My wife is lazy!

[WV]

We got married 2 years ago. Now 2 years later I am still the only one working. She was studying the language first, and now she went to university and probably is going to keep studying and not working for another 4-5 years.

At the very beginning we made an agreement, that as long as I am the only one working, she will be the one doing all the house chores. In the beginning she didn't clean at all. She came from her parents home where her mom would do everything so she is spoiled. Her parents just gave her money and never made her do anything at all, so she barely finished high school because of lack of discipline. She has very big problems with discipline. I want her to wake up every morning at 8-9 am and be productive. Clean first, finish all the work, and then she can do anything she wants. But when she didn't have to study she would get up at 10-11-12, then go to the PC, and only get off it by 5 pm to clean the kitchen quickly before my arrival from work. So on most days the kitchen is clean when I come home. The rest is cleanish by her standards (not by mine), but I must always remind her when I run out of socks or underwear, so she would do the laundry, and then she still may forget to do it. By my standards our place is not clean enough, but I am tired of arguing about it so I just let it go most of the time. Sometimes I get very angry about it though.

Anyway, now she is studying at university and I offered that I would cook, because she must study a lot now. And I do cook, but she still doesn't clean very often by my standards and I feel our place is dirty. She finds our place OK.

But I must say she does give me lots of affection, love, hugs and kisses, but she doesn't clean very often. And when I get angry I think of divorcing her because of it. But when I calm down, I don't want to divorce her.

What should I do?

[ML]

Welcome Aloe's husband to the forum.

Now we will hear the other side of the story.

I would suggest withholding sex from her until she does a better job of cleaning.

Start small with this.  She cleans a particular room, you will provide a particular type of sex.   And so on.

[tfcrew]

Uhhhh... to the forum [I guess].

The other post notwithstanding...where do you guys live?

Curious,
Karl

[BC]

Could be a touch of depression.  Adjustment varies from couple to couple and can run into years.

Of course doing things together is a lot better than doing them alone.  Make washing the dishes a fun task for you both.. try it.. one washing, the other drying and putting away.. was fun here with the whole family involved.. done in a jiffy.  I complained when we got a dishwasher..

Who is making all that mess anyway? My wife always complains that the kids and I do not pick up after ourselves..  after a recent three week stint home alone with the kids I've come to agree with her.

Housework is a thankless, boring job.. instead of all the bitchin' and moanin' we just got a maid that comes two times the week for a few hours to do the big stuff, windows, bathrooms, dusting and floors.

[BC]

Could be a touch of depression.  Adjustment varies from couple to couple and can run into years.

Oh.. and what I call 'adjustment' applies to all involved..

[GoodOlBoy]

....instead of all the bitchin' and moanin' we just got a maid that comes two times the week for a few hours to do the big stuff, windows, bathrooms, dusting and floors.

Same here in Miami....except she comes once a week (no kids).
She is Spanish and does a wonderful job (cheap enough too!)
We pay her cash, probably illegal? (don't ask, don't tell) 
Only negative....gotta' hide the guns and jewelery.
 
GOB

Just curious WV.... How old is your wife?

[acrzybear]

gotta' hide the guns and jewelery.
 
GOB

That must take some time 

[GQBlues]

...What should I do?..

Did your wife came with a money-back guarantee? If so, return her and get a different model. 
 
Yeah, it appears many of them, if not 'most' love their sleep, my wifey included. She once told me the perfect amount of sleep for her is 11 hours/day. That was hilarious....
 
I'm not sure however why all this house cleaning issues are even an issue. Moreover, I don't understand the appointment, the division of labor, the obligatory delegation of duties, schedules of work, I do this if you do that, etc..yada,yada,yada. When something needs cleaning in the house, I clean it. I cleaned before I got married. I cetainly can clean now even after. Marriage didn't have an impact on this otherwise very simple chore.
 
Now granted, when wifey frst arrived and prior to having her personal calendar filled, she cooked some and cleaned aplenty. But even in those times, I cleaned the house along with her. My pet peeve is a dirty kitchen and sinkful of dirty dishes. That drives me batty! Wifey had a habit before of drinking tea and leaving the cups on the sink with a little bit of tea left in it. You know, just enough to leave a tea stain at the bottom and the sides. I made my point, cleaned them and made her see how idiotically simple it is to rinse them to avoid the cups from being stained.  She got the point and none of this happens anymore.
 
