The first meeting: To "interpreter" or not to "interpreter"?

[JR]

Thank you for proving my point

[Eduard]

Thank you for proving my point

you are very welcome, however I don't see how your point was or can be proven.

[JR]

The point you are helping to prove is that the number four reason men do this (speaking in general terms of course) is they lack the social skills to sucessfully hunt in their own back yards, ie; needing a terp to "break the ice" for them.

[Eduard]

The point you are helping to prove is that the number four reason men do this (speaking in general terms of course) is they lack the social skills to sucessfully hunt in thier own back yards, ie; needing a terp to "break the ice" for them.

JR, I respect your opinion and surely you have your own life experience. But my life experience is somewhat different. I've worked with different types of men. Some did lack certain social skills that would help them meet women (and I think those actually could and do make great husbands and fathers), others were former "players" who could get almost any woman locally, but couldn't find a single, marriage minded, family oriented one that they felt a strong attraction to, so decided to expand their search to the FSU. And everything in between.


IMO it is not unreasonable to expect a person (a man or a woman, all the same) to be nervous on the first date, whether they date locally or internationally. I think that an ability to make a woman laugh will help put her at ease and improve a man's chances with her quite a bit. But how are you going to do that when you are meeting an FSU woman with limited or no English? How are you going to exercises your great social skills if she is so nervous that she forgets all limited English that she knows (happens a lot more often than not)?


In my experience (myself included) men usually are a little nervous and a bit anxious when meeting a woman for the first time, especially if he really likes her. Fact is that women are usually even more nervous and even when they do know some English, they completely forget everything they know when they meet a man for the first time. I don't see how getting them more relaxed in this situation by inserting some humor that breaks the ice in a conversation and making them laugh is a negative. Even if a WM has awesome social skills, great sense of humor and plenty of confidence, unless he speaks fluent Russian and can get her to understand all his witty remarks and sense of humor it can't be accomplished without a very good, experienced interpreter.


As I said, in this particular case, the OP should not bring a terp to the date, but that's just this particular situation.

[Shadow]

Depending on how you speak English as you are bilingual, you should prepare yourself to speak calm and slowly. Try not to use slang. if you have an accent try to minimize it.
Being bilingual has the advantage that you will be able to understand sentence construction that is different from the standard.

[ghost of moon goddess]

There are circumstances in which the "instruction": two is company, but three is a crowd is not applicable. 
If two have both language and emotional barriers that they can't break on their own on a first date, the two will be rather nothing than company. Why not to try and help them break the ice!?
Eduard, I'm sure you'll make it.

P.S.
We had broken the ice on our own, he made my heart melt and entered my soul. But how I wish  I had had an "interpreter" to convert his sweet words into the language of truth:  a heart breaker

There is no sarcasm here!!!

[Gator]

P.S.
We had broken the ice on our own, he made my heart melt and entered my soul. But how I wish  I had had an "interpreter" to convert his sweet words into the language of truth:  a heart breaker

There is no sarcasm here!!!

 
 
IMO an interpreter would probably have missed it too.   You seem well adjusted, so I assume you learned something positive from the bad experience.   Two songs come to mind: 
 
-  The sun will come out tomorrow. 
 
-  What does not kill you, makes you stronger. 
 

[JR]

Eduard, thank you, once again you have proven my point )))

[calmissile]

If the terp has to "break the ice" for you then when the terp is gone you're screwed because you're left with yourself and "your" skills or lack thereof....
Fix yourself and you're not going to need "anyone" to help you attract the right woman: they can smell it on you)))) 

JR, with all due respect my observation is that nearly every post on this topic disagrees with you on your 'point'.  I would also think that the combined experience of the other posters might be worth noting.

Many people prefer to be 'introduced' by someone rather than a cold meeting without it.  With  a language barrier, it makes some sense to use a terp if either party feels the need for it to get the ball rolling.  Being a little shy does not mean that someone does not have the social skills to carry on with a relationship.

