The first meeting: To "interpreter" or not to "interpreter"?

[jeancarlos_fer]

Hey Experienced guys out there!

I'm making my first trip to Ukraine next month to meet the lady of my dreams!
I'm feeling a bit anxious about this because this is the first time I'm going to meet a lady (with romantic purposes) that doesn't speak good English (or Spanish for what matters).
We have been chatting in Skype for sometime and she does a good job with some basic phrases and answering  my greetings, etc. The rest of the time we use the writing box and google to translate back and forth. I have suggested that we should have an interpreter in our first and second meeting to make our conversation more fluid and clear. However she insists we won’t need interpreter. She says she wants our meetings to be warm and private and she feels an interpreter would make the meeting too official and cold.
My question to the public is what's your experience in dating a girl with little or moderate level of English?
Does the interpreter help or on the contrary make the situation even more clumsy and awkward?
Of course the answer is obvious if the lady doesn't speak English at all. But how much some English is good enough?

To (use) interpreter or not to interpreter? That's the question!!!   :-\
   

[Patagonie]

The most important is that she is comfortable. So if she tell you without / begin without interpreter. After i advice you to have one sometimes in case of misunderstanding and when it's time to have very serious discussion. (how many times do you want to make love, by which gates do you want to pass through....joke)

[calmissile]

It depends a lot upon both of your personalities.  If you both can laugh at youselves and are jovial creatures, you may not need a translator.  If either of you are rather conservative or stiff, then it might be necessary.  In our case, we are both happy creatures and did not think we needed a translator.

The way we solved it was for me to set up a laptop next to her computer at the house.  Mine was English to Russian, hers was Russian to English.  We watched each others screens and it was good enough to get by with.  I also bought a Russian/English dictionary and took it with me.  She kept it in her purse when we would go out.  For the most part she played the role of an excellant guide.  All I had to do was go along for the ride   Occasionally she would pull out the book and point to a word (which was translated into English) and I would respond yes or no.  The reverse in the dictionary is also helpful. She would sometimes point to an object and ask what the English word is that matches what she is pointing to.

It will help a great deal if neither of you are up tight and just go with the flow.  You are a guest in her home and she already knows that she needs to lead you around.  Let it happen.  You will probably have a lot of fun with words during your trip.  A bit of advice.  Keep the communications very simple.  Exchange simple thoughts.  Trying to convey something complicated can lead to a lot of misunderstanding.  If it is important, use an interpreter.  We had one on-call that we could call on the phone and she would listen to my lady and then tell me in English what she wanted to know, or wanted me to know.

I have to agree with your lady, meeting through an interpreter can take a lot of fun out of the romance.  If you can swallow your ego and let your lady take the lead, you can have a wonderful time.  I have to assume that she is not a scammer and you have already convinced yourself of that. No sense of repeating all that stuff here.

I had requsted on the last day of my visit that we would hire an interpreter to discuss any important issues so that there would be no misunderstandings on either side.  We did that, and it worked out quite well.  We discussed how serious we felt about each other, our expectations of each other if the romance went to the marrige stage, plans for the next visit, etc.  The interpreter also straightened out some cultural issues that nearly cost us the romance during my visit.

Since you are a temporary visitor in HER culture, you might want to consider just letting her take the lead and to not argue with her about something you might not understand.  In all likelyhood, she is going to dress you and give you lots of 'advice' and direction.  Your in her ballpark so go with the flow.  She is not expecting you to become the head of the household and give her direction at this point.

You might want to read trips reports on this site that are the more personal ones that describe day to day life on their journeys.  It is one of the best sources of information for a guy to absorb before his first trip.  Take a look at the one Mobob recently posted as well as others.

Good luck on your journey.  I hope your personalities click and you have a great time. 

[Misha]

If she doesn't want an interpreter, don't bring one on the first date. You can always bring someone on following dates. She is right in that the first date usually sets the tone and if you can keep it to the two of you that IMVHO is a good thing.

[GoodOlBoy]

If you use an interpreter in Mexico to approach foreign women, then by all means hire one in the FSU. 
 
Seriously though, if you hire an interpreter in the FSU be aware that some have their own hidden agendas.
 
GOB

[Kineo]

 
Your situation sounds very similar to Calmissile's and mine in October. I would agree with 99% of what Calmissile said. I think it important you are at a place in your relationship to feel you can trust her.
 
She brought an interpreter with her to the airport when she picked me up. (She gets very excited and when she does English becomes almost non-existant.) Other than this we just used the interpreter over the phone a couple of times when we were out and about. Like Calmissile we used my computer and Google translate a quite a bit. It also amazed me how much her English improved in one week. And I learnt a lot of Russian words.

[Muzh]

Compadre, don't start on the wrong foot. She asked you NOT to use an interpreter and let things flow. Listen to the lady. IF you both feel that you want an interpreter AFTER you meet, then do so, however, if she already told you she would prefer the hard way, oblige her.
 
