Trip to Odessa...

[JP5380]

Hi everyone,

So it's been about a month since I left for Odessa in late September.  It's been a busy few weeks since I returned home so it took me a while to get a report up.  Overall, my trip to Odessa was an amazing experience.  And I learned some things along the way as well.

Considering this was my first trip to the FSU, I feel like I did pretty well.  But first, I quickly realized you need to know some basic Russian if you don’t have a translator with you 24/7; which I did not have.  I did have the help of the lady and her friend while I was over there.  Without them, it would have been much more difficult.  And I mean MUCH more difficult.  They helped me find the grocery store and buy a cell phone over there.  The grocery was a life saver.

I was in Odessa for a week.  Which seemed to go by so quickly.  The first night I was sick with some sort of stomach bug.  And no, I didn't drink the water in Odessa—I always made sure to drink bottled water.  I think maybe I picked it up in the airplane on the way over. It’s hard to get enough water on the plane so I resorted to several cupfuls of lavatory water on the flight.  Maybe it was the Polish water that my system was not used to (I flew on LOT).  Or maybe just picked it up from someone else.  I don't know, but by the time Saturday night came (I arrived Sat. afternoon), I was laying on my bed with chills, fever, a constant urge to vomit, and a good case of culture shock.  Things were not looking good at this point. 

I had exchanged $200 dollars and received a handful of hryvnia.  All the bills were too large to use in small markets or street vendors.   Of course, with no Russian language skills I could not ask for smaller bills.  So I found myself wandering the streets of Odessa at night trying to find the grocery store the apartment owners had told me about.  But no look since I could not read the Russian street signs.  Finally I resorted to buying a chicken from a street vendor along with four bottles of water.  So for the next 24 hours I had a big bird and a lot of water to live on.  It was a bit comical I have to admit. 

The next few days got much better as I worked on getting over jet lag and going out for dinner with the lady and her friend.  They were great people and never tried to take me anywhere too expensive to eat.  Finally I offered to take them to a nice restaurant on Deribasovskya street.  We went to “Kompot.”  I ended up going back there four more times I enjoyed it so much. 

As it turned out I ended up spending most of the trip walking the city with the lady’s friend.  The lady I came to meet had classes during the day, so we met in the evening for dinner.  The friend is older, 40 or so, while I am 31, and the lady is 22.  The friend is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  She has been a bit of a mother figure to the lady and yes, it was important to make a good impression with her.  Which I was a little concerned about at first.  But, as it turned out, getting to know her was one of the high points of the whole trip.  She still writes to check on me and see how things are going.  What a kind woman.  Very nice.

On Wednesday night we went to the infamous opera house and saw a ballet.  What an incredible opera house it is.  Everything I heard about it was true.  It is truly gorgeous.  The following days it was more the same; I would meet with the friend, walk the city center, and meet with the lady in the evening.  During my final day in Odessa I saw the Potemkin steps.  Quite beautiful.  But, I have to say the Transfiguration Cathedral was my favorite sight of the whole trip.  My apartment was a couple of blocks away on Sadovaya Street.  I could hear the bells during the day in my apartment and loved it.

Before I knew it, it was time to leave Odessa Saturday morning.  I had breakfast with the lady, bought her a cab to school, and we said our goodbyes.  It was amazing how quickly a week went.  But when you're sick the first couple of days and fighting jet lag it takes a chunk out of the week.  I want to go back to Ukraine sometime soon, but I don't know if it will be to meet the same lady.  She's a really good, kind, and smart girl.  But I'm not sure if she is really as ready for this as she thought.  She is still young and very shy at times.  Give her time maybe.

One lesson I learned was to not get as emotionally involved as we did over the internet before meeting.  It is hard for real-life to live up to the expectations someone may have in their head.  Live and learn I guess.  But first and foremost, I have to learn some Russian before I go back!  And thanks again for all the help guys!  It was great!   

[Hammer2722]

Hey JP, Glad you made it back home ok. Sorry you got sick but my guees is you probably got sick from the tap water on the airlines. Live and learn I say.
Kompot is a very nice restaurant and a good price. I too used to eat there quite a bit.
 
If your lady didn't seem to show you much affection while you were there, you should probably move on. Did you meet her on Anastasia? If so, are you moving your correspondence with her to e-mails and away from the agency? Just curious. The great thing is you survived your first trip intact and are a little bit wiser. 

