Psychology..nefarious intentions..Master and slave

[Aloe]

Sounds like you are depressed. Go see a doctor. Really, medication may help.

FWIW, I ran wild too in my teens and only really started to get my life in shape at 21. Now I have an awesome life, a good job, a really nice home (we just bought a new house that is being built and will be finished in March) and an incredible wife. We travel when we want more or less.

There's nothing stopping you from getting to a similar place either. Just try to be patient. And go to bed earlier.

I don't believe in antidepressants, or depression for that matter. It is all self-inflicted. If i really wanted i could choose to be a happy person I dunno why im not doing that. I tried going to bed earlier, no matter what time i went to bed, i always wake up at 10 or 12. I just dont have anything to get out of bed for Whenever i wake up i just wanna go back to bed, cuz there is nothing im looking forward to today.

[Chicagoguy]

I don't believe in antidepressants, or depression for that matter. It is all self-inflicted. If i really wanted i could choose to be a happy person I dunno why im not doing that. I tried going to bed earlier, no matter what time i went to bed, i always wake up at 10 or 12. I just dont have anything to get out of bed for Whenever i wake up i just wanna go back to bed, cuz there is nothing im looking forward to today.

If this isn't a perfect descripton of depression I don't know what is.

[Ade]

I don't believe in antidepressants, or depression for that matter. It is all self-inflicted. If i really wanted i could choose to be a happy person I dunno why im not doing that. I tried going to bed earlier, no matter what time i went to bed, i always wake up at 10 or 12. I just dont have anything to get out of bed for Whenever i wake up i just wanna go back to bed, cuz there is nothing im looking forward to today.

Well, clinical depression that requires medication exists whether you want to believe in antidepressants or not. Trying to be positive may help but sometimes, a chemical imbalance exisits in the brain which needs to be treated. Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to get some advice.

Or perhaps you're just a spoiled brat that's suffering from delayed culture shock.

[SANDRO43]

Aloe, if you like music, you might consider buying yourself a cheap acoustic guitar and learn to play on your own.

It's not an impossible feat, I did it when I was about 30 just with the aid of a little booklet showing the fingerings for the most used chords (see page example attached) and practicing one hour after dinners, you have more time available IINM .

[veritas]

I don't believe in antidepressants, or depression for that matter. It is all self-inflicted. If i really wanted i could choose to be a happy person I dunno why im not doing that. I tried going to bed earlier, no matter what time i went to bed, i always wake up at 10 or 12. I just dont have anything to get out of bed for Whenever i wake up i just wanna go back to bed, cuz there is nothing im looking forward to today.

Aloe -- you sound just like ME at this same time last year, when I was very depressed ... 

Kevin

[Muzh]

I don't believe in antidepressants, or depression for that matter. It is all self-inflicted. If i really wanted i could choose to be a happy person I dunno why im not doing that. I tried going to bed earlier, no matter what time i went to bed, i always wake up at 10 or 12. I just dont have anything to get out of bed for Whenever i wake up i just wanna go back to bed, cuz there is nothing im looking forward to today.

Wow, this is so typical of the majority of RW I've met here.


"This is NOT depression. This is self inflicted. You Americans are so soft you cannot deal with reality. He wants to control me with happy pills." Etc. etc. etc.


There is no worse blind than the one who will not open their eyes.

[Gator]

Well, clinical depression that requires medication exists whether you want to believe in antidepressants or not. Trying to be positive may help but sometimes, a chemical imbalance exists in the brain which needs to be treated. Anyway, it wouldn't hurt to get some advice.

True.  There are other explanations, such as  Aloe may be suffering from boredom. 
 
From what I recall, Aloe's married life has been repetition of repetition.  Aloe needs a break perhaps.  Hell, we all could use a break.
 
 
Aloe, rather than listen to other people assess your condition, why not take a self-test.  This is one of many:
 
 
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/a/depress_test.htm
 
The mother of my two sons suffers from clinical depression.  Her condition became worse over the years.  Her symptoms were classic:  sadness, loss of interest in heretofore pleasurable activities, sleep problems, listlessness, loss of concentration, etc.   Eventually she starting taking medication to improve the balance of neurotransmitters.  With medication she became competent again.
 