No cages para el ceto. 

[Steamer]

Compadre, don't start on the wrong foot. She asked you NOT to use an interpreter and let things flow. Listen to the lady. IF you both feel that you want an interpreter AFTER you meet, then do so, however, if she already told you she would prefer the hard way, oblige her.
 
No cages para el ceto. 

Agreed. You could always bring a pocket dictionary.

[Gator]

Jeancarlos,
 
I agree with all of the above who say to defer the interpreter.
 
Just have fun for a couple of days.  Learn about the "chemistry" between the two of you.  An interpreter introduces a level of seriousness that could restrain chemistry.
 
By the third day if the chemistry is good you will have many serious questions that will require an interpreter for a couple of hours: babies, work, religion, interests, values, goals, etc. 
 
A few years ago I used a small Ectaco electronic interpreter for light conversations. It worked well as it had both an English and Russian keyboard.  You must use short simple sentences, however.
 
http://www.ectaco.com/Electronic-Dictionary/
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

Also – do not underestimate the power of body language! 
(Yesterday a husband of my friend who doesn't speak any English at all had a non-verbal communication with a Brit – it worked perfect after two shots of vodka )

Seriously, be cautious about alcohol and no wandering eyes!!!  Be yourself, speak in your normal tone, at a slow pace and just do your best to help your girl feel comfortable on a first date (oh, how many fears I used to bring to the table on a first date!  )

Good luck to you, Jeancarlos!

[jeancarlos_fer]

Thanks all dear good friends for your excellent advises 
Nothing like the wisdom you find in this forum...
It now seems very obvious after reading all your comments... But  you know how it is, it the first meeting and you get all excited and your rational thinking stops working 

I promise write a detailed trip report of whatever happens 

Calmissile: Point taken regarding scammers. I think she is not an scammer because it was tough to get her attention in the first place. Our relationship has developed through many interaction in several months and me gaining her trust, in much a similar way as it would happen in a dating situation offline. Anyway, I'll read more of this topic in this forum to make sure I have covered all the corners.

[Turboguy]

I had a number of meetings were an interpreter was involved and quite a few where we used something like an electronic translater.  I found it much easier to build raport when there was no interpreter.   I do think perhaps one session with a terp is good to talk about the important life issues with no misunderstandings but I think in the day to day interactions it may be better without one.

[Eduard]

I have to agree with the guys - bringing an interpreter on the first date if your lady asked you not to wouldn't be a good idea. At this point you will just have to rely on good chemistry, your ability to read body language and common sense.
Even if you do have a few conversations through an interpreter a couple of days later, you shouldn't think that you'll know all you need to find out about her in just a couple of interpreted conversations. It takes a lot longer than that for a woman to open up and be herself with you.
IMO it works better when you eliminate the language barrier by using a translator for a couple of months BEFORE you make the trip to meet her. This way, by the time you meet you already know a lot about each other, had asked each other many important questions that needed to be asked and have a pretty good understanding of one another.

This way when you finally meet in real life it's going to be more about chemistry, and also getting a better, deeper understanding who each other really is.

Another important point is that even when guys communicate with FSU women for a couple of months using a translator/interpreter they still may find that the woman they've been communicating with is not exactly the way she represented herself in her letters. Many times people don't misrepresent themselves on purpose, they just do not have an objective view of themselves. For example: some people think of themselves as kind and generous, while others who know them socially will consider them stingy and rude.


Sometimes I wonder how a man like Joseph Stalin viewed himself. I doubt that he would describe himself as a ruthless, murderous, paranoid psychopath. More likely he would say that he was kind, selfless, generous leader, a caring father to the Soviet people who sacrificed his life for them.
 I'm just making a point, that we can't be completely objective about how we are. So a lot of times people don't lie about themselves they just see themselves differently than you will see them when you meet and get to know them in person.

When you are communicating with somebody on line you can learn a lot about their background, their family, values, interests, dreams and goals but the real test of how objective they have been about themselves in their letters or Skype conversations comes when you meet and spend time face to face.
In my opinion it is very important to have this initial, language barrier free couple of months of on line communication to give you a better perspective and to compare the two persona when you meet.

We've had different experiences with different women when we met them in real life. Some were very positive, where the woman was even much more appealing, nicer, more beautiful, more open and genuine in real life.
While others where writing very nice letters and seemed to be very nice people, but when we spent time with them in real life we saw the other side of them - bitchy, snobbish, rude to store clerks or restaurant waiters, dysfunctional family dynamics, etc. But they did sound great in their letters! Go figure...

When you are visiting a woman in her country, not only it's important to understand how a woman really feels about you, but also how she interacts with other people - is she polite and respectful? Or is she snobbish and disrespectful? Is she a positive, optimistic person who sees the world as "glass half full" or is she a cynical, negative person who will always see it as "glass half empty"?