[JP5380]

Thanks for the reply Hammer.  And I think it was maybe your advice to stay with Paradis apartments.  They do a pretty good job.  It was a nice little apartment.  And yes, no more tap water on foreign airlines for me!  Also, I agree, Kompot was a nice restaurant.  And I was told "kompot" is the name of a traditional Ukranian beverage.  I think we had some.  It had little berries in the bottom.

I never used any agencies, so all contact with her was through Skype and email.  Except when we initially met on RBrides.com.  Again, I have to say what good people the lady and her friend were.  I was pleasantly surprised.  And if she doesn't work out, there are plenty of fish in the sea...

[Muzh]

Hi Jp:
 
First, your stomach bug was courtesy of flying/UA. Regardless where you fly you will be exposed to bacterias which have not yet been catalogued by your immune system. Next time you fly I promise you it will be less. Bring Pepto-Bisbol. It works wonder and IMHO better than Imodium.
 
Second, any street vendor will change big bills. If it makes you feel better, go to any cafe and order a beer.
 
Finally, were you disappointed in the girl? No chemistry? That's not a problem but, are you willing to give it a little more time? I strongly suggest next time you go there, spend more than a week.
 
Good luck and have fun.

[Hammer2722]

I agree with Muzh to give it some more time if your still interested in her. You were there only one week so you definitely need to make another perhgaps longer trip to see where it goes. I recommend going there late Spring early Summer as the beach areas will be open and there will be more activities for you to do with her.
 
Yeah, I tried the restaurants kompot. It was quite tasty.

[Shadow]

The description seems very vague, but from what I read I would have to go with the opposite of Muzh and Hammer.
If a RW is in to you, she will leave you no doubt what is on her mind. As you seem to have more than a little doubt, you might want to inform through her friend if her feelings are not enough to create a romantic relationship.

[JP5380]

Sorry if I was a bit vague about the experience with the lady.  She has barely communicated with me since my return, so all I can say is it didn't work out.  I've tried to move on and take it as a learning experience.  But I'll give a brief overview of what I experienced.

When I arrived in Odessa, it was like she was in a shell- very guarded.  She is young and inexperienced with men in my opinion.  I don't mean this in a negative light, it is just the things she told me in our prior conversations.  The entire trip she wanted the friend to be with us.  She did not want to be alone with me.  But that was not a surprise because she had explained this before I came to Odessa.  She also explained she was very nervous about my arrival.  So most of the week I felt like I was trying to break down her wall and find the wonderful, kind person I had seen so many times on Skype.  And believe me, we had developed quite a bond before the trip.  And by the last night, I thought things were really starting to click.  Her friend thought the same too.  During our last dinner with the three of us, the lady asked if I would want to go to breakfast with just her before my plane left the following afternoon.  And the breakfast went well in my opinion.  Or at least I thought..

But after I returned, I have had almost no communication from the lady.  Only a few sentences in an email explaining she is too busy to talk.  Just recently the friend asked me in an email, " Has _____ written you?  She barely communicates with me now."  So the only thing I can conclude is that the trip didn't go the way the lady was hoping and now she doesn't know how to face me or her friend about the situation.  And I don't blame her- I'm sure it is very awkward.

Well, like they say, " live and learn."  I will probably not let an online relationship get that involved before we have a chance to meet in real life.  Also, having more than one lady to meet might be a good plan.  So, those are basically my thoughts about the experience.  But, I have to admit, it was quite an adventure and I'm glad I went!

[Daveman]

Well, like they say, " live and learn." I will probably not let an online relationship get that involved before we have a chance to meet in real life.  Also, having more than one lady to meet might be a good plan.  So, those are basically my thoughts about the experience.  But, I have to admit, it was quite an adventure and I'm glad I went!

Heya JP... my first over 'there' trip was to Odessa too. Luckily I had a month to blow... my flat was sort of near that seaside obelisk memorial (Afghanistan? not sure, but the nearby park also had a memorial to that war with all the names of the young men from Odessa who gave their lives for the cause)... just out of curiosity, did either of them show you the "pecker" statue?  heh, I think it is Pushkin, but I can't really remember at this point.. but I think it is along that seaside walkway ..  The most interesting place for me were the Catacombs... that was amazing. 


Yep, it's a great idea to keep the emotions in check until after you meet.  But, as you say, chalk it up to experience and you have a great experience to chalk up!  Even if you don't put a lot of effort into learning Russian, a few phrases and learning to read the Cyrillic alphabet makes a world of difference... the little portable translators are a pain, but can be a godsend in an emergency.   


