What makes you angry?

[Zhena]

Interesting to know what makes you guys angry with your girlfriend or wife. Are you patient enough or ,be honest,selfish and proud? Do you need all her attention to feel happy and will you be offended if she didnt give it to you? Sorry if I sound strange,but its intersting for me.

[Todd]

Interesting question....

Kate and I have only been together for about 18 months and only married for about 6 months, so we are in the honeymoon stage more than likely.  HOWEVER, neither of us has really gotten upset with the other person.  For example, we have yet to raise our voices in anger at each other. 

In fact, there are only a few times that I can think of when I upset her.  When that happens, she will go into the bathroom to cool off for about 30-60 minutes. (We have a very small apartment.)   For me, if I find something upsetting, I will go to the gym, workout, and figure the error of my ways...as Kate is generally correct OR I haven't understood what she was trying to say in the first place.

In terms of attention, one should never expect all of someone's attention nor should your fiancee expect that of you.  During your first year in the US, you will not only be getting married but also trying to find your way around the US.  While your husband can help, ultimately, we each have to find our own way.

Let me know if you had anything more specific in mind...

 

Todd

[BC]

a fiancee,

probably the biggest 'quirk' I noted early on is the 'no fault' attitude..

"It was not I am!" (after putting bubble bath soap in the bathtub and turning on the whirlpool pump)

We've learned to deal with it tho'.. now when disaster strikes I look at her and say "It's my fault.. right?.."  She responds with a resounding "Da!" and we both laugh.

When doing repairs or 'teknik' around the house she will often tell me I'm doing it wrong.. after balking for a while I give up and do it her way to apease.. guess what.. it usually works out just fine (to my total surprise).

Other:

"Daarlink.. we need to buy this!"..

"Honey we can't afford it right now.."

"Yes we can.. simple.. make more money!"

RU logik just can't be beat.. that's why they play such darn good chess. :D

[catzenmouse]

There are two things (so far, we've been married for just over a year  now) that upset me with Elena. One is that she does not have a lot of  confidence in herself. I know that she can do anything she tries to do  and when she does let herself she does everything she tries to do. The  other is when she says that she is stupid. This is the woman that takes  a test for the college and scores off the chart in math and science but  does poorly in English, which she has only been using again since high  school since we met in May of 2004, and gets upset because she is  stupid.

 I used to think I was a patient man but I have learned a whole  new level of patience and understanding over the last couple of years.  We don't fight about anything or have any problems with our  relationship other than the normal things that happen with any couple.  Any time a problem comes up we usually have it solved within a few  hours and it was probably caused by my not understanding what she meant  or how the thought process was working.

 Oh yeah, one thing that does piss me off consistantly is dealing  with the stupitidy of the USCIS. I work in a goverment situation and we  have more BS and idiocy than I had ever seen before until I deal with  this organization. I believe that they search the world for those with  IQ's below 20 then give them a job.

Ken

[Zhena]

There are two things (so far, we've been married for just over a year now) that upset me with Elena. One is that she does not have a lot of confidence in herself. I know that she can do anything she tries to do and when she does let herself she does everything she tries to do. The other is when she says that she is stupid. This is the woman that takes a test for the college and scores off the chart in math and science but does poorly in English, which she has only been using again since high school since we met in May of 2004, and gets upset because she is stupid.

 I used to think I was a patient man but I have learned a whole new level of patience and understanding over the last couple of years. We don't fight about anything or have any problems with our relationship other than the normal things that happen with any couple. Any time a problem comes up we usually have it solved within a few hours and it was probably caused by my not understanding what she meant or how the thought process was working.

 Oh yeah, one thing that does piss me off consistantly is dealing with the stupitidy of the USCIS. I work in a goverment situation and we have more BS and idiocy than I had ever seen before until I deal with this organization. I believe that they search the world for those with IQ's below 20 then give them a job.

Ken

You would feel stupid in another country too:) At least a first time. Because its difficult to prove that youre not worse than original citizens.

[Goldtop]

For the most part my finacee is a very temperate woman. But on rare occasions her mood turns bossy and as if she were talking to a child. Although I don't think she intends to come across that way. I tolerate this for as long as I can and then I tell her to shut her pie hole. But we have been together for 14 months and this has only happend a couple of times.

