Sponsoring the Parents

[Bruce]

Any reasonable plans or other options you guys can think of for how to get the FIL and MIL covered (health insurance) if my wife brings them over (sponsors them).   It turns that over time out they do want to see our daughters / other family here grow up etc. ?    We are married for seven years now - everything A ok.

[GQBlues]

I've resigned to the notion that one way or another it'll likely cost us at least $20k/year (minimum) to bring her parents here to live with us. I say minimum because that's so far the 'least' amount of health coverage cost I found to cover both of them at their relative current ages...(yup, there goes my retirement country club membership) This is over and above everything else.
 
Medicare entitlements carry with them a mandatory 10-quarter employment before getting any types of benefit in the program. Even then, not all of it's programs will be available for them.
 
Contrary to what many *thought*, Obamacare doesn't extend to newly arrived sponsored immigrant/s. Also, immigrant Parent/s is/are not considered 'dependents' on any individual's employer-based health coverage.
 
If you own a company and thereby can employ your in-laws, you may be able to add them to your group coverage BUT be prepared to a) at least pay them the minimum wage as required (fulltime) and even then, still face a higher cost for premiums, and b) be dinged with higher renewing premiums as they will likely be needing medical care/attention because of the age/s.
 
Here's a good cursory info that you may find useful.
 
http://www.insubuy.com/guide/new-immigrants-medical-insurance-plans.jsp
 
Dunno. It seems tickets to Mexico, coupled with a map through the southwest borders is a viabe option for complete health coverage under the current immigation laws / social programs we have right now. Otherwise, be prepared to part with some good amount of cash.
 
(Note to newbies: Marry within your border, or move to Canada.)

[ML]

This is a topic (the extremely high cost of supporting her family in one way or another) that has not gotten nearly enough coverage on these discussion boards.

[GQBlues]

Of course.
 
Normally folks only worry about crossing bridges at the sights of raging waters...which is both ironic and hilarious at the same time that topics such as saving a few silly dollars in getting better exchange rates for their dollars, or logging in additional flight layovers to get the cheapest airline rates/apartment rentals, etc. or seeking in Ukraine to avoid the cost of visa to Russia, get a lot more ink than certain inevitable consequences of these relationships like this topic. LOL.
 
If it isn't already painfully obvious, such is life when the little head do the most of the thinking...the good thing is, you at least found a way to rid of those carcinogenic agents and at the same time found a way for wifey to slow down the aging process.... 
 
 
 

[Bruce]

GQ - excellent information there.   The question then becomes how do all the sponsored parents get health care without paying anything, because I know the majority of families can not pay.    Are they all comming in on refugee status???     If you make below the poverty level you supposedly can not sponsor them, so how are they getting here and what really is going on?    Where is our immigration lawyer on the board to tell us the way around what appears to be a miserable reality for all of us e.g. sponsor them because you have to and roll the dice................and most of us do not roll the dice willingly  !

[Chicagoguy]

I have a medical problem with my wife. I am retired so there is no employer insurance. Her English isn't good enough yet to find a job with health benefits - if there are many left.
What I must do now is pay cash and get a 50% discount for any Dr. or hospital procedure. And for serious/big money problems she goes home to Russia. That $1000 ticket is less than 1 day in American hospital.
And then I pray there is not an unexpected emergency.

[GQBlues]

Bruce-
 
We know of a couple who sponsored her mother yet not gotten her insurance. He's got tons of $$ and had taken her to those Urgent Care centers for minor attendance and check-ups and paid cash. The hubby reasons that he'll dole out the money in the event of a more serious situation. Luckily for them (so far) she hasn't had any cause to seek greater care.
 
Anyway, in certain instances, there's an equitable trade-off. For instance, using our situation as an example; if wifey and I have our child, the cost of day care will undoubtedly offset 'most' of the cost of their premium. Additionally, there's the 'wife-in-bad-mood' factor. Finding the cure for those is worth 'some' monies...
 
Wifey's parents are still relatively 'young', which is why I've held strong that they at least 'learn' basic English prior to 'arriving' so that they can learn the language 'easier' upon arriving and thereby acquire some 'light' employment. Few things this will hopefully generate: a) Contributions to their social program chest, b) possibility of acquiring medical coverage via employment, which would technically put them within the Obamacare radar, c) last but not the least, get better acclimated with their surroundings..
 
Anyway, as of right now, both my wife and another Russian woman she works with, also in the same situation like the many, 'SEEM' to believe their company's HC provider qualifies 'parent/s' as 'dependent/s' (which she can then add in her program) as long as we/anyone can 'prove' the parent/s are in fact 'fully dependent upon her/us'. This will be immensely helpful, and likely the best option, if true.
 
btw- there's a link in that site I gave above that actually have a section that can give you quotes based on your specific entered information. It's pretty humbling...
 