BTW, you also brought back a fond memory of the Beeg Cheekeen.  The lady I met disappeared for a while as I settled into the flat and returned with one of those street vendor chickens... I devoured that think like a starving fox... so after that, almost every day she would ask me "you want beeg cheekeen?"  heh... damn, it cracks me up thinking about it...


Glad you had a good time and aren't moping around.... suit yourself, of course, but next time, you might want to hook up with a woman at least 25-26...  opinions vary, obviously, but with any younger than that, it's really a roll of the dice as to how flaky she'll be.


Dave

[Muzh]

Glad you had a good time and aren't moping around.... suit yourself, of course, but next time, you might want to hook up with a woman at least 25-26...  opinions vary, obviously, but with any younger than that, it's really a roll of the dice as to how flaky she'll be.


Dave

Hey JP, I'll ditto that many times.
 
A 22 babe is just that, a babe.

[Hammer2722]

More than likely, she was an inexperienced or new pro-dater who was disappointed that you were not willing to spend big bucks on her. Its like Shadow said, you will definitely know if a FSU woman really likes you. They will have no reservations about being intimate. In all honesty, I think you should limit your search to a minimum age of 27-28. Many women ages 21-25 are still in school and in the party single mode and not sure what they want yet.
 
I would also try to find a woman who speaks English well. This rules out the need for an interpreter and allows the opportunity for more one-on-one time with your lady.

[Faux Pas]

Sorry if I was a bit vague about the experience with the lady.  She has barely communicated with me since my return, so all I can say is it didn't work out.  I've tried to move on and take it as a learning experience.  But I'll give a brief overview of what I experienced.

When I arrived in Odessa, it was like she was in a shell- very guarded.  She is young and inexperienced with men in my opinion.  I don't mean this in a negative light, it is just the things she told me in our prior conversations.  The entire trip she wanted the friend to be with us.  She did not want to be alone with me.  But that was not a surprise because she had explained this before I came to Odessa.  She also explained she was very nervous about my arrival.  So most of the week I felt like I was trying to break down her wall and find the wonderful, kind person I had seen so many times on Skype.  And believe me, we had developed quite a bond before the trip.  And by the last night, I thought things were really starting to click.  Her friend thought the same too.  During our last dinner with the three of us, the lady asked if I would want to go to breakfast with just her before my plane left the following afternoon.  And the breakfast went well in my opinion.  Or at least I thought..

But after I returned, I have had almost no communication from the lady.  Only a few sentences in an email explaining she is too busy to talk.  Just recently the friend asked me in an email, " Has _____ written you?  She barely communicates with me now."  So the only thing I can conclude is that the trip didn't go the way the lady was hoping and now she doesn't know how to face me or her friend about the situation.  And I don't blame her- I'm sure it is very awkward.

Well, like they say, " live and learn."  I will probably not let an online relationship get that involved before we have a chance to meet in real life.  Also, having more than one lady to meet might be a good plan.  So, those are basically my thoughts about the experience.  But, I have to admit, it was quite an adventure and I'm glad I went!

Knowing when to "cut bait" is an art many guys in this pursuit just simply and plainly do not possess. Her reception of you at your arrival says a lot and rather than go back and point out the flaws, let me just state I have no doubt, she is not interested in you romantically.


She is probably a very lovely and nice girl. It sounds as if she did entertain you during the length of your stay. That says a lot about her character but, that doesn't change her lack of interest in you.


Don't take it personally and it has little to nothing to actually do with you. You were not what she expected and the chemistry online is easy, it's making the transition to a personal meeting that fails more often than not.


Learn from this and I would encourage you to help insure the next time you travel for the first meeting, she knows you. She knows you because you've have communicated openly and honestly with her prior to the meeting and she with you. I am not referring to exchanging a few emails or a few skypes. You have to dig twice as hard as hard with her as a local woman. Likewise you have to offer up everything to her of her inquiries. Leave nothing to chance. It's a long way to travel only to discover, you didn't know this woman at all. Due diligence is a must or probably 90% of the meetings are a waste of your time. Communication, openly, honestly and often

[Misha]

She did not want to be alone with me.  But that was not a surprise because she had explained this before I came to Odessa.  ...


I will probably not let an online relationship get that involved before we have a chance to meet in real life.

The latter is a good idea, but IMHO it is best to avoid women who tell you in advance that they will never be alone with you when dating   

[Hammer2722]

The latter is a good idea, but IMHO it is best to avoid women who tell you in advance that they will never be alone with you when dating 

+10!!!!!!!