I noticed that your profile indicates you have made over 2500 posts on FSU topics, yet it also indicates you have never made a trip to the FSU to meet a gal.  Is this correct?  I am also curious about your age which is not listed.  I am thinking you might be rather young, have very good social  skills and are courting ladies in your own back yard. Yes?

[ghost of moon goddess]

You seem well adjusted, so I assume you learned something positive from the bad experience.   

Yes, I did!  I turned my bad experience into a short story and had Hollywood knocking on my door 

[Eduard]

Eduard, thank you, once again you have proven my point )))

No, JR. Thank you for proving mine! 

[ghost of moon goddess]

Time to give a smile

[Eduard]

Time to give a smile

cute! 

[Patagonie]

Leave the terp out of it the first date. What happens if you don't like her the moment you set eyes on her? Or vise versa? It happens. First dates should be about fun and flirting. Terps are about heavy stuff, leave that for later. Use what little ability you have to verbally communicate (or not communicate) to have fun with, laugh a lot, look into her eyes, keep it light and frivolous. And might even be best to keep it short, set the mood for you entire trip one of wanting more instead of "no more."
 
And there's your two pennies )))

First Dates should be about fun and flirting. Good point JR.
But i would add something important. If you seduce the terp (i mean if he like or she likes you as a true man, serious, full of life and quality, i don't mean (you MUST avoid to do such thing) date your terp, just convince him or her of your true worth) he would do his best (or her best) to help you and to push the relationship between you and the the woman on a high quality frequence.  The terp has to be convinced of your true personnality of course. I mean if the terp doesn't believe in you and about your true motivation, how the woman would be convinced ?
This the first thing wich is important. Terps prefer to sell goods products rather than bad product.
The second thing is to be  fun and enjoy. If you are capable to animate the date and lead everybody get some fun and if you mix with serious topics (like cultural issues, serious issues about marriage) everybody is having an interesting and fun meeting, even the terp. Of course he or she is working, but if he or she will leave and return at home without worrying her or his time so it's a very good point for you.

About communication with non "any language you know" speakers ladies (not at all).
This is the last perla i have found in Kharkov, last week.
She was in fourth or fith clinical psychology. So (terp translates of course).
I said to her : Now i think we need to make a special test for chemistry, it is a simple test but it is very difficult.
girl : begin to be nervous and look all around, trying to guess what it is.
Patagonie : there are two times test (looking in her eyes, sit just besides her).
The first happens during two minutes (Patagonie preparing a big counterdow and resetting it to zero on his iphone).
Looking at her and smiling. The terp was staring at me and waiting impatiently the continuation.
So now i'm going to hold you hand two minutes, at the end the terp will look at you carefully, if your face is black, brown, yellow, green, it's not good we are not compatible.
OK ? (holding her hand and let it comfortably in mine).
Patagonie : discussing like nothing happened.
Patagonie : After two minutes : looking the counterdown and saying the time is over (leaving her hand). Now this is the second time of the test.
Girl : waitiing and smiling.
Patagonie : during two minutes now it's you who will hold my hand.
Patagonie : go ? (she moves her hand to hold mine)
After several minutes : the second test is finished. Hands split. Few seconds after taking her hand again in mine and we stayed hand in hand for the rest of the meeting.

Enjoy yours meetings and make it fun.
Patagonie

[JR]

If the terp has to "break the ice" for you then when the terp is gone you're screwed because you're left with yourself and "your" skills or lack thereof....
Fix yourself and you're not going to need "anyone" to help you attract the right woman: they can smell it on you)))) 

JR, with all due respect my observation is that nearly every post on this topic disagrees with you on your 'point'.  I would also think that the combined experience of the other posters might be worth noting.

Many people prefer to be 'introduced' by someone rather than a cold meeting without it.  With  a language barrier, it makes some sense to use a terp if either party feels the need for it to get the ball rolling.  Being a little shy does not mean that someone does not have the social skills to carry on with a relationship.