All these being laid-out, in our situation, there's still a possibility they may actually end up in Toronto simply because of this. I am told it will be less of a problem for them get health coverage under Canada's program. My SIL and hubby are Canadian citizens, so, if true then I will be thankful for the greater Canadian citizenry for picking up this tab for me. They can still be freely open to 'be with us' in great frequency.
 
 

[Chicagoguy]

My last wife died after 35 years of a happy marriage. Her medical/hospital bill was $1.2 million. So there can be incredible risks with health care.

[BillyB]

Any reasonable plans or other options you guys can think of for how to get the FIL and MIL covered (health insurance) if my wife brings them over (sponsors them). 

 
I think parts of Obamacare will start up in 2014. I haven't kept up with it if they'll keep all, some, or none of it.
 
 
For little illnesses, you can go to the local medical clinic. If something costs too much and one has no insurance and can't pay, they can go to the emergency room and they will be seen and won't be refused treatment. That's how a lot of illegal immigrants do it. Everybody has access to medical care in America and I think our government helps hospitals out when people aren't paying in exchange for them not refusing patients because they can't prove they can pay.
 
 
If one racks up huge medical bills as Chicagoguy mention and one doesn't have insurance, bankrupcy is an option.

[Bruce]

I am not getting involved with this - potentially financially suicidal so not touching it.   I am strongly discouraging this at this point so as far as I am concerned it is something wife will have to do on her own.

[ML]

I am not getting involved with this - potentially financially suicidal so not touching it.   I am strongly discouraging this at this point so as far as I am concerned it is something wife will have to do on her own.

So how will your decision/attitude play out with your wifey?
Too early to tell?

[vwrw]

If I were going to bring my mother here, I would buy her an insurance where the insurance company pays not entire bill but only what exceeds a certain amount. This kind of insurance plan is not very expensive.   

[GQBlues]

I am not getting involved with this - potentially financially suicidal so not touching it.   I am strongly discouraging this at this point so as far as I am concerned it is something wife will have to do on her own.

I understand your perspective from a financial standpoint, Bruce. I haven't yet touched on the subject of Long Term Care insurance / Life Insurance, and these are things that doesn't yet include meeting their daily needs, clothing, food, shelter, etc...
 
But this is a reality for 'most' international marriages. We've had this discussion on this very site before and I pointed out why, from our personal standpoint at this time, it was so important if they (in-laws) could at least 'learn' to speak English so they can 'help' put in a little bit into the system for their social healthcare. My MIL is stubborn and is resistant to invest the time to learn as much as FIL had done so far.
 
I was told that *I* should learn Russian instead. LOL. Chrissakes, like that would help at all even if I became fluent...
 
Like I've said before, many of the men if not most, complain how broke they are due to their past relationship with AWs (LOL), then they go headlong into international relationships because of it. If that isn't silly enough, they count pennies as to how to save monies from currency exchanges while in FSU, apartments vs hotels, yada, yada, sincere women vs. women only looking for a happy meal...TFF So many AMs run so hard away from something without so much as giving it a thought they may in fact be just running in circles. 
 
Of course, you can also stick with the notion - out of sight, out of mind - and keep them in FSU. Only if you can convince wifey of it....the lesser evil predicament.

[Vaughn]

Excellent discussion. It's come up before on RWD, but rarely. Years ago when jb was an active participant he posted something like (and I paraphrase), "Marry the FSU woman and you marry her family" with the implication being that the prospect of a parent (or two) eventually relocating to the West is one to be considered seriously.
I've felt the possibility for six, maybe seven years now. It has never come up in conversation but one day I fully expect to be in Bruce's shoes. I've got some homework to do.

[calmissile]

Excellent topic and responses
It not only affects the parents of wifey but wifey and daughter as well.
The link you posted is very valuable as it condenses many of the answers into one place.

http://www.insubuy.com/guide/new-immigrants-medical-insurance-plans.jsp

Does anyone have any clue about the quality of medical care in Mexico?  For me in So. California, Mexico is a lot closer than her native Ukriane if she needs medical attention.  I have neighbors that go to Mexico for dental services because it is so much cheaper than the US.

Having surgery might be another matter..... I have no idea.  Anyone out there have any info on quality of medical care in Mexico.

[OlgaH]

Yes. Unfortunately our parents don't get younger when with every year we get more wrinkles and more gray hair 

Every year I pray harder and harder for my mom she would stay healthy, would not slip and fall, would not catch a cold...  A thought if something happens to her and I'm thousand miles away is just killing. Every day I tell her how much I love her. Every day I send her massages with kisses and hearts telling her that we are OK. Skype is a great invention but you can not give a hug...     

