Is it harder to find an Am. man living in the US than in Russia?

[Vasilisa]

It looks like it is.

I am a Russian living in the US, I married an American man and we got divorced. I registered in the local  dating websites, have written  to many men and have met 1 in person.

The main problem is that most American men living in the US simply don't know much about the whole process of international marriages and they don't understand many things and details and for some reason see  Russian women in a bad way.
From my personal experience it is easier to find someone living in Russia than in the US.
I'd like to know your opinion on that and that would also be nice to hear from the guys that have tried to date Russian ladies here, in the US.

[Voyager36]

I'd like to know your opinion on that and that would also be nice to hear from the guys that have tried to date Russian ladies here, in the US.

It really depends on your situation & background.
 
I've dated RW in the US though.

[I/O]

for some reason see  Russian women in a bad way.

Green card girl who simply married an American to get in the door. Desparate to get out of poverty, easy, cheap, all the rest of it? It'll take time but if you are a person of quailty, you'll rise above all of that.

The only advice (I'm not American but have spent more than a little time in USA) I can offer is don't focus on establishing a relationship / marriage etc. Focus on establishing you and if you have children, your present family. Give it time, the brightest light only shines after the fog has lifted.

[Boethius]

Join a church group, volunteer at a food bank. or for a political organization, join a book club, anything that interests you.  Making contacts, both male and female, and meeting people is as likely to find you a suitable prospect as an internet dating site.

[possum]

Hi Vasilisa,

I would imagine it's extremely difficult for a recently divorced RW already in the US to find an American man willing to marry her, doubly so if she is divorced from another AM.. Suspicions of her being a GCG will inevitably arise, and it'll be up to her to prove she's "not a camel", to use a Russian expression.. And then there is the dreaded issue of Americanization. If an RW has lived in the US long enough there a chance she could become Americanized in ways that are undesirable for those seeking marriage to a foreign hottie.

[Jack]

 

I would imagine it's extremely difficult for a recently divorced RW already in the US to find an American man willing to marry her,

       
 
 
This is not what I have seen over the years. In fact quite the opposite.  Many divorced Russian women in the states have no problem finding a looooooong list of suitors.  Now as all situations are different I can say that what I have written applies to most Russian women who are attractive.      

[GQBlues]

While this is fairly subjective, there’s enough of this I see in here in LA to be sympathetic of your situation. The fact you're Russian, given the general opinion/stigma of young Russian women, especially recent divorcees is pretty tough. The prettier they are, the harder it is for many of them to find someone who's intentions aren't just to (to borrow a phrase) 'drag a woman around' a good while.

Then to make it worst, more times than not, because of their recent divorces, most of them aren’t exactly in attractive socio-economic status. Part-time work or menial paying jobs doesn’t really cut it. So more often than not these women are ‘forced’ to live in suspect and pretty raunchy places/neighborhoods. Add that to that fact many of them aren’t very familiar with the social periphery of a given city and you’ll see things happen that we see here in LA. The quicker they realize this, the more desperate they become to find alternatives and get out of their situations. So they fall back into their primal cultural impulse – find a man to help change their social condition. A fairly deadly game for any pretty woman in LA. Many resort to working the strip joints....

Recently divorced PYTs, accent and all are nothing more than fresh meat for the wolves.

What I can tell you in the manner I’ve said to these women. Get the same attitudes many of our American women have had to do for themselves. Get acclimated to the place and society you live in. Concentrate in making ‘more’ of yourself and what you have (fairly easy still in the US for any foreigner) and don’t live your life ‘looking for someone’ to do it for you.

I can’t speak for Texas, however in I can in LA. Pretty women are a dime a dozen and great for party decorations. Pretty women with a great career and nice portfolio are perfect lifetime partners. That’s just how things are these days.

[Gator]

Pretty women with a great career and nice portfolio are perfect lifetime partners. That’s just how things are these days.
 

It seems most men are  saddled with debt  and have jobs that are not secure.  Add a past marriage, and the last thing these men can afford is someone who is a drain on cash flow.   
 
My experience with divorced RW is similar to yours GQ.  Divorced RW are able to find many men to date and maybe even cohabitate with, but I don't know any who have remarried.
 