She was convinced that I too was depressed.  She insisted that I take meds.  In an attempt to save our troubled marriage, I started taking meds on a trial basis.  Based on my response to the meds, a psychiatrist concluded:  I was not depressed but exhibited all the symptoms of a someone married to a depressed spouse.  He said, "Let her go."

[GQBlues]

....Much more romantic to feel the woman left the care and comfort of her country and family to be with him!!

LOL. Funny, I thought this was 'discussed' not too long ago. IIRC, the trend word was 'sacrifice'.
 
 
Aloe-
 
You're the last person I would think would be in a depressed mode, not with your personality. Find yourself a friend/companion, or two, and start adding other activity in your daily calendar.

[Aloe]

Aloe, if you like music, you might consider buying yourself a cheap acoustic guitar and learn to play on your own.

It's not an impossible feat, I did it when I was about 30 just with the aid of a little booklet showing the fingerings for the most used chords (see page example attached) and practicing one hour after dinners, you have more time available IINM .

i wanted a piano, but hubby said no  But realistically, i dont know if i would use it. Back home i bought myself a super expensive electric guitar and used it twice in 3 years.

If this isn't a perfect descripton of depression I don't know what is.

Well, Chicagoguy, what do you and everyone else feel like when you wake up in the morning? Is there something you look forward to every morning when you wake up? I doubt it. Not every day. What is there to look forward to every day?
I dont remember ever waking up and being excited about the new day. Just a mere thought of responsibilites like going to school and work depress me, especially in the morning

True.  There are other explanations, such as  Aloe may be suffering from boredom. 
 
From what I recall, Aloe's married life has been repetition of repetition.  Aloe needs a break perhaps.  Hell, we all could use a break.
 
 
Aloe, rather than listen to other people assess your condition, why not take a self-test.  This is one of many:
 
 
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/a/depress_test.htm
 
The mother of my two sons suffers from clinical depression.  Her condition became worse over the years.  Her symptoms were classic:  sadness, loss of interest in heretofore pleasurable activities, sleep problems, listlessness, loss of concentration, etc.   Eventually she starting taking medication to improve the balance of neurotransmitters.  With medication she became competent again.
 
She was convinced that I too was depressed.  She insisted that I take meds.  In an attempt to save our troubled marriage, I started taking meds on a trial basis.  Based on my response to the meds, a psychiatrist concluded:  I was not depressed but exhibited all the symptoms of a someone married to a depressed spouse.  He said, "Let her go."

I didnt lose interest in activities. But nobody wants to do these activities with me. I wanna travel so badly. Or go for a really long walk somewhere. An old acquaintance wrote how he like nearly crossed the US from south to north on foot last year, took him several months, i was so jealous. I wanna do something like that tooooooooooo. Walking doesnt require much money. But hubby isnt interested. If he travels, he just wants to lay on the beach and make me tan.

And yes i am very very very bored 
By the way, test says i'm depressed, but i think i just need a new hobby, just dont know what.

You're the last person I would think would be in a depressed mode, not with your personality. Find yourself a friend/companion, or two, and start adding other activity in your daily calendar.

Thanks. I dont like other people much, except hubby. Hubby is nice.
I like silence. People are mostly annoying. And i dont know what to say to them.

[Ade]

Aloe, instead of focusing on problems, on what you don't have and what you can't do or can't afford, you should define some goals. Goals that you really want to achieve. Yes, like walking across the US is that's what you really want. Then focus on what you need to do to get there, even if the "what" requires several years of effort, it is better than wallowing in self pity and getting nowhere.

Also, go to bed earlier. And see a doctor.

[Aloe]

Aloe, instead of focusing on problems, on what you don't have and what you can't do or can't afford, you should define some goals. Goals that you really want to achieve. Yes, like walking across the US is that's what you really want. Then focus on what you need to do to get there, even if the "what" requires several years of effort, it is better than wallowing in self pity and getting nowhere.

Also, go to bed earlier. And see a doctor.

I cant go alone, ill get raped  Men are too fluffin horny. And that's universal, no matter where you go.

[Ade]

I cant go alone, ill get raped  Men are too fluffin horny. And that's universal, no matter where you go.