I noticed that your profile indicates you have made over 2500 posts on FSU topics, yet it also indicates you have never made a trip to the FSU to meet a gal.  Is this correct?  I am also curious about your age which is not listed.  I am thinking you might be rather young, have very good social  skills and are courting ladies in your own back yard. Yes?

Of course nearly every post/poster/lurker disagrees with me, that is why they are here and pursuing this endeavor They don't agree with me because it would require the removal of their justification blinders.
 
Case in point: if BillyB (sorry to pick on you on Billy but you have to admit you stand out like a sore thumb), had hot 17/18 year old hometown girls beating a path to his door he would never have met "A." You don't travel half way around the world to some less then exotic vacation location to pick a certain fruit if you got the same tree growing in your own back yard, unless the tree has a choice and says "No Way!"
 
I used to be into cycling and along that path I met many a man who would show off his latest prize bike, telling about all the little items he had paid so much extra for to get the weight down by about a pound. Invariably this guy was carrying around a forty pound belly. Does gravity really care where the weight comes from? Removing that forty pound gut would do so much more for the guy’s ride, health, and life but for whatever reason he just couldn’t do it.
 
My first trip to Russia was in 93/94. I actually don’t remember the exact number of times I have been there but I met and was married to a Russian woman for over ten years. I have been to the Ukraine and Uzbekistan; I was in St Pete for 2.5 weeks in Feb of this year. So you could say that I have “been there, done that.”
 
I never said that being a little shy does not mean you can’t carry on a relationship. My point is that working on the shyness will do more for your life in the long run…
 
Eduard, I like your general approach to it. You seem to have a “Life Coach” mentality to helping people instead of just feeding them what they want to hear. But you are proving my point instead of the other way around
 

[JR]

About communication with non "any language you know" speakers ladies (not at all).
This is the last perla i have found in Kharkov, last week.
She was in fourth or fith clinical psychology. So (terp translates of course).
I said to her : Now i think we need to make a special test for chemistry, it is a simple test but it is very difficult.
girl : begin to be nervous and look all around, trying to guess what it is.
Patagonie : there are two times test (looking in her eyes, sit just besides her).
The first happens during two minutes (Patagonie preparing a big counterdow and resetting it to zero on his iphone).
Looking at her and smiling. The terp was staring at me and waiting impatiently the continuation.
So now i'm going to hold you hand two minutes, at the end the terp will look at you carefully, if your face is black, brown, yellow, green, it's not good we are not compatible.
OK ? (holding her hand and let it comfortably in mine).
Patagonie : discussing like nothing happened.
Patagonie : After two minutes : looking the counterdown and saying the time is over (leaving her hand). Now this is the second time of the test.
Girl : waitiing and smiling.
Patagonie : during two minutes now it's you who will hold my hand.
Patagonie : go ? (she moves her hand to hold mine)
After several minutes : the second test is finished. Hands split. Few seconds after taking her hand again in mine and we stayed hand in hand for the rest of the meeting.

Enjoy yours meetings and make it fun.
Patagonie

This is the perfect example of what I am talking about. A guy does not have the social skills or sense of self-worth to reach across the table and take a woman's hand into his own. So what does he do? He pays a terp to play a game so he can get a little hand time...
Learn to love yourself. Come to the understanding that the response isn't as important as the doing. She will have A LOT more respect for you if you simply took the iniative and reached out on your own.

[Eduard]

Eduard, I like your general approach to it. You seem to have a “Life Coach” mentality to helping people instead of just feeding them what they want to hear. But you are proving my point instead of the other way around

JR, you are correct, I am a life/relationship coach and being bilingual (Russian-English) is what makes me particularly unique in this business. And off course I do enjoy helping people - it can be very rewarding.
I would like to help you realise one thing though - that while you think that I'm helping you prove your point, in fact you are proving my point that no matter how good or bad a man's social skills are he can not use them when he can not communicate with a woman. Social skills have several components: verbal communication skills, self-confidence, manners, and several others. However most of these components are either meaningless or lose a lot of the value when a man and a woman don't understand each others language.