My RW's daughter is more like Jack's picture.  She is 22-yo and gorgeous.  She has never been married or close to it.  Here in Florida, she receives plenty of attention, much of it from RM.  The RM buy her gifts while the AM woo her with inner qualities and fun activities.  No one has come close.  She is very serious and  very selective, and she will not enter a relationship without feeling that magical spark.     

[vwrw]

From my observations to  find a man locally is very easy despite the fact that many communities have bigger female population (at least around my residency) as my husband and I recently found out. I know of four FSUW who have been singles at some point of time while living in America.
First, she came here as a fiancée, got divorced after 5 years of marriage and having a child. At the time of divorce, she was 27 y.o, nice looking, slim, with education from a local college. She got remarried an AM in 1.5 years after her divorce and reportedly happy ever since.
Second, she came here on a student visa. She was 36 y.o.   a very ordinary looking woman, not so good English.  She  met a AM here and got married in 3-4 months after her arrival here. Five years later, they are still together, and as far as I know she is happy with her destiny.
Third, she came here on student visa. She was 16 y.o., exceptionally attractive girl. She got married a local RM at 18 y.o.
Fourth is a daughter of the second woman.  She would like to find a nice man, yet she does nothing at all for that to occur.
To sum up , the single FSUW of those I personally met found husbands in America without much difficulty.

[Vasilisa]

Well, I will tell more about myself.
I am 33 yo, no children, one marriage in the past, my ex doesn't hate me and doesn't tell  disgusting things about me, we still sends Christmas postcards to each other, I think he is also sorry about the way it turned out to be, right now he doesn't plan to get married anymore, sold the house and bought a small condo.

I live with a female roommate and her kids, have a job (I don't work according to the specialty), but not a high income yet. I had a higher education in Russia, MA here after ECE evalued it, but  I am planning to become a nurse one day.

Average looking, 5'2'', 115 lbs, long hair, gray eyes.
I like hiking, biking, travelling, cats, small dogs, kids, reading, cooking, going for a walk.
I have been looking for a boy friend for 1 month's time.

Do you think I have a chance?

[Gator]

To sum up , the single FSUW of those I personally met found husbands in America without much difficulty.

Similarly here for RW who came here on a student visa and then entered the workplace.  I have met 5-7 such RW at RW socials in the area.  One is a personal friend today; she worked as a well paid analyst for a large hedge fund, married a successful man her age from Dallas, moved to Florida and is now pregnant (she is very happy living the good life). 
 
As my general opinion, it seems that student visa RW on average seem to have done better in achieving "happiness" than the now divorced fiancee visa RW.  My guess is that having the independence of a well paying job has helped to place them on equal footing in relationships with AM. 

[Steamer]

From my personal experience it is easier to find someone living in Russia than in the US.

The men that go to the FSU are usually more marriage minded while in the US not so much (percentage wise).
Like my wife says: Boyfriends are easy to find, husbands are more difficult.

[Faux Pas]

Do you think I have a chance?

Oh yes and very good chance. You have not even started yet.

[Lily]

I have been looking for a boy friend for 1 month's time.

Do you think I have a chance?

One good way to determine your chances would be a link on your profile with pictures

Seriously, Vasilisa. You are searching only ONE month, and seem to be already concerned about how complicated it is to find a man in the U.S. Look, I am looking more than one year in Canada, being here on my own right and in resident status, still single and I don't even have any worries about the whole thing. No time to date right now, though, just busy with my own life. You are just starting to look, Vasilisa!

You already have this huge advantage of physically being on American land. An awful lot of Russian women on Russian dating sites don't have it, a number of them really don't have any chances to find a man in Russia. You know the dating situation there, don't you?

The whole international marriage thing would hardly concern you, because a man does not have to spend thousands on flight tickets, file the fiancee visa, get you here, etc. etc. Assume that you are a permanent resident in the U.S., you are an American woman of Russian origin now, Vasilisa.

Perhaps one remarkable thing in the dating situation here is what Steamer said:

Like my wife says: Boyfriends are easy to find, husbands are more difficult.

Eventually you may notice that Americans are not as eager to marry as Russians are. Some women discover that they could find an interesting boyfriend relatively easily, but they don't want to marry them. This would be a separate topic. One of my findings would be that children would be one incentive for American men to marry.

[Gator]

Lily, 
 
  Your advice is excellent from my perspective.
 
 

[Gator]

Do you think I have a chance?

Most definitely.   My  guess is that you are better than the vast majority of single AW in your age group, even though a little short. 