You're focusing on problems again instead of solutions. If you want to go, there are always people that would want to go with you. Or, you could buy mace/pepper spray. Or arrange to meet internet friends along the way in their city and be chaperoned in their areas or... there are always answers if you look.

[GQBlues]

...And yes i am very very very bored     By the way, test says i'm depressed, but i think i just need a new hobby, just dont know what.

 
Then get a horse. Not only to ride but to care for them. It's a large undertaking, but darn worth every minute you spent on them. Trust me, nothing can inspire you to get up early in the morning than a horse who couldn't wait to see you....so long as you have that bucket of apples/carrots with you.
 
 
I'll go out on a limb and tell you if you and hubby are looking to go somewhere different for a short vacation, then our house is open to both of you. We'll be glad to show you folks around La-La Land. You'll need only worry about the airfare and wifey and I will gladly take care of the rest (as long as it's not one of those month-long vacations, LOL).

[Ade]

Well, Chicagoguy, what do you and everyone else feel like when you wake up in the morning? Is there something you look forward to every morning when you wake up? I doubt it. Not every day. What is there to look forward to every day?
I dont remember ever waking up and being excited about the new day. Just a mere thought of responsibilites like going to school and work depress me, especially in the morning

The only time there hasn't been something to look forward to is when I've been utterly depressed and deep in despair. I have food allergies; if I eat something by mistake, depression can set in and it's a constant battle then to keep focused on the positives rather than negatives. I've found that it helps to list the things that I should feel good about even if at that moment I feel really shit about everything. Like, my awesome wife. How lucky I am that we met and that she loves me. My good job. My nice house. Reminding myself that I'm in a depression and that it will eventually pass helps. Knowing that I feel that way because of a chemical thing helps.

[Aloe]

You're focusing on problems again instead of solutions. If you want to go, there are always people that would want to go with you. Or, you could buy mace/pepper spray. Or arrange to meet internet friends along the way in their city and be chaperoned in their areas or... there are always answers if you look.

You are right. Maybe people in rural US are better with controlling their horniness than people in Moscow.

So how does one go about stopping wallowing in self-pity?

I have a goal, i need a stupid diploma. I hate this goal though. But without a diploma i feel like an unworthy human. Which is pretty stupid, but that's how society treats you.

[Aloe]

Then get a horse. Not only to ride but to care for them. It's a large undertaking, but darn worth every minute you spent on them. Trust me, nothing can inspire you to get up early in the morning than a horse who couldn't wait to see you....so long as you have that bucket of apples/carrots with you.
 
 
I'll go out on a limb and tell you if you and hubby are looking to go somewhere different for a short vacation, then our house is open to both of you. We'll be glad to show you folks around La-La Land. You'll need only worry about the airfare and wifey and I will gladly take care of the rest (as long as it's not one of those month-long vacations, LOL).

That's very sweet, thanks. Not gonna happen though, hubby won't go for it and i'm studying, so don't have any vacation except xmas and easter. And even then ill need to sit and study and not go on vacations, if i wanna pass the exams.

Horses aren't an option. I'd be happy to learn to take care of myself. Let alone a horse. Too big a responsibility

[Aloe]

The only time there hasn't been something to look forward to is when I've been utterly depressed and deep in despair. I have food allergies; if I eat something by mistake, depression can set in and it's a constant battle then to keep focused on the positives rather than negatives. I've found that it helps to list the things that I should feel good about even if at that moment I feel really shit about everything. Like, my awesome wife. How lucky I am that we met and that she loves me. My good job. My nice house. Reminding myself that I'm in a depression and that it will eventually pass helps. Knowing that I feel that way because of a chemical thing helps.