[JP5380]

Okay guys, thanks for the advice.  I agree, I knew 22 was a bit young, but I figured maturity depends on the individual.  And I think it does.  But in general, yes, girls that age can be flaky.  I'm 31, so I figured it was was not that wide of an age gap.  But there is a lot of maturing that occurs during the 20's.  And it may have had nothing to do with maturity.  Maybe the chemistry simply was not there for her.  No shame in that.

And of course, no point in dissecting the whole situation, but she never said before my trip "I will not be alone with you."  It was more of a "lets get adjusted to each other in the company of my friend and see where it goes" sort of thing.  It is hard to explain the intricacies of a relationship through a few paragraphs, but we knew each other about as well as you can, considering we had never met in real life. 

Anyway, I'm trying to chalk this whole situation up as a learning experience.  Plus it was a great adventure while I was over there.  And like they say, "plenty of fish in the sea."  Especially the Black Sea! 

[Misha]

It was more of a "lets get adjusted to each other in the company of my friend and see where it goes" sort of thing.

You are making excuses for her    In my experience, Russian women whether 20, 30 or 40 go on dates alone  They would be afraid that if they like the guy, that he would fall for their friend if they had her tag along

[ML]

Okay guys, thanks for the advice.  I agree, I knew 22 was a bit young, but I figured maturity depends on the individual.  And I think it does.  But in general, yes, girls that age can be flaky.  I'm 31, so I figured it was was not that wide of an age gap.  But there is a lot of maturing that occurs during the 20's.

You are right that the age gap was not too wide.
And you are right that maturity depends on the individual.
In  my work, I interact with a lot of young 20 year old professional men and women who are very very mature, have clear goals in life and are doing all the right  things to be successful.

However, when considering a potential marriage partner, generally best to 'go with the odds.'
In this case, that  means move up higher in the age range for the gals that you  pursue.

[Hammer2722]

I absolutely agree with Misha. My girlfriend refuses to introduce me to some of her more beautiful girlfriends for this reason but in my case she is afraid her friends will like me and want to steal me from her.

[GQBlues]

JP, Thanks for the report...
 
Curious...Did you have to 'pay' the lady friend for her time? How/where did you meet your 'gal'?
 
I'm glad to hear that at least you have seen the virtue of not getting too emotionally invested in women you haven't yet met. It's easier to leave your heart at home when taking these maiden trips and getting more of an objective view of any situation you'll be facing with.
 
Good luck next time.

[Muzh]

You are making excuses for her    In my experience, Russian women whether 20, 30 or 40 go on dates alone  They would be afraid that if they like the guy, that he would fall for their friend if they had her tag along

So Misha, were you a reporter on the scene?

[Misha]

So Misha, were you a reporter on the scene?

It is easy enough to infer what happened simply based on what was reported    It is not that complicated: dating IMHO in Russia or elsewhere in the FSU is not that different from home. A woman who is seriously looking for a man, will not insist on bringing along a friend to a date either in Canada or in Russia. Sure, she will take precautions as to her safety, but this will invariably man meeting a guy in a public locale, let's say for lunch.

[Muzh]

It is easy enough to infer what happened simply based on what was reported    It is not that complicated: dating IMHO in Russia or elsewhere in the FSU is not that different from home. A woman who is seriously looking for a man, will not insist on bringing along a friend to a date either in Canada or in Russia. Sure, she will take precautions as to her safety, but this will invariably man meeting a guy in a public locale, let's say for lunch.

What surprises me is that you feel so absolutely certain about that. Wow.

[alex330]

 IMHO in Russia or elsewhere in the FSU is not that different from home. A woman who is seriously looking for a man, will not insist on bringing along a friend to a date either in Canada or in Russia. Sure, she will take precautions as to her safety, but this will invariably man meeting a guy in a public locale, let's say for lunch.

My fiance and I had an interpreter (my terp) with us on our first date. She felt more comfortable with another woman around as she was nervous.
She was not totally secure in her english ability (even though it is perfect) as well, so this made her feel at ease having the other terp with us. It was more casual and easy going this way.

But sure, generally you want to try to spend one on one time together.

[Misha]

What surprises me is that you feel so absolutely certain about that. Wow.

Yes. Of all the dates I had in Russia, only one young woman brought her friend.

[Muzh]

Yes. Of all the dates I had in Russia, only one young woman brought her friend.

That doesn't change a bit my statement.

[Misha]

That doesn't change a bit my statement.

I should have written "You LIKELY are making excuses for her." Me bad. Or do you believe somehow that it is standard for women to only go on dates accompanied by friends?