Those changed a bit when she started school. Gotten even worst when she started working & kept with school. But this I fully understand. This year, I did ALL of the chores for the most part..shopping, domestic duties, etc...because she simply doesn't have the time...
 
Bottom line is,  I kept a neat crib when I was a bachelor and just because I got married, doesn't mean I've forgotten how to do these things anymore. I actually like housework. If you established a routine system, it doesn't take that much time at all.

[Kineo]

 
 
You will probably get some opinions here. But couples counseling my help more.

[pitbull]

Anyway, now she is studying at university and I offered that I would cook, because she must study a lot now. And I do cook, but she still doesn't clean very often by my standards and I feel our place is dirty. She finds our place OK.

What should I do?

If by her standards the place is clean, then it's your problem if it's not clean enough for you. You want it even cleaner - go ahead and clean or hire a maid.

[Muzh]

Did your wife came with a money-back guarantee? If so, return her and get a different model.   
 

Or better yet, change maid service. Obviously, this one is not "working" out.
 

I'm not sure however why all this house cleaning issues are even an issue. Moreover, I don't understand the appointment, the division of labor, the obligatory delegation of duties, schedules of work, I do this if you do that, etc..yada,yada,yada. When something needs cleaning in the house, I clean it. I cleaned before I got married. I cetainly can clean now even after. Marriage didn't have an impact on this otherwise very simple chore.

I don't think that was his original agreement.

[CanadaMan]

We got married 2 years ago. Now 2 years later I am still the only one working...
And when I get angry I think of divorcing her because of it. But when I calm down, I don't want to divorce her.

What should I do?

Get up a few minutes earlier and drive her to university.
She'll appreciate that and may start cleaning house more regularly. 

[Eduard]

Get up a few minutes earlier and drive her to university.
She'll appreciate that and may start cleaning house more regularly. 

that's a solid advice. In a relationship one has to learn to give 200% without expecting anything back.  It might take a little time but if she is a decent person she will appreciate that extra effort you are doing for her and feel guilty not to reciprocate in some way. When you stick her nose into it by saying "I do all this for you, you could at least do this for me" (and I'm not saying that you do that, just speaking in general) women don't react well to that. Like I said if she is a decent person with values you can get through to her by doing more for her, being totally unselfish. She will notice and will start giving back.

[GoodOlBoy]

Or better yet, change maid service. Obviously, this one is not "working" out.
 

  Damn Muzh.
 
I thought I just saw you on FOX, downtown with the OWS crowd?
They say everybody in this world has a twin. 
 
GOB

[Misha]

She came from her parents home where her mom would do everything so she is spoiled. Her parents just gave her money and never made her do anything at all, so she barely finished high school because of lack of discipline.

Unless she decides that she wants to change, there really isn't anything you can do. Unfortunately, men too often don't understand or want to understand that women don't magically change once they put on a wedding ring. If she cleans to her satisfaction, then so be it. If you want it cleaner, you will have to do it yourself (or as others have said hire a maid).

The rest is cleanish by her standards (not by mine)

Simple solution: lower your standards. In the long run it will be cheaper than a divorce 

But I must say she does give me lots of affection, love, hugs and kisses, but she doesn't clean very often.

See previous comment.

What should I do?

Nothing. Learn to live with dust bunnies    At the end of the day, there are worse things that wife could do than not clean house to your standards...

[GQBlues]

...I don't think that was his original agreement.

Yeah, darn those silly fine prints! LOL...
 
As for the OP, I am under the belief the adage, "do as as I do, not as I say" is much more effective.   

[Gator]

WV,
 
 
 
No disrespect intended, yet this is a little issue. You have received some good suggestions, go with them.
 
Life is too short and a marriage too precious to let this upset you.   Relax.  Think about all of her positive attributes and tell her how much you love her.
 
I find this issue also peculiar because most RW I know are immaculate housekeepers.  Then again my standards are rather relaxed.  Maybe your wife would prefer to set up in my house?!     (a joke)

[BillyB]

The rest is cleanish by her standards (not by mine), but I must always remind her when I run out of socks or underwear, so she would do the laundry, and then she still may forget to do it. By my standards our place is not clean enough, but I am tired of arguing about it so I just let it go most of the time. Sometimes I get very angry about it though.