Something to look forward to, like what for example??
I have to get up, go study, then come home, more study, and clean. There is nothing going on except studying and cleaning. And i walk around knowing i have to study and clean and do laundry. And that haunts me all the time. Especially now, im sitting on the forum instead of studying, i feel very bad about it, and feel very burdened and obliged to study. But thinking of it every minute that i should be studying instead of this, is also an extra burden.  There is nothing but burdens all around

[Nat]

Aloe, it'd be so interesting to see your outfit, which freezes your butt in the mornings and makes all men wanna rape you  It must be something really HOT
Seriously speaking, I understand you completely! I've always hated getting up early in the morning too! And it doesn't matter when you go to bed - there are just owls and early birds. If you're an owl - you can't change yourself. But really, after you get your education, believe me, you'll be able to choose your schedule yourself. Just don't apply for jobs which require early getting-ups and look for those which allow you to have a flexible schedule or late start, that's all

[Aloe]

Aloe, it'd be so interesting to see your outfit, which freezes your butt in the mornings and makes all men wanna rape you  It must be something really HOT
Seriously speaking, I understand you completely! I've always hated getting up early in the morning too! And it doesn't matter when you go to bed - there are just owls and early birds. If you're an owl - you can't change yourself. But really, after you get your education, believe me, you'll be able to choose your schedule yourself. Just don't apply for jobs which require early getting-ups and look for those which allow you to have a flexible schedule or late start, that's all

I found a solution for that. I wear leg warmers and a long coat to the knee. Since my boots are knee length, i tuck my legwarmies in the boots and pull the top of them over my knees, which isn't visible because the coat is knee length, and below the coat are only the boots visible.  That way im nice and warm, and when i arrive at destination, i roll the leg warmers down Nice, pretty and warm. Do they also wear leg warmers in Russia these days? These are really popular in Belgium.

[Ade]

Something to look forward to, like what for example??
I have to get up, go study, then come home, more study, and clean. There is nothing going on except studying and cleaning. And i walk around knowing i have to study and clean and do laundry. And that haunts me all the time. Especially now, im sitting on the forum instead of studying, i feel very bad about it, and feel very burdened and obliged to study. But thinking of it every minute that i should be studying instead of this, is also an extra burden.  There is nothing but burdens all around

Like coming home to my wife. Like looking forward to that movie that just came out or that new episode of Dexter. Making a nice dinner to enjoy with my wife. And yes, even helping my wife clean. Even the little things like looking forward to a coffee in the morning can add something. Every little thing helps to make life worth living if you want it to.

[BC]

Something to look forward to, like what for example??
I have to get up, go study, then come home, more study, and clean. There is nothing going on except studying and cleaning. And i walk around knowing i have to study and clean and do laundry. And that haunts me all the time. Especially now, im sitting on the forum instead of studying, i feel very bad about it, and feel very burdened and obliged to study. But thinking of it every minute that i should be studying instead of this, is also an extra burden.  There is nothing but burdens all around

You are in what's called a 'rut'..  Believe it or not, I wouldn't mind being able to study full time.  I'd actually enjoy it.

Remember.. 'This too shall pass...'  In the meantime you should feel good about your studies so pat yourself on the back every now and then!  Studying is sort of like saving... It's tough to save money, but the small bits do add up over time. You have a goal and the means to get there.. that in itself is more than what many have.

[GoodOlBoy]

I'll go out on a limb and tell you if you and hubby are looking to go somewhere different for a short vacation, then our house is open to both of you.

Same here Aloe!
 
If you are ever in our neck of the woods (Miami) you are more than welcome to stay with us.
 
Marina has had several of her girlfriend's from Omsk and Moscow stay here.
 
We have had a blast!
 
Seriously.
 
GOB

[kmin]

I cant go alone, ill get raped  Men are too fluffin horny. And that's universal, no matter where you go.

If you wanted to take a hiking trip here in the US, I think your chance of being attacked are very, very, very, low.  Not many bad people in the country and parks, almost all are in the cities.  Also you could join up with other women or married couples who want to make the trip or even find a club that was going as a big group.

[SANDRO43]

i wanted a piano

What for, considering...

Back home i bought myself a super expensive electric guitar and used it twice in 3 years.

A keyboard, maybe second-hand, would be much less costly. Anyway, it seems that being musically creative is not in your strings .

[Nat]

I found a solution for that. I wear leg warmers and a long coat to the knee. Since my boots are knee length, i tuck my legwarmies in the boots and pull the top of them over my knees, which isn't visible because the coat is knee length, and below the coat are only the boots visible.  That way im nice and warm, and when i arrive at destination, i roll the leg warmers down Nice, pretty and warm. Do they also wear leg warmers in Russia these days? These are really popular in Belgium.

Yep, they're very trendy here now, I have several pairs