You just need to find someone with some sense of adventure and/or humor who would find RW traits interesting, and more important find you interesting and you him. 

I have been looking for a boy friend for 1 month's time.

First, don’t be so eager to find a man.   Second, it will not happen in one month and perhaps could take a couple of years. 

Just look at this 22-yo below. 

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=12011.msg236395#msg236395

She is smart, serious, and even has a deep sexy voice. I paid for her one-month membership on match.com.  She had innumerable responses.  She narrowed them to three, and all three proved lacking if not dreadful.   
 

[vwrw]

Similarly here for RW who came here on a student visa and then entered the workplace.  I have met 5-7 such RW at RW socials in the area.  One is a personal friend today; she worked as a well paid analyst for a large hedge fund, married a successful man her age from Dallas, moved to Florida and is now pregnant (she is very happy living the good life). 
 
As my general opinion, it seems that student visa RW on average seem to have done better in achieving "happiness" than the now divorced fiancee visa RW.  My guess is that having the independence of a well paying job has helped to place them on equal footing in relationships with AM.

Gator, I would not be surprised if comparing the group of student visa RW against the group of  fiancée visa RW,  we would have found that generally,  the first have succeeded better on all indicators of happiness. Coming here as a student is a more challenging venture than coming here as a fiancée. (Here I do not mean cases similar to ML’s, where the “student” has an affectionate guardian.) It takes different character to relocate to other country independently.  I believe the group of  student and work visa RW would score higher on intelligence, entrepreneurial abilities, adjustability and other good qualities than the group of  fiancée visa RW. Therefore, it is just natural that they have higher chance of fulfilling their objectives in their personal lives.

However, I do not think that a well paying job is a prerequisite for getting on equal footing in relationships with AM.  Equal number of “valuables” that each partner brings to the relationship is more important. For example, if he is a good provider, well-build, and smart, she must offer three qualities that he values as much as she values the three qualities he has.  If woman can offer as many good qualities as man can or vice versa, they will feel being on equal footing in their relationship.

[vwrw]

Well, I will tell more about myself.
I am 33 yo, no children, one marriage in the past, my ex doesn't hate me and doesn't tell  disgusting things about me, we still sends Christmas postcards to each other, I think he is also sorry about the way it turned out to be, right now he doesn't plan to get married anymore, sold the house and bought a small condo.

I live with a female roommate and her kids, have a job (I don't work according to the specialty), but not a high income yet. I had a higher education in Russia, MA here after ECE evalued it, but  I am planning to become a nurse one day.

Average looking, 5'2'', 115 lbs, long hair, gray eyes.
I like hiking, biking, travelling, cats, small dogs, kids, reading, cooking, going for a walk.
I have been looking for a boy friend for 1 month's time.

Do you think I have a chance?

You have a job, education, not fat – great!  Other important thing is the condition of your teeth. Even beauty queens have little chance to succeed with quality American men if their teeth are unhealthy or yellow.
Do you have a car? I think if you do not, it would seem weird to many, though it is just my guess.
 

[GQBlues]

Well, I will tell more about myself.
I am 33 yo, no children, one marriage in the past, my ex doesn't hate me and doesn't tell  disgusting things about me, we still sends Christmas postcards to each other, I think he is also sorry about the way it turned out to be, right now he doesn't plan to get married anymore, sold the house and bought a small condo.

I live with a female roommate and her kids, have a job (I don't work according to the specialty), but not a high income yet. I had a higher education in Russia, MA here after ECE evalued it, but  I am planning to become a nurse one day.

Average looking, 5'2'', 115 lbs, long hair, gray eyes.
I like hiking, biking, travelling, cats, small dogs, kids, reading, cooking, going for a walk.
I have been looking for a boy friend for 1 month's time.

Do you think I have a chance?    

One month! 
 
Read Lily and Gator's posts. Make yourself your number one priority, not boys, men or boyfriends. They will come. In due time, my dear, in due time. You want to be a nurse, then grab that bull by the horns and Just Do It!. Getting into a relationship now would only hinder your personal ambition's progress.
 
Easy Street is found only in a good place and that's where you need to be...

[vwrw]

they don't understand many things and details and for some reason see  Russian women in a bad way.