[OlgaH]

Of course, you can also stick with the notion - out of sight, out of mind - and keep them in FSU.

I don't know how much a person should hate his/her parents to stick such notion as ... 

Due to some circumstances a guy in his early 20s were staying in our home for several days... He said that for those several days we did for him more than his family for his 20 years. His family is a sad story...  and looks like his family has stuck exactly with "out of sight, out of mind"

[calmissile]

Olga,
From your profile I can't tell which country you live in or your native country.

If that's your photo, you certainly are a beautiful woman and your husband no doubt thinks so also

Tomorrow I will start inquiring about medical for my fiance and her daughter.  I don't think I can put them on my retirement medical, but will check.  In any case, the premiums are likely to be very high.

If her mother and adult son come to the US later, it will be the same issues as this topic started with and might require some alternate solution such as going back to Ukraine or Mexico for medical care.  Our medical costs in the US are outrageous and none of the politicians seem to address what the root cause is.  They just want to keep paying the costs whether it comes from the citizens directly or through the government indirectly.  No one addresses why the costs have risen so much or where the money is going.  It certainly is not in the pockets of the doctors anymore.

[ML]

No one addresses why the costs have risen so much or where the money is going.  It certainly is not in the pockets of the doctors anymore.

Short answer:  Lawyers.

Long answer:  Attorneys.

Lawyers cause direct costs through lawsuits.

Attorneys cause indirect costs through additional medical testing done to try to prevent lawsuits.

Both of these costs are borne by patients.

[GQBlues]

I don't know how much a person should hate his/her parents to stick such notion as ... 

Due to some circumstances a guy in his early 20s were staying in our home for several days... He said that for those several days we did for him more than his family for his 20 years. His family is a sad story...  and looks like his family has stuck exactly with "out of sight, out of mind" 

 
I said that more or less with tongue in cheek. The lesser option of what we discussed already was if we were prepared to shell-out +/- $3 grand/mo, then what will this equate in terms of general living and care if they decided to stay in Russia. How much will that kind of money stretch for 'our' folks?
 
 
I can't speak for anyone else but I'll give folks a glimpse of my personal situation. Wifey was 21 years old when she arrived, and like everyone else, I would've loved to have started my own family then. I was so looking forward to a kid or even two not long after.

But how fair would that have been for her, for her parents, and how selfish this would have made me if I took from her an opportunity to get her degree and personally invest in her own future? How many times do we hear men complain how their ex-wives, after getting married at an early age and popping a few kids immediately after, are only after their monies when their women reach the age of 40 and are now being divorced? But I digress...

 
Fast forward, now wifey is in a very good state of security. With me, or on her own. By extension, so do her parents. I am still trying to navigate her course to even smoother waters as I am negotiating with my boyhood friend, who is also our current accountant and investment partner, to strike a deal for wifey to someday take over his accounting firm and retain his client base. My buddy is presently involved in other business venture 'back home; and had been seriously contemplating of 'retiring' and giving up his accounting business here. If this works out, then wifey will definitely be in a very good position, one of which would be immensely helpful in our cause to look after Mumski and Popski, and maybe even hopefully, our very own family.

 
I asked my wife last year if she and her two other sisters ever discussed their parents future. Her 2 older sisters are married. Both are housewives. Both seemed content in remaining as such. So who's better prepared to care for the folks? Yup...we are. When she replied they haven't, I suggested they better. Now everyone is in a better state of awareness.

 
We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination. But what my wife and I have, and what we've earned since we've been together, should meet any future expense with respectable implications such as her parents' care - gawd willing...but that's not say even with that, it won't be difficult.

Just like everything in life, you take this one step at a time. My wife's as important to me as her parents are to her, so by obvious default, I'm doing everything I can to make sure we stay the course and put myself, and all of what I hoped to achieve when I first decided to get married before, as a 'part of' and no longer as 'the only' reason why I married....
 
 
oh and btw, we're lucky in that both my in-laws are not drinkers nor smokers. Smoker premiums can go as high as twice the cost of coverage...healthcare, longterm care, life insurance, etc....plus the darn cost of cigarettes itself. Heck those alone is $6/pack. A pack/day smoker can already cost anyone $2,200/yr. LOL. Imagine that.

[OlgaH]

Olga,
From your profile I can't tell which country you live in or your native country.

calmissile, I'm just from FSU  and thank you for the compliment.

No one addresses why the costs have risen so much or where the money is going.  It certainly is not in the pockets of the doctors anymore.

Depends on a doctor. Look for example for Dr. Michael Rosin, Sarasota, Florida.

A real story I witnessed. A nurse came to a doctors office and said - "Doctor, we can not charge any more for this procedure".  (Their patient they were talking about was on medicare). The doctor told her to check some other boxes in the list and ask the patient to sign  and  they would cover the cost with another procedures. 