Could a man be happy without his wife's attention - no he can't. Although I think we need less of it than women do. Just a little appreciation from a woman is enough. And it is the smart woman who gives this to her husband.

[catzenmouse]

[user=743]a fiancee[/user] wrote:

You would feel stupid in another country too:) At least a first time. Because its difficult to prove that youre not worse than original citizens.

I surely would (and did feel stupid in Russia not knowing the language very well) but what I meant is that she is a very smart woman who can do anything but when she can't do something or when she makes a common mistake she is too hard on herself and says that she's stupid. It's the difference between saying that you did a stupid thing and being a stupid person. I guess I see it as if you tell yourself something enough you start to believe it so I don't like it when she says that about herself.

Did I make that clearer or more confusing?

Ken

[Zhena]

Ken,I understand very well what about you saying. Yes,I noticed that difference. Many our people are like your wife,especially her generation-they were well-bred in that way. You have to praise her more. I like that americans are not so:)

[catzenmouse]

[user=743]a fiancee[/user] wrote:

You have to praise her more.

I do! :D:D

[Moonlight]

Thats what I really hated about my exbf:(. I wish I would know the origination of this feelings like  "I am stupid", "I cannot do this"... It seems to me that Soviet schools did a lot in 70-80s for their schoolchildren to make them feel absolutely stupid, shy, complexed.... I usually call it "Soviet Junior School". Unfortunately our kindergadens did the same for children to develop diffidence, or whatever you call it... Give your wife emotinal support as much as you can, its not her fault for feeling shy and stupid, its the problem of the whole generation in USSR...

[LatinSwede]

When I was first getting aquainted with my finace, I'd get irritated when she'd spring stuff on me.  For example we'd be walking in the city and suddenly telling me to buy her something.  It's not like she was demanding high end Amrmani or Chanel Dior, it was little things.  FOr example a phone card for her pre-paid mobile.  I don't mind helping her if needed, but I didn't like the tone as if it were her birthright.  Sometimes, she'd show up at my apartment door telling me to give her money to pay the taxi guy that brought her.  Or if she needed something for the house like food or school supplies for her nephew, it was a surprise.  At first I had to make it clear that I'm not her magical ATM.  When I go out, I only have an estimated amount of Hrvni in my pocket for the day.  I told her if she needed something, to let me know in advance and not surprise me.  The Taxi issue was something I seriously talked to her about.  I'd give her enough Hrvna for the trip home and for later.  She was very understaing when I said it was for her taxi home and coming back.  Other than that I didn't mind paying the tab for her and her family when needed.  I actually like it when her sisiter and nephew accompany us in the park or a movie.  We'll see how it is when she gets on this side of the ocean.

[Voyageur]

"When she gets on this side of the Ocean", you will have to be an expert on everything conceiveable about American ways and life.  From loading DVDs (written in Russian) to understanding US kindergarten entry requirements to discussing USCIS immunization requirements to knowing where the good womens clothes stores are, and to repair household applicances  :?. 

I used to try to answer every question, but I learned that if I gave a wrong answer, there would be a small amount of hell to pay, so I learned the value of sometimes saying "I really don't know the answer."

[golden25]

Hello [user=743]a fiancee[/user]

  My RW was Lazy!!!  What made me angry with my RW was when i went to work at 7:00 AM  and had to drive back home at 8:30 to drive [ her daughter] Sasha to school while Elena stayed in bed until 9:00 or 10:00 o clock. when Elena had her own car and drivers license, not to mention Sasha could have walked to school since it was only 1 1/2 city blocks away.  but i guess sasha wearing shoes with such long heels it would be hard to walk 1 1/2  blocks. :?

[Zhena]

By the way I heard such things from many AM-about a russian laziness. Sometimes i wonder,maybe I seem to be lazy too for my fiancee:? I hope he will tell me honestly if it is so. Its difficult to understand if you have the different rhytms of life. Well,If you leaving your home so early,why this bother you,when she gettig up? I think there were the other reasons too,to consider her lazy.

[LatinSwede]

My AW southern country as cornfield ex-girlfriend had trouble getting out of bed.  I couldn't get her up with a cattle prod if I wanted to.  THen She'd get up wrried about being lae for class.  Go figure.

