FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

[Maxx2]

I got this thread on my board from a guy who entitled it:


"A broken man looking for help"

Hello, I apologize in advance for a long post but I need to put this in writing to make sense of it. I met my "wife" (we shall call her F) online on a dating site. Normal conversation and texts ensued. And pretty soon we met. The first date was amazing and lasted 7 hours. We talked and talked. She was in the caretaking business and lived not too far away. We started seeing each other everyday and I fell for her. HARD.

She had two children from two different fathers but I did not care. She especially despised her most recent ex (we shall call him J) She constantly told me how he was a loser, abusive, free-loader and sat home all day while she worked two jobs. How he treated her daughter badly (J is the father of her son)

The relationship was not sexual but very passionate. She repeatedly showed interest in sex but with two kids and a full time job, we barely had time to meet. This continued for two and a half months or so. During this time she slowly revealed to me that she was illegal in this country. Also, that she was still in fact, married to her daughter’s father in Costa Rica.

Love makes a man blind, and I blindly fell into the depth of her deception. All was good and I had an upcoming trip overseas. I was gone for a week while she was answering my call everyday. She sent me e-mails while I was gone about how she missed me. She was supposed to pick me up from the airport but when I landed, she was gone! In hind sight I’m sure that was god's way of trying to protect me, but at that point I was absolutely devastated. She never, to this day, offered a real explanation. She just said she had decided she wanted to be with J. After everything she told me about him, it was a shock to say the least.Life goes on. I was hurt. Really hurt. But I survived.

 I'm form an east-Indian heritage and I had gone there for a cousins wedding. My mother is a severely Indian woman and has been bugging me to married in an arranged way for years. After F chewed my heart and spit it out, I decided that maybe the arranged way was better. I agreed to my mothers next proposed Indian bride and posted it on facebook to make it official, I was going to marry a stranger......But wait, Suddenly, F sends me an e-mail about how she's happy for me but surprised I moved on so soon. Several E-mails back and forth, about how she regrets everything and was truly sorry, how she made a big mistake, how I was the best thing that happened to her and she was stupid to leave me.... And I fell for it again. Don't judge me, I truly love this woman.

 I met her and I clearly told her I was done with games. I told her if she wanted to be with me she would need to commit and marry me. Plans were made and that led to a chain of events that lead me to my darkest days. I moved to where she wanted to live as soon as I could. She implied that she was hiding our contact from J as he could go crazy and hurt her. I spent a considerable amount of money renting a new place near where her daughter goes to school. the month or so we were planning this "secret" move, She was very flaky, constantly saying she couldn't do this to him, she felt bad, she wasn't sure. I kept the faith and kept going. She finally moved on the set date and suddenly we were together. I was finally with the woman of me dreams and we were going to get married soon. My god had answered my prayers. I felt truly blessed...........That is precisely when the shit hit the proverbial fan.

 From day one she was cold. Distant. She said she needed time and I was practically a stranger. How she felt horrible to leave J and all that jazz. I was as respectful as I could be and gave her time. She became overly distant. She was VERY, VERY secretive from day one. Who she calls, who she e-mails, who she meets, where she goes and where she is till late at night was not "my business". She was constantly talking about J. He became a tangible real person living with us in our house. She constantly compared me to him in every way, constantly telling me how he was so much better. I could have left then, but I was in love you see, and she made sure I thought everything was my fault. I was bleeding money and was in constant pressure. I had alienated all my friends and family for her and the "told you so" attitude made me not tell anybody.

 Sure I got angry, there were fights, but she blamed me for everything and I blamed myself too. We spent a fortune trying to get her Green Card. I discovered another husband. A cousin of hers she married for papers but never filed. Wonder what happened there. So first, we got a lawyer for her divorce. We were intimate maybe two or three times in the first five months. I started losing it. Thinking I had messed things up.

 She says she was a different person now, she said I was not the man for her. But she never left. She constantly complained about her job. To the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I was planning on opening a business with my mother and told her to just quit so we could build our business together. She did so in a heartbeat. Before I knew, I was the sole provider for her and her children. The business plan fell through. My mother heard her screaming at me over something trivial like a mad woman and decided she did not want to support me while I supported an abusive woman. I had no money, lost my shot at a business, cashed in my 401K and went from comfortable to constantly penniless. I had to leave the house we were renting to a dingy apartment far away, losing a big sum in deposit, because we were now poor.

We got married in January of this year.

Things were still bad and there was no intimacy, love or happiness. But we had a sort of peace and the few moments we spent in Vegas were good.