Short answer:  Lawyers.

Long answer:  Attorneys.

Lawyers cause direct costs through lawsuits.

Attorneys cause indirect costs through additional medical testing done to try to prevent lawsuits.

Both of these costs are borne by patients.

So, ML, who is responsible for misdiagnosed cancer? for unnecessary surgeries performed? for amputations of wrong limbs? for prescribed wrong medicine that put a person on a death bed and so on? 
   

[pitbull]

 
Fast forward, now wifey is in a very good state of security. With me, or on her own. By extension, so do her parents. I am still trying to navigate her course to even smoother waters as I am negotiating with my boyhood friend, who is also our current accountant and investment partner, to strike a deal for wifey to someday take over his accounting firm and retain his client base. My buddy is presently involved in other business venture 'back home; and had been seriously contemplating of 'retiring' and giving up his accounting business here. If this works out, then wifey will definitely be in a very good position, one of which would be immensely helpful in our cause to look after Mumski and Popski, and maybe even hopefully, our very own family.

 
 

GQ,
Those calculations may change when you have a kid or t5wo of your own. Imagine choosing between investing in your kids' future (college fund, private preschool, activities etc.) and paying off your MIL and FIL expenses.
 
If you have enough money for both - good for you. Very few people do however.
 
Also, will they live with you and your wife? Will you buy them their own house/rent an apartment? If they come with their own money that would help as well.
 

[OlgaH]

 
I said that more or less with tongue in cheek.

That's OK but for some people "out of sight, out of mind " is a problem resolution. That's also why we have orphanages.

Fast forward, now wifey is in a very good state of security. With me, or on her own. By extension, so do her parents.

I suppose your wife's parents are not so old and can take care of themselves. My mom also is still working after her retirement. But I know a day will come and  we will have to make a choice. And better to think about it before and now.  Honestly, I will not be able to take her to the mountains  and leave her there to die     

[GQBlues]

GQ,
Those calculations may change when you have a kid or t5wo of your own. Imagine choosing between investing in your kids' future (college fund, private preschool, activities etc.) and paying off your MIL and FIL expenses.
 
If you have enough money for both - good for you. Very few people do however.
 
Also, will they live with you and your wife? Will you buy them their own house/rent an apartment? If they come with their own money that would help as well.

Having sent someone through college recently, boy don't I know how much that cost, pitbull (LOL). But yeah, you are spot on about how a few notable events can impact the best laid plans. Sometimes it may only take one thing to happen to directly impact our present course. This won't be easy, but I don't think it was ever meant to be.
 
Planning and preparing for her folks to move here is, in more ways than one, akin to planning and preparing for my wife coming here before - only with greater costs implication. Fortunately, the offsetting factor for that now is wifey's income, which, for all intent and purposes, was one of the reasons why her continuing education was vital for both of us. I just knew a day will come where this will be a huge component of our future together. Additionally, we've also set aside contingencies for some unforeseeable condition in the form of savings, investments, and a venture I undertook to generate a very modest income that doesn't factor into our daily expense today. So in essence, I can comfortably support a family with my income alone and fortunately right now, wifey can modestly support 'a family' with her income alone.
 
This way, we aren't reliant to what her sisters and their hubbies can or cannot do to help.
 
As for living arrangements, we've dealt with that segment and a 2nd home is likely the path we'll be pursuing soon. The present market made this decision fairly easy for us. The one constant is, having them live 'close' to us, but not 'with' us.
 
The extent of their total worth lie in the value of their present home. If (When) they live here, then they'll likely need to sell that home and whatever money they get out of it, I wish my wife and I no part to any of it. It won't be much relative to what it'll mean here anyway and besides, Popski worked hard enough all his life raising his family that it's just as well he enjoys a little of the fruits of some of his labor. Why not, eh? Besides, he said his dream is to go back and spend a whole month in Hawaii with Mumski - on their own, LOL. He'll need a little bit of money for that, so there you go. Gotta love the guy...
 
 

I suppose your wife's parents are not so old and can take care of themselves. My mom also is still working after her retirement. But I know a day will come and  we will have to make a choice. And better to think about it before and now....

They're still relatively 'young', which is a good thing I suppose. However, as I get 'older' myself I begin to realize that unlike the finest wine, the cost of living doesn't get any better with age.

[OlgaH]

However, as I get 'older' myself I begin to realize that unlike the finest wine, the cost of living doesn't get any better with age.

Oh, the cost of living issues existed long before us. Probably these issues came with the first money along with additional moral and ethic dilemmas into the life of human civilization 

Do you remember the novel "The Years Are So Long" by Josephine Lawrence or  a 1937 drama film "Make Way for Tomorrow"?