what I am experiencing at the moment. any advice will be appreciated.

I started to google and read through many sites about the dating process and the letter scams etc. But only got hold of  the professional travel scam. I have met somebody through the foreign affair. This is how everything started:

I sent her an email through the system and she replied back from her own email. She replied back a couple days later. I sent her back two emails just explaining myself and what kind of a person I am. Then I googled her and did a lot of search on her. The search didnt bring up much. I was able to find her facebook profile though. So I send a friend invite and she accepts. I ask her to talk on skype and she accepts as well. So we meet up on skype and have a great chat. I ask for her mobile she gives it to me. I call or text her so it does check out. We keep on chatting everyday for at least 2-3 hours each time. She speaks good english and has a job. (We skyped once from her office). One night she introduces me to her mother.  This has gone on for about two weeks.  I have made no mention of my financial situation or very much detail about my job. On our last talk she wanted to come to my country. (I am not in the US or Europe and a visa for her is easy to get) . So I said ok. I bought her ticket (non-refundable). To cut the story short this what I feel:

I think she probably is a pro-dater but I also thnik that she likes me. The reason I think she is a pro dater is that everything is moving so fast.

I am thinking of pursuing this as follows:

As long as I "feel" like spoiling her with small gifts or nice dinners I will do so. But if she asks for something and it is expensive I plan on saying no. Even if she does get upset. And after she goes back I will know better if she just had a vacation or if she really liked me. 

I guess it is the time we spend together that will tell it all in the end.

After reading so many scams and the like, I think I am being paranoid sometimes but better be prudent then sorry. Right?

any ideas advice? Please feel free.

PS She is 22 I am 37 and divorced with two kids...the kids dont live with me me and she knows )

[Patagonie]

I think with your experience of newbie nothing wrong to be a little paranoïd.
I think this girl is a little young. Shift to 24-25 years.
I think she is happy to have vacation for free. Great experience for her. It doesn't prevent her to have sex with you if she likes you. I didn't find a FSU woman who don't like to travel. ANY, NEVER. And i met more than 30.
It's why when you say : "I think she probably is a pro-dater but I also thnik that she likes me. The reason I think she is a pro dater is that everything is moving so fast. " I would add "it's already mi-july and she has found a special event to go abroad, which doesn't mean that she don't like you".

First rule go to see them in their country. You will reward her later.
What's your country ?
Welcome on board.
Pat

[Gator]

Gandalf,
 
 
 
Your relationship is indeed moving fast, yet there must be something that attracts each of you to the other.  I could never chat with someone every day for 2-3 hours unless there was strong mutual interest.
 
She may be looking for a vacation with someone she likes.  Nothing wrong with that IMO.  Meet her and enjoy the time together. 
 
My only word of advice is to relax and not worry about scams so much that you are scrutinizing her every word looking for deceit.  In fact such scrutiny could turn her off.  Better yet, don't worry about scams (just "delay" shopping for an expensive gift early in the meeting).   You concept about small gifts is reasonable.   If you have a wonderful time together and want to see each other again, I suggest you buy her something nice before she returns to the FSU.   

[Kuna]

Don't be too paranoid - be alert but not alarmed!

Now that she is coming to your country you should just try to enjoy your time with her and instead of focusing on whether or not she's a pro-dater you should be focusing on whether or not you have the same life goals, and whether there is genuine compatibility there.

Of course you MUST travel to spend time in her home city so that should be discussed and arranged if you are going to go any further.

The age gap is not insignificant but my concern would be whether a 22 yr old REALLY knows what they want in life and how that will change as she matures.  Personally I don't believe MOST 22 yr olds are ready to make lifelong decisions.

All the best...

[GQBlues]

Great advice given to you so far Gandalf. Heed them...
 
Curious with 3 things however.
1. You initiated and carried much of the expediency in your relationship, yet you seem to question her eagerness. Odd, no?
2. Paranoia is not synonymous with prudency. Crazy folks do not handle practical matters wisely...
3. What's the significance of '34' in your moniker?

[gandalf34]

Great advice given to you so far Gandalf. Heed them...
 
Curious with 3 things however.
1. You initiated and carried much of the expediency in your relationship, yet you seem to question her eagerness. Odd, no?

I didnt follow this..can you explain pls.

3. What's the significance of '34' in your moniker?

34 is the state number of istanbul

[GQBlues]

34 is the state number of istanbul  

I thought you're a Turk. My wife's brother-in-law is a Turk but of German citizenry. They've been married over 10 years now. They live in Germany but have relatives and a home in Turkey. My in-laws are bound for Turkey this summer for their annual holiday. Anyway..
 
>>I didnt follow this..can you explain pls.<<
 
I noted on your OP, you basically explained the chronological progressions of your relations with this gal. It read to me as though you've been 'dictating' much of the stages of your correspondence with her. Thus, I was surprised when you remarked: "...The reason I think she is a pro dater is that everything is moving so fast...."
 
For all intent and purposes, I can easily turn the tables and ask YOU, are 'you' a pro-dater?   

 

[gandalf34]

Well not really. I did send her a couple of mails maybe to see if shes interested but after our first two skype chats she wanted to talk and and also she said she wanted to come to meet me. This was the basis for my "things moving too fast"

[Kineo]

 
 
I agree with most what has been said here. Most of all to be "alert" not "alarmed".
 
From experience, I do understand how it can be easy to over analyze things.