Are there times when three is a crowd? Off course! But it is also important to allocate enough time for language barrier free communication so a couple can get to know each other on a deeper level.


Thank you for thinking that I'm proving your point, JR, when in fact you are proving mine 

[ghost of moon goddess]

Come to the understanding that the response isn't as important as the doing. She will have A LOT more respect for you if you simply took the initiative and reached out on your own.

[JR]

Thank you for thinking that I'm proving your point, JR, when in fact you are proving mine 

Thank you for continuing to prove mine.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he feeds himself for a life-time.

[Eduard]

Thank you for continuing to prove mine.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he feeds himself for a life-time.

And thank you for continuing to prove mine, JR!
Give a man to a fish and he'll get eaten alive!

[Patagonie]

This is the perfect example of what I am talking about. A guy does not have the social skills or sense of self-worth to reach across the table and take a woman's hand into his own. So what does he do? He pays a terp to play a game so he can get a little hand time...
Learn to love yourself. Come to the understanding that the response isn't as important as the doing. She will have A LOT more respect for you if you simply took the iniative and reached out on your own.

Just to correct you because it's obvious that you have understand quite the opposite of what i mean, so i correct you by replacing your mistaken writing by the good message :
 
 a guy has the social skills and is very comfortable to sit besides the lady and take her hand into his own.  So what does he do? He pays a terp to let her comfortable and to allow each others to ask any valuable question.
As he don't care about the response he allows him to do what he want to do, by his own, in the manner, creative manner, he wants to use with her.
 
 
 I think JR that i have written  is not far from what you say, but especially quite the opposite. Please don't alienate my message, i beg your pardon if i'm not an english native speaker so perhaps you have misunderstood my post.

[JR]

And thank you for continuing to prove mine, JR!
Give a man to a fish and he'll get eaten alive!

Hahahaaaaa, children need adult protection, not a MAN )))
Look I understand that your business requires the weaker type, just stop trying to obfuscate it.
No one will ever convince me that coddling a weakness is somehow better than teaching a person to take care of themsleves.

[JR]

Just to correct you because it's obvious that you have understand quite the opposite of what i mean, so i correct you by replacing your mistaken writing by the good message :
 
 a guy has the social skills and is very comfortable to sit besides the lady and take her hand into his own.  So what does he do? He pays a terp to let her comfortable and to allow each others to ask any valuable question.
As he don't care about the response he allows him to do what he want to do, by his own, in the manner, creative manner, he wants to use with her.
 
 
 I think JR that i have written  is not far from what you say, but especially quite the opposite. Please don't alienate my message, i beg your pardon if i'm not an english native speaker so perhaps you have misunderstood my post.

If a woman isn't comfortable with a man holding her hand during a first date a terp isn't going to make any difference at all; unless the terp is giving the girl a kick back
 

[Patagonie]

If a woman isn't comfortable with a man holding her hand during a first date a terp isn't going to make any difference at all; unless the terp is giving the girl a kick back

 She was comfortable to let me her hand. She was so comfortable that she drove again four hours to see me again. Have a nice evening JR.

[Eduard]

Hahahaaaaa, children need adult protection, not a MAN )))
Look I understand that your business requires the weaker type...

Sorry, JR, I don't think you do understand. I haven't had the "weaker type" client for a while now. US rangers, marines, high power attorneys, doctors, international brokers, etc. were all among my clients just in the last couple of years. Hardly the "weaker type". These MEN didn't need protection, JR. They simply had enough wisdom to use the best resource available to them to accomplish their goal as quickly and inexpensively as possible without having to spend too much time (a precious resource for some) on the learning curve.
Some of these guys dated more local women than you and I combined, JR and their social skills are excellent.
But what good are all those skills if you can't communicate in each others language?


Thank you for proving my point, again, JR