Approval from ex-husband....what is needed?

[bcoghl]

I did not see any previous posts, so I am asking for any assistance.

My fiancee and I are starting the process!  Second time for me! 

My only stumbling block is what is needed from her ex-husband for her two daughters.  She is in Ukraine and they have been divorced for 8 years.  He has no contact with them, but does have custodial rights. 

Is there a special form?  Is a letter, notarized and translated, stating that his children can leave Ukraine and live in the USA all that is required?

I look forward to any help with this answer. 
 

[Vaughn]

The following passage comes from the US Embassy website in Kyiv, Ukraine. Please note: Ukraine may have its own set of requirements. My own suggestion is that your lady seeks legal counsel locally to ensure no steps are missed.
 
 TO OBTAIN A VISA FOR A CHILD UNDER 16 ONE OF THESE IS REQUIRED:
  -Court decree granting sole custody to the parent applying for a U.S. visa; OR
 
- Notarized consent letter from the left-behind parent permitting the permanent residency of the child in the U.S. WITH a photocopy of left-behind parent’s passport ID page (to confirm identity and signature of the person granting permission); OR

- Death certificate, if the other parent is deceased; OR
 
- The left-behind parent may appear in person to sign the consent statement.
 
Personal appearance of the non-immigrating parent is, however, an option for those families who wish to choose it.
 
If the left-behind parent is not in Ukraine, s/he should have his/her consent letter notarized at the nearest Ukrainian or U.S. Embassy/consulate in the country where s/he is located, and then submit that notarized statement with a photo-copy of his/her passport ID page. The parent should send the documents to the visa applicant.
 
If the immigrating parent cannot locate the other parent (e.g., if they have been estranged for many years), then s/he should obtain a Ukrainian court decree establishing that s/he has custody/control of the child or a court decree pronouncing the other parent missing.
 
http://photos.state.gov/libraries/ukraine/276824/public_001/K_Instructions.pdf
 
 
 

[bcoghl]

vaughan,

Thank you so much for the information and direction.  I missed this on their site.  Really appreicate it.

 

[Vaughn]

It's been a while since I've visited any Embassy website - and in keeping with tradition, I'm already finding ambiguities: for instance, the ex's passport copy - would that be his internal passport or his International one ? Beats me.
 
And of course, Ukrainian authorities could hamper the children's departure despite all the US obligations having been addressed - that's why I suggested legal representation for your lady. This situation's usually a touchy one, what with the ex-spouse having to be involved.  Hopefully, for the children's sake, all can be worked out amicably. Good luck.

[OlgaH]

If the father has not been participating in the children life and has not been paying any alimony she most likely will be able to deprive him of his parental rights on children, maybe it would be even easy than to get a permission document from him. She needs to consult a lawyer. She also can find many websites to get some information.

http://www.kakprosto.ru/kak-54048-kak-lishit-otca-roditelskih-prav-v-ukraine

[bcoghl]

OlgaH,

thank you for your input.  I will pass along this website address to her.

Thanks again!

[Vaughn]

....she most likely will be able to deprive him of his parental rights on children, maybe it would be even easy than to get a permission document from him.

Very true, it could be easier - but before jumping the gun, I first ask myself if that tactic in the child's best interest. We were fortunate to have pursued the parental permission document, and encountered no problems. It wasn't necessary to attempt to strip the ex-spouse of parental rights - and so we did not. Although my wife's ex was largely absent during the time my stepdaughter grew up, and contributed little to nothing monetarily to her support - they still maintain as healthy a father-daughter relationship as possible from an ocean's distance away. They skype occasionally, they talk fairly regularly on the phone, and they spend extended time together when she visits the hometown. My stepdaughter also gives equal time to both of her natural grandmothers.
 
Despite the Ukrainian man's failure to participate in his children's upbringing, I suggest from personal experience that as long as there's a chance that he could one day come around to realize and account for his past mistakes, that door should be left wide open to accommodate the children's possible desire to maintain future contact, to whatever degree. He is, after all, 50% of their genetic makeup.
 
A good lawyer, yes, I fully agree. And a good lawyer would pursue the signed agreement document for starters, with the benefit of relief from back child support as the leverage. Only a flat refusal by the absent Dad should result in parental rights termination being the next step.     

[bcoghl]

Vaughan,

I agree with your statement.  I have told my fiancee that this is her decision, along with her daughters.  The two girls want nothing from their father, or his family.  I, however, being a single parent, know that this door should never close.  I won't close it....I don't talk poorly about him, nor will I. 
I am just trying to give me the best options that will help them with this whole process.  I will support whatever way they want to accomplish this. 

Bcoghl

[OlgaH]

If he has not been in touch with them since divorce he most likely hasn't needed the "open door" (for 8 years? how old children were when he left?). When she will open the door asking for his permission to take the children with her who knows how the things will turn. If he has at least a drop of decency left he will sign the document with no question, if not who knows how much money he will ask, or he just simply can  strike an attitude. The process itself can take a long time... 

[OlgaH]

By the way the deprivation of his parental rights doesn't mean that he will not be able to maintain a relationship with his children. He just will not have the right on children.  If she let him keep the relations with his children he can do it. Does he really want it after 8 years?

[Vaughn]

If he has not been in touch with them since divorce he most likely hasn't needed the "open door" (for 8 years? how old children were when he left?)...... Does he really want it after 8 years?

It could take more time than that, and yes, it might never happen. Although children may profess to "never want to see him again", they do grow up into adulthood and can experience amazingly unexpected feelings over time. Acting on these can lead to forgiveness and atonement, rare but basic building blocks to maturity and inner peace. I'm not arguing against doing what this couple has to do in order to realize a life together, but trying to put a face on that which many adults either fear or find intimidating: a previously abandoned child making peace with his/her estranged father.
 
After a 10 year hiatus in their relationship, my stepdaughter Lenara with her Papa, taken last summer.
 

[OlgaH]

Vaughn,

Only the woman knows her situation. How old her children? Do they even remember him? At least his face? Do they miss him? or maybe she did not let him to see his children at all? Such situations also happen.

Did Lenara see her father during a 10 year hiatus in their relationship? or he was totally gone with no contact at all from her life for ten years?

Yes, sometimes it happens that after 20-25 years a father suddenly remember he has children appearing in their life "Hi, I'm your daddy"

[Vaughn]

Did Lenara see her father during a 10 year hiatus in their relationship? or he was totally gone with no contact at all from her life for ten years?

There was infrequent contact. From the age of three Lenara was raised exclusively by Elvira. When I met Lenara, she was 12. I fit in nicely as the father figure she needed.

[ML]

Family relation specialists could tell us more about the statistics, percentages, etc.; however, I have witnessed a number of situations where children that were virtually 'abandoned' by one parent develop a strong relationship with that parent later in life, generally after age 16 or so.

For these children, it can be the case of rebelling against the parent who had to do all the 'hard' parenting jobs (discipline) etc., or just simply something like finding a new cousin, uncle, etc.  It is a fascination for them.  Never count out a parent, no matter how neglectful they have been.

[OlgaH]

There was infrequent contact. From the age of three Lenara was raised exclusively by Elvira. When I met Lenara, she was 12. I fit in nicely as the father figure she needed.

See, there was at least infrequent contact. And I suppose Elvira is not a type of woman who would set her children against their father no matter what happened in her past marriage.

Again I don't know the situation of OP's lady, but for example if children don't even remember their father what is a point to bring him in their life when he doesn't even try. Such situation can cut both ways. As I said before only she knows the situation and what her ex-husband is capable of or not.