 Two days after we got back from Vegas, she picked a useless fight and decided she would sleep in the kids. Three days after getting married, my wife stopped sleeping with me. Not that we were intimate, but now she made it obvious.

She was on the phone. ALL DAY, texting, she was out late all the time and any questions were met with a nasty "you're not my dad" “not your business". She had always been cold but now she got overly insulting. Telling me how I was physically inadequate, not what she was "used to". Telling me how J was so much better and ten times the man I would ever be. I could go on and on about the tremendous amount of emotional and mental abuse thrown at me.

We found out that there was a problem with her immigration. Apparently my loving wife was a convicted shoplifter. Crime of moral turpitude you see, so another lawyer and another bunch of money spent to fix that before we could proceed. She even pulled her work crew while we were together and never told me. Made me wonder how many other skeletons were buried in her closet.....She started claiming that she was clear she never loved me. She led me to believe that I needed to help her for my own good? It was truly, truly a nightmare.

During this time I went to Costa Rica to meet her mother. When I got back, her attitude towards me got even worse. I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I yelled, I screamed. I punched walls and banged doors and turned into an animal I never was. I never hurt her. She attacked me. Twice. Once nearly choking me to death and really trying to kill me. I could not understand how and why my life went to the hell it had become.

 I left. I couldn't take it anymore. But I was still in love.

She kept telling me I left her "alone and hungry" without money and support. I was paying all the bills while I was gone. She has been getting child support for a year that she has been hiding from me. And I was working two jobs. I am a Bank manager and I spent my evenings bussing tables at a local curry house. And DJing at weddings. Just to support her. She said she wanted to "work on our relationship" and "save our marriage" but I needed to come back before that happened. Then she manipulated me by insinuating she will sleep with J if I don't return. During this time I had added her to my cell phone plan and I was able to see her usage. 100 texts per day to J. everyday for months. I am not exaggerating. I have print outs. I came back and she started warming towards me. She claimed she understood her texting J so much was not right and she needs to slow down. But they have a child together and need to talk about him.

Her interview was set up and she was getting nicer by the minute. The texts slowed to a stop and her attitude was warm and inviting. The interview happened two days ago. She was the picture of a perfect, loving wife. She even kissed me. The first time in 7 months.

And then I chanced upon her phone. The messages to J are in Spanish and I don't speak Spanish but I recognized words like Amor, Amorcito, and Mi Corazon. The last text was "Sorry mi Amor, What's his face is around" I'm guessing the what's his face is. Me. She now claims I saw nothing. That I don't understand her culture. That she talks that way to "everyone".

 The interview is pending one more document and a review. She is still not sure of her green card. I am broken. She keeps telling me it's my fault, I’m paranoid I’m too jealous. Am I crazy? Have I lost my marbles here? I might not be the biggest catch out there but I am honest and I provide. I work hard and make sure my responsibilities are taken care of. She is panicking but she keeps telling me to believe what I want to believe. I know this is my last chance to pull my affidavit of support. I am unsure, heartbroken, depressed and feel lost..........

[Gator]

Three points:
 
1.  This man is beyond help (99% of all men would not tolerate such behavior in the beginning much less again and again).
 
2.  The story suggests that a bad Hispanic woman is worse than a bad RW.
 
3.  At least she did not call J "mi caballo."

[viking]

This man needs more help than a few years in therapy.

[GQBlues]

".... I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I yelled, I screamed. I punched walls and banged doors and turned into an animal I never was. I never hurt her. She attacked me. Twice. Once nearly choking me to death and really trying to kill me....."
 
 
LOL. I cannot for the life of me visualize a woman's hands wrapped around a man's neck applying enough pressure to actually choke a man helplessly to death. What tangled web we weave... I wonder if the wife was doing this while he was comatose watching Sunday football and was to pre-occupied to notice. One hand on a glass of beer and the other on the remote...

[Maxx2]

".... I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I yelled, I screamed. I punched walls and banged doors and turned into an animal I never was. I never hurt her. She attacked me. Twice. Once nearly choking me to death and really trying to kill me....."
 
 
LOL. I cannot for the life of me visualize a woman's hands wrapped around a man's neck applying enough pressure to actually choke a man helplessly to death. What tangled web we weave... I wonder if the wife was doing this while he was comatose watching Sunday football and was to pre-occupied to notice. One hand on a glass of beer and the other on the remote...

Oh GQ she was probably one of those Costa Rican Amazons and he a slight man.

[OlgaH]

Oh GQ she was probably one of those Costa Rican Amazons and he a slight man.

or he was just enough smart not to push away her. God forbid if she got just one bruise or even broke her nail he would be handcuffed