It's very important to meet her relatives and friends and understand the dynamics of her family. Her family dynamics are going to become your future family's dynamics (in most cases). If you are invited to her parent's home for dinner pay attention to how they communicate - warm, friendly and respectful of one another or are they irritable and abrasive with each other? When her mom cooks, sets the table, puts food on the table and cleans afterwords is your girl being helpful to her mom with all that work or is mom doing all the work while your girl is having a good time?

Get to know her friends, who they are, what they do, what is their background.
Even if you take all the right steps, there are still no guarantees in life. But you can surely increase your chances of a successful match greatly by doing things right.

[ML]

Quite amazing to me how this communication thing goes.
 
 I have spent many days with several FSU women who had English skill of 6 and above out of 10.  Never had a bit of trouble in understanding each other.
 
 The gal living with me now had probably 7-8 even when she got here.

However, we are finding it is entirely different when she must study, do homework, and write papers.  It this situation, she is forced to learn many new non-everyday, words and use them in her written assignments.

We can talk all day back and forth with no problems . . . but then when the homework starts . . . it is like she knows nothing relative to the  huge amount of material needed to be mastered.

[Eduard]

Quite amazing to me how this communication thing goes.
 
 I have spent many days with several FSU women who had English skill of 6 and above out of 10.  Never had a bit of trouble in understanding each other.
 
 The gal living with me now had probably 7-8 even when she got here.

However, we are finding it is entirely different when she must study, do homework, and write papers.  It this situation, she is forced to learn many new non-everyday, words and use them in her written assignments.

We can talk all day back and forth with no problems . . . but then when the homework starts . . . it is like she knows nothing relative to the  huge amount of material needed to be mastered.

I know the feeling... I've been studying English since age 7, went to special English school in Moscow, have been living in the USA for over 30 years, was married to an American woman for 15...still I learn something new every day. It's like the saying goes: "The more you know, the more you realize how little you know"

[Kineo]

"The more you know, the more you realize how little you know"

This is one of my favorite sayings. It always applies!
 
-K

[Eduard]

This is one of my favorite sayings. It always applies!
 
-K

Mine too! I also love "It's always darkest before dawn" - got me through some real tough times in my life.

[Kineo]

Mine too! I also love "It's always darkest before dawn" - got me through some real tough times in my life.

Another good and very useful one. My UW has one I have been trying to figure out. It goes something like "Morning wiser than evening". I always hear this from when she is tired, furstrated with me and want to go to bed.
 
-K

[Eduard]

Another good and very useful one. My UW has one I have been trying to figure out. It goes something like "Morning wiser than evening". I always hear this from when she is tired, furstrated with me and want to go to bed.
 
-K

She probably says this to you: "Утро вечера мудренее". Basically it means that things become more clear and easier to resolve in the morning after a good night's rest.

[Ranetka]

She probably says this to you: "Утро вечера мудренее". Basically it means that things become more clear and easier to resolve in the morning after a good night's rest.

 
It's just means "let's sleep on it".

[Gator]

 
It's just means "let's sleep on it".

I recall my Appalachian elders saying, "Put the head to a pillow." 

[JR]

Leave the terp out of it the first date. What happens if you don't like her the moment you set eyes on her? Or vise versa? It happens. First dates should be about fun and flirting. Terps are about heavy stuff, leave that for later. Use what little ability you have to verbally communicate (or not communicate) to have fun with, laugh a lot, look into her eyes, keep it light and frivolous. And might even be best to keep it short, set the mood for you entire trip one of wanting more instead of "no more."
 
And there's your two pennies )))

[Eduard]

Terps are about heavy stuff, leave that for later.

not neccessarily... some terps can help break the ice, keep things light and fun...it all depends.
As I said before, in this particular situation he shouldn't bring any one on a date IMO, but you can't generalise. Some first dates can be saved by the right terp

[JR]

not neccessarily... some terps can help break the ice, keep things light and fun...it all depends.
As I said before, in this particular situation he shouldn't bring any one on a date IMO, but you can't generalise. Some first dates can be saved by the right terp

If the terp has to "break the ice" for you then when the terp is gone you're screwed because you're left with yourself and "your" skills or lack thereof....
Fix yourself and you're not going to need "anyone" to help you attract the right woman: they can smell it on you)))) 

[Eduard]

If the terp has to "break the ice" for you then when the terp is gone you're screwed because you're left with yourself and "your" skills or lack thereof....

Not usually, JR. Many people are a bit nervous when they meet for the first time. Others are just a little shy. There's nothing wrong with that IMO, everybody is different. Once "the ice is broken" they become more relaxed, come out of their shell and do just fine when left on their own in my experience.
If only you knew how many times my clients and I would meet a woman who speaks some English, but the minute they meet for the first time, she is so nervous that she forgets everything she knows! later, when she relaxes and feels more comfortable it all comes back. This is particularly true since the women we meet are not with any agency and are not used to meeting foreign men.