 
Welcome to the forum WV,
 
It's possible you could be a clean freak and require a much cleaner home than most us men. Before you got married, was your house much cleaner?
 
 
I'll take your word that you and your wife had an agreement before marriage on who does what and I'll take your word that she is not disciplined. The question I have is when you run out of underwear, do you go to work with without underwear or wear old underwear? 

[Jumper]

With university and learning a new language ,country, and culture, I'm not sure i'd define her as lazy..
 
If so,lazy people need love too....
and find it in most cases rather easily.
 
So you have to decide if you love her, for who she is, or not.
 
 
 She should consider the arrangements you discussed beforehand as well, but life and relationships are fluid and those type of things are usually not set in stone for a lifetime.
 It's up to you to decide if it's some deal breaker for you personally.
 
 
 

[Maxx2]

Life is too short and a marriage too precious to let this upset you.   Relax.  Think about all of her positive attributes and tell her how much you love her.
 

Solid gold advice.

[Muzh]

Hmm. Where is the troll WV? Seems he is hard at "work" in the house.

[Muzh]

Okay WV; assuming you are not a troll, let me ask you some questions.
 

We got married 2 years ago. Now 2 years later I am still the only one working. She was studying the language first, and now she went to university and probably is going to keep studying and not working for another 4-5 years.
 

She will be studying for the next 4 - 5 years. You make it sound as it is a bad thing for her to educate herself. Am I wrong in my observation?
 
 

At the very beginning we made an agreement, that as long as I am the only one working, she will be the one doing all the house chores. In the beginning she didn't clean at all. She came from her parents home where her mom would do everything so she is spoiled. Her parents just gave her money and never made her do anything at all, so she barely finished high school because of lack of discipline.
 

You made an agrement with a girl who has no discipline. Why are you surprised about the outcome? Do you happen to have a magic wand that would "cure" her discipline immediately?
 
 

She has very big problems with discipline. I want her to wake up every morning at 8-9 am and be productive. Clean first, finish all the work, and then she can do anything she wants. But when she didn't have to study she would get up at 10-11-12, then go to the PC, and only get off it by 5 pm to clean the kitchen quickly before my arrival from work.
 

Does it matter what time she wakes up to clean your house as long as it is done by the time you arrive? Why is that? Also, what is it that she can do after she cleans your house?
 
 

So on most days the kitchen is clean when I come home. The rest is cleanish by her standards (not by mine), but I must always remind her when I run out of socks or underwear, so she would do the laundry, and then she still may forget to do it. By my standards our place is not clean enough, but I am tired of arguing about it so I just let it go most of the time. Sometimes I get very angry about it though.
 

What were your cleaning standards before you married your wife? Was your house spotless? If it was, then you have a gripe.

Anyway, now she is studying at university and I offered that I would cook, because she must study a lot now. And I do cook, but she still doesn't clean very often by my standards and I feel our place is dirty. She finds our place OK.

Ok, so what is stopping you from cleaning your house to "your standards?" Or was this your original agreement that when you married this girl she would come to your house to clean it spotless? Don't you think a maid is cheaper?
 

But I must say she does give me lots of affection, love, hugs and kisses, but she doesn't clean very often. And when I get angry I think of divorcing her because of it. But when I calm down, I don't want to divorce her.

Imagine that, her using the old trick of giving lots of affection, love, and hugs and kisses in order to get from her maidly duties. What a schemer. The nerve of that girl.

What should I do?
 

My best solution for your problem is for you to grow up. If you don't, you are at the risk of losing a loving and affectionate wife.
 
BTW, where do you live? Because I hope there are millions of loving and affectionate girls there waiting to move in to clean your house to your standards.

[Muzh]

P.S. You didn't say how many hours you slave at work. Do you work 12 hour shifts?

[Kineo]

 
I am beginning to think we either scaried the guy off or we got trolled.
 
 

[Muzh]

I am beginning to think we either scaried the guy off or we got trolled.

I'm with you there, bud.
 
There is that possibility that you can hear a faint pop of a balloon.