I personally have not noticed that many men see RW in a bad way, but I heard similar opinion from a few women.  I always advice such women not to tell that they are Russian in the beginning of new acquaintanceships. On the question where you are from, tell that you are a citizen of the world and you  do not identify yourself with any particular country.  You also may add that once your new acquaintance has formed impression of you, you will answer the question of your origin; now you do not want  stereotypes influence others’ perception of you.  Once people like you, telling them about your place of origin won’t affect their feelings toward you and will weaken their stereotype of Russians if it was contrary to what they learn about you. 

[Vasilisa]

One month! 
 
Read Lily and Gator's posts. Make yourself your number one priority, not boys, men or boyfriends. They will come. In due time, my dear, in due time. You want to be a nurse, then grab that bull by the horns and Just Do It!. Getting into a relationship now would only hinder your personal ambition's progress.
 
Easy Street is found only in a good place and that's where you need to be...

I understand that that would be better if I had a better job before I start looking, and so on, but at the same time I am still dreaming of having kids of my own and I am 33, so I don't have that much time to wait,t that's the main point of my concerns.

[Lily]

Well, I will tell more about myself.

Average looking, 5'2'', 115 lbs, long hair, gray eyes.
I like hiking, biking, travelling, cats, small dogs, kids, reading, cooking, going for a walk.
 

From my personal observations, a Russian woman who believes herself to look 'average' might rather be considered pretty in the eyes of an American man

Just think of it, a pretty woman within some 70 miles of traveling distance would be a more preferable choice for a single man than a hot woman across the ocean

[Ade]

I personally have not noticed that many men see RW in a bad way, but I heard similar opinion from a few women.  I always advice such women not to tell that they are Russian in the beginning of new acquaintanceships. On the question where you are from, tell that you are a citizen of the world and you  do not identify yourself with any particular country.  You also may add that once your new acquaintance has formed impression of you, you will answer the question of your origin; now you do not want  stereotypes influence others’ perception of you.  Once people like you, telling them about your place of origin won’t affect their feelings toward you and will weaken their stereotype of Russians if it was contrary to what they learn about you. 

Any man that stereotypes Russian women to the extent that he has something against them, is probably not someone worth having.

[GQBlues]

...
Just think of it, a pretty woman within some 70 miles of traveling distance would be a more preferable choice for a single man than a hot woman across the ocean  

That would largely depend on which part of Texas she's in, Lily.    Men may have to opt to fly halfway around the world than have to drive on some Texas towns...The beautiful state of Texas is pretty big.
 

I understand that that would be better if I had a better job before I start looking, and so on, but at the same time I am still dreaming of having kids of my own and I am 33, so I don't have that much time to wait,t that's the main point of my concerns

Of course, and that's a very legitimate concern. BUT - be careful and understand, especially with relatively younger AM (relatively compared to the average MOBer), another person's (read:woman) sense of immediateness can never be his cause of urgency. In general, AMs, like RMs, albeit for different reasons, are normally averse to lifetime commitments especially if it involves a woman who long to have children in the very near future. Not especially in a time where our unemployment rate is in the 10%+ range.
 
Besides, with or w/out a man, pursuing something for yourself NOW should make no difference in you being available for someone who might be in the same state of mind as you do.

[I/O]

I am still dreaming of having kids of my own and I am 33, so I don't have that much time to wait,t that's the main point of my concerns.

At 33 in the modern world you have all the time you need. Whilst I have more than usual respect for the Russian medics and capabilities (I don't accept all the BS about it being so medically backward, I've been treated there and we have family in the profession), it is fair to say that you have so much more at your finger tips in America. As is the case here in my country, because of the available medical care, 38 is now not uncommon for a first pregnancy. Maybe not ideal in your view but you need to consider this and relax a little.

Separately and more importantly, much better single and wishing oneself married than married and wishing oneself single. Rushing is very likely to place you in the latter group. Consider carefully and be patient. I know the latter will test you because patience isn't something I've noticed in abundance among the Russians I know and to be honest, that was quite surprising. Make haste slowly.

Many divorced Russian women in the states have no problem finding a looooooong list of suitors.

There's often a long list of wannabes hanging around any divorced woman looking for an easy hit. The question could be posed regarding the quality or suitability of such a list.

Just think of it, a pretty woman within some 70 miles of traveling distance would be a more preferable choice for a single man than a hot woman across the ocean

Logic would support this argument but I'm not convinced it is correct.