[golden25]

HELLO  a fiancee -

   MY RW did not realize what it costs to live in america - From what my RW told me about russian life it seems to me life there is quite simple and easy compared to here, you work and make enough money to pay your appartment rent and feed yourself. For an average american [ middle class]   we american families normally have 2 cars,  which cost money to repair if they break. a house loan payment, a gas bill, an electric bill, a water bill, a garbage bill, a cell phone bill, a satalight TV bill, doctor bills, dentist bill,  insurance payments for the --> house , 2 cars, health insurance,  property taxes, ect ect. 

  Now magine a  RW wife who did very little all day except talk to her friends via e-mail a little work on the pc for about 3 hours and exercize and watch TV the rest of the day,  and who is to lazy wash the dishes, so  after i worked 10 hours i would have to wash the dishes, it was more simple for me to wash the dishes rather than to listen to her complain about it, she was  to lazy to cook, so she made her daughter do most of the cooking, to lazy to clean so she made her daughter do  most of it.   she could however do a workout to the point where she was so sore and stiff that she could barely move the next day,  i told her you need to put the same effort into being a good house wife or a job as the effort you put into your workouts.

   Soon to be ex RW needs to find new man who makes allot more  money than i do so she can sit on her GRASNE SHZOPA all day long.  however since she is 42 years old and she's about a 6 or 7  on a scale of 1 to 10 she best start looking for a man whos about 70 to 80 years old who will think a 42 year old woman is one hot PISZDA. because a man in his 50's or 60's with than kind of money is not going to give her a second look,  hes going to go for great looking 20 and 30 year old ladies.

Das Va Donya

[Voyageur]

Another thing that I have learned, is that normal life (and normal bills) are somewhat surprising for RW.  Although my case is (so far, thankfully) much different than Golden25's, I have also heard the same types of thoughts. Life in America seems to be somewhat harder than in Russia.  It seems that entrepreneurial spririt was really alive in Russia at the fall of the Soviet Union and that many people are quite well off. I can verify this, as I saw the shops, living conditions and standard of living in her city of Stavropol.  Her view is that there is not such a large middle class in Russia, only the haves and the have-nots. And my RW is amazed at the amount of money needed for normal living in the US.  Specifically, some of the kinds of bills mentioned by golden25.

The idea of a mortgage is sort of a shock to her also.  She says (and she is right) that we do not own the house (only another 10 years to go :huh:).

So, I know from experience that you must be in a somewhat solvent postion with finances when your RW finally arrives, or it could cause problems.  It is also very important that there are no unrealistic expectations before she arrives.  I sat down and went over everything in detail with her in Stavropol, but the nature of usual US household finances is somewhat hard to grasp.

[pitbull]

Golden25
May I ask you-have you learned those nice Russian words you type in capitals from your ex RW? Or did you study Russian yourself?

[golden25]

I picked up on these words by listening to my RW's 14 year old daughter

[golden25]

hello [user=250]Voyageur[/user]

 I the case with me and my RW money was not really and issue or the problem i own part of a family business but i have to work 8 to 10 hours a day to keep all things going and clicking as they should so the business would be profitable. the problem i had was is how fricken lazy she was and her unwillingness to do anything for herself, and then expect me and her daughter to do everything for her while i would work 10 hours a day her daughter would go to school 6 hours of the day she would maybe do 3 hours of interent work and that was all she could do.   she thought herself some kind of queen and we were all her subjects.   she forgot my birthday but expects a large expensive gift for her birthday, forget our first anniversary but when i ask her do you know what today is? and i have to tell her its our first anniversary she asks what did you get for me.  its this kind of crap that p_ssed me off and i am glad shes gone:D.

funny but yet another thing that made me angry was  when she costantly told me the heater in her car was broken and she needed a new car. why because the minute she started the car it did not throw heat it only made cold air, i explained to her many many times that the engine needs to warm up before it could throw any heat, for which she explained to me that russian cars alway make heat right away, i told her no thats not correct, its because you have always gotten into a taxi that has been running for sometime before you put you Shzopa in it.

[Voyageur]

Golden,  I understand now about the financial aspect.  I also understand more about your ex-wife, she sounds much like my previous K1 woman from Ukraine that came over.  She also did nothing all day long, made constant demands and showed no equal effort in putting anything into our relationship, including affection.  When she asked to go back home, it was a big relief for me and I thanked God I was not married to her.